Cassie

I still have that anhedonia too, after 20 months, but it's gotten better. I think the anhedonia stems from not being able to anticipate pleasure anymore. On adderall, you never had to because you knew exactly where that pleasure was coming from, and when (all day). So, I think it's a matter of building up that anticipation muscle that atrophied on speed.

Your writing/creativity will be so much better off Adderall (maybe not right away, but in the long run). P.S: "On the Road" sucks! When I finally read it (in my early 30s) I thought it was one of the most boring, overrated books I'd ever read!

Yes, amphetamines and cocaine make the depressant effects of alcohol (tiredness, etc.) less pronounced. I remember the first time I ever took an Adderall (30mgs - I didn't even know what it was, a friend gave it to me and said, 'here, take this..') I drank a 6-pack of beer in about an hour. It went down like water. I could drink like a fish on Adderall. Off Adderall, I can only have one or two drinks, tops. Fun fact: in the 1950s, doctors recommended amphetamine pills as a cure for hangovers.

Just to give you some perspective, it took me 19 months of working at the job I hate off Adderall to finally quit it. It took that long for me to feel like I had the confidence to go on job interviews, let alone actually perform at a new job. I slacked off a ton at this job, while off Adderall, but eventually I got to the point where I actually wanted to challenge my brain and not just hang out at an easy job all day. So be careful what you wish for - a cushy job isn't necessarily what you want either. I think you probably want a balance of a job that's challenging but that doesn't suck your soul and eat up 60 hours a week. Am I right? Maybe you guys just don't like being lawyers and it wasn't the glamorous job you thought it would be? Speed sure made me feel better about a career I was pretending to like. But building a life atop that shaky foundation was no longer acceptable to me after 5 years. I agree with Sebastian - you have to look at this long term (and seven months isn't that long). Do you want to be on Adderall for the rest of your life? If the answer is no, then you have to let go of the crutch sometime.

If you quit now, after five months you should be able to lose the weight (so long as you don't pack on too many pounds). I gained 10 pounds after quitting over the first three months. So about 90 days clean was when I was the heaviest. And I was eating healthy and exercising - like I said, the 10 pounds was over 3 months so it wasn't like I got fat overnight. So, when you quit, you should expect to gain some weight even if you're eating the same due to your body being slowed down and not working in overdrive anymore. After 3 months the weight started coming off and by five months I weighed the same as I did on Adderall (which was a normal weight, not anorexic looking). Everyone is different and this is just my anecdote, but I think you should expect to gain some weight, plateau, then lose it, and for me that time frame was about 4 months.

Absolutely. Addiction is about habit, and habits are a form of exerting control over our lives. Therefore, addiction is about control (and we only get sober after we realize we've lost control). When I was addicted, I took my adderall like clockwork. I never missed a dose. Before I was addicted I took adderall recreationally - I didn't have a prescription. That was the proper way to take it, because it wasn't a habit. I wasn't using it to control my moods and actions as I was once I crossed the line into addiction. We may have a variety of triggers that lead us to relapse, but it all boils down to one thing: the fantasy that we can control it this time. Because it's the control that we crave. The addiction initally gives us the illusion of control and purpose, even though, as we eventually discover, its really the drug controlling us.One more thought: paradox governs our lives. We are creatures of habit but we also crave novelty and whimsy. That's why after awhile, addiction gets old, and often runs its course.

Yeah, I think we just underestimate the time it takes to rebuild and to form new ways of thinking. My confidence is only now just starting to resurface, and it sure feels good. I read somewhere that something like 90% of drug relapses occur within the first year of recovery, but only 2% occur after five years. So, that should tell you something, namely that a lot of time needs to elapse before the psychological habit of addiction is sufficiently broken. I now consider my first year off Adderall to be "early recovery." Here are some quotes from one of my favorite books, "Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart". It's essays by psychiatrist Gordon Livingston. "Virtually all of the happiness-producing processes in our lives take time, usually a long time...This is why patience and determination are among life's primary virtues." "The process of building has always been slower and more complicated than that of destruction." "If we believe in the sudden transformation, the big score, we are less likely to pursue the harder and less immediately satisfying work of becoming the people we wish to be."

I would quit during a period when you can get away with slacking off for a little while. I had a full time 9-5 job at a college that I had to continue showing up at, so I quit mid December when finals would be over and students would be trickling out. I worked for a week of withdrawal, then had two weeks of planned vacation in which I cemented myself to the couch, then another slow two weeks of work after that when students were still gone. So, I really eased my way back into work. It still sucked pretty bad for the first 3-4 months. I was lazy and worthless and paranoid about getting fired, but I didn't. During that time, I really learned the meaning of the Woody Allen quote, "80% of life is just showing up." It is so true. Don't even worry about not being motivated. All you have to do is show up. Show up for class, show up for study sessions in the library, or whatever. Just TRUDGE. Other people aren't noticing your laziness and lack of motivation as much as you are, because it's magnified only to you. On that note, I would seriously suggest quitting cold turkey while at the same time severing ties to all of your Adderall sources - doctor and whatever side dealers you may have. This way you won't have a choice but to show up and do whatever you have to do without the pills, however half-assedly. When you don't have a choice about getting something done - and your supply of Adderall is gone forever - your brain will do this amazing thing and get it done anyway, especially if there's a last minute procrastination adrenaline element to it. You must give yourself no other option but to either do it on your own, or not do it at all. That's how you will recover. As for your parents, I get not wanting to tell them. I didn't live with my parents but I'm close with them and I had a hang-up with them knowing I was a drug addict, so I avoided telling them. I'm sure your parents would be supportive, but if you don't want to tell them I don't think you have to. If they question your sleeping or laziness, you can always tell them you're sick, or coming off an anti-depressant or something. It helps if you have someone to talk to though, so maybe consider telling a friend or two along with your therapist. I also tried to quit about three times before I quit for good a year and a half ago. Those attempts will serve as good practice for the time it really sticks. Once you quit for good and the months/years start to fly by, you will look back at this addiction and quitting hell as just a sub-chapter in your life. Take care,

What's weird is that I never realized how much of a people person I really am until I'd been off Adderall for a considerable amount of time (a year and a half). When I was on it, I never wanted to talk to anyone. I just always wanted to be in my own little tweaked out Adderall world and got impatient when people interrupted my alone time at work and home. I became really interested in IT and database work and learned all these different applications and did a lot of my own IT work in my department. Now, I find computer work incredibly boring and am looking to work in sales again because my job as an academic librarian didn't have enough (consistent) people interaction. What's interesting is that I thought I was just a solitary, introverted person because Adderall made me that way. Now, I feel like the opposite, like I need a lot of conversation and people interaction on a daily basis, because I no longer have that internal Adderall stimulation. I need a buzzing external environment to fill the stimulation void that Adderall provided. Anyway, this is kind of just a rant, but hopefully it may be helpful to someone.

At 7 months I still felt very awkward, anhedonic and uncomfortable in my own skin. I would say I felt pretty crappy for the first year, but by the year point my energy level was decent and my mood was pretty stable. It wasn't till 18 months sober when I got my self-confidence back. I had a terrible PAWS episode, bad cravings and everything, then after it was over, it was like, poof! I felt great and I had natural confidence in myself again. I finally was able to quit my job because I felt like I could actually go on interviews and impress people and perform in a new job without being self conscious. So, that's where I'm at now. I'm going on job interviews sober for the first time in seven years and I feel like I'm kicking ass in the interviews. I would say a switch flipped at 18 months that gave me the inner confidence to start making real changes. Before that I wanted to make changes but didn't have that internal force. I still don't really know what I want to do with my life, but at least I have the drive now to explore. And no, I'm not on any meds. I just try to eat a balanced diet and stay active.

Maybe you can go for a few short walks during the day? Like 15 mins when you get up, 15-20 minutes midday, and a little when you get home? I don't go to a gym but I walk my dogs twice a day, and between that and a good diet I'm pretty thin. Consistency is the key. Glad you are back - things will get better with time, and you will be amazed how much better you feel in another year from now.

Agree with Cat - day 31 is no fun, and if you're hard on yourself you're going to want to reach for the pills for solace. I was pretty antisocial for the first 6 months off Adderall in general. The first 3 months in particular I was a total hermit. All I had the energy to do was go to work, come home, eat, watch TV, sleep, repeat. I did not want to hang out or talk to anyone. If it's any consolation, now that I'm 1.6 years sober, I'm more social than I've ever been in my life. BUT, this was not the case for the first year.

You're making it harder and riskier by having the option. Let's say you're in a relationship and you're tempted to cheat on your boyfriend, but you don't want to because you love your boyfriend and don't want to hurt him. Would you keep putting yourself in situations where you're alone with the other guy, knowing that something could easily happen, or would you cut off or minimize your contact with the other guy so you could avoid the temptation in the first place? I'm using this as an analogy because I recently developed a huge crush on someone and took precautions to not be alone with him, knowing that I could easily do something stupid. I never thought in a million years that I'd fall for someone other than my husband, but the chemistry with this guy really threw me for a loop and I could honestly see myself doing something I would seriously regret. My point is, part of being a mature adult is recognizing your fallibility so you can nip dangerous situations in the bud. We can succumb to primal urges and basal temptations so much more easily than we think. If I had the option to take adderall during my first year sober, I have no doubt that I would have. I remained abstinent because it was unavailable, and now after a year and a half, I have the inner strength to resist along with the continued unavailability. Think about telling your doctor not to prescribe you adderall anymore. That action step will make your sobriety foundation so much more solidified.

I think a good solution would be to meet someone new - it will take your mind off your ex and get some new dopamine flowing. Have a fling.

I don't see how adderall rehab/recovery would be any different from meth rehab/recovery. You could look for a place that specializes in meth addiction, but like inrecovery said, most drug rehabs are multi-purpose.

Yes, it's still early. 6 months is not a long time to be off a drug.

Good for you! I can relate. The first month clean wasn't bad for me. You've got the quitting momentum in the beginning, the novelty of making a life change. For me, the second month was when the hardcore depression and despair really set in. If you're serious about staying off the pills, you must be prepared for a lot of up and downs in your mood the first year sober. You will feel better, then worse, better, then worse. I also quit during a good time of year for me: winter in phoenix, so I could spend a lot of time hiking in the mountains.

Eat whole foods - whole grains, fruits, veggies, beans, juice, eggs, nuts, and high protein foods. You'll be starving, and your body needs protein to produce dopamine. Your liver will take care of the 'cleansing,' and time will heal your brain.

Hi whosthisguy, If you truly want to quit, us successful quitters will advise you to cut off your supplier/doctor. You said, "I dumped all of my pills in the toilet and can't get a refill for 2 more weeks. We'll see how I am feeling then.." Well, I can tell you how you'll be feeling then - like absolute shit. Like you'd give your left arm for the pills. Recovery is a multi-year process and to think you'll feel better after two weeks is wishful addict thinking. You will absolutely get your prescription filled. I hope I'm wrong, but I'd kind of bet you a million dollars that I'm not. The way I got through the lethargy and lack of motivation was by lowering my expectations of myself and reducing my obligations. I delegated a lot of tasks to my staff at work, and just did less work in general, accepting that getting fired was a real possibility. I didn't, and no one ever criticized my work performance, which made me realize that on Adderall I wasn't doing near as much work as I thought. It just felt that way. I felt busy all the time, but I was never working efficiently- just spinning my wheels and overthinking everything. Having said that, if you try to do the same work at the same speed after you quit, you will fail. You will not have the energy, the focus or the motivation to do it. That's why I accepted that I would be a lazy sloth and would have to get by doing less work. Because quitting Adderall was my top priority. If it's not your priority - if your work is - then you will fail. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it is the truth. It sounds like your work/school is very important to you right now, but there might not ever be an ideal time to quit. You have to acquiesce to the quitting process if you really want to get off the pills. And that means letting go of your motivation, drive and abilities while your brain heals. That is the price you pay to get you back, the person who doesn't end up in the ER three times and doesn't ruin relationships because of a drug addiction.

Adderall may have made me a tad more social in the beginning - like the first year or so - but it went downhill incrementally after that. The best way I can describe it is that I always felt like I was a third party watching my actions and dictating to my brain what to say, rather than having free flowing conversations in the moment. I became socially awkward and my interactions clunky. I also remember at one point being afraid to go jogging outside because other people jogging might look at me funny, so there was definite paranoia too. Liltex's tips are good, but if you try to do those things while remaining on adderall then you're missing a big and obvious piece of the puzzle - removing the drug which has caused you the anxiety. I can't tell you how many self help books I read on adderall because I was in denial that the adderall was the cause of my problems that I was desperately trying to use self help techniques to fix. It's like taking medicine for type 2 diabetes but not cutting out the junk food and sugar that caused you to develop the disease.

Thanks, I'm feeling better now. Stupid PAWS. Usually when I get PAWS I feel really anxious and incompetent, like I'm a fraud who has no confidence. I've found that faking it helps a lot. Just faking that I'm calm, confident and collected starts to snap my mind out of it.

I've been having bad cravings for Adderall this week, for the first time in a long time. My mind will even start racing as if I am on it. It's really annoying. I had a dream last night that I bought some Adderall from a friend, then started popping them in the shower. Kind of funny, not sure why I needed to be in the shower to consume them. It wasn't one of those dreams where I woke up before I swallowed it either. No, I went all out and poured a bunch down my gullet (while bathing), and even felt the high kick in. Then I woke up. Anyway, just thought I'd share my weird dream and let you know that, yes, you will have hardcore cravings sometimes, even after a year and a half sober.

I believe our senior member InRecovery took it for 12 years and was a heavy abuser - now he's getting his MBA and kicking ass without stimulants. The brain is plastic and will adapt to the lack of artificial stimulation over time. But normalcy takes a very long time and if you don't have patience and faith, you will not make it through the lengthy process.

Coffee, lots of fiber, fruits and vegetables worked for me. The supplements that have the most scientific evidence for constipation are castor oil, glucomannan, and phosphorus/phosphate. Source: natural standard supplement database. Are you saying that you were still constipated after 4 months off adderall? Or just that you didn't poop 2-3 times a day anymore? (which I wouldn't necessarily consider "functioning perfectly", unless you're a dog).

No, because your brain has undergone structural changes from long term repeated dosing of adderall. It will probably take a year or more for you to feel like your brain is functioning at a pre-adderall level.