LILTEX41

I remember feeling this way 5 and a half years ago, WOW. Your post just hit so close to home. I had been clean for 3 months and then I went back on them and within 3 weeks I was GONE. I was up for days, not eating, and just a mess. I was so high the last night I had them, but I had a conversation with my ex and he basically screamed at me to throw them away. I just knew I had to do it and I couldn't worry about the future. I just had to get rid of them because I was going downhill FAST. What happened? Well, it's 5 and a half years later now and I am still clean. Don't worry about anything right now. Just know you ripped the bandaid off and everything can and will be okay from here on out. You will no longer be paranoid, hallucinating, and out of your mind. You will get your sanity back and that's what's most important! It will get better. Happy for you. Way to go!

Here is a big hug blue moon!!! I'm having a rough time right now too in this area of my life if that makes you feel any less alone. It's not easy letting go, but there comes a point like you said, you just know it is the right choice to make. I just keep telling myself how I overcame so many previous relationships in the past and the hurt is temporary. I know it won't last forever. I find it really encouraging though when I look back over the course of my clean time and seeing different obstacles I overcame without turning back to alcohol/drugs. It will just make us stronger in the end. You are so close to 6 months!! That's awesome! Thinking of you and sending love!

Hi Cindyka, I think he needs to know how you feel. I would explain to him pretty much everything you explained to us and be very clear on how he's changed since taking this drug and how it's effecting you. He needs to know the damage it's causing to the relationship. It doesn't sound like he'll be very receptive to this conversation as from the sounds of it, he is in the height of adderall bliss and most likely feels totally justified by having a prescription that he would probably fight whatever negative things you say about it. However, he needs to know exactly how you feel and what it is doing to you and your marriage. At least that way if you pull away, he'll know why and maybe he could start contemplating if possibly it might be worth quitting someday. I wouldn't get your hopes up right now though. I would start looking for a support group in whatever capacity to help you through the tough times. By support group I really just mean a group of people you meet every week on a consistent basis that can open up to and feel emotionally supported. Please keep us posted and best wishes.

I have never read anything on that guy, but I just know he helps people get out of debt. I wish I could be of more help to you. I took anti depressants for the first 4-5 months after I quit. It seems like you are at a place where they definitely might be helpful. No need to feel bad about it!!! You just gotta do whatever works best for you. There is no one exact road to getting better. Thank you for continuing to share with us. We're rooting for you!

That stinks. I didn't think about the cost. That was a dumb idea. What about just getting all your problems out on paper and then maybe trying to come up with a strategy one by one? Break them apart into smaller manageable pieces and find some sort of action step for each. If debt is an issue, you could take action by checking out Dave Ramsey and seeing what he suggests. Here's a quick link. http://www.daveramsey.com/baby-steps/?snid=start.steps. Maybe just get an outline going of figuring out what's wrong and what needs to be addressed might help you feel less overwhelmed. Just figure out what is causing you the stress and then take action on it. Actually, is it a combination of stress and depression? Why do feel hopeless? Is it because you miss the adderall euphoria? What were you like before you got on adderall? Were you anywhere near the same way? If not, it sounds like you are going through PAWS.

Frank, I think it sounds like you need more of a life coach or therapist. Maybe someone who can help you find answers to the life problems you are having. Those are serious issues and it's totally understandable why you are feeling that way. I think if you can find ways to keep tackling the issues head on one by one, you'll feel better. No pill is going take solve the issues you are having. I mean they will make you not care about them as much, but to me it just sounds like you could use some outside help coming up with an action plan for everything. Just a thought.

Looking back I absolutely can guarantee the reason why I personally used to want to eat everything once coming off adderall is because when I was on it, I ate next to nothing. Not to mention I ate mostly garbage food. On top of that I was drinking a lot of alcohol which made me dehydrated. My body was literally starving for nutrition. Once the appetite suppressant is gone, I think the body comes back full force demanding to be fed. If you eat the wrong food though, you will still feel hungry and starved because the body needs key nutrients and minerals. That's my best guess!

5 mile run done in the sunshine today. Feeling good!

How many days have you been on them? The quicker you get them out of your system and decrease the amount of time you've been on them should help.

Next Chapter

Good job!!!! That is great!!! And I love your ticker and profile pic. Beautiful.

Just a flat tire on the road of your recovery. Pull of the road, change it, and get right back on the highway! You beat this thing for 8 weeks SOLID. That's awesome! Sometimes we have to take one step back to move 2 steps ahead. When I get urges and all that junk, I don't blame the urges on myself. Instead, I blame it on the dark side and evil spirits that have tripped me up in my time of weakness and overtaken me. They are out to destroy us. Yes, I feel weird saying that, but I really do believe this stuff. Cast those bastards off and turn toward the light. You got this!!!

Anti-depressants made me lethargic, fat, and not care about anything. But some people like them. I was on them for the transition from day 1 up to 5 months and then i weaned myself off all the shit they had me on. Looking back that is probably why I stayed clean. I was tranquilized in a fog of serotonin. I did get fat though. I just slept, ate, and didn't care about anything. As soon as I got off all of it, my anxiety was back and I started exercising like crazy. Lost the weight in a good amount of time. It might be worth it to just suck it up and say. "Screw it I am going to do whatever it takes to get off adderall for good and if that means I have to gain a few lbs, f-it. It'll be worth it when I am free of adderall for the rest of my life." Looking back, I seriously think I would've relapsed in that period had I not been tranquilized. Just a thought.

I was going to suggest trying to taper first and see if you can do it that way. It sounds like you already tried that and found it didn't work. Now, I would try plan B: quit cold turkey, but make sure you carve out a good chunk of time that you can be utterly lethargic and sleep. Maybe take a week vacation if possible?

Sounds good Frank, but if you feel you need to talk come visit!!

Wow, yesterday was my 6 month anniversary of quitting drinking again! We have the same quit time. Cool!! Congratulations!!! So happy for you!!!! :0)

Done

You okay?

I'm not sure how you find out, but here is the link to the batch i took that landed me in the ER. Read all the comments starting from 2009 though, not the more recent ones. Crazy. You could call the manufacturer and ask possibly? http://www.aboutlawsuits.com/generic-adderall-recall-barr-dextroamphetamine-amphetamine-5459/

Just finished a cycling tour. We did 112 miles on Sat and then 112 miles back on Sunday. This girl is tired!!

You know I woke up having a bad morning so far, but this just totally turned my mood around into smiles and excitement for you!! Wow, words can't describe the feelings I have after reading this. So happy for you!!!!! Hugs!

I am so glad you found us! You're in the right place. Just know you can do this! I am pulling for you! This is an amazing journey you are about to embark on and one that will change you for the better in the end...as long as you are willing to stay the course and persevere through some hard times. It's by no means easy getting off that shit, but just know there are lots of us here who are doing it and come out on the other side. Whether or not you decide to tell your fiancé is completely up to you, but in IMO it would be a lot better if you knew you had his support and encouragement trying to quit. A good support system is extremely helpful. Keep posting and know that we are here to help!

Ya girl!!!

Back in full swing for half ironman training. Rode 60 miles yesterday and ran 8.5 miles today. Feeling stronger than ever!

You go girl! Get it girl!!