LILTEX41

Does that mean on leave from military duties or something?

Omg, you just totally took me back in time! I can so relate to that scenario. I used to be so paranoid thinking the docs knew I was an addict and they were on to me. It seemed like it never failed..whenever I needed my script, something would go wrong! I'd be waiting..counting down the days until it was ready, then boom! I'd call and they'd say something happened and it was too early or they wouldn't have it till Monday, or whatever, etc. I would go ape shit!!! Then I'd have to find other ways of getting messed up until the day it was ready. It just always seemed like something would go wrong and I was at their mercy. And I HATED that feeling of someone else having all control over my life. I was a freaking SLAVE to that drug. FREEDOM is the gift today. Nothing controls me today besides ME. Best feeling in the world. Thanks for the reminder!

Hi Frii! Food is quite a perk of quitting. Yum. Welcome to the board and congrats on 2 weeks!

In my humble experience, I have to personally state that recovering from adderall addiction is unlike any other addiction out there. At first it is rough. My self esteem took a nose dive as my work ethic deteriorated right before my eyes. Just to make it through the entire day was tough. I didn't have the motivation and I really felt like a failure without my super human drug. However, as I stuck it out and started slowly rebuilding my reputation without adderall it did get easier. I started having more respect for myself that I was able to function without it even if I was doing a half assed job. It definitely wasn't a quick fix by any means, but GOD were my co-workers glad to have my fun loving happy go lucky self back. I was no longer STRESSED out, ANXIOUS, PARANOID, DELUSIONAL, and as my one friend called it, doing the "jackhammer." , It's been 27 months and 20 days since I've been clean. Today, I have a new job and that was another tough challenge, but I got through it and I feel pretty confident in my abilities today. It was hard at first starting a new job after 5 years at my old one along with starting a new part in the industry I'm in. Now that I think about it, I spent the entire duration of my last job on adderall up until the last year. Anyhow, to answer your question...YES, I think he will return to his clever, extroverted confident self and eventually be stronger and even more self assured after overcoming this pill if he does decide to quit. However, it takes time. But there is no reason he cannot have a full and life long bad ass recovery. It will depend on his inner strength and determination to quit and see it through. Does he want to quit?

You my friend, are an inspiration! Wow, I can relate to so much! I went to the ER twice because of adderall and ran into a median going 50 miles an hour..blew out all four tires and would've slammed into someone else had anyone been near me. To say that we are alive and beating this thing today is a miracle, MIRACLE! I have my ups and downs since I quit too, but reading stories like yours always makes me want to keep pushing forward and makes me remember I don't ever want to go back to that hell. Thank you for sharing and way to go!!!

This is so beautiful. I LOVE stuff like this! Here are my faves: 10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. 13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. 21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special. 38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

WOW!!! So happy for you my friend!!

I think journaling is a GREAT idea. I do it on a daily basis. I just do it on my lap top though. It helps me process my thoughts and forumlate decision making. I think it's also really great for people with ADD because you can just jot something down when it strikes and then later you actually have a reminder! Happy journaling!

That sounds like a fabulous walk. I think next time you should take a video and share it with us. I've always dreamed of what it would be like to take a walk or go skiing in CO. Take us with you!

Wow, thank you for sharing! I'm so glad you are mending your relationship with him. He seems to geniunely be trying to connect with you in the best way he can. He loves you!

LOVE this!! Congratulations!!

Hey everyone! Let's plan a meetup. I just saw these messages and wish I would've checked back a long time ago. Hope you are all okay!

LOVE THIS!!! YOU ROCK!!! AWESOME AND CONGRATULATIONS!!

I agree about the day calculator. That's a great idea! Maybe you can suggest it to Mike? I DO NOT miss grinding my teeth and all the horrible canker sores. Those were the worst! Glad you are getting some sleep. Way to go and congrats on your clean time!!! Whoop whoop!

My ex used to say there was a black cloud that hovered in the air over our relationship. It wasn't until I was clean that I realized the black cloud he was referring to was really just over me! I can totally relate to this post. Isn't it great to feel and be present in your life again?

Wow, thank you for sharing. That's gotta be hard having a gf with ADHD. You made it 23 days though! Whooo hooo!!! Glad to have you here. Keep posting and updating us with your status. I love all you newbies! You keep it so fresh for me. So again, thank you for sharing and KEEP MOVING FORWARD. Hugs!

Ladyluck, Thank you for reminding me why I am sober today. I was having a bad morning up until I read your post just now. Sometimes in sobriety, I struggle thinking I'm missing out on partying, but your post just brought it all back for me - what my addiction was really like and I don't want that life back. I used to be a cleaning nazi too. There was never enough plain and simple. I felt empty inside an no amount of substances could fill that hole. I just needed more and more. So thank you for posting even if you are not ready now, know you've helped me today. I agree with Occasional. When and if you are ready, it would probably be best to get a new living situation. I can't even imagine trying to get clean while being around people are taking it. I had to cut ties with using friends. It just wasn't a good fit to be around others as it was a major trigger to want to use again. If you want this, you're right. You CAN do this! We'll be here if you need us for help. Hugs, lil tex

Hi, Leila, I'm sorry to hear you are struggling right now and my heart goes out to you. The pain you are speaking of takes me right back into that god awful fight and I know it can feel so overwhelming, but you have done a tremendously brave thing tonight by posting online. You are on your way to freedom! The fact that you came here and got honest is HUGE and one of the BEST things you could ever do for yourself so give yourself a big (((hug)))) and if you can't then here is one from me to (((((you)))))). The first time I tried to quit EVER is actually the first comment under Mike's article titled, "Your Challenge." My screen name at that time was Erin. I tried to do the step down method too to get me through my work week and then I finally did it and dumped the pills down the sink. I relapsed 3 months later, but at least it was a step in the right direction. I think you will find that the quitting process is a journey and you will have to find whatever works for you. It's hard to know that ahead of time and only you can decide that. This is your recovery and everyone has to find their own way as we are all individuals with different personalities, genetics, backgrounds, and experiences. From what I'm hearing you say, it sounds like adderall is no longer working for you and the negatives far out weigh the benefits at this point. If you have that and hold onto it in your heart ALWAYS, you can be confident in that you WILL rise above and you WILL OVERCOME this struggle. If you are doubting that you can do this and/or not sure you are ready, I suggest getting an index card and write out all the reasons why you want to quit on one side. Then list all the disadvantages of continuing to use on the other. Carry this card with you at all times and look at it whenever you need to. Ok, friend, I hope you get some sleep tonight. Be rest assured God has a plan for you and better things than you could ever imagine are waiting for you!! ((((Hugs)))))

Occasional, What were the positive remarks? Let's focus on those! Also, let's try to seperate YOU from your work performance/behavior. YOU are a human being and worthy of acceptance NO MATTER WHAT. You are not your behavior. Behavior/work performance can always be changed, modified, adapted, or whatever. Right now YOU are doing the best with what you got to get through this difficult time period and adjust to no longer having adderall. The fact that you are showing up, doing the work, and getting through this transition period right now needs to be applauded and awarded! So pat yourself on the back my friend and be proud of your achievement for having the strength to toss the pills and do this the hard way. If you don't applaud yourself, then I will! They don't know you quit taking pills and all that you're going through right now. I'm sure if they did they would lighten up on you be impressed at this admirable conquest you've undertaken. You are staying clean and that is a MIRACLE. MIRACLE!! It will get better. You will figure it out and you will feel amazing as you keep trucking through these times. Here's a little quote just for you tonight. "Character cannot be developed through ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." - Helen Keller Hugs!

Congratulations on being free from adderall! Sounds like you are tapping into the journey of self discovery. Awesomeness!

So happy to hear it went well! You sound cheerful. Yay! And congrats on day 9!! You are doing it! Whooo hooo!!!! Hugs!

Emmapea, I know what you mean. I remember how I used to feel so smart because the words would just roll of my toungue when on adderall and for some reason it just felt like everything clicked in my brain at once. What is your degree in? Anything to do with writing? Is this anxiety strictly about graduating or is your future career involved as well? I've found I have to REALLY be into something in order to find that hyperfocus mode like I used to have on adderall. Actually, funny story...so the one thing I did have amazing focus for had to do with an article for a magazine. I advised the editor I would finish my story I had started about my trip to the ER the first time. I don't know what came over me, but what was supposed to be a 3-5 page story ended up being like 43 pages!!!! I wrote non-stop for a week straight and it was so much fun. I wrote at work (oopsie) and I wrote every chance I got. I think that life in post adderall world, you have to find the things you are super passionate about in order to find that drive that is induced on adderall. Probably not what you want to hear right now, but my only suggestion would be that whatever you have to write papers on...see if you can find topics that really interest you and you want to write about. Good luck and congratulations on 10 days!!! Whoop whoop!!!

Ham, CONGRATULATIONS on 66 days today! You are EXACTLY where you are meant to be right now. You WILL get through this and you will OVERCOME. I think DETERMINATION is the most important ingredient to all goals/dreams in life. When there's a will, there's a way. Keep dreaming, keep hoping, visualize, and know that you CAN be and do anything you want to in life. You got this!! A good friend of mine once told me the two most powerful words in the universe are, "I AM" and I found this to be SO true over time. Choose your words and thoughts carefully. Know that you are exactly who you think you are and even if you don't feel like it at times, keep saying this to yourself and you will become what you think. I AM STRONG. I AM CONFIDENT I WILL BEAT THIS. I AM A CHAMPION. Hugs!

LOL, ADD at it's finest y'all.

Whooooooooo hoooooooo!! You sound fantastic! So happy for you Lea! You too Cat!