Motivation_Follows_Action

That's good to hear. I'm the one who asked, btw, and I'm the one who, like you, has relapsed before simply to try to get the weight off. Like you, I have strange mental patterns that make me think it is impossible to see real weight loss and improvements in your body through the "slow and steady" approach. The only times in my life when I have been at my (completely unrealistic and unsustainable) "goal weight" have also been associated with anorexic/disordered eating patterns or overexercising for up to 3 hrs a day and/or diet pills and then finally amphetamines. My mother was a beauty queen and a model. She once told me that I should learn the love of feeling hungry, that it is the most powerful feeling in the world. And I felt like a failure because well fuck it - I LOVE food! I've had a shitty relationship with food for over 10 years now. Doesn't help that I married a man who is completely OCD with his own appearance and looks like someone out of Fight Club. Anyway, I'm telling my own pathetic story, as I sit hear and eat corn chips :-) . The main point is that at least the way I know myself and my own struggles you just can't have it all - you can be average looking and nice, friendly, intellectually passionate and curious and have a life that you enjoy; or you can be waif thin and hate everything and everyone around you. I just don't think you can have it all.. or at least, I can't . I'm 40 next week, by the way. I would love, love, love to just take a quick trip away to Florida or California and watch a few sunsets on the beach but the finances don't stretch that far right now. So I've told myself that my present will be a lotus flower necklace from Satya, and a commitment to being nice to myself. Happiness is a skill, as they say!

Ok cool, so does Tuesday at 8-9pm work for people? If anyone wants to volunteer to "host" the chat (you know kind of like MCing the meeting) that might be a good idea... keep us on track, not wondering off talking about yoga pants and such... I don't have any experience with online chatrooms at all so please help!

By the way one of the things I have found the hardest during this recovery time is not to relapse from the weight gain. You and I have similar stories, and I once quit a year or so ago but went back on it with a vengeance after gaining 20lbs, mainly for weight loss. I have gained a lot of weight this time around too, but this time I am learning to fight the negative self talk that has led me back to adderall. Hey what have you done with your stash, Jessica? Just in case those cravings come back...

Your description of how you'd feel coming down from adderall is one of, if not THE best and most accurate I've ever seen on this site or anywhere else. You are so damn articulate, lady. I found myself internally saying, yes yes yes!!! to almost everything you described... a living hell..... Congrats on your decision to quit. And for joining this forum, you will find us all struggling through on a daily basis in one form or another. We know what you're going through and have been through. Hang in there, just for today. And then tomorrow, if you know what I mean.

The only demographic that has consistently trended down in unemployment since 2001 is the over 55 age group.

... because I offered to be your spam deputy? I sent you and Mike a PM.... did you get it?

Oh babe don't worry you're going to be great! Really, you've got this. The only thing you need to concentrate on is thinking positive and remembering YOU ARE THE EXPERT! If you have anyone you can practice in front of, then that might help? If it makes you feel better I have to do a massive case study sales pitch for an interview at a totally intimidating management consulting company next week... and only an hour to prepare. They give you the case at 8am and you have to pitch it to a panel of Partners one hour later. So I'll tell you what... if you do well on Monday, then that will make me feel MUCH better about how I will do on Tuesday! Deal?

Lea, great idea! Ashley you probably know this already but a few things I've found helpful (others chime in!).... - As long as you have the first line and bullet point, the rest will follow - Big deep breaths beforehand - Breathe in peace, breathe out release - Even though you're talking to a whole group, just imagine you're talking to one person... like a conversation... - Make the focus on the content, not about anything else ... and remember you know exponentially more about this subject than anyone else there, so they will be eating out of your hand!

I'm not sure how many people the chatroom accommodates, i wasn't aware that only 4-5 people were allowed in at once. I did get kicked out once though! (I think I may have accidentally tried to enter twice on separate browsers or something). No, I don't think I have official chatroom moderator status.... nor that I think I'd want it, that's all you, boss :-)

oh no! Now you're going to have it hanging over you all weekend!

Jeez, I don't know what it is about this site but links and add ins never work properly for me!

<a href="http://www.gifbin.com/982640"><img src="http://gifs.gifbin.com/1237977238_pineapple-express-laughing.gif" alt="funny gifs" /></a>

Thanks for posting this. You were right, InRecovery, the news media is feeding for a while off the "breaking news" NYT story from last weekend, there seems to be a little spat of increased media coverage around adderall abuse on campus this week maybe? I listened to the recording and it was not surprising but still sobering. I wish they'd allowed more time to hear listener's views... the tale of the listener at the end who said she first started taking adderall in college and now takes it at work when she needs to and, "when I need to clean my house" should NOT have been such a throwaway. My doctor in NY told me this week that she had been approached by NBC on a story they're doing on adderall abuse. She declined the interview (wise, in my books), but also told me they had asked her if she had any patients who would want to be interviewed and in good faith, offered me the chance to connect with them. I declined. To quote Mike, I don't want to be famous for drugs, and if it's just the "story of the moment" then I want nothing to do with it. I do believe that educating the public of the dangers and prevalence of amphetamines is an important endeavor, but it looks and smells like sensationalism to me and it's a little too close to my heart to be exploited over it.

Did anyone else think that article was a whole lotta nothing? Getting sued over marketing practices. Something about the XR shortage a while back. They settled (duh, no kidding, why would they want anyone looking through their books when they have a cash cow). The stock went up - the market is always right. All indicators here point to execs saying to the world, "nothing to see here" and that they are not worried about reputational issues... this business is booming and they know it.

I wondered whether you guys think it might be an idea to have a kind of virtual adderallics anonymous chat session once or twice a week at a specific, regular time (like 8-9pm on Tuesdays or something). This might give anyone, anonymous guests through to us old timers a chance to chat live about our struggles with adderall, quitting, getting motivation back, depression, relapse or whatever. What does everyone think?

Ld, you are facing a really long uphill battle having ADHD and no adderall, ESP if you've taken it for a long time. You don't have any "inbuilt" natural mechanisms to help you manage your time or stress or workload. And you have to learn all those things without the drug, from scratch, with a deficit now of depression given your brain is in dopamine withdrawal. It's understandable you relapsed. But I will remind you that this will never get easier, it will only get harder the longer you stay on the adderall merry go round. Every time you quit and then relapse you undo some of the initial inroads you've made by yourself. Quitting sucks, but being free and knowing you can cope with what life throws at you without having to take a pill is the best feeling in the world. Do you have a plan to get back on track? Also, did you trash the stash?

We adderallics are a talented bunch all around. We're also very good at telling ourselves we are not.

ha bloody ha! Australian dogs are also known as dingos, QO... and not to be trifled with.... (just like ALL AUSTRALIANS ahem) Oh, and to add to the skin cancer comment above here's a relevant tie in: Over 1 in 4 Australians have skin cancer.

Hi Debra, Thanks for coming back - I was actually just thinking about you today and wondering how you were. I'm so sorry this addiction has got its grip on you and won't let up. I know exactly how you feel... like lea, I was on adderall + ambien and then added xanax later to the regimen and alcohol. I don't think there was an hour that went by where I wasn't doing something chemically to alter my brain. It's a horrible existence, and you feel completely out of control and unsure whether you can even trust your own decisions and actions when you're so controlled by medication. I'm sure you're experiencing memory loss, maybe even psychosis given the soup of neurochemicals you've got going on up there in your frontal cortex. Are you sleeping? Eating? Drinking water? All those things have a big impact on your short and medium term health when you're taking so many crazy meds. For me, the only way I could give up was to go cold turkey on everything. I gave up adderall and xanax at once, and then alcohol about 2 weeks later. I don't recommend it actually, now I know how dangerous it is to give up xanax like that... oh and because I ended up in the hospital. But I do think that quitting adderall cold turkey was the only way to go. Debra you are so down on yourself, I'd love it if you were able to have a plan to quit... might give you a bit of the hope you need so desperately in your life right now. Did you read the article in the Times on the weekend? This is such serious stuff... and you know continuing like you are is probably unsustainable... Please stay on the forums and let us know how we can help you. I really feel your awful depression right now.

....I can't get that superbowl ad with Bar Rafaeli/Dorky Kid for godaddy.com out of my mind. Such a strange combination of disgust and intrigue, made me feel like I needed to take a shower afterwards. That's memorable advertising I guess!

Just exactly what I was going to say! There's a topic in the site proper called, "getting through your first 30 days" or something which is simple and realistic, but I found it really helpful to use this site as a way of documenting the recovery process, ask questions, complain a lot, etc. I still do, as you can tell...

Is this in the United States of Advertising, or everywhere?

Searchingsoul and InRecovery can cook for us in yoga pants in Vegas!

ha ha ha ha ha... you could try your best "cat" accent. I'm sure it's better than their human accent any day.

I'm jealous of Padma?