LILTEX41

Hi everyone. I took adderall for 6 years. I quit for 3 months back when I first found this website (September 2008). If you go the section of this website titled, "Your Challenge", you'll see I was the very first post Mike ever had. My name is Erin. Anyhow, I knew I couldn't stop adderall without stopping everything, so I was sober for 3 months. Peer pressure took over and I couldn't remain in the same lifestyle I'd been in without using. I went back on adderall and started drinking again. 3 months later I left my fiance in Feb 2009 because he was too scared to marry me. This was my 1st attempt. I moved to Houston in April 2009 for my job. I moved into my own apartment. My adderall addiction spun out of control. In June 2009 to make things worse, I was given a bad batch of adderall. http://www.aboutlawsuits.com/generic-adderall-recall-barr-dextroamphetamine-amphetamine-5459/ I didn't know the 20mg pills I'd been prescribed were actually @ 60-80mg pills. I almost died because of those pills. I didn't eat or sleep for 4 days straight. They made me a paranoid schizophrenic and I thought there were bugs hopping off my skin and all over the place. It's the most insane story anyone will ever hear. This I can promise you, but it's too long to tell. I ended up in the emergency room after calling an ambulance to come get me. I was stranded with bugs hopping off my skin (or at least that's what I thought) at a Valero gas station. It was horrible. I ended up in a psych ward. I promised to go to rehab and they released me. I was adderall free from June 2009 - January 2010. This was my second attempt. January 2010, pharmacy calls. They tell me the pills I overdosed on where actually super potent. I became enraged and hoped to file a lawsuit. I then rationalized the incident with my friends and that it wasn't my fault. 4 days later I called my doc to get a refill. From January 2010 - July 2010 I became severly addicted. I became frail once again. I was binge drinking, smoking pot, and popping adds like candy on a daily basis. I'd do coke at times when adderall wasn't available or whatever else came around. I was also smoking nearly a pack of cigarettes a day. Off adderall, I'd just completed a half marathon November 2009. My addictions returned with greater intensity than ever. Then in April 2010 I slammed my car into a hwy flat median and blew out all four tires right after I'd taken half a 30mg orange pill my friend gave me while we were out having a couple drinks (i'd been out for two weeks). I was so jittery and paranoid about driving I didn't see the curb/median in front of me and slammed into it going 50mph. I'm lucking I didn't get a DUI. I thought I was in control. I wasn't. By June 2010 I was so tweaked out and such a mess that I actually let some jerk I'd met at a bar move in with me. I'd known him for a week. This was scary, but I was so out of my mind on adderall and everything else that it felt like the right thing to do. I ran out of adderall 2 weeks early. Him and his friend conned me into loaning him $300 for 100 30mg pills of adderall. I gave his friend the money and never saw it again or the pills. I kicked him out of my apartment. He was starting to get violent. My other little friend was also a raging mess. The same week I picked her up from jail after she did a 360 on the highway drunk and almost died. Her bf had been beating her up and locked her out of his house. My life was a complete wreck. During this time I'd also just been reclassified as a supervisor at work. How I kept all my life together without losing my job I'll never know. After the night of my gf's incident and kicking out what I thought was my bf, I drove home to Columbus, OH to sort out my life. I sobered up and stopped taking adderall. This was my 3rd attempt to quit. The date was July 10th, 2010. I returned to Houston a week later. I started running immediately and working out. I was able to complete a long run of 9 miles within 3 months and then I relapsed. I got stressed out from work. I was lonely. I relapsed on alcohol for a week. I said it was just a one time deal. Then I thought well I've already ruined all my clean time. What's one more day of drinking. About a week later I was so depressed I'd failed, I figured at least with adderall I'll be able to go to work and do something right. I picked up my script on 10-14-2010. November 8th I landed back in the emergency room for my 2nd overdose. I was transported to a psych unit...then to a 7 day detox. They diagnosed me as bipolar. I'm not bipolar. I'm addicted to drugs and alchol. This is my 4th attempt to quit. I'm 117 days sober today. Let this be the last time I ever have to stop again. I worry that I may not have another recovery in me again. Oh, and finally...adderall dreams. I swear I've had one every night for the past week. I think I've relapsed and then I wake up. I actually see the orange pill. It's typically always somebody sneaking one to me. They scare me. Good luck and god bless everyone trying to quit adderall. If you've ever relapsed, don't feel bad. You're not alone. Together we can all fight this and beat it. I will be a success story and I am a success story. That's how I roll today. Much love to ya'll! Erin

Great post and topic! It's been so long since I've been on adderall now that I almost forgot how it worked. You are so right on with cleaning the bedroom 101. I've been laying around on my couch for 2 days now and the most I feel like doing is getting up to eat and doing the basic necessities. I don't know what my problem is this week. I love being on the computer and watching t.v. I NEVER used to watch tv or movies on adderall. There was always way too many tasks that needed to be done and I couldn't wait to do them once I had my pills refilled. Now, these tasks seem overwhelming. I know it will get better with time and I'm totally going to use your breaking down a task 101 post to help get me motivated. You're doing great by the way! Erin

Good luck, Scott! Keep posting to this site for support if you need it. I'm on here a lot. You can do it! Erin

OMG, I can totally relate! I went to the ER because I thought I was having a heart attack. I BECAME extremely bipolar because I wasn't sleeping and taking adderall every 4 hours. I had dellusions and my mood was all over the place. The ER sent me to a psych ward....then they sent me to detox. I was diagnosed as bipolar. Dude! I'm not bipolar! I'm just now weening off the seroquel pills. I'm still on the others but I want to get off those too. My problem is I'm an adderall addict. I went through stages like you did where the high is fantastic and I'd get so much done along with feeling on top of the world. Then there were times when I'd take them and feel like they weren't hardly doing anything. The bottom line in the end for me though was the fact that my life was a total disaster due to taking adderall. There is a saying that I like. "One is too many and a thousand is never enough." I know for me, the chase of the high will never be enough. Addiction is when we keep chasing and chasing a high until we can't even chase it anymore. Another saying I like, "I was sick and tired of being sick and tired." That's how I was. I just wanted my life to be sane (even if that meant letting my life fall apart at the seems in the short term) and to be happy again. I'm 117 days clean from adderall and all drugs and alcohol today. I'm in no way "on top of the world", however, I'm feeling better than ever and I know there are great things ahead for me in life. I'm very excited to see what my life will be like a year from now when I feel 100% responsible for all my successes and not that my life has been created by false pretenses. May you find what you've been looking for and I pray you find it elsewhere than where you've previously searched. Take care my friend! Erin