bluemoon

Happy 30 days to me! I did it!!!!! I can't lie, it's been hard. Let's hope I see some more improvement once I hit the 60 day mark

Day 29..... To be honest, I would have hoped I would feel better than I do by now. The fatigue is killing me. And I'm so grumpy. And fat. I saw a lot of positive changes between one and two weeks sober, and haven't really seen much improvement in the last couple of weeks. I am by no means thinking about going back to Adderall, I just really thought I would feel better than I do at 29 days sober. Ugh.

How are you doing?

Hope you're hanging in there.

Day 28 for me too!!! How you doing?? I'm really struggling with the fatigue. It doesn't help that December is a crazy busy month (both at work and socially). And I'm feeling pretty chubby (but I know that will even out eventually). Dying for the holidays to come... I need some rest.

I'm glad you came back. I was actually thinking about you the other day. It's obvious you are in the right frame of mind to quit and you are ready to quit for good. I agree that maybe stopping everything all at once is a lot to put on your plate. You might be more successful if you just start slow like Quitting4good said. Maybe try ditching the Adderall and alcohol first and worry about the coffee and cigarettes later? I just want you to know that you're not alone and you're not a failure for going back to Adderall. I've been in your shoes so many times. I tell myself I'm done, that's it... There have been times where I have been so confident that I would have no problem quitting "for good this time".... I would flush all my pills, and be so proud of myself... only to find myself back at the doctor's asking for another script. My first time trying to quit was about four months in (June of 2013). And I've been in that stop/start cycle ever since then. So I GET IT. I am now 26 days sober, which I know isn't very long, but it's pretty huge for me. And I am certain I could not have done it without this site. I come here at least ten times a day and read posts and I try my best to give others who are struggling lots of support and encouragement. For me, helping others gives me a huge sense of accomplishment (which is something that can feel hard to achieve without the crutch of Adderall). Like the others have said, there are many paths you can take to become sober and certain ways work better for some than for others. You just have to find what works for you. For me, it's been this site. I've tried to quit many times before, but I swear this time is finally the quit that sticks. If you are struggling to get a good start in your quit and you are able to take some time off, do you think maybe a rehab facility could give you that push? Just a thought. One thing is for sure though.... if you're serious about quitting, you really need to cut off your supply. Tell your doctor what's going on and tell them you do not want it prescribed to you any longer. Please keep updating and coming back. We're here for you!

Great job! It is always nice to have a little extra motivating factor to give you a reason to keep going. Congrats! And I noticed we are on the same day of quitting, today is day 24 for me too

Yay! You're awesome! I wish I had it in me to exercise. Not yet. But I will get there! Proud of you

I've been sleeping "okay". I notice I have had super vivid dreams and I am up multiple times during the night. It's interesting because I'm SO tired all the time yet I kind of have a hard time actually falling (and staying) asleep. I work 45-50 hours per week in a super busy dental office and I am absolutely WIPED at the end of the day after running around and talking to people (and acting "happy" and friendly) all day. I've been going to bed at 8pm most nights. 23 days down though, I'm really hoping to start getting some more energy soon.

I'm sorry that Adderall has ripped your guys' families apart. It's honestly just heartbreaking. I don't have a husband and children yet, so at least my addiction didn't destroy an entire family... But reading your stories just makes me hate Adderall even more than I already did. Wreaking havoc on one's own life is one thing.. but wreaking havoc on an entire family is absolutely heart-wrenching.

Day 21.... This morning is hard.... I'm so tired All I can say is TGIF...

That's a great idea. This way, she won't feel it as an "attack" on her if she is not yet willing to admit that her Adderall addiction is a problem. It can just be something that happens to come up

You got this, flow3!!! Day 19 for me today. And it's my birthday Almost 2/3 of the way there.

Just wanted to let you know I'm still thinking of you. You're doing super amazing! Don't give up! Your personality will come back. Your wit and your humour will come back. I promise. It will take some time, but you've come so far already. Just keep swimming!

I'm so happy you're done with Adderall too. When you're done, you're done! I wish we never started! I feel like it would be hard living with your fiancé knowing that he has them. You said he might be stopping Adderall too... do you think maybe it could be something you guys could do together? It would be nice to have each other's support and I feel like it would give you a big reinforcement in your quit. It would also make things easier for you, knowing that stealing his pills is not an option anymore. I'm just throwing around ideas, I don't know. But maybe you could have a conversation with him about it and see what he thinks. Thanks for sharing your story and I'm thinking of you! You have my support 100%! I'm on here quite a bit if you ever need someone to talk to. I find it really helps <3

Hey. I just wanted to let you know that I can totally relate to your story. I started taking Adderall almost three years ago and it didn't take me long to realize that the more you take, the stronger the effect is, the more productive I was, and it was pretty fun too. At first, I started by just doubling my prescribed dose. Then I would run out early and I would scream and beg for more. I got angry at my doctor who refused to continue prescribing it to me. And I found another doctor who was willing to give me what I wanted. When you want it bad enough, you always find a way to get what you want. I wish I had quit after the first doctor cut me off (which was at the beginning of my addiction, within the first few months). Before I knew it, almost three years passed and this drug still had a hold on me. I'm so ashamed of myself. I've tried to quit more times than I can count, and like you, I have definitely had some stretches of time where I was able to function without it. But then I would get bored or depressed, and binge. And then I somehow talked myself into getting back to taking it daily, at my prescribed dose. And for a short while, I did just take it as prescribed. But it didn't take long until I started upping my dose again. Even though I know Adderall makes me miserable, exhausted, anxious, angry, sore, and nothing good comes from it... I for some reason continued to put this poison in my body. Why?? I have no idea. It got to a point where I couldn't even name one positive benefit that Adderall gave me, other than helping to drag my miserable ass out of bed every morning, but I just couldn't stop taking it. Isn't that just absolute insanity? The list of negative consequences it has on our lives is endless. Anyway, you've come to the right place. Just keep coming back!! Keep updating, keep posting. It sounds like you are really ready to quit. You can do this! There are lots of wonderful people here who understand and care. We're all in this together. I'm only 17 days sober, but because of this site, I swear this quit is for good. I'm here for you and looking forward to seeing your progress. Can't wait until we can finally beat this addiction for good

Sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis also. I'm glad they caught it at a treatable stage. And YOU GO GIRL for not even once wishing for some Adderall!! That's when you know you've made it a long way in your recovery. Very inspiring Kudos to you.

Thanks for that IMSTAS <3 ... It really is amazing how similar a lot of our stories are. I find bits and pieces of myself in pretty much any story I read on here. It definitely helps knowing I'm not alone. So nice to have others who understand. I am super glad that I finally became active on this site. Over the last few years, I had visited a couple of times and lurked in the shadows, reading others' posts... but it wasn't until I finally decided to become an active member and start posting that I really feel I am fully taking advantage of the support that is available here. So to anyone out there who is reading but staying silent, please share your story with us! You have no idea how much of a weight will be lifted off your shoulders. You wouldn't believe the impact one short message of encouragement and support from someone who truly "gets it" can have on your recovery. You guys give me the motivation and support that I have been lacking all the other countless times I have tried to quit. This time is for good, I just know it. 17 days of no Adderall down and going strong. I'm not going to say it's been easy, but I will say it's been worth it so far. I look forward to the person I will be 6-12 months from now. Nowhere but up from here

I agree, it's so wonderful to have finally have found people who can actually relate to and understand what I'm going through. How's it going? Are you hanging in there?

Today is day 10 and it's one of the hardest days yet for some reason. I didn't have the best sleep last night. It's Monday, I'm exhausted, miserable, and have felt nauseous all day. Maybe I'm getting sick, I don't know. But either way, I'm determined to keep going. It is so nice to not have to deal with anxiety all day. I haven't felt so calm and level headed in a very long time.

You can do this!!!! You've already got a month under your belt. You've already made it through some of the worst parts of withdrawal. You don't want to go back and have to start all over again. There will never be "the perfect time" to quit. I know you took it for a long time, so your recovery might be a bit longer, it might be a little harder, and it might feel a little slower.... but it's only going to get easier every day. Keep going!! You're doing great!!

Yikes. That sounds exactly like how I treated my boyfriend when I was abusing Adderall. I agree that you need to have a conversation with her about this and let her know how you're feeling. Tell her you want your wife back. If she's going through her script in two weeks, she obviously has a problem. And once someone starts abusing Adderall, there really is no going back to using it "responsibly". (I know from experience). Hopefully she recognizes that it's a problem and wants to get better. The Adderall needs to go. It's pure evil.

I'm new here, but I just wanted to tell you I'm rooting for you too! And I know that feeling all too well. You've been doing so well for so long, and the second you feel that pill going down your throat, you instantly regret it. It happens to the best of us. But like you said, it's not like those 10 months just went totally down the drain. Just think of this screw up as a reminder of what you don't want. We got this!!!

Go Firefly!!!!!!!! Congrats!!!! That's huge I'm only on day 7 over here... small victory for me, but I am determined to keep going!!

Just wanted to let everyone know I have made it through five days with no pills. I didn't even plan on actually quitting this week, but I didn't take any pills on the weekend and I woke up Monday morning staring at my bottle of Adderall, and something inside me just told me I could make it through the day without it. I was tired, sore, grumpy and hungry all day... but somehow I made it through Monday with no Adderall. Now it's Wednesday evening, and I still have managed to not take any pills this week. I was going to wait until Christmas to quit, but I guess you could say I'm attempting right now. I still haven't mustered up the courage to call my doctor and tell him I don't want it prescribed to me anymore, and I still have about a month's supply of pills. I want so badly to end this now and keep my no-Adderall streak going... but I think about all the things I have to do before Christmas and it's so overwhelming that I am unsure if I can manage. I know I sound like I'm making excuses, but I'm just telling it how it is. I could definitely use some encouragement and/or advice here.