LILTEX41

Who knows when you will muster up the courage to try and quit again? You say you'll just refill it one more time, but really??? It's like the famous old saying, "I'll quit tomorrow", but sad thing is tomorrow never comes. If you get it refilled, don't fool yourself...it may be a year from now until you really get back to this place of wanting to quit again. Just something to think about.

Answers: 1. Yes 2. I do not refer to myself as an alcoholic or drug addict. I do not believe in the use of negative labels. The only thing that matters today and that I will say for myself is that I used to have a problem with adderall and now I don't. I am clean today. It's really that simple.

It'll be worth it to be clean in the end. You won't have to go through this cycle of up and down insanity anymore.

You're funny. I wish I could tell you what to do, but I can't. I can tell you what I did though. I took those pills and I threw them in the dumpster. And then when I got out of detox I called my doctor and told them, "Don't ever prescribe those pills to me again. I am addicted and I've been to the ER twice because of them." Once all of that was completed I felt a relief. The weight of the world had been lifted and I was able to stop obsessing about them and start focusing on what I was going to do next in my new life without them.

Just do what feels right for you. And don't give up!

When I look back at all of my past attempts to quit, the first attempt was the hardest. It's because it's so fresh and so new (life without adderall). You have NO IDEA what to expect of being clean after being on this drug and I just remember feeling how I didn't think I could live without it. I thought I'd fail at life without it and it was the only glue that actually held my life together. It wasn't until I had some serious amount of time clean and then relapsed that I was able to really take a look at how awful my life had been while on this drug in comparison to being sober. It caused me so many problems. It made me act irrational, hostile, paranoid, disturbed, stay up for days at a time, constantly sick with weird ailments - always visiting the doctor, isolating and focusing on weird tasks for hours on end, feeling bipolar, and carrying this feeling of angst with me at all times from knowing I was hooked on a drug and had ZERO clue how I'd ever get off it because I thought it was the cure. It was NOT the cure, it was the POISON destroying my life. Try to think of it in that way and stop telling yourself there are advantages to taking it. Just tell yourself there are ZERO advantages from consuming this POISON and trust the people on this site that have been clean for a long time that one day you'll look back and say the same thing. You are so happy to be recovered and enjoying life without it!! Come on, don't give up. You CAN do this!

Without adderall I was able to quit smoking cigarettes, get in the best shape of my life, and complete an Ironman.

FANTASTIC!!! Just look at this experience as a stepping stone bringing you closer and closer to your FULL RECOVERY. Learn from this experience that it was just another seed deposited on the inside showing you how this drug is not bringing you any of the joy, peace, and fulfillment in your life. It was an artificial crutch/high that was not aligning you within your spirit of where you want to be in life. I notice that when I am on the right track, doing the right things each day that resonate as good and healthy within me, that I have this sense of well being. I know that I am where I am supposed to be and I live with this weird sense of genuine purpose that I could not find when I was taking that pill. I felt so out of whack emotionally. It was like my body was a robot of going through the motions, tasks, and processes of life, but my heart was somewhere else. I sense you just got back to a place of victory after getting rid of those pills and that my friend is a treasure and joy you can dwell on and feel good about in your heart. Just dwell on this success today because it is miraculous and exciting!

Congratulations! That's so exciting! Two amazing things to celebrate. Pregnancy plus getting clean. Good year ahead for you! Nice to meet you and welcome to the site!

How are you doing? You hanging in there?

Evie, It's just a flat tire. Dump the pills, fix your flat, and get back on the road!! You still have 6 months! One slip does not take all that hard earned recovery away. If you get off now it will be all that much easier to keep going. If you keep taking them it's only going to make it that much harder to quit. Come on girl! You got this!

This TOO shall pass. Just know that whatever happens for this temporary period while you are quitting is TEMPORARY. It will NOT last forever and it's going to be okay! Hang on and don't lose hope! And start talking words of faith. Repeat them to yourself until to actually start to believe them. Stuff like... I am getting better and better everyday I have a bright exciting future ahead This pain is temporary I am coming into the best year of my life ahead I am strong I am powerful I don't need adderall I got this I CAN do this I fucking rock!

Checking on this for you...will advise.

Awe, I LOVE this!! It's perfect. You hit the nail on the head! Congratulations on your quit and #newawesomelifeafteradderall.

Yes! That's it! You are exactly right! The anxiety starts with an unhelpful thought and then that thought is repeated again and again until one is all worked up into a state of panic. You have to change the unhelpful thoughts into more helpful thoughts (affirmations are good here - I suggest coming up with your own) and along with changing your thinking, just try to concentrate on what is being said. I find asking questions and probing a bit will also ease the situation as you encourage the other person to do all the talking and you are merely just listening and reflecting. It will help take the focus off of you and who doesn't love to talk about themselves. I remember back when I was training for a triathlon how I was so fearful and panicked of the open water swim. My coach had once informed me that for a lot of people, what happens is you get into a race setting, the gun goes off and you start panicking. Then you kick harder and faster and this exactly what NOT to do. I ended up finding a story of a lady who practiced her swimming with a coach in a kayak next to her and would tap her with an oar while she was swimming and make huge waves all around her so she could get mentally prepared for race day. She found the entire thing pretty funny and every time the coach would mess with her she'd laugh. Then when she was racing and someone bumped into her she'd think about the coach doing this and laugh. So I decided to try it and every time someone bumped into me I'd find a way to laugh about it and remind myself to just take a breath, doggy paddle if needed, and calmly find a place to swim that wasn't crowded. I also discovered singing songs helped so as I was swimming (and I'd always make sure to tell myself SLOW and EASY to start) I'd be chanting things in my head like, "I got the eye of the tiger, dancing through the fire, because I am champion and your going to hear me roar oh oh oh" etc. All of these things helped immensely and I no longer suffer from panic attacks on the swim events in tri's. Lastly, I just googled some tips on coping statements for anxiety and these look like some useful tips. These are kind of long winded though. If it were me, I'd generate my own coping statements and make them short sweet so they'd be easy to rehearse in my head while talking to someone. Probably like, "I am a badassbitch. I fear nothing. I got this." http://anxietynetwork.com/content/coping-statements-anxiety Hope this helps. I'm so glad you posted. I love talking to new people and being able to help. Just stick around and before long this will all be a piece of cake!

It sounds to me like it's just going to take some time to develop new neural pathways when it comes to socializing without adderall. It's kind of like being naked around strangers, lol. You got used to having this artificial burst of energy that would make it SO INCREDIBLY easy to talk to people, right? I remember having verbal diarrhea where I would just be like, "Blahblahblahblahblah" to whoever was listening. I literally couldn't contain holding myself from talking. And as I was talking I'd be amazed at how fast the words were coming out and how it just seemed so natural and easy. But then when you quit, it's almost like you're slightly retarded in a way because now what? It's such a drastic change you know? But don't worry, you'll get back to normal eventually. It just takes time.

Hi Quentin, Welcome to the site. I'm glad you found us! You sound like you are at a breaking point and I pray you will find the strength deep within yourself to overcome. You really can do it. I think it's really great that you recognize there is no benefit to this drug and all it's doing is destroying your well being and happiness in life. I've experienced a lot of ups and downs over the course of my life with on/off sobriety. I look back now at the last year of my adderall stint (the 6th year) and see that is was by far the absolute worst year of my life. I had gotten to a point of being messed up 24/7. I'd take adderall all day long, then come home and drink/smoke pot every night. I had never been so depressed in my life. I swore the booze/adderall/pot were the only things that made me happy, but it wasn't until after I got sober I realized how severely depressed I was because of the booze/adderall/pot. I view them now as nothing but poison and have no more desire to live that way today. It has taken me a long time to get to this place in my life, but I am here and I can promise you that life is so much better without them!! Once you wean yourself off all these chemicals and start treating yourself well, you will start feeling better in every way possible. There is so much joy to be found in life without drugs. It's so easy once you are not physically ill anymore. The amount of success I've found in my life since I quit adderall has been amazing. I just want you to know that if you want it bad enough, you CAN do this! And once you reach the other side of the mountain, you will be so glad you did. You still have a lot of life left to live and there is a great life for you waiting if you are willing to free yourself from the prison that you are in. Just keep posting and don't lose hope! Never EVER give up!!

Wow, that was awesome!! Good job!! I would've freaked out and done the same. Proud of you girl!

You got this. You choose to recover and throw that shit away. That's freaking awesome and shows just how much strength you have. Proud of you grumpy!!!

Have you heard of the Law of Attraction? Whatever you focus on you will draw in to yourself. Therefore, if you keep repeating that you will never be who you were on adderall and you are not sure how to like yourself without adderall then you will keep being miserable. You have to act as if. You have to start telling yourself who and what you want to be without adderall first and daily until it becomes your reality. So for example: I am so grateful I am RECOVERED from adderall I am so healthy and emotionally stable without adderall I am stronger for having traveled down this road and pulling myself out of this addiction I am victorious, awesome, and everyday I am getting better and better I am FREE from this self destructive poison and I am now excited about my future and to discover who I am without it I am HEALED I am Intelligent I am HAPPY I have a positive attitude and attract good things wherever I go These are just some examples, but I'm sure you get the point. Try creating these for yourself for whatever you want. If you dream it, set the intention, believe it, then it will manifest. If you keep telling yourself negative self defeating thoughts, then those will manifest. Focus on the positive, happy, healthy thoughts, and you will see your life start to improve and generate positive happy feelings instead of dark depressing ones. You got this!

18 months is awesome!!! He's stupid. Just crush him the next time you see him with your pointer finger and your thumb like the fonz does in The Waterboy. ;0)

Good job!! Just keep moving forward. You're doing great!

Hi Here Today! I have good news for you! There is a way out of the maze and you are already out of it!!! The solution is easy. You just stay out of that maze permanently moving forward. If you take that bite of cheese again, it will trap you and keep you stuck. Let's come up with an alternative plan. Like Smhjen mentioned above, just DO IT!!! Call the doctor and tell them. Rip the band aid off and just start moving forward. Imagine you have two roads. You can walk down the road that will lead you to the maze and walk right back in. You already know what's waiting for you inside. It's a vicious cycle of highs and lows, isolation, and your own self imposed prison. OR imagine yourself discovering a NEW road and taking it instead. At the end of this road there is an abundant life waiting for you of WHATEVER YOU WANT. You can work on getting all those things back you mentioned above and still doing a decent job at work. And who knows...maybe you'll surprise yourself by what you can actually achieve without it. Tell yourself you are just as capable without it and it was smoke and mirrors anyhow holding you back anyhow. It has been destroying the rest of your life like you said. We should think of our lives like a pie wheel and each section is just a small piece of overall life satisfaction. If say, you are spending all your time in your "career" section to the exclusion of 4 or 5 other sections, then how is it beneficial again? You see how the argument and justifications you tell yourself when work starts are all really a bunch of crap. You can still have a good/decent career without it. And imagine how much better you'll feel when you are rested, exercising, feeling good about your friendships/loved ones/family, at the beginning of your workday. Try to set goals in the other areas of your life that have nothing to do with work and getting ahead and see how your overall sense of well being begins to feel good again. It doesn't happen over night and it's definitely a process, but I swear to you it's worth it. It'll be worth it when you have your life back and your brain is not addicted to this destructive poison that is sabotaging the REST of your life. Just remember you have the choice to end this right now. Stay out of the trap and you won't be trapped any longer. Fly free my friend!! lol I"m dead serious. You CAN do it!! All the best!

What's going on z?? You okay?

This an amazing post!!!! Thank you so much for sharing the timeline. I think a lot of people will definitely be able to benefit from seeing that. You have been a great inspiration and hope to others here. I just started eating a lot of vegan meals myself and I can honestly say I cannot believe the difference it's making so far. I just feel like the food cravings have vanished and I feel so incredibly nourished. It's amazing the changes that take place when you eat a crap ton of fruits and veggies. I really think this is the key to so many health problems in our society today. I lived off all processed foods for really the last 20 years or so and I swear I can now see how eating all that junk caused depression, anxiety, mood swings, and eating issues. It feels great to finally be this healthy. Glad to see you found that for yourself as well. Anyhow, congrats on 4 years! That is truly an amazing accomplishment and it's great to see how far you've come!