LuLamb

Your story is certainly relevant to me! I don’t know that it could ever not be. It’s a story of recovery and moving forward and finding out who you are and what you want without Adderall. And that’s a great story and one I very much need to hear.

Your kind words are sooo appreciated. I know you are right. It’s ironic how on Adderall I felt like I never had enough time-I could barely account for where the years had gone. Now, I’m dreading the slowing-down of time. I’m a counselor in private practice and my Adderall self filled my schedule with back-to-back clients. The idea of sitting through hour-after-hour of sessions that will now slowly tick by is daunting to say the least. My first client of the day just cancelled due to illness (THANK GOD!)...I had been feeling I was burnt-out for a while. Wondering if that will continue to play out. But I want to know my truth and live it. At first Adderall made me feel like I was a go-getter. But ultimately I started to feel like I was kidding myself about everything. I don’t know what I want other than to get some clarity about who I actually am without the filter and distraction of Adderall. If that finds me burnt-out on my career, so be it-at least It’ll be an honest discovery and I can make changes that are true to me.

makes sense

Why do you think age and being older makes quitting/recovery harder?

Thanks for replying. It is helpful to know I’m not alone! Unfortunately, I have a busy work schedule today and tomorrow. I’m going out of town on Friday to visit my oldest friend. He likes to chill and go out to eat, so that will be helpful, lol. I first started using Adderall in early 2013. A friend had given me some to try. At the time I was taking Seroquel for anxiety. My doc ended up adding Adderall to my prescriptions because the Seroquel left me feeling lethargic and unmotivated. My highest prescribed dose was 35mg/day, but I started taking an extra half here and there and occasionally supplementing with extras I bought from my friend to make it to the end of the month. A couple of years ago I quit the Seroquel and tried to taper down on the Adderall. My friend said she wasn’t going to give me any anymore. My doc lowered my scripts a couple of times and when I quit they were down to 20-30mg/day, but I always took extra several times a week. I used to sleep like a baby, but with Adderall in my life, I felt fried all the time and was vacillating between trying to compensate for poor sleep during the day and smoking pot and drinking wine and taking different sleep aids at night, so most of the time I felt like shit. I knew why, but didn’t want to admit it. Adderall made it easy to avoid feelings of inadequacy in the early days, but eventually it increased my feelings of inadequacy, and I found myself reaching for it when I felt inadequate or feared a situation my make me feel inadequate-it became a vicious cycle.

BK99, I am 52 and quit Adderall today. I read in your first post that you didn't want to be 50 and still popping amphetamines and from the sounds of it you are nearly a year closer to that goal! Don't give up on that!

Today I quit Adderall. I need all the help I can get. I've read many here say how important it was to their recovery to use this site, so here I go... I joined this site in May and I quit for about a month before relapsing while actually having a very fine day! Within an hour my prescription was waiting for me at the pharmacy across the street. Since then my use crept back up to where it was in May. I was sick last week and for a few days I took a little less than I am prescribed and was reminded a bit of who I am underneath my Adderall high. So I'm quitting again. Today was day 1. From this most recent relapse I realized the value in cutting off my supplier. It had never even occurred to me before I read it on this site that I could voluntarily and formally end the patient-physician relationship with my psychiatrist and he would have to respect that. When I wrote the letter, I explained as honestly as I could why I was ending the relationship, which was helpful for me to clarify. I'm not looking forward to the challenges of detoxing and withdrawal. Wish me well!