[What Made You Quit... please help]

I was reading this article in Vice magazine online by this writer who is an open Adderall addict, and she described Adderall addiction like this: "It's not life or death, it's more like a slow soul-murder."

The more time you spend in Adderall-land, the more you will realize that to be true. I didn't quit because I thought I was going to die. In fact, on Adderall I looked healthy, ate well and worked out daily. I was far from dying, physically that is. I quit because I was disgusted with the cold, creepy, antisocial weirdo I had become. It was inhuman.

[Life is..... dull]

Dustin,

It might help you to read stories or websites about quitting meth, or to go to a crystal meth anonymous meeting. Quitting meth is the same as quitting Adderall in terms of the withdrawal and side effects, and ironically there's so much more help out there for quitting illegal speed as opposed to prescription speed. One of my best friends did meth for two years, and he can totally relate to everything I've experienced - the depression, anhedonia, boredom, etc. Those side effects heal with time. It took me about six months before I started feeling glimpses of happiness and hope again. Remember that you're doing this to get your soul and spirit back, and for that it's worth enduring a really crappy year.

[Cancelled my prescription today]

Please. I told my doctor that I was quitting (had quit) Adderall because it was extremely addictive. She said, and I quote, "You weren't addicted, you had a tolerance to the medication, like people have a tolerance to coffee."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I told her there's a huge difference between needing a cup of coffee to wake up in the morning and the psychological addiction of not being able to do anything without an amphetamine because it takes the effort out of everything in your life. Needless to say, she did not seem convinced.

Not only are most doctors in complete denial of the addictiveness of amphetamines (because they've never tried them), but they will believe whatever bullshit they are fed by the drug sales reps. Plus, if you were a doctor, would it be more sooting to your ego to think, "I created an addict" or "My patient has become tolerant of this medication, much as I am to caffeine."

[It has to happen now!!]

Waronwar,

Did you have a medical reason for your fatigue before adderall? I was tired all the time before adderall too and was convinced something was wrong with me, but blood tests didn't show anything abnormal. That was the biggest fear for me when quitting too, the return of chronic fatigue. And it was a valid fear, because I was extremely fatigued for the first three months. It was absolute hello. But I changed my diet, exercised every day, and did yoga three days a week, and by month 4-5 I felt fine physically. Better than before even. It takes effort but you can always eat healthier, work out harder, meditate more. Adderall however, will always catch up with you and only deplete your physical and mental resources in the end. Just because you were fatigued ten years ago doesn't mean you will be in the future. You can live and cope with your issues holistically, the only sustainable way. It takes tremendous patience and mentally letting go of the amphetamine energy that can only be obtained by amphetamines, but you can feel good in the future, and by good I mean not tired

[Helping a Sister]

I know what needs to be done: quit adderall, rehab, talk to a therapist (which she has, but I don't think she goes anymore), but I just don't know how to go about it. Anytime I've mentioned that the adderall is the problem, she finds a way around it, saying it's another health problem, and when she goes to the doctor with her pains they just give her more drugs!

This reminds me of when I was abusing Adderall and didn't yet realize I had a problem. I must have read about 50 self help books over a year period, desperate to cure my depression, anxiety, paranoia, and mental confusion. It never even dawned on me that these problems were due to speed. I'm surprised she is still in denial after 5 years though. I think most of us on here realized our addiction long before that, after 2 or 3 years maybe. I'm just going by other posts I've read on this site. I've also noticed that a good majority of people on this site that are trying to quit have been on adderall 4-7 years at the time of quitting. Seems to be the breaking point for many of us.

Anyway, you must be a saint to bend over backwards for your sister, because from the way you described her, she is not a pleasant person. I'm sure you know that she'll never seek help as long as she's in denial about her addiction and has your services at her beck and call. You and your parents might consider seeing a counselor that specializes in substance abuse issues and families.

[How does recovery happen?]

So glad I could help! Good luck on going back to work. It may suck at first, but as with anything, you with adapt with repetition.

[To flush or not to flush?]

For me it's not. I was never addicted to anything before or after adderall. And I'm done with adderall. Finito. There's a famous quote that goes, "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." If you view addiction as a disease, you're a victim. If you view it as a choice, you empower yourself to overcome your struggles and move on with your life.

[To flush or not to flush?]

I just wanted to add that the first month of quitting wasn't that bad for me. The hardest were months 2-4. The first month you're kind of psyched and still living off the momentum of your amphetamine fueled life. The second month reality sets in and you start to panic. That's why I think rehab is worthless for most people. It takes so much longer than a month to get over an addiction.

[To flush or not to flush?]

You'll know when you're ready to quit - it's the point where you know things need to change and you're ready to deal with all the shitty months of withdrawal in exchange for a better, drug-free life in the future. You already know you're an addict and recognize the negative effects of the drug. If it's any consolation, I thought I was going to get fired from my job after I quit, but then six months later I had my annual review and my boss said I was doing a great job and gave me a raise. I was shocked. So, a lot of it is psychological because working off Adderall feels so foreign. Being in a supervisory role should help because I assume you can delegate stuff to your employees. It helped me being a manager and being able to delegate more and slack off more - yet still get a good review in the end. That being said, it took me about 8 months to get used to working off Adderall. I'm still getting used to it actually, but I feel like I'm almost there. I think in another few months I will be over this addiction entirely (it's been 9 months for me so far).

If you are scared going cold turkey, you could always give your prescription to your fiance or roommate to distribute to you each day, so that you could ween off. That would make things easier, although you will be going through withdrawals several times instead of just once. I've also heard that Wellbutrin can help ease the depression from stimulant withdrawal. It works on the same neurotransmitters as Adderall, but there's no euphoria so it's not addictive or anything. Anyway, just some things to consider.

[Ready for normalcy]

After four months I had a consistent level of physical energy again. The mental battle has been much harder, but once I had regained physical energy I found that I could fake the work/life enthusiasm, even if I was/am still anhedonic on the inside. My work ethic is another story - it still feels impaired nine months later. I still feel self-conscious every day working at a job sans speed.

['Why We All Need to Get Off Adderall' article]

Lol, Kyle_chaos. I hate that shit too! I've seen it on a lot of the article comments on this site even. It's as if I were to go to an alcohol recovery website and say, "you know guys, I have one glass of wine with dinner every night so it is possible to drink responsibly. You should put a giant disclaimer on your site." Anyway, I have a theory that the people that leave those remarks on this site and others are secretly addicts, or are at least on the edge of a major dependency. Why else would they feel the need to 'defend' Adderall?

[How does recovery happen?]

Hi pkr,

It's taken me about 8-9 months to start feeling like myself again on a regular basis, or at least to feel like I've finally broken through to the other side. I was really afraid that my sense of humor was lost forever. It's just now started to return to the same level as before adderall. I felt supremely unfunny and serious for the first 8 months off adderall (and on adderall too - one of my reasons for quitting). Maybe I was just so depressed in the first 6 months or so of sobriety that it was buried down somewhere deep and couldn't surface. My emotions and moods were all over the map too - still are to some extent - but like I said, I now feel like I'm starting to cross over to another phase of growth after addiction. It is frustrating, the chasm between what you want yourself to feel and act like and what is actually happening. It does eventually sync up, but be prepared for a long wait. I think that's the most helpful thing to know - that it may take you 9 months, or a year, or longer, to feel that syncronization occuring. To feel like you are starting to 'know' yourself again, your wants, interests, who you are deep down. The point at which things start to make sense again internally.

Have you ever heard the saying: "The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease."? I thought it was Hippocrates or Plato who said that, but I'm glad I looked it up because it was actually Voltaire (I was way off!) Well, I think that holds true for quitting drugs. You do whatever it takes to get through the early stages of recovery and distract yourself from the misery and confusion that accompanies your newfound sobriety, because ultimately the only real 'cure' is time.

So, what are you going to do to amuse yourself while you wait for time to heal your brain, body and spirit? I don't believe there is anything 'amusing' about forcing yourself to engage in social interactions if you don't want to. Do what you want to do. If you want to see people, go out. If you want to stay home and be a hermit, do that. For me, I just tried to focus on being as healthy as possible because eating healthy and exercising felt good to me, and I think it helped recover faster (however minimally). The first time I tried to quit I forced myself to jog all the time and I was miserable. So, the second time, I just walked when I felt like I should exercise and it was a lot easier. Do whatever feels good to you and doesn't feel forced in any way. That will only add to your mental resistance.

Anyway, I hope this helps a little. I took adderall for the same length of time as you, and I really relate to all the thoughts you've been experiencing

Cassie

['Why We All Need to Get Off Adderall' article]

Cool article from this chick named Cat Marnell who now writes for Vice magazine. Most of her articles talk about drug use, and stimulants in particular.

http://www.xojane.com/healthy/addiction-diaries-why-we-all-need-get-adderall

[Questions about ADHD being worse in recovery..]

I felt exhausted, lethargic, foggy, ADD, etc. for the first three months. I literally felt exactly the same from day 1 to day 73. I remember day 73 because I thought on that day, 'holy shit - I actually have a smidgeon of physical energy today!' So yeah, it took awhile, and that was just to get to a baseline level of normalcy. I'm at 8 months now and I still get physical withdrawal symptoms sometimes - fatigue, confusion, tension in my head and neck. But it's gotten a lot better. I feel improvements over 3 months and 6 months. Personally, I think you really need to give it at least a year for your brain to recover, especially after long term use. A few weeks, let alone a few months, is nothing.

[Please help. In need of advice.]

I was using it as prescribed, for if I wanted a higher dosage all I had to do was ask my doctor. Tolerance builds quickly with amphetamines. Dosages are imprecise. Doctors are just guessing, and some people are more sensitive to stimulants than others. I was never on a huge dose and my personality was like you describe your wife's. From what you describe, she lies about taking it, gets defensive when you bring up the subject, and is in denial about the negative effects on her personality. These are pretty classic signs of a drug problem. If you want more information about amphetamines, I recommend reading 'On Speed: the Many Lives of Amphetamines' by Nicholas Rasmussen.

[Please help. In need of advice.]

I can totally relate to your situation. I became just like your wife on adderall and lied to my husband about my use as well. I lied because I was ashamed and because, well, addicts lie. Lying is a symptom of the addiction in my opinion. I was very short, unloving, argumentative and self absorbed on adderall, and of course thought my husband was the crazy one, not me. When my husband said he wanted to move out because he didn't know who I was anymore, it opened my eyes and I got serious about quitting. I would recommend giving your wife a very clear ultimatum that it's either your relationship or the drug, and if that doesn't faze her, go back to the counselor and reiterate it there. Recurring addictions are a common cause of divorce. My marriage is good now that I'm sane and off speed.

Cassie

[Yoga]

Yoga has been very helpful for me. I did Bikram yoga for the first four months after quitting. It's the hot yoga - very intense. I went to a studio and I also did it at home using an itunes podcast. I just bought a pass for another studio because my Bikram yoga pass ran out and I want to try a different place for variety. I notice the difference in my mental state if I don't do any yoga for a week or so.

If you are interested in any yoga DVDs, I like Wai Lana and Sarah Ivanhoe as instructors. They used to have some good videos on Netflix streaming, but I just noticed they took them off

[Thumbs's saga]

Someone on this site once remarked that the people who take adderall and don't get addicted don't really seem to care about the medication one way or another, and I've found that to be true. I've known people who take adderall that will give away half their prescription to friends each month, will forget to take it sometimes, and just don't really care if they take it or not. It's not a big deal to them.

If you need to wear a bracelet on your hand to remind yourself not to abuse adderall, you are not one of those people, my friend.

[Interesting read]

I stumbled upon this old interview with Dr. Andrew Weil and thought I'd share. Weil is one of the pioneers of integrative medicine and founder of the Center for Integrative Medicine at University of Arizona. He's also written a lot of books about health and spirituality, and talks a lot in his books about his own experiences with drugs. I found this interview excerpt very insightful.

NEWSERVICE: So where did drug abuse come from in the first place?

WElL: I think a lot of it is directly a product of the medical profession. Every time it's gotten its hands on a powerful new psychoactive drug, it prescribes it very carelessly and people get strung out. Then, when it's called on that, it takes the position that it didn't have anything to do with the problem, that it's a bad drug. So they take it away, it's banned or put on restriction, which creates a tremendous black market for it. And that's been a pattern that's happened with everything, from morphine and heroin to cocaine and amphetamines, for the past hundred years.

NEWSERVICE: How do you resolve that?

WElL: I think it all comes down to better education and information. And I think doctors are in as much need of that as anybody else. And sometimes more, I'm afraid. I really think most of the drug abuse in this century has been created or started by doctors...Because psychoactive drugs really make people feel different--and often better, temporarily--and it's very rare in medicine to be able to do that. Drugs also have the great advantage of making people go away satisfied, so there's an enormous appeal to both doctors and patients. But unless you're also doing something to deal with the problems, drugs tend to be very bad medicine because when the drug wears off the person feels terrible again. So you invite repetitive dosing and that's the way you become dependent on things. It's not a good way to make people feel better unless you're also doing something for the underlying problem.

NEWSERVICE: It also reinforces the whole notion that a physician does something for people they can't do for themselves, that treating illnesses involves having to do something for someone.

WElL: And giving drugs. Patients play a strong role in that, too, because there is an enormous expectation to be medicated. A patient who goes to a doctor and doesn't get drugs, doesn't get a prescription, is likely to feel very disappointed and go to another doctor until they do get drugs. So doctors are under great pressure to do that. It's on both sides. I think doctors have been very badly informed and educated about a lot of mind-altering drugs that they've handed out and their tendency has been to give them for everything.

You can read the full interview here. http://www.doitnow.org/pages/weil.html

[90 days and feeling depressed]

Cxpx, ritalin is an addictive stimulant as well. It is akin to suggesting an alcoholic switch from hard liquor to beer. I have seen many addicts who just replace one substance for another. The key is breaking the cycle of dependancy and being free of crutches altogether. It is tough, but addiction free is the best way to be.

[Unsure...]

Ele,

If you're not ready to quit yet or want to try weaning off, there is another option besides psychiatrist or primary doctor: psychiatric nurse practitioner. Mine was $50 without insurance, $20 with insurance for visits. She had a private practice and prescribed Adderall. Of course, quitting altogether is better, but like your post says, you are unsure, and being truly ready is a prerequisite to quitting for good.

[Adderall-Addict]

Kathleen,

I don't know if you ever read my original post entitled 'The Two Month Itch'. It was the first post I ever wrote on this site, right before I relapsed at the two month mark. Here's the link and advice others gave me.

Sadly, it takes longer than two months to start feeling better. But the good news is, practice makes perfect, so the next time you quit your brain will have that 'quitting memory' and the process will be slightly less difficult. You'll get there eventually!

Cassie

[have tried quitting before and failed- need advice!]

I drink one to two cups of coffee a day. It's enough to wake me up but not too much to where I'd be jittery or anxious. Coffee is fine in moderation and much healthier than an energy drink. Now that I've been off adderall for a while I feel the caffeine boost of my morning coffee so much more. During the first few months nothing helped my lethargy, and too much caffeine made me feel sick.

[A Hard Choice]

John, do you have a break in school where you could quit or start weaning off? That would probably be the best time to get off the pills. You don't want to jeopardize school. That is addiction though, the belief that you need a substance to compensate for some lack of ability or skill. So, it's really easy to say I need them for school, now I need them for work, etc., etc.

[I dont know anymore.....]

Amphetamine is amphetamine. Whether it's Adderall or Vyvanse - it's the same drug with the same effects on your brain. I actually found Vyvanse to be more potent than Adderall, and just as easy to abuse. The cycles of depression and tiredness you describe are accurate. I will feel fine for weeks and then feel crappy for a week, then feel fine again. The cycles get less intense the longer you are sober, but they do still hit you.