BeHereNow

OK it's a little late to be starting on my list for the day, but here it is: FOR TODAY: -Grade a stack of essays -Enter grades -Scan something -Study the roster -Set up my lesson plans for next week -Check/send an email -Read/skim a book -Run 4-5 miles and do at least 30 push ups

MFA, I'm so sorry to hear about your job. But I truly admire the way you are handling it so gracefully and peacefully. I don't think many people in this world would be able to handle losing a job so well, with so much strength to keep moving forward, without blaming anyone else, AND perhaps most importantly, without being hard on yourself. (That in itself is also success!) I really appreciated what you said about what a long time this recovery takes, and how the adderall mentality can project itself forward even long after we've stopped. So many of the habits we've built after years on adderall are really hard to break (beyond just the pills.) Things like being a perfectionist, working too hard, being antisocial. So I want to thank you for this huge piece of wisdom you've just offered us: we have to quit not just the drug, but also ALL of the bad habits that go along with it.

Thanks Ashley!!! Good job running those 5 miles outside!! YEAH! It IS impressive! I know, its such a different experience. Its harder, but I think that you might start to like it better! There are soo many beautiful places (roads, trails, parks, neighborhoods) to mix up the running scenery. (I struggle with the treadmill! If I run on a treadmill I just stare at the #'s the whole time......not very motivating for me lol. I actually really admire you all who are running at the gym because that must take SERIOUS motivation....!) Well I just did 7 miles and 30 push ups. Its been a week since I last ran, so it was kinda painful but felt GOOD.

I have to agree, I don't know your girl but I'd be surprised if she wasn't supportive. Especially since this is something you're just finally realizing/ admitting to yourself.....and you could tell her that! That way you're in it together. In terms of those high dosages.... I have to agree that you probably need the support of a dr. And I think a wean is probably in order too. But you CAN do this. It's going to take some time. Maybe you can take some leave time from work for an illness? Let us know how it goes.... people here support you!

Yeah faking it! Best strategy ever!

Well happy Monday everyone....... I only got 7 miles in last week, plus 6 miles of bike riding. I'm not gonna make excuses, it was a really rough week for me and I didn't take it out on running like I usually do. So I need to get back on that. I don't want to slip away from our club already! I'll say it now and publicly.....this week I will get back in the club!

YES! Small bites are key I think. Today I just need to get through a meeting. It's going to take everything I have. No amount of xanax could make this okay.

Yay-boo. Yay it's a beautiful Sunday and I had a great night with friends. Boo it's almost Monday. Meh.

HI and welcome, It sounds like a lot of what you're going through is pretty normal for adderall addiction, from everything I've learned on here..... how the addiction quickly spirals out of control, feeling depressed hungry and underslept, isolated because the addiction starts to become like this "dirty secret," feeling "like a fake and a cheater" (I have called myself a "fraud and a failure" way too many times to count.....) I feel you on the morning pills too, I used to take a few before I could even get out of bed in the morning. I think Ashley is right--if you're serious about this you might consider cutting yourself off--it might be way too much temptation to wean. I told myself so many times I could wean off of it, but it took me being full-on cut off from dosages not unlike yours for me to quit. Cold turkey. Ugh. If you ARE serious about quitting, and also if you truly value the openness of your relationship with your lady (that kind of relationship is NOT easy to find!), I would really recommend finding a way to tell her. There must be a way to explain it as a step towards greater honesty and openness, rather than as something you've been keeping from her intentionally. Addiction is an illness. Secrecy is the nature of the adderall monster, and secrecy helps feed it. Trust me, you are going to need her support if you are serious about quitting. But even if you're not ready to quit yet, telling someone close to you can take you one step closer to freeing yourself of the adderall monster. On the other hand, if she can't handle it, then the relationship probably won't survive you quitting anyways--- and it probably won't survive your continued addiction because one of the most common themes on here is that adderall addiction DESTROYS relationships. So the sooner you quit, and the sooner you tell her, the better. My 2 cents.

IR!!! Congrats!!!!!! Now it's time to sign up for a half marathon someplace amazing!!!

I feel ya 1Bad. Getting shit done really sucks sometimes, especially when a lot of it is out of our control-- when other people are in the picture. Slowly but surely I got that shit done, and other shit, but not enough. This weekend I have to make up for it--need to get a LOT of shit to get done that I don't wanna think about. I'm dealing with some work-related drama right now too..... no bueno. : / We just have to keep pressing on.

Wow ResetBrain I am so sorry to hear about your friend. That is so tragic. It sounds like your speculation might be right on..... These powerful stimulants do seem to contribute to depression and suicidal tendencies in people who are already predisposed to them. Thank you for sharing your story.

Ashley I think it's totally understandable that you're having trouble getting your miles in! You are going through a major transition right now and going back to finish what you started, plus school takes sooooo much time! I think that might be part of why it's harder to keep up with miles. I know that whenever I'm going through transitional times, exercise tends to drop. I think it's all about finding the right rhythm for when/what time to work out. How is your transition going so far? If you don't mind me asking? I'm so glad to hear you're feeling happy and that the exercise is helping!

e-anxiety: email anxiety. Scary emails to read.

That's so true! The key to to-do lists is to be motivated but not let yourself get overwhelmed. Maybe a combination of daily and weekly lists would be ideal. OK so I have to finish reading all this crap today. My brain has stopped working though, I just wanna go home relax and go to bed but I'm chained here in the library with this pile of crap I can't even understand. I think it must be a PAWS day. Brain fog and soo damn tired. I used to work here on adderall. There are spots where i can't sit because it would be too much of a trigger. The whole thing is a trigger really. Sometimes it's hard to remember why I even quit in the first place. Well I'm gonna stop venting and make this official....I am not leaving here until I've finished at least the first (huge) chapter.

Me too! Happy birthday! Hope it's a great one now that you're adderall-free!

OK! Happy new week everyone! I'm starting strong with 7 miles tonight. Needed to blow off some steam. How's everyone doing?!

Crunched

I can't join you right now, but I would like to work on overcoming my pill-popping mentality in general. Between the vitamins, supplements, and meds I feel like I'm popping pills for everything. I want to get past that. It's more of a long term goal, but this seems to be a great approach I could try someday. Anyway, I'd love to hear updates on how this works out for you!

Ehh, I didn't get most of that shit done yesterday. I should start making weekly lists too. Another day, another dollar. Meh

Great job 1Bad!!! Okay it's Sunday and I've been a slacker the past few days so it's time to get on it. TODAY I need to: Grade a huge stack of essays DONE!!!!!!!! Read Prep for tomorrow Write a set of questions Start reading something else Definitely not happening today! Haha Run 4 miles Ugh...... if someone handed me an adderall right now I would probably take it. Just sayin.

Great job everyone! I'm into the Monday-Sunday switch! Haven't gone running since Monday.... I better get on it..... went dancing for 2 hours last night though so that was pretty fun and a great workout!

I agree Jon! Its so important to focus on the positive, the fact that sleeping is healing!

Interesting article from BBC News - Sleep 'boosts brain cell numbers' http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-23932577 For all of us who can't stop sleeping while recovering, this is good news! This article also makes me wonder if adderall is even worse for the brain than previously thought. Judging by how much we sleep while quitting, and how sleep deprived we can become on adderall, it must have a negative long-term effect on the brain.

Sometimes I wonder if adderall messed up my digestive system permanently. Has anyone else noticed this? Some of the stomach issues I started having on adderall are still happening, just not as bad. Good thing for heartburn pills.