LILTEX41

James, I'm worried about you! I hope you're okay. Just wanted to check in and see how you were doing tonight. Please stay in touch.

Tomasso, First off, I think you are doing AWESOME! You sound very smart and are amazingly articulate! I can't get over all the things you have accomplished in your 1st 2 months off adderall. That's freaking bad ass. Just imagine your future down the road and what all you can achieve! Ok, so now let's talk about your confidence. First of all, you just quit adderall...ALL confidence goes down the pipe line when quitting this drug so I command you to stop being so hard on yourself! Second thing, you remind me of someone I know very well. Let me just say well, at least someone I used to know very well. Here's the deal. You HAVE to start thinking of yourself differently. You are thinking depressing thoughts and the more you think these horrible negative things about yourself, the more you will believe them, and the more depressed and nervous you are going to feel! Make a list of like 20 - 30 awesome things about yourself. Look at this list everyday and repeat it to yourself every chance you get! Everytime you have one of these self downing thoughts, refute it and rephrase the thought. For example, "I feel like if I tried everybody would reject me because they would remember how I'm always nervous and awkward constantly from the past few semesters, if they even know who I am. I feel invisible to girls too, like they find me repulsive, which I don't believe is true at all." Ok, now what evidence do you have of any of this??? Who says this is true??? Rephrase this, "I accept myself EXACTLY as I am because I am human being . We all feel insecure at times and it is OK that I am feeling anxious about trying to make new friends or hang out with people I know. This is NORMAL to feel this way and going forward I am going to keep reminding myself that other people feel this way too. Most of the time when I am fearful of what someone else is thinking, they are probably thinking about themselves and their own problems. It typically has nothing to do with me and if it does most of the time, that is their problem - NOT mine. Instead of focusing on my fear, I will ask them how they are doing. I will take all attention off of me and ask LOTS of questions! People like to talk about themselves. Talk about something you may have in common. And whatever you do, you need to start building yourself up! People will be at ease with you when you are at ease with you. Learn to love youself for your quirks, imperfections and all. Even if you think it's stupid, just keep repeating positive things about youself ALL day long. Make a list and keep referring to it. List out all your accomplishments and all your best qualities. Love yourself and the rest of the world will love you the way you do! K? Now, last thing...here's a little article from Smart Recovery on Self Acceptance. ((((Hugs))))) Thoughts to Help Increase Self-Acceptance 1. I'm not a bad person when I act badly; I am a person who has acted badly. 2. I'm not a good person when I act well and accomplish things; I am a person who has acted well and accomplished things. 3. I can accept myself whether I win, lose, or draw. 4. I would better not define myself entirely by my behavior, by others' opinions, or by anything else under the sun. 5. I can be myself without trying to prove myself. 6. I am not a fool for acting foolishly. If I were a fool, I could never learn from my mistakes. 7. I am not an ass for acting asininely. 8. I have many faults and can work on correcting them without blaming, condemning, or damning myself for having them. 9. Correction, yes! Condemnation, no! 10. I can neither prove myself to be a good nor a bad person. The wisest thing I can do is simply to accept myself. 11. I am not a worm for acting wormily. 12. I cannot "prove" human worth or worthlessness; it's better that I not try to do the impossible. 13. Accepting myself as being human is better than trying to prove myself superhuman or rating myself as subhuman. 14. I can itemize my weaknesses, disadvantages, and failures without judging or defining myself by them. 15. Seeking self-esteem or self-worth leads to self-judgments and eventually to self-blame. Self- acceptance avoids these self-ratings. 16. I am not stupid for acting stupidly. Rather, I am a non-stupid person who sometimes produces stupid behavior. 17. I can reprimand my behavior without reprimanding myself. 18. I can praise my behavior without praising myself. 19. Get after your behavior! Don't get after yourself. 20. I can acknowledge my mistakes and hold myself accountable for making them -but without berating myself for creating them. 21. It's silly to favorably judge myself by how well I'm able to impress others, gain their approval, perform, or achieve. 22. It's equally silly to unfavorably judge myself by how well I'm able to impress others, gain their approval, perform, or achieve. 23. I am not an ignoramus for acting ignorantly. 24. When I foolishly put myself down, I don't have to put myself down for putting myself down. 25. I do not have to let my acceptance of myself be at the mercy of my circumstances. 26. I am not the plaything of others' reviews, and can accept myself apart from others' evaluations of me. 27. I may at times need to depend on others to do practical things for me, but I don't have to emotionally depend on anyone in order to accept myself. Practical dependence is a fact! Emotional dependence is a fiction! 28. I am beholden to nothing or no one in order to accept myself. 29. It may be better to succeed, but success does not make me a better person. 30. It may be worse to fail, but failure does not make me a worse person.

SearchingSoul, 1st off - SO proud of you!! Whooooo hooo on day 6!!! 2nd thing - I LOVE cognitive behavioral therapy!!! It is the bomb! So that's why my Smart Recovery program is all about. There is NOTHING to fear. It's not what you think. I've had a few counselors as well. It won't be her probing all into your life and the way you think like for example asking you to re-hash your deepest darkest secrets or anything. Instead, the goal is to teach you how to change your thinking pattens and thoughts. As they teach you how to change maladaptive ways of thinking, you'll begin to start catching yourself and then correct the thought pattern..which then leads to different behaviors and feelings, etc. Don't worry! I think you'll really like it, but just make sure you like your therapist. If she's not a good fit, keep shopping until you find the right one.

Dang, adderall is blowin' up all over the place. I think we should start a poll and all guess how much longer before they take it off the shelves. Anyone care to go first?

James, I am SO HAPPY you posted! I LOVE what In Recovery has said and please listen with all your heart. Adderall is some scary shit and I am thankful you came clean to all of us tonight. Have you told your family and friends? I really think you need support right now. What about someone at your church if you don't feel comfortable with telling family or friends? I just think it would be so good if you had someone to talk to face to face and someone to call if you needed to at times. Sometimes I don't feel like I am the great with advice for people who are just quitting because my addiction had to get really severe before I would quit for good...I spent a day at the ER, psych ward, and a week in a detox unit. Never EVER wanting to go through such a horrific experience along with all the other horrible stuff that happened..well, that's what kept me clean. I wanted a life that was sane again. I wanted to sleep, eat, and peace. For me it meant I had to give up my super stressful job as a supervisor and go work night shift for a year. I finally changed jobs and found one way less stressful. I had to make my life as easy as possible in order to not turn back to the pills. It is OK to take a few steps backwards in order to move forward again eventually. If you need to drop your classes and take a semester off to get clean then that's what you do!!!! This is your LIFE that is at stake here! I got an idea....let's visualize....imagine what your life will look like without adderall for the next 5 years. Plan it out. Map some goals out you'd like to achieve each year..like for example.. 1st Year - 2013 - GET OFF ADDERALL & DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO STAY CLEAN 2nd Year 3rd Year 4th Year 5th Year Ok, now visualize what will happen if you go back on adderall based on what has happened already. Now imagine that getting like 10 times worse because that is what addiction looks like. It never gets better!!! It's just like Kenny Chesney says, "One is one too many, and one is never enough." If you need someone to talk to, please message me. I will support you in any way I can to help you get through this. Just know that You CAN do this. I have FAITH in you. God will pull you through this. Maybe there is a recovery group at your church? Ok, well you are in my prayers tonight my friend. Just hang in there and we will all be right here to help! (((((((((Hugs)))))))))

Hey Occasional1, I was thinking about my response to you the other day and realized I think I was a little overzealous. I tend to be a bit hyper at times (imagine that, lol) and I can get a little too intense/obsessive in my thinking. Anyhow, what I wanted to say was that I am just really so proud of you for your honesty. I know there were plenty of times that I should've done what you did and instead I relapsed. So guess what?? You did it! You overcame your craving and that my friend is so freaking awesome. I think you should just take an easy right now and focus on trying to sleep, rest, and doing a little bit at a time. It's almost weird now that I've been off it for so long that I forget what it's like in the early days, but I know that it takes time and I hope I didn't overwhelm you by anything I was rattling off at the time. Ok, well stay strong my brotha and live another joyful day clean and FREE! Whoop whoop

Welcome Steve. Congratulations on day 9!! Can't wait to hear more about your recovery and all the great things in store for you! Hugs, Liltex

Wow, injections seem pretty intense. Does she still get them now?

Mamma says Happiness is from magic rays of Sunshine that come down when ya feelin Blue

10-4...maybe this is what Ashley needs!

Have you tried vitamin B12? A co-worker of mine introduced me to them a year or so ago. Of course, they are nothing in comparison to adderall, but they do help me.

Jared, so sorry to hear about your father. Prayers for you and your mom. I think your plan sounds awesome. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you right now, but getting through this adderall free is really going to help you in my opinion in that you will be able to start the healing process emotionally and not use an artificial drug to distract you from the pain. Thank you for your honesty and reaching out to all of us. Looking forward to hearing your story.

Ashey, I'm sorry to hear that! Are you okay???

Do they sell this in most grocery stores?

Hi Leo. So glad you posted! How are you feeling tonight? Sometimes I feel like the best thing to do is look inward at times like this. What is your gut telling you to do?

Hey Jared! Don't be so hard on yourself. If it were easy we wouldn't be here! It took me a long time before I was finally ready to call the doctor's office and tell them to not EVER give me adderall again. After I finally did it though...WOW. It felt great to have slammed the door shut and not look back. Anyhow, glad you posted and can't wait to hear your story! Hope you get some rest soon. Take care.

Awe, quitonce..you just made my night!! I tried to like your post, but I got a funny error message that said I'd already reached my quota of positive votes for the day. WTF, lol?! Um, in my little texan world positive votes are LIMITLESS! That needs to be changed immediately! Anyhow, I am so happy for you quitonce. That is so amazing! 20 months is freaking bad ass!! I was thinking last night about just how awesome our little community is here. I think as time goes on more and more people will come forward wanting help to get off this stuff and just know we all get to be the original group to help people....well..it's simply just fabulous! I finally feel like I'm getting closer and closer to my life's purpose and I know that everything I went through was for a reason. I have to just keep following my heart and intuition about all the things I crave and am passionate about in life. I trust that there is this amazing path for all of us ahead. And I am a firm believer in that the closer we stay bonded, united, holding hands to overcome our struggles...we will survive and make it through to the other side of happy destiny. I was lying in bed last night and all I could keep thinking about was that guy in VA who hung himself over this shit. How I wish he could've found us and we could've helped him, you know? I just pray if there are more people like him...lurking these boards and needing help, I pray they have the courage to start posting. I pray that they would just pour their hearts out to us and get honest with themselves. Like I said the other night...it took me 5 relapses in 2 years time before I finally got clean. But the thing that inspired me the most was Mike and this website. I was so grateful I had somewhere to turn when I needed help. I don't believe I would've ever quit for good had it not been for what he has created here. It was so inspiring. And so in this I pray that one by one we can pass the torch of recovery onto everyone that has a desire to find a life without adderall. That is the beauty of this community. Godspeed friends.

Ok, guys. WOW. This breaks my heart reading this because I know you are so close if not already back on the pills today. I know because this is exactly the way I felt everytime I relapsed. Rationalizing the drug. Missing the euphoria. Recalling all the sweet easy times and FORGETTING all the painful agony of it ripping at your self confidence during this midst of irresistible cravings which feel insatiable as you are having them. I understand this and my heart goes out to you because I wish I could wrap you up in my arms and protect you from doing that very thing which you have set out not to do. But I also know this is your journey and if you need to take another stab at it, then that's what you are going to do. But I also know...if you muscle through this right now...if you just hold on for one more day...you can get through this..and in time your life is going to get better. It WILL get easier. You will FIGURE IT OUT. Repeat this phrase, "I WILL FIGURE IT OUT. KEEP MOVING MOVING FORWARD." I was sitting here just now journaling and I had an amazing revelation. After our chat last night..I was reflecting back on what my life was like on adderall. And suddenly I got this amazing surge / crazy idea if you will....that what I need to do is live everyday like I did while I was on adderall. What I mean by this..is I remember the joy I had in every single task at hand. I remembered how much I loved doing my tasks. And what I need to do now is that I need to execute everyday like this. I need to wake up in the morning and start picking things up and train myself to carry out one task at a time. I need to treat everything in front of me as a challenge/goal and not let things distract me. I need to make my to do lists and I need to stay on task because I know how great it used to feel everytime I'd get all my tasks completed in the day. I'd feel like I had super human strength. I remember how rewarding that feeling was and that is what made me love adderall so much. It made me feel so super competent and victorious. I can and I will achieve that feeling again tomorrow. It is my goal and I am excited about it. My life was exciting back then because it was amusing to see just how much I could get done in one day. And it could be anything...from cleaning, to shopping, to making blankets, doing a home improvement project, whatever, I just knew how great I felt being super productive. So that is my challenge to you. Try it for one day. You tell yourself you are CAPABLE, SUCCESSFUL, BRILLIANT, COMPETENT, A BAD ASS, AND YOU HAVE SUPER HUMAN STRENGTH. You don't need those stupid f-king pills! YOU GOT THIS. I have FAITH IN YOU. Lea, You can do this girl. Don't give up. I still struggle with the eating thing too at times, but one thing I know...adderall is not the answer. It will cause you more harm, depression, and unhappiness if you use the drug like I did. I remember at my weakest moments...when I got down to a size 0...and you know what kind of guys I attracted....a-hole using drug addicts! I was one and I fell for one...and he used the crap out of me. And I'll tell ya something....he said something to me one night...after I kicked him out of my apartment with all his crap....you know what he said??? He said, "you will not EVER find anyone. You need to take a good hard look in the mirror. Your jaw shakes like a meth head. You're not even pretty!" ....so yeah.....I quit adderall a few days later after that incident...started working out...got in shape for 3 months...then work stress....MAJOR WORK STRESS. I had the same kinds of thoughts both of you guys are having now....3 months of serious working out ...up to running 9 miles a day..quit smoking and drinking, etc..and ya know what? ADDERALL BENDER FROM HELL. Within 3 weeks I landed back in the emergency room for the 2nd time. So...hey, I'm just sayin'..be careful what you wish for. It's not worth it. But what do I know? Ok, I gotta go to bed, but I'm keeping you both in my prayers tonight. GODSPEED FRIENDS! Prayers for you tonight my friend and big (((Hugs)))!

I agree it's definitely a great thing to come here often as a good reminder. That is an awesome end to a dream!! So empowering. Love it! How long have you been clean now?

You guys, I just woke up from a horrible nightmare! After all that talk about adderall last night, I had this dream I went back on the meds. We were all playing basketball and everyone thought I was clean. However, I'd secretly started taking adderall again and I was taking a TON of it. Halfway through the dream I realized I was in fact lying to everyone about my clean time and I started to panic. It was SO F-ING HORRIBLE to feel and realize I was back on those stupid pills!!! I woke up and was like, "YES!!!! I didn't relapse! Thank GOD. Just wanted to share. You guys are AWESOME! Your ADD is your gift. Always remember that! Hugs everyone!

Let me know if you have any questions. I will be more than happy to help. I LOVE Smart!! Best thing that ever happened to me and changed my sobriety outlook for the first time in 20 years. I tried sobriety for 20 years and this is the longest I've EVER been sober. Just celebrated 27 months yesterday. Thanks to Smart!

Hey everyone! I just wanted to share what I consider the best recovery program out there. Ok, maybe I'm a little biased, but honestly, this program has changed my life. It's called SMART Recovery. All you need to do to sign up is register for a username and password. They have daily online meetings which are really great. Come check it out sometime! "Discover the Power of Choice!" SMART Recovery® is the leading self-empowering addiction recovery support group. Our participants learn tools for addiction recovery based on the latest scientific research and participate in a world-wide community which includes free, self-empowering, science-based mutual help groups. The SMART Recovery 4-Point Program® helps people recover from all types of addiction and addictive behaviors, including: drug abuse, drug addiction, substance abuse, alcohol abuse, gambling addiction, cocaine addiction, prescription drug abuse, and problem addiction to other substances and activities. SMART Recovery sponsors face-to-face meetings around the world, and daily online meetings. In addition, our online message board and 24/7 chat room are excellent forums to learn about SMART Recovery and obtain addiction recovery support. Our 4-Point Program® The SMART Recovery® 4-Point Program® offers tools and techniques for each program point: 1: Building and Maintaining Motivation 2: Coping with Urges 3: Managing Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviors 4: Living a Balanced Life Our Approach • Teaches self-empowerment and self-reliance. • Provides meetings that are educational, supportive and include open discussions. • Encourages individuals to recover from addiction and alcohol abuse and live satisfying lives. • Teaches techniques for self-directed change. • Supports the scientifically informed use of psychological treatment and legally prescribed psychiatric and addiction medication. • Works on substance abuse, alcohol abuse, addiction and drug abuse as complex maladaptive behaviors with possible physiological factors. • Evolves as scientific knowledge in addiction recovery evolves. • Differs from Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and other 12-step programs. Recognition SMART Recovery® is a recognized resource for addiction recovery by the American Academy of Family Physicians, the Center for Health Care Evaluation, The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), US Department of Health and Human Services, and the American Society of Addiction Medicine. You can get more information here!

Oh fun! I had no idea. Who's leading the meeting?

Thanks for posting the article!

So sorry guys!! I didn't mean to trigger anyone.