LILTEX41

Yes, I have ADD. At first ADD drugs were the most magical thing on earth. They solved all my problems. I went on and on about how insanely wonderful they were and I felt like I could conquer the world. Then as time went on, I couldn't imagine my life without them. When I switched from concerta to adderall things deteriorated quickly. Life was amazing as long as I had my pills. When I ran out early, I would fall asleep at my desk at work or spend entire weekends comatose. Anyhow, the point is yes, I have ADD. The pills worked in the beginning, but as I became more and more addicted they took over my life and made me into a crazy person. I am now the same person I was before I took adderall. I am no longer super woman. I am normal, I work hard, and I get by and I've done really well without it. I started my career on ADD drugs. I was scared to death when I stopped my career would fall apart. It didn't. I actually got one hell of a promotion without it. And all the time I was on it, I think it just made me people scared of me. I was very stressed out, super intense, hostile at times, overly energetic, and emotionally all over the place. When I quit, i became a normal human being again and to my surprise I was better off. I know this is probably not what you want to hear right now, but that's my experience anyhow. I will say I do have a friend who is a recovering crack addict. He's been sober for over 15 years. He takes ritalin. He has a prescription. He says sometimes he forgets to take it. I don't know how that works being that he was addicted to crack, but yet not ritalin. Ritalin is no adderall, but still a stimulant and it's addictive. I think everyone is different though. Maybe you can take it and be fine. Nobody can answer this riddle for you unfortunately. What I can tell you is that I've experimented with a lot of things. This was by far the most addictive drug I've ever tried though. It's a sneaky one because you are given a prescription, they are cheap, and it's actually approved for usage. Plus, it makes you productive so you can rationalize how great it is to get high all the time. I guess it's good to know all of this going into it. If you start to feel concerned you can just stop and be done. If it were me though, I'd throw the pills away right now and not risk it. Once you're hooked, it's really hard to walk away from it. Keep us posted!

YES, that is exactly what it did for me! It was like taking a boost of adrenaline that made me CRAVE cigs, booze, and more drugs. It gave me the ability to get blasted for hours on end three times the amount. The intensity and euphoria drove me to just want everything I could get my hands on right in the moment. It made me seriously lose my sanity and just want MORE, MORE, MORE. I am surprised I never had a heart attack. Thank God.

Constipatedquitter, Ha ha. That name is funny. Oh, how I forgot about that problem back when i first quit. I remember I went on 30 day kick of eating pure fiber. I thought I was seriously damaged for life. I remember eating black beans, oatmeal, bananas, apples, and lots of vegetables and water. That did it for me alright! lol No seriously, I even went to a specialist. I thought I was doomed after I quit. Anyhow, I am sorry to hear about your business. The good news is that you accomplished all of that before ever taking adderall so that must give you lots of confidence to know you can do it again without adderall. In your case, it's almost like adderall is equivalent to heroin or crack. It did nothing, but destroy everything good you had going so it will hopefully make it that much easier to quit. Welcome to the community. Glad you are here!

FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOOO HOOO!!!!!!!!

You guys are so awesome! Love it! Yes, it does suck at 2 months clean. Think of it as if you got stuck out at sea on a boat and finally landed on a deserted island. You are all alone with nothing, no electricity, food, house, or anything. You have to figure out how to survive on the island now and each day is a challenge. You have to learn how to catch food, prepare it, build some type of home, and devise a plan how you will get off the island eventually. The good news is you are out of danger being stranded out at sea (imprisoned by adderall addiction) and you now have at least a good chance of survival. Just stay on the island and keep building a new life (learn how to live again without adderall). Do not get back in the boat and drift out to sea or you might get lost out there again. But yeah, TOTALLY NORMAL to be having INTENSE cravings. You are doing great! Glad you are here!

Oh, yes! I'm sure it is loving you about now. Mr. Heart says, "thank you friend!" You saved me! I love the facial expression of that guy, lol. That is totally what I looked like after a bender! Watch out! Here comes crazy, mean, hostile woman! Ready to bite somebody's head off! lol

Hi Cats, This is something I've learned the hard way. I think growing up in AA from a young age taught me I was supposed to be an open book with all my problems and just share everything with everyone. AA didn't work for me, but it took me a long time to figure that out. It might work for some and that's great if it does! However, I had to re-teach myself my own way of recovery. You don't have to share anything about your addictions with anyone. I don't feel it's necessary unless it's in the spirit of helping someone else with the same struggle. It's not that we are hiding things. I think of it more or less like protection. Why give other people something they can use against you or talk anything other than positive about yourself? The past is dead and gone. There is nothing we can do to change any of it. The only day we truly have is today. We can work to change the future. When I look back at my past, I am not proud of a lot of things. But I can rest assure you that without those setbacks, I wouldn't be where am today. I can view all my failures as learning opportunities and use them to my advantage. They were great lessons! And what about your family? Do you think they never made any mistakes? It just seems like you are beating yourself up a lot right now so I stay stop that! You are doing awesome!! And just remember, the only opinion that really matters is the one we have of ourselves. As long as that's in good standing, I don't give a crap what anyone thinks! God bless em!

4 years and 6 months clean today!!! Whooooo hoooo!!!!

Ditto what Grumpy said! That was perfect! Yes, the addictive voice will tell us anything and everything to rationalize using again. Recovery is not always a linear process. Look how great you have done for 3 months! So you got a flat tire along the path of recovery. You hit a bump and now all you got to do is repair the tire and get back on the road to recovery. This is where I found a cost benefit analysis very helpful. I learned it in Smart Recovery. If you are interested, let me know and I'll post the link. I keep mine handy for whenever I want to use again. It's a lost of advantages/disadvantages to using. For me the consequences outweighed any advantages ten fold. Anyhow, don't worry! You can do this! Just keep moving forward to getting better. Take care!

Panic, fear, and exhilaration! (just switched from Olympic triathlon back to Half Ironman - 6 weeks till race)

Saturday (103 mile bike ride) + Sunday (11.16 mile run) = ACCOMPLISHED!

I'm usually in bed by then, but if I am up and available I'll try to chat!

Congrats Grumpy!! You are so helpful in this community. We are lucky to have you! That is fantastic!!

Z, I am so proud of you! You are doing amazing! Recovery is a journey...not a destination. I think about all the things I've learned over the years and it is amazing how you never stop growing. You just keep getting better and better. Even on your worst recovery day...are you not healthier, stronger in so many ways, and moving in the right direction towards your goals? Of course you are! I don't think there is any set time limit on when things will improve for each person. Everyone is different and long as you keep making progress, you will get there! Just enjoy it. I am so happy for you. Ok, and here's another thing I'd like to share regarding weight issues. First of all, be kind to yourself. The food thing can be challenging because we have to eat. It might take a little longer to get to where you want to be, but remember the body is transformable. Weight can always be lost..no matter how long it takes. Don't lose hope! Here is what helps me put it in perspective.In the past, I relapsed on adderall several times due to wanting a quick fix with weight gain. However, what I failed to remember that along with that skinny quick fix, also came insanely unhealthy behaviors. The way I look at it now is I think of the images below. Would I rather have a few extra pounds and have a healthy inner body, or be super skinny and falling apart inside? Healthy Lungs Smoker Lungs Adderall Heart lol Restored Heart from Exercise Healthy Liver VS. Liver from Adderall Drinking Binges Mental Strength!! Rawor!!! Just focus on the good. Congrats again!! Victory!!

Group run at night = HYPER

Now, that's a success story!! You are truly an inspiration. Maybe someday I'll go to grad school too.

That is AMAZING!!!! Congratulations on all of your success! So happy for you!!

Blessed and Encouraged

Grateful for kind people in the world.

I posted the same response on another thread, but thought maybe it would be more relevant to the question you are asking. One of the things that has helped me the most with overcoming my addictions (abused alcohol/drugs as well) was to simply ask myself the question, "Are the risks of trying to moderate worth the consequences?" By stopping everything entirely I risk nothing and guarantee success. It's just simply a heck of a lot easier to turn the switch off and no longer have to worry about it.

Super proud of you!!! Your bright and cheery attitude is awesome for 30 days! Very happy for you!

One of the things that has helped me the most with overcoming my addictions (abused alcohol/drugs as well) was to simply ask myself the question, "Are the risks of trying to moderate worth the consequences?" By stopping everything entirely I risk nothing and guarantee success. It's just simply a heck of a lot easier to turn the switch off and no longer have to worry about it.

Hi there! How are you doing? We are hear to help!

Down

Hi and welcome to the forum! I am very sorry to hear about your father along with the abusive musician. It makes total sense to want to reach for something that will temporarily fix the pain within. From what you said, it sounds like you started taking adderall when you were mentally defeated by these two people and then got caught up in the trap of addiction. There is a way out though! Do not give up! For me the biggest thing I had to learn in recovery is how to change my thinking. People can plant seeds in your mind and if you are not careful, they can become your reality if you let them take root. I think it would be good if you could go back and reprogram your thinking by disputing all the crap your father and that rotten music teacher put in your mind. For every time they said something negative about you, replace it with something positive. Push the DELETE button on all the negative and focus on everything POSITIVE. We are all human and of equal value. We all have strengths and weaknesses. The enemy will try to use you and put you down in order to feel better about themselves. They will look for your weaknesses and push those buttons to use to their advantage. It makes them feel powerful. Don't allow them to do this to you anymore! It's a new day! You gotta take the power back and reprogram your mind with thoughts of victory. (Also, there are a lot of good tools in Smart Recovery that teach how to dispute irrational beliefs. That's where I learned a lot of the ways my thinking was distorted). You said, "I was going to get my shit together, get organized, get in shape, reach out to others, be the person I always envisioned myself being, but never could be." What is stopping you now? You can still be this person! You have your entire life ahead of you! Reprogram your thinking. Delete all the trash in your mind that the enemy planted. Focus on everything you've done in life so far. You have a college degree! You are a BAD ASS MUSICIAN! God has given you this amazing gift. Maybe that teacher was jealous of you and was trying to sabotage you. Don't let him do it anymore! Focus on the joy you can bring to others with your gift. Forgive them for being flawed....deeply flawed..and go flourish. The world needs to hear what you have to say!