Cassie

I think only repetition and time will get you out of the adderall mentality. It's the habit of doing everyday tasks without pills that will habituate your brain to doing things without pills. Honestly, i found talking to a counselor about this to be a waste of time. I mean what can they say, think yourself to motivation and self confidence? That sure as fuck doen't work. You can vent to us and your friends for free. Prayer and meditation helped me, to plant the seed in my subconscious and articulate to the universe what i want, if that doesn't sound too cheesy. Writing it out is good too. I still don't really have any inspiration or drive, but that's sort of why i took adderall in the first place. Novelty helps with ruts, whether it's a new job or just listening to new music. My self confidence and motivation is A LOT better after 2 years than 1 year. It's like I'm much more mentally stable now. I don't think you can put a timeline on when these things return, it's just subtle, gradual shifts. Honestly, i think having patience is what's gotten me through this, knowing that things will improve if i wait, knowing that abstract feelings like self confidence and inspiration are byproducts of life that can't be forced or seeked directly, but if i keep trudging on sober and authentically, i might be rewarded with them in unexpected ways.

I don't think doctors are going to know much about adderall unless they're involved in prescribing it - definitely not an opthamologist, lol. My sister has been a nurse for many years and she thought adderall was a sedative since it's used to 'calm down' children. She didn't know that add drugs are stimulants. She works on an adult floor of a hospital, mostly elderly people and adderall just isn't a drug she's ever administered. I think pharmacists would have the most informed opinions of these drugs of any medical professional, along with psychiatrists.

addiction hijacks your brain so that the reward response of taking the drug overrides logic. It has nothing to do with your intelligence level. Anyone can become an addict given the right circumstances. It's a natural instinct to seek pleasure and avoid pain.

Life will get better if you quit and stay quit. Adderall makes you paranoid and it shrinks your world so that all your problems seem magnified. Everything seems like the end of the world when you have the perception imbalance caused by adderall use/abuse.

I think people who look down on addicts should try fasting for a few days and see if they don't think about food every waking moment, and watch how their thoughts become consumed with how weak and dizzy and starving they are and how they would give anything for a cheeseburger. I think that would give people a better understanding of what addiction is like.

70s here in phoenix! Lots of hiking on the weekends. Summer here is when we dont want to go outside. My canadian husband sure doesn't miss the snow!

It is possible but to be successful it takes time, patience, commitment, faith, perseverence and cutting off your supply. It takes a long time to feel normal, happy, excited, etc. You have to pay your dues and you have to accept that recovery is a slow process.

I used to hide pills all the time. In shoes, inside layers of socks in my dresser, in Altoids tins in desk drawers. I would write notes to my myself saying things like 'do not take any this weekend' and tape it to my prescription bottle, then shove the bottle in an underused boot in the back of my closet, as if any of this was a fucking deterrent. It all just added to the drama of the addiction. Addiction is such a narrow and boring existence that hiding pills and finding them counts as genuine excitement. Looking back (after LOTS of time), it seems the epitome of pathetic that finding stray pills or getting my script refilled is what used to make me feel alive. I almost always remembered where I hid pills though, so I got to them pretty easily. When I quit for good, there were no hidden pills anywhere, although I spent weeks searching in vain. If there were pills around, I would take them, no question. I had to finish my supply before I quit, then tell my doctor 'do not prescribe again.' It was the only way. If you want to quit for good, you need to let go and put the pills behind you, not hang on to some 'just in case'. Your brain will always conjure up a rationalization to take them again. Choose a life of real, genuine, human drama, not dumb addict drama. You can, and will, be much better off after just a couple years off all this junk!

I think we all said those same things at one point: I can control my dose, I'll only take it a couple times a week, I'll be a responsible user, etc. etc. No one 'plans' to get addicted. It happens progressively over time. I took Adderall once or twice a week for two years, then got a prescription, then Mon-Fri, then also Saturdays, then every day and...you can see where this is going. Not everyone gets addicted, but if you like the high you get from the drug it's a slippery slope indeed. Sounds like you've made up your mind about taking it though so I'm not sure what kind of responses you're looking for.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/doctor-quickly-scribbles-prescription-that-will-le,35082/

After two years sober the post adderall social anxiety is gone, but it took 2 years for it to fully subside

Maybe you can throw some money at the problem, like get someone to clean your house once a week or so for the first couple months? That way you just have to do 'light' cleaning day to day. One thing I did a lot of in the beginning was spending a couple hours on Sunday making a few big meals and freezing them, then not having to cook during the week. I also got many massages and did yoga regularly in the beginning. I threw money at the problem big time. For staying fit, I would focus on your diet instead of exercise. Eating less and/or healthier foods doesn't take up any more time than eating crappy food. Prioritize the strategies that require the least amount of effort as you adjust to being off speed. I agree with Justin that drug use can be different for women because women might use drugs more to regulate their moods, while men might use drugs more to party or as a tool to enhance something about themselves. I don't have kids but I imagine that quitting Adderall and having to take care of kids while trying to recover is a special kind of hell. I'm sure people with kids can chime in more about this aspect.

Air hunger (could never catch a full breath) Shoulder tension Headaches Cracky bones Foot cramps after running or biking Eye muscle twitch Dry mouth Dry eyes/shriveled contacts Dizziness, low blood sugar feeling Ear popping like an elevation change Thin, limp hair Slow reaction times The most annoying side effects for me were air hunger and having to pee every hour.

@Jon - Yeah, I agree with quitonce. Working sucks but the routine is good for recovery, if only to give your mind something to keep busy. I didn't feel comfortable quitting my wretched job until I had been off Adderall for 18 months. Now, my new job is turning out to be sucky and I am job hunting again, but I have to get another job first before I quit. I wouldn't have been able to handle this a year ago. Do you rotate working overnights with the 3-11pm shift? That would be rough. My sister is a nurse and had to choose between working rotating overnight shifts/day shifts (every two weeks), or working just overnights. She chose all overnights just for the consistency. I've never had to work like that so I don't have any advice. I don't think I could have an erratic sleep schedule like that without feeling like ass all the time.

I feel tired and sluggish if I sleep too long. I've never had problems sleeping. I love sleeping and slept fine on Adderall too - nothing was needed to knock me out except the occassional glass of wine. That one .5mg Klonopin made me want to lay in bed for two days. To be fair, I tried to only take half the pill, but it was old and when I tried to break it in half the whole thing crumbled so I said fuck it. You'll probably feel better when you have a 9-5 job and you're forced to get up at a certain time very day. I need 8-9 hours of sleep a night but any more than that and I will have a sleep hangover. At my job now I work 10-7 so I've been sleeping a little longer than I used to when I worked at 8am and had a long commute. But, my dogs keep me getting up by 7-ish because they need to go out and get their morning walk around that time. So, my advice would be to have something external that forces you to get up at the same time every day, whether it's a job or a pet. I need to have something to get out of bed for - something that depends on me getting up - otherwise I lay around for too long and my energy and momentum for the day go down the tubes.

This reminded me of you guys: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/running

A few weeks ago I found a .5 mg klonopin pill in a makeup bag that a friend left at my house like two years ago. I have never taken a benzo before (except valium before a surgery), so I took it just to see what it did because, hey, I like pills. It made me tired for two days! I felt exhausted and drowsy and slow for two days as if I had a major hangover or something. So, as someone who has never been into downers, I would guess that they are really hindering your ability to be alert after you quit Adderall.

I still felt pretty shitty at 7 months. After 18 months i saw noticable improvement. It might help to think of the first year as 'early recovery.' Just get used to functioning without a pill. In year 2 you can deal with motivation and techniques for productivity and crap like that. The lower your expectations, the less frustrating recovery will be. I expected to have no physical energy for a year, so when i did have some physical energy i was like 'hell yeah, progress!' 15 years, yikes. You may need to give it a few years at least. Not trying to scare you, just being realistic. You have some serious dues to pay. It gets easier as time goes on and you adjust to sober life. And you will adjust and adapt, such is evolution. Think of it as learning to have faith. There's meaning in the struggle.

There's usually certain times of day when you naturally feel more alert. For me it's generally 8-10 am and 5-7 pm. Try to do most of your work during your peak times until your brain is stronger and you're using to working on command again. Work out during those times too. You're right in that focusing on focusing doesn't work. It's like sleep becoming more elusive the more you obsess about getting a good night's sleep. It took a good two years for me to really get comfortable working all day without adderall, and not be self conscious about it. One day you'll realize you're regaining control of your mind and it'll feel like a combination of relief and deja vu. And as your mind gets clearer, you'll think less and intuit more. That's when your focus will skyrocket.

If someone handed me a pill today I could see myself taking it, and I've been off it for two years. So, for me it needs to be out of sight, out of mind, and very inconvenient to obtain in any way. I had no self control in the end of my addiction. If there were pills left when I quit, I would have taken them for sure.

Get a job that's fast paced and stimulating where you have deadlines and don't have a lot of down time. I had to quit my last job because it was too boring and slow without artificial stimulation (librarian). Other than that i don't really have advice. All jobs kind of suck - that's why i turned to adderall in the first place.

Congrats occasional! You made it through the worst of it and next year you will feel twice as good as you do now. I like that you said you still have a long ways to go, because I found that to be true after a year as well. At two years, I'm just starting to feel certain passions and motivations re-emerge, and my confidence is still improving. Now, I'm not making as many 'lists' of personal goals and tasks I need to accomplish in recovery - I'm just enjoying being pleasantly surprised by their natural resurgence. Your posts are awesome and you have a great voice. I love reading your in-depth, well thought out posts.

This might help you if you can't even go a week without using amphetamines and the early withdrawal is your biggest problem, but this hardly seems like a long term solution for recovery. For me, the worst part of recovery was months 2-4. That's when I was severely depressed and at my lowest point physically and psychologically. I'm skeptical of an "80% success rate." Surely that's a short term claim. It's relatively easy to get someone clean for a week, is it not? What happens after ten days when you're not getting the injections anymore? I've heard of these type of clinics and 'd be really skeptical about paying a lot of money for something like this if I were you. The truth about addiction recovery is that it's a long, slow, painful process. You must be willing to put in the work, and the time, and accept that you will feel like shit for a long time until you heal. Your brain went through slow structural changes over years of drug use. Do you really believe that can be reversed in 10 days? I guess if you have money to burn there's no harm in trying this but from what I've heard, the prices for this are outrageous. I'd be worried that these places are taking advantage of a desperate population.

I've noticed that doctors don't seem to understand it, but most regular people I've talked to do, especially if they have ever been addicted to anything. You just have to frame it right. The key is to say you're struggling with an amphetamine or speed addiction, not 'adderall addiction', because like quitonce said, adderall has a kiddie connotation.

Yes, the first year I had lots of weeks like that.