LILTEX41

BeHereNow, First and foremost, I just have to say how freaking proud I am of you!! I remember when you first started coming around and it's so awesome to see you made it 5.5 years!!! WOW!! Great job!! BUT you finished grad school without adderall??!!! That's AWESOME!!! Congratulations!! I don't think where you're at has anything to do with the post adderall slump. To me it sounds like you might be just simply burn't out and tired. I took one month of classes for grad school and decided to get out, lol. It wasn't that I couldn't do it, but I had no life. I'd work all day and study all night and I was just drained. I didn't have any time to workout and I started stress eating which made me start gaining weight so I was like f- that and quit. Anyhow, you stuck it out and did it!! That's amazing. Good for you! But I can see how you'd be really bumming if you applied for all these jobs after all that work and not having much luck. I think once you find a job you want and get settled in your career, you'll get back into a normal routine and feel better. Hang in there!!! Oh, and just wondering if you are networking much? Are you on linked in? Are you part of any professional networking groups? I just no for myself of all the jobs I ever landed it was through someone I knew. We have a group here that's really great. Check it out. https://www.cypclub.com See if you can find something like that if you haven't already maybe. Keep us posted and good luck to you!! <3 LT

I've been off my adderall prescription for 7.5 years now. The biggest change is emotional stability. I am not the train wreck of highs and lows I used to be. I used to be strung out for 3 weeks straight, then comatose for a week when I'd run out of pills. I'd fall asleep at work. I was very isolated from everyone unless I was high and trying to come down by partying. I was pretty much bipolar and there was no consistency to my life. Today I sleep 8 hours a night. I show up to work and do a great job for 40+ hours a week. I consistently the same person day in and day out. People don't have to walk on egg shells around me or be nervous of who they'll get today. I train for marathons and ironman's now. I feel awesome. I'm in the best shape ever again (I quit all drugs and alcohol btw) and I can get a million things done just like I used to on adderall. I am highly productive. I just planted an awesome yard of flowers and pimped out my patio, working on remodeling my condo, and go on lots of fun weekend excursions. Life is so much easier when you are well rested and don't have a cocktail of speed pumping through your veins in which you are constantly battling all the negative side effects. My relationships are a million times better and I feel absolutely great about myself. I could go on and on, but I'll stop here. Thank you for this topic. It's a great one! LT

I don't think the specifics matter near as much as whether you just actually do it or not. I called my doctor and ended up speaking to a nurse that left him the message. "I am hooked on my prescription adderall. I have a serious addiction which landed me in the emergency room 2 times. Please put in my file to never prescribe me these pills again." Ever since I did that, I've known there is no going back. Even though I moved from Texas to Ohio, I still believe that message has to be on file somewhere and if I ever tried to get a prescription again, they'd say, "Um, seriously?" Once your source is cut off, it makes it a 1,000,000 times easier to stay quit. Let us know how it goes! You got this! LT

I really feel for you Danquit. I hope you end this relationship soon as for some reason I don't see this being a good thing for you. Does she know anything about your problem with adderall in the past? Any chance you can open up and just be honest? If it were me, that's what I would do anyhow. I'd just tell her look, I used to be hooked on the pills you're taking and they pretty much came close to destroying my life. I have fought really hard to overcome this struggle and I've noticed myself being triggered at times being around you unfortunately. If you ever get to a place where you stop or want to stop and need support, please feel free to contact me. Wish you the best, etc. Just remember you have got to protect yourself first and foremost. If you relapse (and you're like me), your life will be discombobulated and a mess again and you won't be good for anyone. Just being around someone taking it is going to make you think about it all the time and possibly start having euphoric recall. The thing that messed me up in my relapse a year again on alcohol was being around drinking friends who were pro alcohol and kept glorifying how great it was and singing it's praise. They kept making subtle hints about how lame life was as a non drinker and it finally got to me so bad I drank again. Don't let her bring you down like that. You've worked too hard to fall back now. Wishing you the best! LT

So proud of you HC!!! So awesome!!! Way to go!!

Hi Greg, Thanks for checking in with me. Well, I'm not gonna lie. Had a slight hiccup last week, but back on track. I've got a total of 47 days sober now in the past few months which is really great. No need to count the days I slipped. I'm back on my own recovery program and this one works best for me. I'm so happy to hear you're at 7 years now! Wow!! That's where I should be!! Dang it! Anyhow, sometimes when I add up all the times I've stopped with success I realize I do actually have like 7 years or so sober since I started at a young age so that makes me happy. Ok, I'm rambling. Glad to see so many of you are still active on here and great to be back!

Thank you girls so much!! I am so proud of you two!!! Way to go!! I made it to day 21 today. I recently figured out a major part of my problem and have fixed it in the past few days. It is suddenly easy to stay strong and I stopped having cravings thank God. I am praying it keeps getting easier and I will be back happy again here soon. I can't tell you how happy it makes me feel to know you are both still in recovery and here for me upon making it back. You girls rock!! XOXOXOXO LT

All, I have missed you guys. I hate to come clean, but here I am and it feels incredibly good to be back. I resumed drinking again 11 months ago and that was not a good idea. I never went back on adderall full time thank God, but I did have some run ends with it here and there. Anyhow, I know I am back to being clean and sober for good this time. I have zero doubt in my mind that I'll fall off again. I just want to tell you if you ever think that it's worth it to go back to your addiction for any reason, it's not. It will always achieve the same outcome - misery & pain. It's a great way to self destruct everything you love and care about along with your self respect. I haven't felt this great in months. I am loving being sober again and so excited to be back on this journey of health, fitness, and happiness. All the pills, drugs, and alcohol cannot fill that void within and will only make it worse. I'm just grateful to know what awaits me on the path of recovery and stoked to embark on this path again. Much love you to you all and GODSPEED my friends. <3 LT

HC, That's so awesome! I want to show you my favorite website for training plans. This site will give you training plans for all distances and varieties of races. I just started my training back for a half Ironman yesterday and it feels great. I am so insanely out of shape and can't wait to be fit again. Thank you so much for your help this week. Means a lot. Day 6 today. http://www.halhigdon.com/training/51135/Marathon-Training-Guide

Denver!

That's so great to hear! The longer he's off it, he will stabilize and go back to his normal self. In the beginning, it's such a drastic change. His brain will eventually recalibrate though. In Smart they have a thing called the 3 p's (patience, persistence, and practice). Hang in there!

Happy Good Friday everyone!

Omg, no it's not!!! I have it too! I swear it is strictly genetic.

Try to focus on the people you are with instead of worrying about how you will be perceived. If you make it a goal to try and learn as much as you can about the other people, really listen, ask questions, then you'll feel less anxiety and more at ease. Plus, you'll feel more connected along with gaining a little bit of confidence going into social settings without being high. The more you do it, the easier it gets!

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS!!!! YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!! So happy for you!!!

Hi Speeder, Ok, so right off the bat let me just say that you did what you thought was the best solution to your problems at the moment you decided to get the script filled. IMHO, I think you need to make a stronger list of reasons for why you don't want to be on it and keep it with you at all times. You've got to have enough compelling information on hand as evidence of what the long term equation of going back on adderall will look like. Here are the reasons you listed: Reasons for relapse: 1) Shattered self-esteem (Irrational Belief - I will never accomplish my dreams without adderall. I am doomed for the rest of my life.) 2) Reading was harder to focus in law class 3) Weight gain paranoia New Reasons to stay clean (things to remember when trigger thoughts come spiraling down upon you) 1) Shattered self-esteem is a short term detriment from adderall recovery. It will take time to rebuild, but the NEW improved self-esteem you will GAIN in recovery will FAR EXCEL anything you had while on adderall because it is authentic and NOT induced by a pill. As you slowly make progress even doing the smallest of things without adderall you will start feeling more confident in your abilities with it AND carry a POSITIVE feeling of well being knowing you've overcome something EXTREMELY challenging. 2) Not all reading will be challenging though. School is temporary. It will be tough without adderall, but you can readjust and learn to keep trucking along clean. IF you fail a class, re-take it. Cut back a class or take a semester off if possible. Just remember you have to put your recovery first or you will stay stuck in this trap with adderall. 3) Remind yourself that any weight loss from adderall is NOT permanent. You can't depend on adderall addiction for the rest of your life to stay lean. Your heart is going to be severely damaged by this. 5 days @ 740 mgs is like 148mg/day!!! Imagine if you stay dependent for years on end what is going to happen to your internal organs. Those are what's most important for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. Once the crash phase is over with stopping, you will be able to get back into a healthy place with everything else. Just don't mess yourself up for life. Ok, so with all that said, just try not to beat yourself up. I remember relapsing at various times for similar reasons, but I know I was like you and didn't think it through to the future. All I could see and think about was the here and now. It really helped me a lot to see the ENTIRE PICTURE and what I wanted for my life towards the end. I tried to imagine the tape backwards as well. At the end of my life, what would I want to see that happened while I was here? Would I want to leave knowing I was addicted to adderall and it destroyed me or did I want something amazing instead? That non-adderall life you envisioned early on is still there. Don't let the euphoria of the dream slip away. You have to stay strong and when you want to use, post on this site first. There are plenty of people that can help you see the bigger picture when you are clouded by urges and cravings. Stay strong!!!

Frank, I just want to say you are making so much progress!! You sound like you're finally getting to a better place in recent times and it truly makes me happy to see this!! I can imagine that does hurt, but you are present for them now and in the future and that's all that matters going forward. They are lucky to have their real dad back in a healthy state of mind. I'm sure they are very happy about that!

You CAN do this!

Traceme, There are definitely good reasons for this method. It is like having a bloody wound that won't heal. The more you keep picking at it and pulling off the scab, you begin to bleed again. It just won't heal. If you want to move on with your life and be with a man that is truly deserving of all the love, energy, and time you have to offer him, then from the sounds of it, it is best to not respond. You will heal a 1,000 times faster by segregating yourself, grieving the loss, and then start to find a healthier place from which to try and start a new relationship with someone who is ready and wants to reciprocate your love. IF he truly wants to make things work with you, he will let you know. If all he does is throw you half hearted crumbs of affection now and then, do not respond. Of course he is going to miss you and want to talk to you. You've been together for all that time and it's not easy to walk away. But what he's reaching out to you for is probably not what you want it to mean. Unless he actually is contacting you with a legitimate, "I screwed this up and I want to make this work with us" kind of tangible evidence, leave it alone. He's wasting valuable years of your life that could be spent with someone who loves you back. Don't let him do that. Wishing you all the best. LT

I drank probably 3x as much when on adderall. It grew to an alarming rate when I lived alone and worked odd shifts/hours. I'd get my apartment spotless in the day, bills paid, and have everything absolutely perfect. Then at night I would drink a TON to come down, but sometimes would still not be able to sleep. It was a disaster.

Have you tried couples therapy?

Ironman Chattanooga 2017!!!!

The feeling of dependency to something externally outside myself. It left me feeling powerless and paralyzed when I ran out early, but couldn't get any. I remember the times I would find myself going off on the doctor's admins if they did not call me back in time to pick up my prescription the day I had it planned. And then there was the feeling of knowing I was 150% hooked and that I'd never be able to quit for good. I felt doomed.

Rachel, I started off on Ritalin, then Concerta, then to Adderall. Yes, they are all stimulants and do the same thing. Who gives a shit if they are extended release or not. They are speed. Maybe the psychs should take these pills and see how it works for them before handing them out like candy to their patients. I am not a psychiatrist, counselor, or have any formal training. However, I am someone that has taken all these drugs along with doing coke and guess what? They all do the same thing. They make you high and your brain becomes dependent on them to function. Screw the psychs and all their medication b.s. Get clean and you won't have to deal with this nightmare anymore. No more depending on the pharmacy, scripts, doctor visits, and relying on pills. I honestly can't believe you are in a program for addiction and they prescribed you yet another stimulant. Mind blowing. I was sober for 6 months back in 2003 when I was put on ritalin. Then I switched to concerta. These drugs triggered the urge for MORE. I wanted to keep the high going. 6 months later I relapsed on alcohol and then switched to adderall. My life fell apart. Just get clean. That is my best piece of advice. Best wishes To further reiterate my point, this article sums it up. Although Concerta might not be as strong as adderall, it is still speed. The effects hit after 40--45 minutes and you get that initial euphoric high for the first hour. Then it slowly wears off over the next 8-12 hours but you are still left in that robotic trance like zombie state. Do you really want to live the rest of your life in that state? Or having to fight urges and cravings for more of the drug? Just break free from the trap of all of it and do not take any of them. Find an ADD specialist that can help you find alternative ways to cope with concentration without drugs. https://www.drugs.com/illicit/speed.html

Beautiful post!!! So glad to hear you made the decision to seek treatment and take care of yourself. That's great!