Cassie
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Posts posted by Cassie
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Hey Lucky,
Personally, I think it's better to quit Adderall when you have a job. When you have somewhere to go every day, it immediately establishes a routine and gets you used to that routine more quickly. Plus it regulates your sleep schedule because you have to wake up at the same time every day - you can't just sleep till noon and have your sleep patterms get all out of whack. Even though it sucked to work after I quit because I felt like shit all the time, I think it helped me recover faster because I was forced to relearn how to work from the get go. Plus I was around people every day. The worst thing for your mental health is sitting home alone every day, isolated from people, with nothing to take your mind off of Adderall.
You're not going to be motivated to look for jobs off of Adderall, and you're deluded if you think you're going to be recovered from drug addiction after 8 days! It took me three months before I was even out of the physical withdrawal, let alone psychological. My weight gain peaked at three months too. I started to lose it after that. When I got a new job three years ago, what I wish I would have done is quit Adderall a few weeks before I started the job. That way I would have established a work routine off Adderall from day one, and the adrenaline and nervous excitement from starting a new job would have dampened some of the post Adderall depression. In hindsight, that would have been the best quitting scenario. But like you said, there's never a convenient time to quit, so if you're already eight days into it and you can keep going, then do that. Just don't expect any intrinsic motivation for awhile. If you need to look for jobs, you have to figure out a way to do it in the absence of motivation and energy. Then once you get a job, the excitement of starting will help the motivation and depression. I hope this helps a little.
Cassie
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Your personality will come back, but you might feel weird and 'not like yourself' for many months. When I quit, I was definitely calmer and less mean right away which was nice, but it took a long time for my sense of humor and higher levels of cognitive functioning to return. I was a hermit couch potato for the first three months or so and I went out very seldomly. I was just so tired - all my energy went toward making it through the 8-5 workdays. After about three/four months I was used to the daily schedule. I made myself exercise each day, even if it was just a short walk or 10 minutes of yoga, but I didn't force myself into social situations if I didn't feel like it. I didn't see the benefit of putting myself in a situation where I knew I would feel uncomfortable and self-conscious and negative. I think it's better to stay in your comfort zone in early recovery because stress exacerbates the withdrawal. You're really lucky you don't get cravings - that was a major nuisance for me in recovery. Also, you may want to read about post acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS). It helps to explain what you're in for while recovering from amphetamine addiction.
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It took three months for me to start regaining physical energy. I was pretty much a zombie up until that point. Motivation took much longer to start coming back, about 9-10 months. I kind of had to fake it up until that point, but it does get easier with time. It sounds like you have the right mindset for quitting, and if you don't suffer from cravings then you'll be in really good shape to weather the long recovery process. Good luck to you.
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The obsessive Adderall thoughts really suck, but they do subside eventually. I obsessed about it like that for about the first 6 months. After that I didn't think about it constantly anymore. It was also around the same time I stopped counting the days I'd been clean. Now that I'm almost a year sober, I have to look up my clean time, like, how many months has it been now? There's not much you can do, unfortunately. Trying to suppress your thoughts only makes them stronger, that's kind of a rule of nature. I generally still think about Adderall at some point every day, but the way I think about it now is so different. It's more of a fleeting thought, with no emotional attachment. I guess what I'm saying is that over time, you'll go from "Adderall..AAAAGHGHGH NOOOO GOD DAMNIT SHUT THE F*$% UP!!!!" to "Adderall....meh."
I feel for you man.
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After trying to quit at least 4 times I learned that NOTHING was going to make me feel like adds.
Jennablu, this is so true. I tried to quit multiple times as well before I realized I was just going to have to suck it up and no supplement was ever going to come close to feeling like Adderall. I don't know if supplements even helped me or if it was just a placebo effect. Quit-once made a comment about the different stages of recovery that was so right-on. The first stage is the first 3 months where you go through the worst of the withdrawal and you start to get some physical energy and normal sleep patterns back. The middle stage is months 3-9 (for me it was months 3-10) where you feel empty inside and bored with life, and then after the middle stage you start feeling pretty good and getting your natural motivation back. At ten months I started practicing an instrument I hadn't played since I was a kid and reading 2 books a week and looking for a new job (or thinking about looking, lol). I don't know if the timeline will be the same for everyone but that was so accurate for me! Good luck everybody
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That's a crappy situation. I don't think it matters if you give him back the pills or not since he will be refilling his prescription in 14 days or less. And he's definitely not going to be leaving them in a place where they can be confiscated by you again. I don't know if weaning is possible for heavy users like him, unless you are meticulously in charge of the prescription bottle and you are both on the same page as far as quitting timeline. I failed at weaning and I was on 1/4 of his dose so I'm skeptical of a much heavier addict succeeding. If I were in your situation I'd insist on going to a marriage counselor and explain how his drug use is ruining your lives, maybe that will wake him up a little. Anyone else have advice?
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You came to the right place. I refer to all prescription amphetamines as Adderall, kind of like some people call all brands of soda 'Coke.' Adderall, Dexedrine, and Vyvanse are all amphetamines and can be used and abused interchangably. Ritalin has a slightly different chemical action (it's similar to cocaine) but also in the same class of drugs, stimulants. I was on Adderall, then Vyvanse.
Dexedrine = dextroamphetamine
Adderall = dextroamphetamine + amphetamine
Vyvanse = lisdexamfetamine which converts to dextroamphetamine in the stomach.
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Okay yes, if you're sleeping for18 hours a day, you may need to clue your parents in
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Hi nosleep,
I think it's a good idea to quit during your 30-day break. It will take some of the anxiety off knowing that you can just hang out and watch tv and not have to do any real work. Once you're out of school and in the real world you're not going to have convenient 30-day breaks anymore, so take advantage now. Regarding your parents, I wouldn't tell them unless you really feel you need to. If they ask why you're so tired just say you're not feeling well or you're feeling a little down and depressed. Done. It's not like you're going to be in a coma, you'll still be able to run errands and hold conversations and go to the movies and cook dinner or whatever. You won't be sleeping all the time, you'll just feel weak and crappy and hungry all the time. I hung out with my parents and went to work within days of quitting Adderall, so you will be able to go through the motions too, without anyone being the wiser.
The advice I have for you, if you're serious about quitting, is to tell your doctor not to prescribe you Adderall anymore. You don't have to admit to being an addict, you can always just say the side effects are getting too bad or it's making you anxious all the time so you're going to stop taking it. This will make it feel more final and is a good step to take. If in 10 years you want to go back on Adderall, hey, you can always find another dumb doctor to prescribe it to you. The other advice I have is to not think you are going to feel better after 30 days of sobriety, because you won't. I had physical withdrawals for three months with no improvement and psychological withdrawal long after that. The first month wasn't so bad for me - I would say months 2-5 were the worst - so have proper expectations of recovery. Good luck - you can do this if you're up to the challenge.
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I had to cut off my supply, tell Dr. I didn't want it anymore. There's no way I could have quit with pills around. I don't have that kind of willpower. It needs to be out of sight, out of mind. I didn't tell my family about it. Only my husband and two close friends knew about my addiction. Quitting is going to be a lonely endeavor, with or without your family knowing, so don't tell them unless you really want to.
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Most people say it takes a year to feel normal again. I've heard this from adderall and meth users, and it's also been true from my experience (10 mths clean, feel almost normal again).
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Cool, definitely check out some books/lectures. For Eastern philosophy, Alan Watts is where it's at. I'm a librarian so I would not steer you wrong in this area
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Also, I like Buddhism and books about Buddhism for helping me feel better.... Its not a religion, there are no gods or things to warship, its about finding it within...
Do you like Alan Watts? I think he was the absolute best writer on the subject. His intellect is just beyond compare.
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So you just waited until your natural motivation came back? Didn't force it?
Well, I did the stuff I had to do, like go to work (the motivation there being paying my bills and not being homeless), but I didn't force myself to go out and be social if I didn't feel like it, or do non-work projects if I didn't feel like it. The one thing I did not slack on was my diet because I feel like crap if I eat bad, so that doesn't feel forced to me. I always was a healthy eater. Same with exercise. I walked or did yoga every day because it made me feel better. Even if I just walked for 10 minutes. Exercise, diet and time. Those are the only things you can count on to help you recover.
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I read a ton of self help books while quitting (and before), but I have to say none of that stuff has ever worked for me, especially the positive thinking arena. Trying to buoy my thoughts or pretending to feel differently from how I really feel just feels so fake and tedious. And it's too superficial for the long term. I'd rather work on solving my deeper problems and create a more stable foundation so that positive feelings can naturally flow out of that. And may I ask, what's so bad about wallowing when you're going through a tough change? Maybe it's a necessary period some of us go through in order to come out stronger on the other side. Evie, everyone's recovery process is different, so do what feels right and not what you think you should be doing. You will save yourself a lot of heartache and internal conflict this way.
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I felt like that at 5 months too. The anhedonia and apathy definitely blow. I'm just seeing some natural motivation and interests come back now, at 10 months. It sure feels good. There's not much you can do about it besides wait it out. Motivation isn't something you can force. Just do things you feel like doing for now, even if it's watching tv all the time. Eventually your brain is going to want to move on to something else. All in due time, my friend.
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Your attention span will most likely be really short for the first six months or so. I could barely read anything in the beginning either. Now at 10 months off adderall I'm ripping through 2-3 books a week. What a huge difference, even compared to a couple months ago. I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear, but you should know that it will probably take a year to feel normal again. I think you posted that you've tried quitting several times. Same here. I was only successful when I made a promise to myself quit for a year, then go back if I wanted. Looking back after 10 months, I can't believe how addicted I was. I would never go back to that prison. You don't need adderall to do anything, even if you don't know it yet.
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Just to add, I'm 10 months off adderall and the workday now goes by as fast as it did on adderall. I'm just not high all day. I am more efficient as I don't hyperfocus on emails and other stupid shit. And I'm not anxious and paranoid around people which feels good. I'm finally confident enough with my non-speed work ethic that I'm beginning to look for a new job. Your confidence, motivation and work ethic are what takes the longest to come back, but it will happen if you give it time.
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I was the most depressed at work in months 2-4. I'd say around month 6 it became more bearable. I don't think you'll ever fully get used to or enjoy that particular job again (if you ever enjoyed it in the first place) because you know what it feels like to work there high. The best I can say it that the workday eventually starts going faster. Just try and detach yourself as much as you can from the actual work and look forward to things you can do after work and on the weekends.
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I love how this is still 'news' to people. Adderall has been abused on college campuses since the 1930s (back then it was called Benzedrine), yet somehow the media newly discovers this phenomenon every six months. Talk about lazy journalism. Where's the headline, "Students don't stop taking Adderall after college and become amphetamine-addicted working adults" ? Because that's the real world. I'm sorry, but "College students using adderall to study for tests" is just the same tired half-assed story rehashed over and over again by lazy media outlets.
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Same here. It took about three months before I had physical energy again, and mental energy gradually returned after that. I also went to bed most nights at 9pm and woke up at 6am, despite never being a morning person before. Take some weekend trips, go to concerts or museums. Anything to help stimulate your brain in a novel way will be a welcome distraction. Accept that this is going to be a really crappy first year sober - it will be so much better after that first year if you can just get through it and not give up.
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I agree with falcon. If you need adderall to get through law school, you are going to need it to be a lawyer as well. I think it's going to be harder to quit once you're in your job, because you won't know how to do that job without it, versus school where you've presumably spent years of your life not on speed. Also, if you don't truly love law school/the law profession, you should probably get out now. I've known many miserable lawyers.
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I can relate to this. I would always run out of my prescription early and crash for days. I was always "sick." I would lie to my husband when he'd ask if I had taken adderall, after I'd sworn to him that I'd quit (and it was obvious I was high). My perception of reality was totally warped, and he was always the problem, not me and my addiction. I quit when I finally realized I was ruining my marriage. My husband threatened to move out, and I knew he meant it. I didn't want to be a person that chose drugs over my marriage. Your relationship will continue to worsen as long as your wife is on speed, and your kid will suffer, so you'll have to decide what your breaking point is before you bolt. Scare her. Give her an ultimatum. I resented my husband's tough love approach to me before and after quitting, but in hindsight it was exactly what my addicted ass needed.
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Congrats Ashley! So proud of you!
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staying adderall clean, and getting better.
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Hi InRecovery,
I'm glad you are back on the forums. Your posts have helped me so much. Good luck in business school - I'm sure you will do great!