LILTEX41

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! (to Teamwin, Frank, and Flow too!) That is so exciting you guys!!! There must be something about this week in November that makes the perfect quitting time!! I am so happy for all of you. What a joy it's been to share the journey and watch you progress to getting back to some normal healthy living again. Way to go!!!

Hell yeah what Frank said! If you are being tricked you need it really quick to lose weight, remember that it is not a permanent solution to weight loss. It's only a temporary quick fix and if you go back to it again, you'll re-enter the adderall trap. Outside of the trap you are free to figure out permanent solutions to any of the issues being dependent on this drug will fix temporarily. You've made it all the way to the end of your taper!! Congratulations!!

Thanks HC! So thankful for your support along the way! I am by no means advocating 1 path to recovery though. There are all kinds of recovery programs out there. I think the most important thing is just to find one that you connect with and get plugged in. Being in contact with other people on with the same goals is a sure way to stay motivated, encouraged, supported, and on the right track. This site is my favorite place of all of course! More than anything, I just wanted to share my individualized path that I created on my own account that's worked for me. I'm sure everyone on this site has their own recovery method that has helped them along the way. I have so much more I could add to this list, but it would go on forever, lol. I totally forgot to add mediation and yoga! Along with seeking therapy as well. I think that's probably a great step for those that can afford it. Hopefully, with the new pres in office, they'll work to come up with an actual affordable health care system so those of us who really could use some help can actually get it!!

Whooooo hoooo!!!! Congratulations to him!! That is fantastic!

Thank you BlueMoon!! Means a lot. Never thought I'd actually make it this far!! You almost have 1 year too!!! Yay!!!!! Yes, Joel is such a great motivational speaker. He always lifts me up when I start dragging down back into the swamp land of negative thoughts. I'm so glad you found him helpful too!! P.s. I feel naked without my old screen name, but I decided it was time to let go of LilTex as I no longer live in Texas. Feels so weird to put my real name on this site. Ahhhhh!!! Scary, but fun!

Gooooood morning everyone! This week has been amazing. I celebrated 1 year sober and 6 years clean from adderall. It has not always been easy, but reviewing my history I just wanted to take a minute and share what has worked for me personally. I was in a bit of a funk yesterday and it wasn't until this morning I remembered the most helpful things I've done in recovery. Here are the top things that I've done that have helped. 1. Alerted the doctor I am addicted, went to the ER for an adderall overdose, and to NOT prescribe these pills ever to me again. 2. Quit all substances 3. Exercise - joining running/biking/triathlon club teams have been immensely helpful and fun. I feel so immensely good after exercise and I always try to remember how awful it felt to wake up hungover and feeling like shit in comparison. The best I've ever felt in my life was when training for races and I would rather spend the rest of my life feeling that good physically than go back to feeling sick, hungover, tweaked out, always getting sick, and feeling exhausted. 4. Smart Recovery - Used the tools available to combat urges and cravings. The lifestyle balance worksheet and VACI (vitally absorbing creative interest) worksheets were great too because it helped me resolve to rebuild my life with finding fun things to do instead of just constantly dwelling on no longer using drugs/alcohol. 5. Allen Carr's books along with This Naked Mind - These books are outstanding to help reprogram my mind in the way that I thought about drugs/alcohol so that instead of feeling deprived I actually started feeling relieved that I no longer need that junk to be happy. If you remove the desire, then you are seriously FREE! 6. The Law of Attraction using affirmations. So the other HUGE part of everything is changing your thinking patterns. This all started for me when I found Joel Osteen. I was never a huge religious person or anything, but what he preaches is off the charts amazingly wonderful messages. I believe his messages are all based on the law of attraction and that is you will become whatever it is you are telling yourself. So within this, if you are constantly dwelling on thoughts of defeat then that is what you will have. You have to start dwelling on thoughts of victory. Use affirmations and do them every single day. The power of, "I am." I am blessed. I am sober. I am healthy. I am strong. I am recovered. I am peaceful. I can handle this. I got this. I can do this. Take off the negative labels you call yourself and rebrand yourself with something positive. Labels are NOT helpful and if you call yourself by a negative label that is what you will be so why not call yourself something POSITIVE. You have to speak out what you want before you believe it and as you keep speaking it out - it will come to be. 7. Diet I used to restrict myself with certain food groups for long periods of time like 6 months. This has always erupted badly for me and I do not recommend it. This is one area I don't quite have fixed yet, but the answer I always come back to is STOP RESTRICTING and eat normally. I know not everyone that takes adderrall has issues in this area, but a lot of people do and I think that is why we turn to adderall in the first place. From everything I've learned on this subject, all I know is watch the way children eat. Watch your normal eater friends who are slim and are never dieting and eat everything. This is normal eating and it is the answer to a good relationship with food that will keep you from insanity. Ok friends, that is all. God bless you all in your struggles and I pray you will find peace in your struggles and find happiness you all deserve! Much love! Erin

Thank you quit-once!! Means a lot!!

OMG - 6 YEARS!!!!!!

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post!!! Can't say it enough this morning. Wow, that is amazing what you've already accomplished in your recovery and so inspiring for others to read. Congratulations!!!! Thank you for sharing this with everyone!!

Good job Phil Eaton!

1 year since my last drink today!

Happy

Distraught, yet still sober.

Hi amh! Thanks so much for your post. Yes, would love to hear your story. To answer your questions, I took adderall and drank heavily for a total of 6 years. I did not ever have my liver/kidneys checked. I am pretty sure my health is good to go now as I've exercised like an insane person for the past 6 years. I may've had some issues back then when I first quit though. Not sure exactly. Now back to your current story. Yes, I know exactly what you mean by the merry go round. I have a few Smart tools off hand that could be helpful. These are from the website. Might help you figure out a roadmap of where you'd like to go. http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Articles_and_Essays/Stages_of_Change/stages_of_change.htm The Stages of Change FAQ's 1) PRECONTEMPLATION STAGE "It isn't that we cannot see the solution. It's that we cannot see the problem." Precontemplators usually show up in therapy because of pressures from others… spouses, employers, parents, and courts… Resist change. When their problem comes up, they change the topic of conversation. They place responsibility for their problems on factors such as genetic makeup, addition, family, society, destiny, the police, etc. They feel the situation is HOPELESS. 2) CONTEMPLATION STAGE "I want to stop feeling so stuck!" Contemplators acknowledge that they have a problem and begin to think about solving it. Contemplators struggle to understand their problems, to see its causes, and wonder about possible solutions. Many contemplators have indefinite plans to take action within the next few months. "You know your destination, and even how to get there, but you're not ready to go." It is not uncommon for contemplators to tell themselves that some day they are going to change. When contemplators transition to the preparation stage of change, their thinking is clearly marked by two changes. First, they begin to think more about the future than the past. The end of contemplation stage is a time of ANTICIPATION, ACTIVITY, ANXIETY, and EXCITEMENT. 3) PREPARATION STAGE Most people in the preparation stage are planning to take action and are making the final adjustments before they begin to change their behavior. Have not yet resolved their AMBIVALENCE. Still need a little convincing. 4) ACTION STAGE Stage where people overtly modify their behavior and their surroundings. Make the move for which they have been preparing. Requires the greatest commitment of time and energy. CHANGE IS MORE VISIBLE TO OTHERS. 5) MAINTENANCE STAGE Change never ends with action. Without a strong commitment to maintenance, there will surely be relapse, usually to precontemplation or contemplation stage. The Stages of Change for Addiction Recovery Most successful self-changers go through the stages three or four times before they make it through the cycle of change without at least one slip. Most will return to the contemplation stage of change. Slips give us the opportunity to learn. http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Tools_and_Homework/Facilitators_Handout/Change_Plan_Worksheet.pdf Change-Plan Worksheet Changes I want to make: How important is it to me to make these changes? (1-10 scale) How confident am I that I can make these changes? (1-10 scale) The most important reasons I want to make these changes are: The steps I plan to take in changing are: How other people can help me: Person Kind of help I will know my plan is working when: Some things that could interfere with my plan are:

Isn't that crazy?! 25 years!! I have a friend with around the same amount of time...maybe 20 or so and says he still has the "a drink sounds good" craving now and then. At least it's helpful to realize not to expect it to just disappear entirely. But it has gotten easier. I've noticed if I surround myself with people who are sober it's nowhere near as hard than if I am around people raving on and about their drinking and how great it is. You are mine too!!! It sure does help to have people on your side sharing the same struggles and fight! Thank you for everything you contribute to this site!! Big (((hugs)))!!

WOW, good for you!!! Big congratulations for you!! You got this!!!

YES I remember being very scared at one point because I knew how bad it was and how addicted I was, but never thought I'd ever get off of it. I along with many others on this site are living proof it can be done. Is it easy in the beginning? Not so much, but it CAN be done and it is WORTH it. You are young and have so many years ahead that could be filled with joy, health, and happiness (long term happiness) if you are willing to quit taking this drug. It is a short term fix and there will never be enough of it. It is a crutch. Break free and learn how to walk/run on your own with no artificial stimulant. That or remain imprisoned to it. The choice is yours. I hope you find freedom eventually. All the best!

Buckeye Football! Fall!

Wow! You had me going there too! lol You are killing it drug free!! That is awesome!! This post makes me think of what Joel says about a seed being planted in the dirt though. He talks about how in order for a seed to germinate and turn into a beautiful flower it has to go through the whole long drawn out process of being stuck in the dirt. He makes references to people who had to go through great times of trials and tribulations that ended up making them stronger in the long run. He talks about the dark places are where we grow and learn everything we need to become our best self yet. So if in fact you did win the lottery (as great as that would be), you'd be taking the easy route and not training yourself how to do all these amazing things drug free. I think that's something to write home about. This video is amazing! Perfect for cravings. I am saving it to watch again for sure. This is definitely playing the tape forward to the other side of the euphoric recall in which we can so easily forget! Don't want to be in that state ever again. Awful. Thanks for sharing!

Awe, thank you Blue Moon!! You are so kind! And so glad to hear you are doing awesome! xoxo I just found a really great article to add to the above. http://www.12keysrehab.com/blog/having-fun-without-drugs-or-alcohol

Hey all! I just had an epiphany and thought I'd share. This is to give hope to any of you struggling in your first year clean. So I am almost 1 year sober (meaning no booze or any other drug for that matter). This has literally been the most challenging year of my life as far as the amount of effort, time, and diligence I have had to put forth in order not to drink. I found myself really disappointed the other day and freaked out by how close I came to drinking again. For some reason I thought at a year out, this wouldn't be so hard still, but yet it is at times. I then started thinking about many of you and your struggles with adderall in the first year and how many of you feel like the mental suffering will never end and you are doomed. This gave me hope! Because I realize that I was once in your shoes and sometimes I have a hard time remembering feeling that hopeless at this point. The good news is I do NOT feel that way anymore!! Yes, it's been almost 6 years since I was hooked on adderall, but at LEAST I can tell you eventually it gets easier and then it's golden. You don't have to think about it anymore. So anyhow, this is what I am using as my hope for drinking. I think if I give it another year or so, it will start being easier and I won't have to struggle with urges near as bad. I guess when I look back and realize I spent a good 6 years hooked on adderall, booze, pot, smoking, and other drugs here and there it makes sense my brain is still somewhat conditioned to crave all these things for a good amount of time. It literally is re-wiring your brain to be conditioned to make a new response when faced with stress or difficulty. It feels like mission impossible at times. But I know if no matter what happens, I make the goal as to remain sober #1, I can't dispute that when strong urges hit. My addicted part of my brain will throw every excuse, rationalization, and reason as to why I should say, "F-it" and drink. I just keep my #1 goal in mind and remember that the rational part of me knows no matter what bullshit lies it's telling me, I know deep in my heart that being sober is the BEST CHOICE for my life. My life is a thousand times easier not dealing with all the problems induced by drugs and alcohol and if I go back, things will get incredibly screwed up again. So my message today is here is some hope my dear friends and don't give up just yet! There is a great life in store for all of us ahead! <3 LT

Whooooo hoooo!!!!! You go girl!!!

DITTO what MSB said above! That sounds tough being in all that darkness! Have you been to Nashville to visit? It really is such an awesome town. Are you able to work remotely at all? It would be cool if you could manage to stay there for a week working remotely to get a real feel for it. So glad to hear you're doing well!

OK, so I am having a hard time copying and pasting this, but here it is. I just want you to take a good look at everything you've said here. This is the top portion of your COST BENEFIT ANALYSIS. Below this I created the bottom half for you to fill in when you get some time if you are up for it. If you want help, I'm sure we will all be able to help you fill it in as you may not be sure what to expect of your life without it and it is probably hard to comprehend. All that being said, I am so glad you posted today as you've given me something very constructive to do in my time of need. I needed to help someone today to get my mind off of my own problems and you have helped me so there!!! Just like that...boom!! You can make a difference by coming here and sharing your problems and asking for help. I know this is not easy, but you are so young!!! And you have only been taking it for 1 year!!! You can beat this fast and quickly and GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. Don't allow this drug to keep you a prisoner any longer. You are so much more than that and don't allow it to destroy your relationship with a man who loves you that much in your worst condition. At least don't add one more consequence to this list!!! You don't have to reach rock bottom to stop. You can put the shovel down and just stop digging. It's that simple. Hope you got some sleep finally and hope you stay long enough with us to get your life back!! P.S - I added some stuff to your original post to try and help you sort out your thoughts and what you are saying here. I paraphrased a little bit and yes these are not your exact words, but I tried to help you better understand what you're saying and the effect this drug is having on your life. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ This should look like a box diagram with 4 sections split up so you can compare Advantages to the Disadvantages side by side. I can't get it to work so just try to pretend. It should look like: ADVANTAGES TO TAKING ADDERALL / DISADVANTAGES TO TAKING ADDERALL ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ADVANTAGES OF NOT TAKING ADDERALL / DISADVANTAGES OF NOT TAKING ADDERALL ADVANTAGES TO TAKING ADDERALL Gets me out of bed (it is only doing that RIGHT NOW, but you will get out of bed just fine in the future without it.) Without it I’m nothing (I am pretty sure you are a legit human being with all kinds of untapped potential within you, but the ADDERALL has stolen all of that from you and is mind fucking you to believe this lie. Talking to people is easier (this is only true for like the first 45 mins when it kicks in. After that you are tranquilized and go into zombie mode. Are you really able to have any meaningful REAL conversations with people when your brain is hijacked by this drug?) Makes functioning possible (you mean for the first portion of the day. It does NOT make sleep possible, eating, and having a normal life. This is yet another lie it tells you to keep you hooked and trapped in the cycle) Cannot afford to not take it (feeling suicidal is better than not being able to take the pill that is causing me to feel suicidal?) Must take it in order to go to work (I used to believe that lie too. But do you know how I can do my job for 8 hours straight now, show up on time, not call off sick, not act CRAZY while I’m there, have normal healthy relationships at work, not scare people away from my insane behavior, and act like a normal human being on the job?) Must take it to pay my bills. (Again, this is another lie it is telling you. I used to believe that too. It is making it harder to pay your bills. I swear if you take away all your time and energy not sleeping, eating, obsessing on when where how you will take next pill, fighting with friends, lying, hiding, and all the behavior associated with using this drug - paying your bills is an easy task in comparison.) Cannot afford to risk losing new job (see above stuff I mentioned about work. Taking ADDERALL is going to make you risk losing your new job far over not taking it.) AND if you do happen to lose it in the short term quit, you WILL FIND ANOTHER one and figure out how to handle it without ADDERALL. I am making friends at new job and don’t want to risk losing them (yet didn’t adderall destroy a bunch of other relationships and are you not believing it will do so with these new friends?) You are not you (your adderall identity) without it. (YOU do NOT like this person you are on it. You can RECLAIM who you are again without it. DISADVANTAGES TO TAKING ADDERALL adderall has ruined me Addicted over a year now Take more than prescribed Do not have even enough to function Stay up ALL night Wake up late due to above and once again take adderall late - cycle repeats Cracks me out and makes me insane until I fall to sleep Mind races 100000 miles an hour Haven’t slept or eaten anything (your body is in starvation mode and you are losing touch with reality as it’s sleep deprived and malnourished) You are slowly killing yourself Body aches and stomach aches from no food nor sleep Start to stand up - start to BLACK OUT MY BODY IS DYING Tortured beloved boyfriend - DESTROYING the relationship ADDERALL has turned me into an ADDICT and ABUSER Already LOST countless relationships Killed my own baby from ADDERALL Killed the love of my life’s baby from ADDERALL Everyday is POINTLESS - no JOY in life due to ADDERALL I have SUICIDAL THOUGHTS from ADDERALL I am waiting till everyone gives up on me so I can end my life because of ADDERALL Causes me to act in manipulative and selfish ways in order to take it I need therapy, but I can’t get help from the therapy because I can’t admit the adderall problem or she will take it away. It will eventually cost me all my relationships, love, and life. It will destroy everything left of me. I need to go to rehab because of the adderall (not worth the financial costs or stigma) Trying to figure out how to get off of it and still function feels impossible, but today I came clean on the forum. (YES, THIS IS A HUGE STEP AND ONE THAT CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE. GOOD JOB!!!!) Taking adderall and my addiction to it makes me feel like I don’t deserve my boyfriend and even further de-motivates me to try and prove that I do (because ADDERALL is making me feel THIS HOPELESS). ADDERALL makes me so worn out from all the effort I have to do between taking it and trying to have a relationship that I am to the point of giving up the relationship for the adderall because ADDERALL is defeating me. ADDERALL already defeated me with my other friends because it was too hard to have both friends and adderall. It won. ADDERALL made me LOSE WHO I TRULY AM. I am it’s prisoner. ADDERALL is causing me to lose complete touch with reality and question my own sanity at this point. I keep telling myself I NEED ADDERALL - it’s ALL I NEED (even though it’s doing all these HORRIBLE things to my life). I am SO TRAPPED in my mind by ADDERALL that I BELIEVE I am HOPELESS without it. I will DIE without it OR I will die from taking it. (this is an IRRATIONAL BELIEF - you will NOT DIE from not taking it. You will struggle in the short term for awhile and then you will be HEALED). I am CRAZY, MISERABLE and CAN’T function due to taking ADDERALL. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ADVANTAGES OF NOT TAKING ADDERALL / DISADVANTAGES OF NOT TAKING ADDERALL

This is just simply a random post from who knows if even truly a reliable source, but I believe it is most likely true. I found it when doing a search for suicidal thoughts and adderall and stumbled upon this link. Anyhow, this is most likely why you or anyone feels depressed for that matter once quitting. I would hold off on any SSRI for a good amount of time if at all possible. It's going to take some time for your brain to heal, but it will. Hope this helps. https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/comments/1f12ls/suicidal_thoughts_and_adderall/ [–]smoothaspaneer 3 points 3 years ago Im a med student and we have learned a little about this. Ill see if i can try and explain this. Adderall actually has been used as a form of antidepressant especially in acute cases of depression but one of the side effects of adderall is depression once stopped. Basically adderall helps with neurotransmitters like norepinephrine staying in the synapses of your brain. giving the exciting stimulation. What occurs after extended use is receptor desensitization of the receptors that respond to these neurotransmitters. Which essentially can cause anhydonia or lack of interest in things aka depression. sorry if that doesnt make too much sense. In the middle of studying and just trying to help out