Danquit

I can take full deep breaths and relax.

I am officially at 16 months off of Adderall and I have to say that I am doing pretty well. I started running about three times a week and it feels friggin' awesome. I can't believe that I can actually run again. A year ago there is no way I could even think about running. The best I could do was walk so that's what I did. My brain feels very close to normal, or what I remember being normal. My confidence is at about 80% and every time I accomplish something, the confidence goes up a little bit. Don't get me wrong, I still have days where I think about Adderall but the thoughts are about how crazy I was on Addy's and not so much thinking about how much I miss it. I'm still taking things one day at a time but I can tell that I am definitely better then a year ago. This forum helped me so much, I will be forever grateful! To all of you just starting out, hang in there, it gets better I promise. My advice is to take it one day at a time and try to exercise even if it's just going for a walk. Eventually you will naturally want to start jogging, then running. Try to be kind to yourself when you have your self dialogue, I beat myself up pretty good in the first year and I don't think that was smart. You are going through the hardest challenge in life but remember once you get through this, you will be stronger and better then you ever were. For the people who are over 16 months, how long did you continue getting better? What happens in year 3? Thanks again for all of your support, I love you all!

I noticed I've been getting angry lately too. At 16 months, I keep telling myself that I am all better but apparently not. I get pissed at people when I'm driving way more then I used to before Adderall. I am angry at my living situation and I know it has to do with getting close to the two year mark. The way I deal with the anger when I'm in my car is I will curse out whoever pissed me off (inside the car so they can't hear) and then I usually laugh at myself after for how angry I was. The only thing that helps me get my mind off of my frustration is going running. Other than that, I think you just have to vent the anger by cursing to yourself or maybe even punching something as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. Sometimes you gotta release some anger, it's natural. The good news is I think then anger thing only happens when you're well over a year in recovery which is really good news for us!

Amazing post! I agree with all of your points and I am still going through many of the steps even at 16 months. It does get better if you commit to never touching Adderall again. It's a long and painful journey, but so worth it! Thanks again for an awesome post.

Wow, my story is quite similar to yours. I also lived it up in NYC while I was abusing Adderall. Trust me, life without it is so much better. Yes, being skinny was cool, but it simply isn't worth your overall health. I am very happy I got off of it and now, 15 months later, I am living my life for good or for bad, it's real and it's all me. Fuck Adderall! You can do it, we'll be here to support you.

New Jersey

I was wondering if anyone else had a kind of spiritual awakening when they abused Adderall. When I went through Adderall induced psychosis, I believed that I was communicating with a being from another dimension that told me some pretty crazy shit. I used to be a pretty devout Christian until this happened. I don't knock any religions because I think that it does help some people and I respect that, but for me, going through this made me rethink everything I thought I knew. I'm just now at a point in recovery where I can examine the events that led up to my two stays in the mental hospital because of Adderall and I am still in shock at some of the shit that I experienced. I feel like I used to be asleep in the matrix, going to work so I could earn money so I could buy stuff that I didn't need. I used to go to church every week and some of those days I was totally on Adderall which was hypocritical but hey, it was legal right? Anyway, when I went through psychosis, the Adderall opened a gateway in my brain so that I could understand the universe. I even had a spirit guide in the form of a 5th dimensional being! I know that it was all hallucinations and delusions brought on by Adderall abuse but damn it was so real! It's as if Adderall was needed to wake me up from the Matrix and show me the truth about this world. I don't believe in religion anymore. I enjoy science and learning about our universe now. I am obsessed with physics, astronomy, evolution, quantum mechanics, artificial intelligence, and even geology. Stuff that never interested me before is now all I can think about. I also used to be a Republican but now I can't stand them! I hate the banking industry and the big greedy corporations now and I am all about protecting the environment. My beliefs are completely different now and I am thankful for this but at the same time, I am finding it difficult to assimilate back to my old life. My Christian friends think that I was possessed by demons! Ha. I think that Adderall psychosis expanded my mind the way LSD or Ayahuasca does and it completely changed my core beliefs and it taught me that life is precious and we should care about each other. Anyway, just wondering if anyone on here had a similar experience or if you think I was just crazy.

Just about to finish my 14th month off of Adderall and I am feeling pretty OK. This has been a brutal journey but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! I have put on about 30 pounds but I feel healthy compared to Adderall skinny. I am working on taking off the extra pounds now and I will continue to update on that front. As far as depression and anxiety go, I am definitely much better than I was in those early months (1-9). My depression has lifted dramatically and I really didn't do anything other than take it one day at a time and just survived. Just hang in there, it does get better on it's own, all it takes is time. My anxiety is definitely better but I still find myself worrying about stuff I can't control. I think it's because my motivation is still low so when I think about stuff I have to do, I get anxious. This can be fixed by taking action. I know, easier said than done but when I am anxious about something, I find that taking steps to take care of it helps. Once I finish a task, it feels great! I found that at 12 months was when I could definitely feel myself getting much better. Based on experience, I feel like quitting Adderall is very similar to going through a break up. Typically, it takes half as long as the relationship lasted to get over someone. So for me, my relationship with Adderall lasted 5 years so my recovery time will be 2.5 years. I know that sounds crazy long but in a couple of months, I will be halfway through! My life is opening up ahead of me. I am starting to have hope for the future and I am dealing with the stresses of life by facing things head on. I am writing this post after a very relaxing two week vacation with family so maybe that's why it's so positive but I am hopeful that this is how I will be from now on. We'll see. Anyway, I just wanted to update you all and thank you for your support along this horrendous journey. I couldn't have done it without you.

I'm going for a run in the park at least 3 times this week. I made it on Monday, and today I am already making excuses so glad I saw your post. I'm gonna go run dammit!

At this point, I trust the people on this forum more than any prescribing "professional" out there. I would do like Frank says and find a doctor that will prescribe what you want after doing your own research. They don't care about anything except making money. It's just the way the entire system is set up. That's how I got my Adderall when I was hooked, I just went to the psychiatrist that would give me whatever I wanted.

So I have been officially off Adderall for one year and I thought I'd update you all. Looking back on the past 12 months, I am amazed that I made it to this huge milestone. It has been the most painful year of my life but I am still alive and I am definitely doing better. I was on Adderall for about 5 years so one year isn't that much but I am hanging in there. The depression and anxiety have gotten better but I am still not motivated and I lay around a lot. I am seriously considering Wellbutrin or other antidepressant but I am deathly afraid of getting hooked on another drug. My focus these days is to get outside and exercise because I put on so much weight in the past year. I am starting to think about the future and what I want to do with my life which is good because I'm not thinking about death all the time. I survived by taking it one day at a time and reminding myself that I was withdrawing from one of the most powerful drugs ever. Thank you all for the support through your responses and posts, I couldn't have made it without this forum!

I went through the same thing at 9 months. It does get better, I am coming up on my 12 month anniversary and I honestly feel pretty good. I am still extremely lazy and unmotivated, but I have hope now. The depression just kinda lifted one day and I think it just happens naturally. There are still some depressing days but more like how a normal person goes through life. Just hang in there and take it one day at a time and remind yourself to live in the present. There is nothing more than this exact moment in time. You will get better.

I didn't drink at home but I would go to my local bar in NYC and sit at my regular spot all night till they closed at 4am. The bartenders all knew me and were amazed at how much I could drink and still function. Adderall let me drink so much more than I could handle. I remember walking back to my apartment one night and I fell right in the street and got up stumbled away thinking holy shit I'm drunk! It was like I could experience being really wasted but not passing out. I don't know how I didn't end up in the hospital or worse. So yeah, I definitely drank more when I was on Adderall, if I drank that much now, I would probably die of alcohol poisoning.

Stay strong Rachel. We all make mistakes when trying to quit and it's because this drug is extremely powerful. Just hang in there and take it one day at a time. It will get better, I promise, but you have to go through some very painful days, weeks, months. I wanted to die so bad early on, but now, one year later, I am doing so much better and I know you will too. Recovery is not linear so you will have good days early on as well. Just hang in there until you have those good days.

Preach it brother! Big pharma doesn't care about anything other than huge profits. Unfortunately, we fell into the trap and are now dealing with the repercussions but at least we're alive.

Great post Frank, I agree with the supplements statement, I took all kinds of stuff too in the past year and they didn't do jack except maybe placebo effect. Now that I'm coming up on one year I am thinking of trying Wellbutrin too. I am scared because I don't want to get addicted to something else. Is it anything like Adderall in terms of addiction risk?

What I noticed when I was working after quitting is that I thought I was doing much worse then I actually was. In my mind, I thought I was not doing enough because I didn't talk in meetings as much as when on Adderall and I didn't volunteer to take on projects etc. In reality, no one noticed anything. I just became like a normal person. I actually think I may have done better because I spoke less and listened more. I think when we may think we're doing much worse than we actually are. I got through this by just showing up and sitting there. Sometimes you just need to show up and do exactly what needs to be done and nothing more.

Wow, congrats on one year off this horrible drug! I am at 9 months and I'm hoping for some natural motivation as well. What I've learned is that this is completely normal for people coming off Adderall. I find that motivation follows action. This sucks because when I was using, I would pop a 20mg pinky and just wait 20 minutes until it kicked in and then I'd find myself doing all kinds of "productive" shit. This is not normal. Normal people don't get super excited about cleaning the bathroom or doing the laundry. They just do it because they have to. That's how I operate these days. I basically don't do anything until I absolutely have to. Haven't showered in 2 days, take a shower. Have no more clean clothes, do laundry. Have no food and am starving, go to grocery store. Have an 8:30 work meeting, wake up at 8:15. I'm just layin' the cut. Doing exactly what I have to do to survive. Nothing more. Lately I've been wanting to do more though. I want to have a social life again and have a little fun but I don't think the motivation has caught up to the desire yet. I feel like any day now something will kick into gear. My only advice is to force yourself to just do it. Whatever you need to do, just start doing it. Once you are doing it, it's not that bad. This applies to everything. Don't procrastinate. No matter how small the task, just do it.

I've officially been off of Adderall for 9 months! It has been the most miserable 9 months of my life but I am alive and doing OK. So the first 1-3 months were brutal because of depression, anxiety, and lack of motivation. I struggled daily to just get out of bed and do anything. I survived by writing in my journal and going to the park to walk around, and I checked this forum daily. Months 4-6 were a little better but it definitely was not a linear process. I noticed that maybe I started having 2-3 good days a week where I did not want to die and I actually had some hope for the future. I hung in there and kept telling myself "one day at a time". Months 7-9 showed significant improvement in my overall mood and the anxiety level definitely went down. I didn't do anything different, I think something in my brain just changed in month 9. It's just like everyone said on here, only time can heal your brain. I am currently still very unmotivated to do anything but I am still so much better because I am not suffering from massive anxiety just sitting around the house. That was the worst part of the last 9 months. The negative thoughts and the constant worrying about the future and excessively worrying about things that I could not control was brutal. I would just have a thought like "what if I lose my job?" and then the negative thoughts would just spiral out of control. I mean before Adderall, the chances of me losing my job were the same as now, but I simply didn't care or didn't think about it. I just went about my business. One thing that helped when I had these thoughts was I would employ the "fuck it" attitude. Thanks Frank! One of your posts helped me tremendously. You basically said, what difference will all this make 100 years from now? It really doesn't matter. Once I adopted this thought process, things didn't seem so daunting. So the key takeaway is that I am doing better. I still read this forum daily but I don't always respond. Honestly, I am hoping that the less I think about this shit, the better. But I love that we have this forum to come to and just read when we are feeling down. It is a tremendous recovery tool. On to the 1 year mark. I am optimistic about the next 3 months and I can't wait to get the first year under my belt. Remember, this is the hardest thing that you will ever go through and when you make it through to the other side, you will be so much better for it. Stay strong and don't give in to those temptations. You can't take just one to get you through whatever. You cannot get back on it and just take the prescribed dose. That is what Adderall wants you to think, but it is lying to you. Enjoy that healthy weight you've put on and just say fuck Adderall!

Awesome Frank! It gives me hope to see you slowly getting better. Stay strong and 2017 is gonna be amazing! You made it through the hardest year of your life and I congratulate you. I'm following your lead so don't stop.

I'm in the middle of that lake right now. Just at the edge where I can start climbing out.

You are a huge inspiration Frank. I am now hopeful for my recovery and I owe it all to people like you who are leading the way. Fuck Adderall! I am looking forward to my 9 month and then my 1 year anniversary off of this god awful drug. To 2017!!!

It took not one, but two hospital stays for amphetamine induced psychosis for me to realize that I had a problem with Adderall. I could have died on both occasions because I was behaving so insanely. I took this addiction all the way to losing my sense of reality and almost dying. Fuck Adderall. There is no way in hell that this drug is good for anyone. I don't care what they think they are getting in terms of 'benefits.' This drug is just another way for the drug companies to make money off of people.

I bought a car (used) but it was a pretty big purchase and I guess the purchase triggered a massive anxiety attack because I kept thinking what if I lose my job and couldn't make the payments and so on. The thoughts just kept going until I was in a panic. It got better after a few days and after about a week it was gone. I remember before Adderall I would make big life changing decisions all the time and was never worried like I am now. I know this is a part of my recovery and I know that it will get better with time. I just wish it would happen sooner. Thanks for all your support, there's no way I could go through this without your guys' input.

I was doing ok up until this past weekend, all of the sudden, I was hit with massive anxiety attack on Saturday and it's been a rough week ever since. Is this some sort of milestone at seven months? I couldn't leave the house all week! Help me to understand why this is happening. I was doing so well.