LILTEX41

Try to focus on the people you are with instead of worrying about how you will be perceived. If you make it a goal to try and learn as much as you can about the other people, really listen, ask questions, then you'll feel less anxiety and more at ease. Plus, you'll feel more connected along with gaining a little bit of confidence going into social settings without being high. The more you do it, the easier it gets!

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS!!!! YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!! So happy for you!!!

Hi Speeder, Ok, so right off the bat let me just say that you did what you thought was the best solution to your problems at the moment you decided to get the script filled. IMHO, I think you need to make a stronger list of reasons for why you don't want to be on it and keep it with you at all times. You've got to have enough compelling information on hand as evidence of what the long term equation of going back on adderall will look like. Here are the reasons you listed: Reasons for relapse: 1) Shattered self-esteem (Irrational Belief - I will never accomplish my dreams without adderall. I am doomed for the rest of my life.) 2) Reading was harder to focus in law class 3) Weight gain paranoia New Reasons to stay clean (things to remember when trigger thoughts come spiraling down upon you) 1) Shattered self-esteem is a short term detriment from adderall recovery. It will take time to rebuild, but the NEW improved self-esteem you will GAIN in recovery will FAR EXCEL anything you had while on adderall because it is authentic and NOT induced by a pill. As you slowly make progress even doing the smallest of things without adderall you will start feeling more confident in your abilities with it AND carry a POSITIVE feeling of well being knowing you've overcome something EXTREMELY challenging. 2) Not all reading will be challenging though. School is temporary. It will be tough without adderall, but you can readjust and learn to keep trucking along clean. IF you fail a class, re-take it. Cut back a class or take a semester off if possible. Just remember you have to put your recovery first or you will stay stuck in this trap with adderall. 3) Remind yourself that any weight loss from adderall is NOT permanent. You can't depend on adderall addiction for the rest of your life to stay lean. Your heart is going to be severely damaged by this. 5 days @ 740 mgs is like 148mg/day!!! Imagine if you stay dependent for years on end what is going to happen to your internal organs. Those are what's most important for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. Once the crash phase is over with stopping, you will be able to get back into a healthy place with everything else. Just don't mess yourself up for life. Ok, so with all that said, just try not to beat yourself up. I remember relapsing at various times for similar reasons, but I know I was like you and didn't think it through to the future. All I could see and think about was the here and now. It really helped me a lot to see the ENTIRE PICTURE and what I wanted for my life towards the end. I tried to imagine the tape backwards as well. At the end of my life, what would I want to see that happened while I was here? Would I want to leave knowing I was addicted to adderall and it destroyed me or did I want something amazing instead? That non-adderall life you envisioned early on is still there. Don't let the euphoria of the dream slip away. You have to stay strong and when you want to use, post on this site first. There are plenty of people that can help you see the bigger picture when you are clouded by urges and cravings. Stay strong!!!

Frank, I just want to say you are making so much progress!! You sound like you're finally getting to a better place in recent times and it truly makes me happy to see this!! I can imagine that does hurt, but you are present for them now and in the future and that's all that matters going forward. They are lucky to have their real dad back in a healthy state of mind. I'm sure they are very happy about that!

You CAN do this!

Traceme, There are definitely good reasons for this method. It is like having a bloody wound that won't heal. The more you keep picking at it and pulling off the scab, you begin to bleed again. It just won't heal. If you want to move on with your life and be with a man that is truly deserving of all the love, energy, and time you have to offer him, then from the sounds of it, it is best to not respond. You will heal a 1,000 times faster by segregating yourself, grieving the loss, and then start to find a healthier place from which to try and start a new relationship with someone who is ready and wants to reciprocate your love. IF he truly wants to make things work with you, he will let you know. If all he does is throw you half hearted crumbs of affection now and then, do not respond. Of course he is going to miss you and want to talk to you. You've been together for all that time and it's not easy to walk away. But what he's reaching out to you for is probably not what you want it to mean. Unless he actually is contacting you with a legitimate, "I screwed this up and I want to make this work with us" kind of tangible evidence, leave it alone. He's wasting valuable years of your life that could be spent with someone who loves you back. Don't let him do that. Wishing you all the best. LT

I drank probably 3x as much when on adderall. It grew to an alarming rate when I lived alone and worked odd shifts/hours. I'd get my apartment spotless in the day, bills paid, and have everything absolutely perfect. Then at night I would drink a TON to come down, but sometimes would still not be able to sleep. It was a disaster.

Have you tried couples therapy?

Ironman Chattanooga 2017!!!!

The feeling of dependency to something externally outside myself. It left me feeling powerless and paralyzed when I ran out early, but couldn't get any. I remember the times I would find myself going off on the doctor's admins if they did not call me back in time to pick up my prescription the day I had it planned. And then there was the feeling of knowing I was 150% hooked and that I'd never be able to quit for good. I felt doomed.

Rachel, I started off on Ritalin, then Concerta, then to Adderall. Yes, they are all stimulants and do the same thing. Who gives a shit if they are extended release or not. They are speed. Maybe the psychs should take these pills and see how it works for them before handing them out like candy to their patients. I am not a psychiatrist, counselor, or have any formal training. However, I am someone that has taken all these drugs along with doing coke and guess what? They all do the same thing. They make you high and your brain becomes dependent on them to function. Screw the psychs and all their medication b.s. Get clean and you won't have to deal with this nightmare anymore. No more depending on the pharmacy, scripts, doctor visits, and relying on pills. I honestly can't believe you are in a program for addiction and they prescribed you yet another stimulant. Mind blowing. I was sober for 6 months back in 2003 when I was put on ritalin. Then I switched to concerta. These drugs triggered the urge for MORE. I wanted to keep the high going. 6 months later I relapsed on alcohol and then switched to adderall. My life fell apart. Just get clean. That is my best piece of advice. Best wishes To further reiterate my point, this article sums it up. Although Concerta might not be as strong as adderall, it is still speed. The effects hit after 40--45 minutes and you get that initial euphoric high for the first hour. Then it slowly wears off over the next 8-12 hours but you are still left in that robotic trance like zombie state. Do you really want to live the rest of your life in that state? Or having to fight urges and cravings for more of the drug? Just break free from the trap of all of it and do not take any of them. Find an ADD specialist that can help you find alternative ways to cope with concentration without drugs. https://www.drugs.com/illicit/speed.html

Beautiful post!!! So glad to hear you made the decision to seek treatment and take care of yourself. That's great!

Omg, Danquit!!! My incident was so similar to yours! I thought I had created a global strategy for my company and I created 1,000's of jobs for my company. I thought I had launched a world phenomena that caught on at the emergency room I was staying at. I thought there was a control desk and everyone was watching me. I was so far gone!! Adderall is some crazy shit!!!

I needed to hear this today so thank you!

I just quit school today. It was too much. I am so thankful. Recovery comes first. Hope you feel better soon. I wish I had answers for everyone, but I don't. I booked an appointment with a therapist today. I think this is a critical step I missed and I'm hoping to see good results. Will let everyone know how it goes.

Bluemoon, I quit caffeine once and it was the worst I've ever felt. I had an awful headache for days and felt absolutely lethargic. I definitely think that's what's going on with you, but of course I'm no expert. Again, I am sorry for blowing up at all of you. It came out sideways and I don't mean to minimize your struggles. I just needed to unload and unfortunately, you all get the brunt of it. I hope you feel better soon. Yes, breakups can suck the life out of you, but I do know I'll get over it and be okay down the road. I was just so stressed out because I had 3 quizzes, 2 homework assignments and an exam within a 3 day period and freaked out. I didn't know how I was going to accomplish all this work on top of my job and everything else. For a split second I had this epiphany of going back on that drug and just saying, fuck it. But luckily, I snapped out of it quickly and thought it through. I'm thankful it's hard to come get your hands on. Thank GOD for that.

I'm sorry Frank. I have been under immense stress and a recent breakup. I snapped in my post the other day and just went off. I know you're trying. You're doing well. I just flipped out when i read this post and everyone was complaining about how much life sucks without adderall. It triggered the shit out of me and I started thinking positively about the drug again. I fucking snapped today and tried to order it online. I didn't even think that was possible and I'm sure it was a scam. I cancelled it 5 mins later and freaked out. I have been clean for 6 years and 3 months. I NEVER thought I would get this close to a relapse. I should probably stay away from this site, but sometimes I come just to read the stories of everyone addicted and destroyed by it as it reminds me why I do NOT want to go back to it. I hate to hear that people are miserable in recovery. It makes me lose faith. But I know damn well the answer is not in that pill. Anyhow, hope you understand. Vent away.

Ok, my turn. I have been trying to refrain myself from speaking because this post dug into my heart somewhat. I keep getting updates sent to my email and I feel I'm ready to comment so here goes. Addiction to adderall is one intense mother fucker, ok? It's NOT easy to kick this habit and for anyone that does, you are a walking miracle and ray of hope for those out there still afflicted. But like quit once said, you have two options: 1) Go back to being enslaved to some piece of shit pill that will annihilate you slowly over the long haul and continue being it's bitch. OR 2) Go through your temporary hell on earth of however many years it takes to recover and live the rest of your life unaddicted and no longer with this problem. IF you feel the need to bitch, moan, and scream about how much life sucks without it, please by all means...get it out. You have all the right in the world to talk about how much it sucks and this life just isn't fair anymore without it. However, what I can tell you is that you are making yourself miserable. There is a mountain in front of you and all you do is stare at it and say, "Look at this mountain. It's so big. What a piece of shit mountain. I hate this mountain." When what you could be saying is "How the fuck am I going to get up this mountain? Where are the paths? Is there a plane? What can I say to make this situation better rather than repeating these negative toxic thoughts that keep reminding me of how awful I feel without this piece of shit drug adderall?" Hmmm.....maybe I could try some positive thinking techniques and proactively tell myself things like, "Life is good, I got this, everything will work out, I don't need that fucking drug to be awesome, I will prove it to myself that I can beat this shit if it kills me, this won't defeat me, I don't need that shit, I am a fully well functional human being that was capable of handling life before this drug and I will once again master my old way of living, etc." You keep telling yourself how you WANT to feel and be and eventually you will catch up. You have to be mentally strong and stop having being mentally weak. I know it blows, it sucks, and life is hard. But guess what? You CAN HANDLE IT. YOU CAN DO THIS. Keep reminding ourself this is for the best interest in the LONG TERM of your life. SHORT TERM is tough, but it will get better. HAPPY RAINBOWS AND SUNSHINES OUT MY ASS ALL YOU LOVELY PEOPLE!!!! XOXOXOXO

COMBO of all of the below, but ultimately it was my 2nd trip in a squad to the ER for an adderall overdose followed by 2nd trip to psych ward that lead to my final quit. #6years 3 months 1) 2 psych ward trips - should've been raped and killed during one of these episodes by a stranger 2) Destroyed reputation at work 3) Car Accident 4) Toxic relationships that became abusive 5) Constant paranoia, agitation, hostility, and hallucinations at times that made me feel bat shit crazy

Can I quadruple like this post, please?!

Houston Half Marathon!!!

I'm having the same problem. I emailed Mike, but haven't heard back yet.

Happiness

Where are the tickers?!