LILTEX41

Lauren, I've been listening to a good book today called, "This Naked Mind." She did rip off some material from other books and I find that annoying, but she has a lot facts and statistical data to back up her points about alcohol that the other books did not have. Anyhow, the points she and others make against the case for alcohol can be used in the same manner for adderall. IF we can change our warped perspective that we are getting benefits from alcohol/adderall and see them as the actual addictive poisons that they are, we can help rid ourselves of the belief that we are being deprived of not taking them. I know it feels scary to stop taking this drug that you've grown up on, but maybe try to change your perspective. For example, "Wow, I can't wait to be rid of this toxic poison that has stunted my growth for almost half of my life and discover the awesome person I am underneath! How great will it be to no longer be addicted, enslaved, and have all the natural energy back I had prior to taking this drug?! How awesome will it be for all of these nasty side effects to go away and feel healthy and naturally good again. All these other people have recovered and look how much better they're doing without it! Ok, now step 2 would be coming up with a plan to quit. Decide if you want to taper or go cold turkey. This is completely up to you. There are lots of good articles Mike has posted the site about how to do either one. It helps to have social support so you can join the 30 day challenge and post your progress on the site. If you want face to face support, there are local meetings in the area. I actually go to a Smart Recovery meeting on Monday nights. Would love to meet you there if you're interested. It's usually about 8-9 people. It's a good group. Very supportive. Just glad you are here and wishing you the best on your journey. It really doesn't have to be painful at all. Life is so much easier once you're free. You get so much extra time to do anything and all you ever wanted. You can become whoever you want to be and really get to know yourself inside and out. You don't have to lie or hide anything from anyone. You get to have the monkey off your back and get yourself healthy mentally and physically. It's a gift and pleasure to be free and out of this mess. Wishing you the best!

Hi Bones, I am so sorry to hear your family is struggling like this right now. I can offer you some perspective based on my own story and maybe that can help. I don't know if it will, but here is what I kind of gather of this situation. First of all, when someone is addicted to drugs, just know it doesn't mean they don't love you or your kids. Their DOC (drug of choice) comes first. It is the number one most important thing in their life. They are hooked and 100% dependent on it for emotional, psychological, and every reason known to man. They have become so attached to it, that they cannot comprehend life without it. They may not even be aware that they have placed it as the most important thing in their lives. All they know is they need it, depend on it, and anything which stands in the way of their love affair feels incomprehensible. I remember when I moved 1200 miles away and I was so GRATEFUL I could finally just have my adderall and drink without anyone watching me or trying to control me. I could just take as much as I needed for the first time in my life and could get away with it. However, I wasn't in a good place and once I was all alone with my DOC, it was pretty much the most awful feeling in the world. For me, it took going to the ER twice, detox, and outpatient to finally say enough was enough of this drug and never go back on it. I had gone through several attempts to quit up until this point and it wasn't until I went to the ER for the second time that I finally thought, "Ok, seriously I have a problem here. I am defeated." It would've been great had I not have sunken that low in order to recover, but that's what it took. Looking back now, if I would've had other prescriptions going on top of the adderall such as oxycodene (downer) I probably wouldn't have overdosed and landed in the hospital. I could've kept the whole cycle going on longer. I feel grateful that I never had access to more. Has she ever admitted she has a problem or that she would like to get well? Does she have any desire to quit? If she doesn't, it appears you might be up against a losing battle. If you try to control her or force her to quit, it will only make her want to do it more and make everything worse. She will resent you and pull farther away. At some point, if she has no willingness to break free from this, then you have some decisions to make. You have to do what's best for yourself and your children. Wishing you all the best.

Awe, you guys are so sweet! Much love to all of you!! <3

Hi Todaydeterminestomorrow! Funny, but your profile name is exactly right. The choices we make today determines what will happen tomorrow. I like that. Ok, so you caved. Remember, this is your first time quitting and trying to quit a highly addictive drug like this is very challenging on all accounts. You have an addiction to this pill that has been growing steadily over the days, weeks, months, and possibly years? Point is this is going to take some effort to kick and it's not always easy. There are going to be some days that are easier than others (love and cherish these days!) and some days it's just going to suck. You are going to get cravings and urges and if you don't do something productive with these cravings (positive thinking towards this drug) then you will end up taking it again. I found Smart Recovery very helpful for exactly this reason. They have a variety of tools available that can help you deal with these. For example, one of my favorites is called, "Playing the tape forward." With this tool you just play the entire scenario out in your head before you act on the urge. So instead of just focusing on all of the positive short term effects you will feel from giving in, you think about it until the next day. Like I might imagine myself taking it, feeling excited, euphoric, doing a million things, then how I would need to come down eventually, and how I would end up drinking like 9 beers, smoking pot, and sleeping 2 hours and wake up feeling AWFUL. And then I'd think about how I will need another pill the next day to cope from the hangover, and how i will be right back in the entire trap again. I think about all the darkness it brought me and all the BAD stuff and how in the long term this is not going to work. It is a short term fix and I will need to keep taking it to keep producing the same effect. I will need to keep taking more and more of it to produce that effect. It will destroy my health, relationships, emotional stability, happiness, induce paranoia, and leave me totally void, empty, and feeling trapped. If you stayed off of it for 3 weeks, that is awesome! You obviously had managed and overcome many cravings during that time. You know you CAN do it again. For me, I have to catch my urges and realize I am having them before they get out of control. Sometimes I am not even aware of it. Like I can simply see a picture of someone on Facebook posting a picture of a margarita and then next thing I know I am finding myself feeling depressed and wanting to drink. The longer these thoughts keep going and your addicted brain begins going to work and finding every rationalization or excuse to come up with a case as to why it's probably a good idea to go ahead and have a drink or take a pill. That's where these tools are really useful. I have a lot of them on my iPhone notes. I just get that thing out and refer to them when these thoughts pop into my head. They call it the 3 p's. Practice, Patience, and Perseverance (or something like that). You just have to get good at practicing resistance to the cravings and you will slowly grow this muscle of resistance much in the same way of working out. The more you practice refusing the stronger you will become and the cravings become less and less frequent. Once you cave and give in, they call that feeding the pig. The more you feed it, the hungrier it gets. I think it's also key to keep reminding yourself that adderall is a highly addictive drug. Anyone who takes it is at risk for becoming addicted. Sure, you might be okay in the beginning, but it's the drug not you. It's addictive by nature and the best thing you can do to stay out of the trap by breaking free and remaining as far away from it as possible. Don't be so hard on yourself. I've slipped TONS of times. But I've always got right back on track. Just know it's a slip and don't let it derail all your progress from 3 weeks. You still have those 3 weeks! Just don't give up and keep moving forward!

Hi Lauren. I live in Columbus, OH.

Hi Jeffersontbs, I wish I had a crystal ball and could tell you exactly what will happen to your career, but truth is I don't know. I can tell you what happened to me and maybe that could help give you hope though. But first, the big question you've asked, "Is it worth it to become happy and healthy again?" ABSOLUTELY!!! I was once athletic and strong too before taking adderall. In 2002 I actually ran my first marathon and qualified for the Boston Marathon. I had been sober during the 8 months leading up to the marathon of course, but what made me really sad was the fact I ended up relapsing pretty soon after that on alcohol and then later on got hooked on adderall. I then went on a 5-6 year span of severe adderall addiction and became a chain smoker. Hard to believe you can go from qualifying for the Boston Marathon to a chain smoker, right? Thanks adderall!! Anyhow, here is what happened to me with my career on adderall. I started ritalin when I got my first steady job. I stayed in the same field for those 5 years and got a few promotions. Right when I got a promotion as a supervisor, my adderall use had grown severely out of control. I was feeling very excited at first for this role, but as more was expected out of me and the more I began popping more pills. It was like the snowball effect. Suddenly, not only was I worried about my job performance, but managing others as well and to make matters worse, it was a highly dysfunctional group. There were all these little cliques of people backstabbing one another and trying to get each other fired. It was too much and I kept popping more adderall. And you know what happens when you take too much adderall. It does NOT make you emotionally stable. Let's just say that. It was a disaster. I ended up in the ER, then taken to a psych ward, then they realized I just needed to detox. I stayed there 7 days. 7 freaking days!! Anyhow, I finally just dug myself into the ground and decided I needed to get off those pills more than anything. I decided I needed to be as stress free as possible and get far away from all that drama. It was just too much to deal with and it wasn't worth it. I actually resumed my previous position and switched to the night shift for a year. It was a tad bit hard on my ego, but in the end it was worth it. I used my extra days off to get really healthy again and I trained for an Ironman. After the Ironman I changed jobs and started completely over from scratch with a new company. Again, this took a good year before I felt like I even really knew what I was doing, but I decided to move and get yet another job. Anyhow, because I had spent an entire year at this company sober and worked really hard with no drama and nothing but a good clean reputation, I tried to quit, but they didn't like that at all. They made me this incredible offer and I got big pay raise, bonus, and now work from home. It may not be perfect, but it's a heck of a lot better than all the crap I was dealing with before. More than anything though, this whole experience just proved to me that I am so much better off adderall free. I built my entire existence with this new company from scratch not knowing a thing. I had no adderall. I just showed up everyday and did the best I could and kept to myself. Being sober is of course what has helped me more than anything though. I just think more than anything, sometimes you have to take one step back in order to move two steps forward. If you miss one opportunity to save your entire life in the process, then hell yeah, it's worth it. Just know that the more stress you take on..it's probably not going to be helpful to you in either case right now. If you are adderall free, then it will be asking too much. But if you are still taking adderall, it may just lead you further into spinning out of control. Either way, just take care of yourself and know that you are worth the extra time and effort it takes to overcome this. Wishing you the best! Keep us posted on how you're doing. I love reading all the success stories here. There is kinda a magical spirit that drifts around this board. Hope it catches you.

I just want to say I love the power of this site! This is such a unique journey and it's so awesome there are people here to help get you through it! I've been off of it so long now I have a hard time relating to those of you just getting clean because I just don't remember it as well. What I can tell you is that I am so far over the hump I don't even think about it. It's kind of like an old boyfriend (or girlfriend) that once broke your heart and you thought you'd never be able to love again. But then 10 or 20 years go by and you can't even remember their name. You no longer struggle because it's simply in the past. The cravings are gone. And you can even come to this site and talk about it without feeling triggered. All I can tell you is that I have gone through a lot of different phases in my life. I've gone through a lot of ups and downs. I've been addicted to adderall. I've at times been a hard core binge drinker and used other drugs. The best I've EVER felt in all my ups and downs are the times when I have done a lot of running, biking, lifting, and exercise of whatever kind outdoors. You get your heart pumping and you get all those endorphins naturally from exercise, I promise you, you will feel like a million bucks. You won't even need any anti-depressant because exercise is the best medication out there. Do that and do some yoga outside and learn to meditate when you get stressed out. It is hard work in the beginning, but the more you do it, the more you will find it getting easier and you will be hooked on it. It will get better. Just hang in there!! You got this!!!

Hi, and welcome! I think that's how most of us start out - with good intentions. Even if we know there might be some risks involved, the doctor prescribed it, right? IF the doctor says it's OK, then surely I must follow the doctor's orders. So low and behold we come to figure out that the doctor screwed us. He didn't intentionally screw us though, after all he was just doing his job and he had been trained that it was in fact ok to give this "medication" to people with this disorder. Basically, let's just get started on the right food. 1) Forgive yourself for making a choice that at the time you made it felt like the right thing to do. 2) Forgive the doctor for making a choice that at the time seemed like the right thing to do. After all, we are all just doing the best we can at any moment with the current set of skills, beliefs, and abilities we have at that time. Let's be kind to ourselves and move forward without carrying that extra weight around. Ok, so now let's get to your current situation. You failed to mention this to your fiancé. Maybe you have kept it hidden from him due to fear he might not approve and leave you. Again, you were trying to make the best decision at the time to protect yourself. I'm guessing you've been conflicted about taking this "medication" for quite some time now. There is one part of you that says, "How could I possibly live without this drug now?" and another part of you that knows, "This is not right. Nothing about taking this feels right." It's scary to be in limbo like this. I know I was all jacked up when I got to that point. And the more I thought about quitting, the more panic I would feel and the more I'd try to hide it. Yet at the same time, how awful is it to be isolated, alone, and tweaking out on this drug with nobody to discuss it with? It feels pretty sucky. For me, it wasn't until I talked to friend that had been hooked on pills (oxy and all kinds of stuff) and she explained what pill addiction looked like. That pretty much made it crystal clear to me and then I knew there was only one thing I needed to do - QUIT. I feel like you are at that place now. I feel like you know what you need to do, but you are scared to take action. Here's the deal. Will you ever recover and have the energy you need to do as working mother? Yes, absolutely! Will it suck for the first 3 months? Yes, most likely. BUT once you are over the hump, it will get easier. AND how good will it feel once you come clean to your fiancé and are no longer carrying this giant weight around that's freaking you out constantly? Going into a marriage with this hanging over your head is probably not for the best. Break free now and start the marriage off on a good note. Push the wedding back if you have to. Recover and start your new awesome life! Look at all the people here that are free now. There are lots of success stories and those of us to testify your life will improve in the long run. The short term part of this endeavor sucks. Just know that going in, but it will GET BETTER and you will have all the energy you need. Just have faith and know that there is HOPE. Forgive yourself, love yourself, and come clean. You will be so much stronger in the long run when you come out on the other side of this. The internal well being you'll feel inside is WORTH it. Don't give up! Hugs!

That's awesome!!!! Congratulations!!!

In this segment, he talks about how they diagnosed him with bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed with the same thing, but it was the adderall that made me bipolar. I have been fine for over 5 years since I've been clean with no type of bipolar behavior. They also thought I might be schizophrenic. This is the type of behavior you will see when dealing with an adderall addiction. But of course there also might be co-occuring mental disorders going on as well. It's pretty common to have more than just the addiction that needs addressed. I just hope you take care of yourself. At some point, if he is not wanting to get better you might have to walk away. It could be the clarity that he needs.

I want to say more, but I have to start working. For now, I want to share with you a story. I feel like this isn't a coincidence. So, my brother is part of a group in charge of putting on a concert here in the summer time and recently texted me they got the band lined up. It's going to be Creed. I was excited when I learned this because I was pretty sure the head member is sober now and dealt with an adderall addiction. I googled it and came across this article. His story sounds eerily similar to your boyfriend's. http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/creed-frontman-scott-stapp-prescription-drug-abuse-led/story?id=30996539

Hi Traceme, First of all, you sound very supportive and it's obvious you love him so much. He's lucky to have you on his side! I think you hit the nail on the head about him switching from alcohol to adderall. To me, this is absolutely a case of transfer addiction. He's using these substances to manage his thoughts and emotions. You mentioned he thinks he is in recovery because he quit drinking. I'm going to take a wild guess and assume he rationalized the adderall as ok to take because the doctor gave him a prescription. I call this a back door approach to getting high again. Our addict brain is sneaky and 9 times out of 10 it wants what it wants - to get high. You didn't mention if the two of you have discussed any of this yet. Does he know how you feel? Has he mentioned ever wanting to quit? Has he ever admitted to you in any way he might have a problem? You mentioned his delusions. Yes, he absolutely believes they are real. The scary part when you are high on adderall is that you do believe the delusions are real, but you also know they do sound crazy. So many times, I would try not to tell anyone what was going on with me because whenever I did make that mistake, I'd be attacked like crazy and it would just make me more mad because I'd feel like they weren't listening to me and then mocking me at the same time. I would then isolate because in my mind I knew I was right and they were wrong. It wasn't until I was sober for a long time I could look back and say "Wow, I really was out of my mind during those times and everyone else was right." All of this stuff is pretty heavy and it's going to take some serious work to overcome. However, the fact he stopped drinking is really great news and it does make me believe if he started to see how this is actually hurting him in so many ways, maybe he could find the motivation to want to stop. Don't lose hope, but if I were you I might try to take a step back from him for awhile and try to put some emotional distance between yourself and him. You have to take care of yourself too. It's not just him that all of this is impacting. I would maybe look into some counseling perhaps if you find yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place . Just know that you can't do this for him, but what you can do is try and help point him in a positive direction. Have you heard of Smart Recovery? It's an alternative to 12 steps. You mentioned he didn't complete the steps so I am assuming he went to AA meetings. You could always refer him to Smart if he was in fact looking for other options. They have online meetings and smaller face to face meetings. There is also an online family and friends weekly chat meeting you could try. You may even want to try that before initiating any conversation about all of that with him. I think it would be helpful if you had support from people that were in your situation. Here's a link to their calendar. You just have to register and then you can attend an online meeting or go to the forums. http://www.smartrecovery.org/community/calendar.php#.Vs51xMc7nR0 I read a good book once for family and friends. It's called, "Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness help change people." More than anything though, just make sure to take care of yourself. It's great you reached out for help. I sure do hope he finds the help he needs and the motivation to want to come out of this. It's not an easy struggle. But at the some token, you can't do it for him either. I pray he will find his way and I pray you guys can come out of this together and stronger than ever. All the best Lil Tex

First of all, LOVE your profile pic! I got a little nervous for you reading this at first too, but now feel relieved to know you resisted. Wow, that would've been hard for me too. I had a similar experience with pot after I had a little relapse back last summer. I kept finding random pieces here and there and at one point actually picked it up and smelled it. I immediately threw it down the sink and that was that. But yeah, it's kinda freaky when that stuff pops up in front of your face like that. Way to keep moving forward!

Hi Nancy, Welcome to the site. How's the quit going? It's great you're taking a break. Have you had any issues with urges since you quit?

Hi Jen, I have not been to an NA meeting, but I've attended lots of AA meetings over the course of my life. I have kind of struggled in this area for some time because I don't do AA, but the face to face contact and support network is incredible. You can always go to a meeting at almost any time of day and find people who are going through the same struggles. I tend to go to AA meetings still now every now and then still sometimes. I usually go with a friend and we go out to dinner or grab coffee before. If people question me on why I don't go to more meetings and all the aa stuff, I just tell them I do Smart Recovery and that's my main program. That usually gets people to leave me alone. I try to take away the good stuff that I feel relevant. Someday, it won't freak you out anymore about not having a stimulant. It just takes a long vacation away from them to get used to the new normal. It will all be worth it down the road. Just hang in there!!

Send it to me!

Here's the deal. This is a process and it's going to take some time to adjust to figuring out who you are without this stimulant. I would recommend no major changes in your life that are going to cause any additional stress during this period. Keep everything the same until you feel a sense of normalcy in your life again and feel grounded. You are not in the right frame of mind to make life altering decisions, changes, and all that stuff. Just keep it very simple right now and as easy as possible. Adderall is euphoric. It makes you feel like you love everything and everyone when you're high. It's easy to get caught up with someone for all the wrong reasons. You are tweaking out and like doing cart wheels when you're on speed. But then the crash comes and you suddenly you are down in the dumps and deeply discouraged, depressed, and feel like a mac truck ran over you. Both of these periods of highs and lows are not reality. The way you are feeling is a direct result of being on and off this drug. Within time you'll start to come back to a place of homeostasis. Once you reach that point of emotional stability and achieve an overall sense of well being again, then feel free to make the harder decisions. Until then, just try to take it easy and don't worry too much about the sense of doom and gloom you may feel right now. It will pass.

Truly awesome!!!! Congratulations!!

Wow, this is great stuff! I am so glad they are really finally getting it!! Thank you for sharing this! Here are the links to the other parts of the article just in case anyone needs quick reference. Part I http://www.huffingtonpost.com/larry-diller/the-united-states-of-adderall_b_8914480.html Part II http://www.huffingtonpost.com/larry-diller/united-states-of-adderall-part-ii_b_9066290.html Part III http://www.huffingtonpost.com/larry-diller/the-united-states-of-adderall-part-iii_b_9095146.html

Chat is fixed Y'all!

Yep, you'll be fine. Keep going!

Whoooo hoooo!!! That's fantastic!! So glad to hear it!

Ha! Alright, you got me. I was just thinking maybe your addictive voice was trying to be sneaky and come up with ways to rationalize why your use might not have been as bad as others and therefore give you a reason to justify going back on the pills again. Like if you could tell yourself you weren't technically a "drug addict" then it would be totally cool to use again.

See, I assumed wrong! Glad I asked. All good!

Smhjen, I used to do the same thing. Run out of add and get white. Out of curiosity, why are you asking? I have a feeling I know why you're asking, but I don't want to assume anything.