LILTEX41

Wow, you did awesome!!! So impressed, Frank!!! I bet you feel great today! Way to go!!!

Z, Have you tried practicing mindfulness meditation? This is some good stuff! I've been watching a few videos on youtube past couple days. I think this might be the answer for so many of us!! I've heard people preach about the benefits of it for so long, but was never really able to apply it until today. I don't know, but it suddenly clicked for me. It was weird, but as I got up this morning and felt my thoughts spinning in a million different directions (some seriously negative thoughts) I thought about what I learned last night and decided to just detach from the thoughts and let them pass by as clouds. So then I was able to focus on the present moment and crap I needed to get done. Suddenly, I had a flashback of my adderall days and realized that's exactly what adderall used to do for me. Adderall cleared out all the racing thoughts and just allowed me to focus on the task at hand. I sincerely believe IF i keep training myself to detach more and more from feelings and intense emotions I will be more at peace able to focus on the present moment. It keeps you out of dwelling on the past and fretting about the future.

Awe, thanks.

I needed to hear this tonight. In a bad mood and this was like the healing fresh breath that I needed. Thank you and congratulations!!!!

Z, I have found that when I am happy with myself, I don't really let others get under my skin as much. When I'm feeling down on myself I tend to project that onto everyone around me. I can turn whatever they say into something negative when that might not've been what they even meant. Can you try to focus on all the positive changes you've made in your life and try not to judge yourself so harshly? I feel like it's your inner critic that is the underlying cause of so much of your distress. If you can find a way to be more kind and loving to yourself, it might roll off a lot easier when people attack or act like assholes. As far as other people go, I practice the following 3 steps. 1) God is my vindicator. 2) Do not repay evil for evil. 3) Just keep being your best. Matthew 5:38-45 "You have heard that it was said, 'AN EYE FOR AN EYE, AND A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH.' "But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. "If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. "Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. "Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you. "You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.' "But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. Also, check out this article on Smart about Anger. There is recommended book called 3 minute therapy. Maybe it could help! http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Articles_and_Essays/Rational_Thinking/anger.htm

Congratulations William!!! That is awesome!!! Keep up the good work!!!

I can't imagine being in your situation Bones and I'm so sorry you are going through all this. Have you tried marriage counseling?

Delaware, OH Half Ironman http://www.ironman.com/triathlon/events/americas/ironman-70.3/ohio.aspx#axzz4FyS5Rpu9

3 weeks!!!!

So true Z!!! In the beginning, recovery SUCKS!!! But in time it just finally goes away and it's like the last thing you even think about other than when I come to this website to help others. You don't have to feel deprived anymore or miss the old days. You just finally forget about that shit.

CLARITY

Wow, this is a tough question. I don't think there is probably a one size fits all answer to the question. I think it's probably very individualized like you said. For me personally, it took me at least a few years before I stopped craving adderall. Maybe even up to 3 years. It's hard now looking back to really say. I don't crave adderall anymore though. I also smoked a lot of pot. For me exercise has helped a ton. I do marathon and triathlon training. I think all the cardio has been extraordinary at helping me to overcome these poisons. That's my best recommendation to cure it. Quit these things and do a lot of cardio and eat healthy! Best of luck!

That's awesome, Frank!!!! Good job!! Glad to hear it's getting better. You're making amazing progress!!!

Yes, I've been there and here is my solution. 1. Stop drinking 2. Start eating healthy (like mainly I'm referring to a plant based diet - this will give you incredible energy and make you feel better than ever) 3. Come up with some fitness goals (something you enjoy doing) 4. Devise a weekly/monthly strategy to achieve those goals 5. Schedule everything in advance and then check it off each day 6. After you accomplish your initial goals, set new ones. As you are forced to monitor your fitness schedule everyday, it will force you to plan your week out in advance. This will help you to see down times in advance and build your desire to fill up empty time with something fun. For me, my fitness plan is the foundation for my life. It keeps me disciplined, following a schedule, and utilizing my time wisely. If I schedule stuff in advance, I always do it. Anyhow, those are just my tips. If you do those things, I think you'll see most of the other problems fix themselves. The anxiety will be greatly decreased by the exercise. It's the best anti-depressant I can promise you that works!

Hey all, I just wanted to share a great book that might be able to help you in your efforts to quit. It's called, "Beyond Addiction" (How Science and Kindness Help People Change). Even though this book is meant for family and friends, it's actually fantastic at explaining the change process and just how hard it is to overcome addictions. I think it would be really helpful for anyone struggling and feeling bad if they don't get recovery right away. It's got tons of information. I highly recommend it. -LT

I agree with Frank. There is no set standard timeline that can be expected. It just kinda varies for each individual. For me, the first year was the worst and then of course each year got better. It probably wasn't until the 2nd or 3rd year that I finally just forgot about it. It's been so long now that I don't ever even crave it anymore, like EVER. During my 6 month of drinking again though last year, i craved it but that was it. That was only because I used to use it hand and hand with alcohol. Once I stopped drinking again (8 months ago) I never had cravings for it. I would say prepare for the 1st year as sucking hard core and then after that it slowly keeps getting better and better as far as cravings are concerned. Hope this helps!

Happiness

I agree. Alcohol is a drug and it legal. @ 80-90% of the US drinks alcohol because it is legal and our culture has taught us, "alcohol in moderation" is acceptable. If there were meth stores open to the public where you could plop down on a bar stool and do some meth, more people would give it a shot than now (possibly when intoxicated) and then slowly get hooked. Not everyone of course, but more people would try it if it were there and easily available.

Follow Up: Well, I did it. It was scary because I was freaked out I wasn't going to like him and I didn't. At least not enough to want to be any more than friends. Then I was consumed with worry about how do I get him to go home all night and pretend to like him so I don't make the situation worse than it is. It was not easy. My anxiety was prior to this date was actually legit. Maybe we need anxiety. Maybe it's really not such a bad thing. Had I not have been sober maybe I would've inebriated myself enough into liking him more. Maybe I wouldn't have had enough guts to make him leave at 2am and drive 2 hours home. Blue moon, I went back and read your post again just now. All I can say is that life is SO MUCH DIFFERENT when you face it straight laced with no pills or toxic poison to dull our senses. I am with you 200% about how hard it is to go out in social situations being totally straight laced. BUT this is such a WONDERFUL thing!!! We are FINALLY clear headed enough to make good decisions free of clouded judgement. We don't have to regret the choices we made under the influence anymore. That doesn't mean it's easy, but little by little it gets easier. This fear and anxiety you're feeling trying to figure out how you fit into the world now being clean is totally NORMAL. Please don't be hard on yourself. It has taken me 20 some years to try and get clean and stay clean. I noticed last night how badly I wanted to drink to numb the anxiety of the situation. It was pretty intense. I used the play the tape forward situation before he got here though and was able to get through it without having to drink. This morning I feel awesome. I didn't allow the fear/anxiety to overtake me. I reminded myself that what I was feeling was just a giant tidal wave of emotion and all I had to do was surf the urge and by today the wave would dissipate. Today it has. But getting a little exposure to the things that we fear is great. Like sticking your foot in the water. Just little by little we can conquer these fears one by one in life and come out stronger in the end. You said you just wanted the anxiety to go away. I hear you. That would be great, but I think it's a good idea if we start preparing ourselves that in life we are going to have obstacles. There are going to be times when we face stressful events, unexpected mishaps, and situations that are scary or seem impossible to get through. If we don't face them head on without drugs, we stunt our growth. We build up a dependence on these nasty toxic substances to pull us through and then watch our lives destruct because of it. Bottom line is that we have to face our fears eventually or we will never move past them. There is no other way around it. But imagine the strength you gain in this process!! This is REAL GROWTH and why this journey of recovery is such an amazing process. Much like a seed has to endure being stuck in the ground with dirt and fertilized with manure. It stinks and it's uncomfortable at times, but this is the part of the growth process that leads to blooming into the flower it was created to be. It's not always going to be easy. All you can do is hang on and endure through the tough times sometimes by the skin of your teeth, but eventually you WILL come out on the other side of it and BLOOM. For right now though, just know you're still early on in recovery and I think the best thing you can do is protect your recovery. IF that means isolating at times away from the situations that cause you stress/anxiety then DO IT until you feel you're in a better place. The last thing you want to do right now is throw yourself in a situation that is going to derail you and throw you back into a relapse. That doesn't mean you stay stuck in isolation forever, but just that you are temporarily doing what is best for yourself. Maybe devise a tiny social plan for 30 minutes here and there to build your way into longer periods of time. Like meet a friend for a coffee. Sign up for a new class or something fun where everyone else is a stranger too. Notice how everyone seems shy at first. Take someone with you that makes you feel comfortable in a big social situation. Just little steps along the way to build your confidence back up into your new life. It can be done and i have faith you will get through this. Well, on that note, Happy 4th of July weekend!!! Hope you do something fun and enjoy it!! You are still clean today and that's amazing! I'm proud of how far you've come. Doing awesome!!!! Thank you for sharing with all of us. You've helped me reflect on a lot today. Hugs!

BLUEMOON, I feel you girl. I am waiting for my date to show up and I feel this incredible sense of, "OMG, I get why I drank away all of this before. But as I'm sitting here waiting I've been able to process what is going through my mind. It's non stop fear and worry about things that have not happened, could happen, but it's all me just spinning my wheels round. This is where meditation comes in. I need to start practicing it. But what I've just understood is something big. It's just a matter of spinning thoughts about stuff that is not going on right now. FEAR = False evidence appearing real. I'm going to start mediate ing soon. I've never felt this worked up before a date, but tonight I am on edge. But I swear I am not drinking tonight over it. I don't mean to hijack your post. I just want you to know pills aren't the answer to any of this for any of us. I strongly believe that. I think fear is just a monster we create in our heads that can be overcome. You just have to push through it and do the shit that sucks and is scary and then it gets easier. Isolating is easy because there is nothing to fear. I would push myself in small incremental phases with socializing while getting off this drug. Like make plans to do something social for 1 hour and then leave. Slowly adjust yourself to the things that are scary and hard without drugs. You are doing so awesome btw!! Don't forget that!! You got this girl!

Actually, it might be better to do an alternative method of quitting (much cheaper and doable). 1. Tell your doctor you're addicted 2. Tell all your family and friends - ask for their support 3. Make a quit plan (cold turkey or taper) 4. Act on quit plan and turn to this site plus any other means of additional support you can find (smart meetings, na meetings, or whatever kind of support group you can find to help) 5. Don't expect anything from yourself for the first year 6. Expect to have LOTS of cravings/urges for awhile and be fucked up from wanting it so bad while at the same time hating it 7. Help others recover on this site (will always make you feel better and be a good reminder of why you don't want to go back on it)

I went to a 7 day detox program. I would suggest it to anyone trying to get clean for good.

Congratulations!!! That is awesome!!!

I think it's definitely just situational anxiety. I went through the same thing on my girls trip a week ago. It was hard being out of my routine, without a car, nowhere to go for a run, and with my friends while they were drinking (I wanted to, but didn't), and not having my support stuff I usually turn to on my laptop with me. I was having a ton of anxiety, but now that I am home I am better. The good news is at least you identified exactly what it was and now you can come up with ways to alleviate the stress/anxiety you are feeling. Maybe it would be good to just get out and go explore with your dog for a few hours a day and just take a break.

Any chance there is something in your diet that may be making it worse and/or causing the anxiety? Diet drinks, aspartame, energy drinks, too much caffeine or artificial sweetener of some kind?