LILTEX41

I'm glad your kitty is okay!

Good morning my quitting adderall friends! I just woke up from a horrid vivid nightmare of having a full bottle of 30mg orange pills. In my dream, I was trying to get home because I still had 3 more hours of work for the day, but I kept getting side tracked (suddenly had an interview, bus dropped me off 5 blocks away from my home, etc.). As I started walking home, I saw a library. I went into the library thinking I could use one of their computers. As I opened my purse, there they were. An entire bottle of 30 mg pills. I knew if I took one, I could probably run home FAST and make it on time. There was a delay of about 20 seconds before spotting the pills and then it going into my mouth. Then paranoia set in. I tried to leave the library, but forgot my purse on the 2nd floor with my pills! I started sweating profusely. I ran back upstairs as fast as I could. I found my pills! I went into a bathroom. I suddenly dropped a pill in the sink and then I couldn't remember if I'd already taken the 1st pill. So I took a 2nd 30mg pill soaking wet. Then I looked down and discovered I dropped the whole bottle of pills in the sink with running water and they were all disintegrating before my eyes. I grabbed the wet pills. Suddenly I was in a vacation home with my best friend and her family going to the beach to swim. Did they know I had adderall? Did they know I was high? Where should I hide the pills? I'm supposed to be working! Oh crap, I'm going to get fired! And then I woke up. It was 7:30 and I was not late to work. EVERYTHING WAS FINE. So today I thought it would be nice to dwell on the gratitude of being clean today and no longer having to live in this state of fear, panic, and anxiety that I used to feel being on adderall. Here is my short gratitude list for today. Gratitude God Sobriety - freedom from addiction Sanity Family Hope for a bright future Health Prosperity No insane asylums Roof over my head Plenty of food to eat Car Nice Job The gift of helping others - hopefully inspire people to get well That's all for now. Have a blessed day my friends!

BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! SO PROUD OF YOU GREG. I just found this quote and thought it would be good for your points made here. "For a long time, when it’s working, (it) feels like a path to enlightenment, something that turns us into the person we wish to be, or the person we think we are. In some ways the dynamic is this simple: (it) makes everything better until it makes everything worse." - Caroline Knapp This is the crux of adderall addiction IMHO.

It makes life more fun. I don't have this feature, but you are making me want it, LOL. Actually, I'm sure I do have it, but I haven't gotten that involved with my text messages.

Hi Sanjay, Welcome to the forum! Glad you are here. Everything you are feeling about this drug is completely normal. Here is what I can tell you from my own experience. When I was on the drug, yes, it gave me super human strength. I could do 3x as much if not more. However, eventually this would burn out when I either ran out of the drug early, or as I continued to stay on the same dose I grew a tolerance. I would no longer be as functional as I originally was when first given the drug. I had to keep increasing it to achieve the same effect. Now, the next thing I remember is how much stress this drug put on my heart and system combined. I had a million side effects. I had raynaud's, sometimes I'd hear voices, sometimes I'd think people were out to get me, I'd shake, convulse, get the shivers, my body would ache, and I was emotionally all over the place. I had to find ways to come down. I didn't sleep hardly ever. My body was a total wreck. This was not healthy in any way to my system and I can't imagine how it is a positive souce to anyone really. I wish I could tell you it was like taking vitamins and minerals and really contributing a plethora of goodness to my body, but it wasn't. It was a poison that my heart did not need. I quit in November 2010 (thank God). It took some time to adjust to life without it. But I can promise you if you stick with a quit plan one day you will forget about it and it will no longer be a big deal. All of us on this site are testimonies that you can reclaim your life without this drug and be free of it. You will be WAY healthier for the rest of your life vs. taking speed and destroying your heart and cardiovascular system and risking increasing your chances of a stroke. Short term - adderall will help you get results Long term - destroy your body and risk dependency for life Stick with us and we will help you get out of it's grips now. You CAN do this!

Inspired

BORED and lonely

Yes, this was exactly what I experienced. It was horrible looking back on it. I am glad to be clean today.

Motivated

Stay clean and you won't!

Hyper, How are you doing? Are you feeling any better? I am so glad you posted this! I recently had thoughts of going back on it too. They are pretty far and few in between, but sometimes when life throws curve balls at me it's my immediate quick fix. I will suddenly start thinking, man if I just had some adderall again, all my problems would be solved. It's a good reminder to come to this site and have the support of all of you when these thoughts pop up. So thank you for posting because you have helped me as well in the process.

Hey Love, Still here. How can we help?

Hyper, Did you ever make a list of all the consequences from adderall use? You need to get that out and re-evaluate what your life used to be like abusing speed. I don't quite know your story, but you are most likely only remembering the benefits of adderall. The grass is not always greener on the other side though. Like for myself specifically, I think back to the racing heart, panic attacks, sleepless nights, chain smoking, drinking/drugs (3x as much as my body could even handle), paranoia, sketchy friends, black outs, staying up for days at a time, strained relationships, everyone in my life knowing there is something severly wrong with me, car crash, ER 2x, psych ward, and all kinds of other stuff. Is it really worth it? You are going to throw your body back into an insanely unhealthy addictive lifestyle all over again and once you are back on it feel the guilt and sadness from turning back. Eventually, it will all come to a head and you'll have to try and break this addiction again. Can you just cut back some of the stress in your life? Slow down? You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to be superman. You can be happy without driving yourself into the deep end of oblivion all over again. ADD is a blessing. It's not a curse and you don't have to take speed. Focus on the good aspects of having ADD. You are bright, innovative, have a race car engine for a brain! So much good can come out of your ADD. Don't give up now. You've come too far. Don't throw your life and health away on some nasty drug concocted by money hungry pharmeceutical companies. Not worth it. Stick on the path of recovery. Keep moving forward. If I can do this, I know you can too. Don't throw in the towel yet. We need people like you here to help others. Just don't quit. That's all you have to do. This path is easier and will bring not cause you any harm. It is safe. You got this.

This post makes me . Digging backwards, I remember being at 9 months. It feels like a lifetime ago. It's a good place to be. You still have that impending doom at times thinking...."Oh, if i just had some speed, this task would be so much easier." However, you are starting to feel so good again naturally (or at least this is how I felt), that I realized I like my life better without the insanity of that pill. Exercising felt amazing. I remember running and biking basking in the sun. I remember discovering all kinds of new places in my town I'd never been on my bike (because the whole time I lived there I was at the bars or drinking in the pool). I remember discovering all new kinds of running routes and new fun adventures. I remember how healthy I felt and happy to finally feel free. And I remember even the times when I would want that pill so bad to clean up my apartment, I would just let it go and clean it anyway. And maybe it wouldn't be SPOTLESS, but it would be nicer than it was and I would think to myself, "I had to take a pill to pick up this place? I had to not sleep ever, chain smoke, drink 24 packs of beer, and do massive drugs all to have a clean apartment that really only took like an hour to pick up? Wow, that drug really had me good." It's a good day to be clean. Thanks for sharing.

Lots of good discussion points mentioned here so far. Cassie, you bring up a good point. The studies are B.S. Just take a look at everyone on this website trying to quit adderall. The stories are all the same. We took adderall, we drank 3X as much, we smoked, we did other drugs, and once we stopped we were not cross addicted to other drugs. We no longer needed drugs to combat all the side effects of taking legal speed. Quitting smoking or reducing smoking was relatively easy (for many of us) and most of us here that have been successful have turned to exercise and our lives have improved. Do I think adderall is a gateway drug? Yes, absolutely. I think you put your life at risk if you start taking it. I am so glad I have managed to stay clean for so long (regardless of all the urges and even few road bumps). I would hate to live that lifestyle again. Makes me feel ill just thinking about it.

Congrats Z! Happy for you!

RELIEVED

That's fantastic! How did it go?

Z, that is hilarious! LOL HOPEFUL

I always felt I was cheating at work, lol. Everyone treated me like I was this super dedicated employee and some of the people there thought I would never leave the company (as they later told me). Of course, back in those times they did not realize the pharmie I was taking had turned me into that machine and the person without the drugs was nothing like that, lol.

Omg!!! That is crazy!!! Yes!! I saw those spiders!! They came out of my bathtub and then out of my kitchen sink drain when I was in psychosis once. How freaky! Let's take a moment and just be thankful we know longer have to live like that.

Good job Peridot!!!

You got to watch this video. This guy explains add in a positive light and how to celebrate ADD and use it to your advantage. No need for drugs!

Victorious

Hi there and so glad you posted. I don't even know where to begin to be honest. You have one hell of a good head on your shoulders after being put through all that bullshit by your parents. That's seriously freaking insane and my heart goes out to you that you had to grow up in those conditions. The fact that you are so level headed and intelligent is shocking. If that were me, I would've flipped my parents the birds and ran away for good, lol. It really sickens me what the f-ing big pharm industry has done to children today. It's sad this is what our world is coming to. I am just so grateful I got off of it for good and now lead a normal life. Anyhow, so you didn't really mention where you are at currently. From the piece you've written here, I'd say you are most likely well medicated still? Do you want to quit? If so, do you have a plan in place? Have you tried in the past? If so, how did it go? I guess more than anything, I just want to know how can we be helpful to you now? Do you have any questions or concerns? I really can't get over your dad. Maybe someone can go check him into treatment somewhere. He definitely needs it!!!!