LILTEX41

Hey, calling anyone who has a road bike! I'm gonna sign up for the Austin Half Ironman in October. Anyone wanna join me? It'll be fun!! Here's a training schedule to get you started! http://www.trifuel.com/triathlon-training/Half-Ironman-Training.php#assumptions

You got it! I went to a meeting downtown tonight and we did actually talk about Smart goals outlined exactly as you mentioned above. My meetings don't start till April 19th. I'm really excited though. Thank you for asking!

You're going to do FANTASTIC with a plan like that!!

Congratulations on 30 days!!! Awesome!!! Welcome to the board!

Hi Hoping for the best. Thank you for sharing this with us. I cannot imagine being the person dating someone with an Adderall addiction. My ex fiancé struggled with mine and would not marry me because of it. It was truly a giant wake up call. I thought we were going to be together forever. However, as time went on and my addiction got worse, our relationship got more troubled. But as much as I loved him...and I mean I seriously loved him...more than anything on this planet...he was my everything, but Adderall came before him and he knew it. I'd lie about it a lot and I was my worst self on Adderall. He wouldn't marry me. It broke my heart, but I didn't know how to live without Adderall. I knew if I could get off it, we might have a chance, but I just couldn't. Looking back now, if he would've married me, I would've never gotten off of it. I would've felt like my addiction was OK. I wasn't ready to give it up at that time. I had to let it run it's course. So I moved to Texas...and holy shit...things got worse. A LOT worse, but it had to get bad enough for me to get better. I am over 28 months sober now. My ex and I are still friends. We still love each other and he's so happy I'm clean. The best thing he did for me was to let me go. Not sure if any of this will help your situation or not. Just another story and another perspective to consider. Wishing you the best and for clarity in your decision. Keep us posted!

DUDE!!!! SO NOT FUNNY!!! My heart just exploded a little bit, lol! Phew! Don't scare me like that!!

Great to hear from you Trey! You have my support 100%. You CAN do this and sounds like you're ready to find a happier way of life. I'm starting to realize so many of us here just have to let Adderall run it's course. I had my share of ups and downs, but towards the end the downs outweighed the ups by so much, it just wasn't worth it anymore. I couldn't go on living in that hell. I am rooting for you. You GOT this!! Hugs!

SOOOOO???? How did it go today???

I am so excited for you!!!! Congratulations!!! You are going to kick ass - I know it! You sound so great and I LOVE your new pic. You are literally back on your feet again! HOORAY!! Can't wait to hear how it goes tomorrow. Thinking of you and will say some prayers for you tonight my friend! Hugs!

Awe, you guys are awesome!!! I don't know what I'd do without all of you!! I am so thankful to Mike and this board as you guys are truly the only ones who understand and help keep me motivated to stay sober. I pray for a strong lifelong recovery for each and every one of you. Hugs my dear friends!!!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! You're story is amazing and I am so glad I've gotten the chance to know you through this board. You've been such an inspiration to others and so helpful. Can't wait to hear about all the amazing things you will go on and do with your life. I am blessed to know you!! HUGS!!

Sebastian, Just hang in there buddy. It is truly finding a "new normal" like Ashley mentioned. It's been 28 months for me and I am still in the process of figuring out my life without Adderall. I think that whatever will help you stay off Adderall right now is a great idea. Maybe you won't need the wellbutrin down the road, but for now it might at least help you get through the transition period of a life without Adderall. To be honest, the one thing I find challenging in sobriety is keeping organized and tidy. I used to love that with Adderall I could clean like crazy and that always made me feel better. Today, I actually had to force myself to clean because I have friends coming in town next weekend. As I was cleaning my patio I totally got triggered as it reminded me of my Adderall induced Nazi cleaning episodes. I thought about how easy it would be to clean so effortlessly, but then I had to remember all the bad things associated with it...like being a chain smoker, staying up 24/7, having psychotic breaks with reality, hair falling out, being paranoid around people, and actually being friends with ex-cons. After cleaning today, I do feel better and know I need to do this more often to be happier. So I guess what I'm trying to say..is life off Adderall is by no means easy, but at least you have life in your future that you will be able to sustain in the long run. Over time, it will get easier and easier as you adjust to living without Adderall. But it is a process!! And do not worry right now if you feel like crap and are struggling. That is totally NORMAL!!! Your wonder drug is gone and now you have to pick up the pieces of what is left (a WONDERFUL human being) and figure out how to live without it. Give it time and just know that you will find your swimming legs again. Just don't give up!!!! Never ever give up!!! Keep moving forward, and do whatever you need to stay afloat right now. If that means taking wellbutrin, then by all means, take it my friend.

Emily, It sounds like you are doing great. It'll get better. So glad you posted. Just be kind to yourself and don't judge yourself too harshly for any of your behavior right now as it is all still chemical induced really. Think of yourself like the little guy in this video...

Madness!! You are doing awesome!!!

Hey guys! I am so excited! I am beginning a Smart Recovery meeting in The Woodlands, TX on April 19th. If anyone is ever in the neighborhood, come stop by! The location is 25319 Interstate 45 #102 Spring, TX 77380. We will meet at 6:00 - 7:30 every Friday night. Whooo hooo!!!! 7304 Mentor Avenue, Suite F, Mentor, OH 44060 Phone: 440.951.5357 ¨ Toll free: 866.951.5357 ¨ Fax: 440.951.5358 Email: information@smartrecovery.org ¨ Website: www.smartrecovery.org Welcome to SMART Recovery® You are here to learn how to change some things in your life. To do that you must first identify and recognize a particular problem or set of problems that you may have. Sometimes this is not obvious. But anything that causes you emotional distress such as anxiety, worry, frustration or fear is a signal of where to look for the source of the difficulty. After targeting the problem, it’s necessary to learn about and understand some well-known processes and stages of change that can be used. There are many tried and proven modern techniques available that offer excellent prospects of success. You may be thinking: “My problems are unique. No one will understand. I've tried to change before and nothing has ever worked. I am stuck with this mess.” This is just not true. And you are also probably wondering: “What will I have to do to overcome these problems? Where do I start? How do I start?” OK! Here's the first step. If the following fits you, you’re starting out well. Ask yourself this question: "Have I found it hard to resist the temptation to continue doing something that I know is against my better judgment?" In other words, do you have two minds about the "bad habit" involved? Do you sometimes plunge in and couldn't care less, but then at other times you have misgivings and regrets? If the answer is yes, then with some good work and doing things that you can easily learn, you can reverse the circumstances. You will become a happier and more competent person who has learned how to take control of your thoughts and behavior and who has gained a lot in emotional maturity! Most people who come to a self-help group have this necessary first condition. It is called ambivalence. However, most are also very apprehensive about changing much. They have been in the habit of giving in to their cravings, and have no idea what they can do to effectively change all of that, so they think nothing will really work. But that's not necessarily true. Thousands of people every year recover completely from addictions and get on with their lives. In SMART Recovery®, we understand that all undesirable compulsions (and even addictions) are learned behaviors. Some people may have been exposed to a more influencing environment, while others may have a more susceptible nature. But the good news is that any undesirable habits can be understood and relearned, and then replaced with new practices or even a new lifestyle. You also may be wondering, "How did I get into this situation?" First, do not think that there is something wrong with you. It is perfectly natural to seek pleasure and join in peer activities. It is both sensible and healthy thinking to seek escape or relief from pain or distress. It's very easy to fall into habits when pleasure or relief is involved. But these things can sometimes lead to a situation that has a downside that outweighs the original intent. Looking back, maybe you took too easy a road to find that pleasure and avoid that discomfort. It took a quite a long time for the habit or habits to get to be well seated. So the process of change will also take some time and effort. The road you are on now could possibly lead to a wonderful new growth and strength in your life, or the one you have been on could possibly lead to a spiral down to deeper problems. If you make up your mind to go the high road (no pun intended), you are in the right place at the right time. In SMART Recovery®, we often start out with a risk-reward analysis of one's situation regarding any particular issue. Relax! Everyone has some problem areas, often many. By doing this, usually with help, you will begin to put your situation in perspective and see some of its realities in black and white. You will find your group mates both non-judgmental and helpful. You will also soon find out that in SMART Recovery®, we want you to understand about unconditional self-acceptance. Your total worth is not measurable. You are too complex and variable to be judged as a whole person. But if the measure of your worth is permitted as with the concept of trying to have a high "self esteem", then your self-image can also be damaged greatly when a particular "un-good" act or behavior is equated to your whole worth. This subject will take some study, but for now, remember that your mistakes or self-perceived “shortcomings” do not diminish your real worth. As you saw at the top of this introduction, the idea here is to learn about changing things in your life. The first thing is in understanding the problem... and how those problems work in your life. Then you learn the ropes of how to challenge stuff in your own head and get some better things working. In the third big area, you realize that you ARE worth it. Perhaps you have failed to really appreciate how valuable and worthwhile you are. Well, that's the picture. SMART Recovery® is a non-profit organization almost completely made up of both professionals and non-professionals volunteers, who feel there is a great need in our society for the benefits of modern scientific methods to be applied to addiction. This means helping you through a change from a destructive habit to a more rewarding and fulfilling life. Once again, a big WELCOME to SMART Recovery®.

MFA, Oh my gosh!! Thank you SOOOOO much!! That makes my heart melt. You just made my night. I think all of you are so AWESOME and I love being able to help others in any way I can. I still have a long way to go at times...for me I still have "eating" issues that pop up, but I tell myself better it be food issues than going back to drugs/alcohol. At least the food won't land me in jail or an emergency room again, ya know? I believe that the longer we stay on the right path, the closer we are to reaching our final destiny in the end. Again, thanks so much. You're so kind! Love you guys!

Awe, thanks! Glad you liked it. Well, I don't use labels so I can't really say whether I was an alcoholic or not. I definitely had a substance abuse problem with both drugs and alcohol, but now I do not because I abstain from all of them. I was a hard core binge drinker and had a lot of problems because of it. I was never one of those people that could have a couple drinks and be happy. I'd drink before the party, during, and after until I passed out or blacked out. Within a few days of the first time I ever drank (13) I wound up in the emergency room. At age 14 I got in trouble at a school dance and was sent to Outpatient rehab. From then until 28 months ago I tried to get sober through AA, but never stayed sober longer than a year. I was constantly in and out of sobriety. In 2004 I had a year of sobriety, but then started taking ritalin. I swear the ritalin is what triggered me to want to start drinking again. Within 4 months after starting ritalin/concerta, I started drinking again..and it was down hill from there. Once I switched from concerta to adderall...well my life really got crazy. Looking back, I realized I was messed up 24/7 for 5 years straight. Adderall all day, drink, smoke pot at night. When adderall ran out...whatever else I could get my hands on. It was a mess. For me, I know it is not possible to do one without the other. If I were to try and drink alcohol, I would crave pot, cigarettes, drugs, and adderall. But that's just me though and everyone is different. I'm kind of intense like that. I wish I could be someone who could moderate, but that's just not the way I'm built. I'd love to think someday I could try again, but I feel like it's just too risky and I'm done trying to fight the battle. That's really great alcohol is not an issue you though! You didn't drink when you took adderall?

NOT DRINKING AND DOING DRUGS ADVANTAGES (BENEFITS & REWARDS) OPPORTUNITY to fulfill my destiny Feeling good about myself for the first time ever Have a ripped and hot fit body through exercise Saving money No fear of jail, crashing car, losing job Mend relationships with family and friends No HANGOVER Soul feels GOOD NO sweaty armpits from adderall and smelling like a chimney of cigarettes Sex with a real lover (not a predator) HEALING emotional problems Finding myself and nourishing my soul Helping OTHERS Inner Strength Being in God's Will Journey to an alternate HOPEFUL LIFE FAITH that it will get better PROMISE of a new day Finding a best friend and companion is possible Knowing the best years of my life is yet to come GROWING emotionally and spiritually LEARNING about faith More challenging than using, but also way MORE rewarding DISADVANTAGES (COSTS & RISKS) Have to work harder to stay clean / organized Have to figure out how to be happy sober Have to solve emotional problems Will require patience and effort learning how to cope with problems sober Coping with lonliness Dealing with depression Miss social bonding with ease and laughing

Hi Wagonwar, Yes, you are completely anonymous if you do the online meetings. All you would need to do is make a username and password. They have voice meetings and text meetings. You're in a chat room with 35 people. There will be a meeting facilitator who runs the meeting and helps introduce the Smart tools as needed. The facilitator starts the meeting by doing a brief check in with everyone to see how everyone is doing and then generates topics gathered from the issues that come up during the check ins. You can go to a face to face meeting if there are any in your area. Mainly, the program teaches self empowerment and self management. The program is founded on the belief that recovery is a choice and we have the power and capability to overcome our urges, manage our emotions/feelings, and work to achieve greater lifestyle balance. One of the main concepts is that one is often driven to substance abuse due to irrational beliefs and distorted thinking patterns. There is an ABC tool that is used and can be put into practice whenever you have an urge. I will post it if you'd like. It is key for developing self awareness so that you can learn to overcome cravings. I tried to post the Cost Benefit Analysis, but I am unable to paste the format into this post for some reason. However, I'll just do the sloppy version so you can see what it looks like. Basically, you draw a square with four boxes. In the top half you list the advantages and disadvantages of using the substance or behavior and then in the bottom half you would list all the advantages and disadvantages of not using the substance or engaging in the behavior. Here we go! DRINKING AND DOING DRUGS ADVANTAGES (BENEFITS & REWARDS) Numb uncomfortable feelings Tastes good Distracts from depression Cleaning the crap out of my apartment and getting organized Having an advantage at work DISADVANTAGES (COSTS & RISKS) Amy's Wedding Crashing car into curb on 1960 Emergency Room 3x GHB – date rape Getting Used by shady people Feeling on edge, tense, scared, panicked, and paranoid Waking up to a stranger Feeling tormented by inability to be like normal people who stop after a few drinks..always needing more Hangover's Sadness watching fit people jogging in the morning as rolling home from a late night party and being up all night tweaked out...wishing I was back to my training days Worry over people knowing what I'd done and having to keep secrets from everyone I love Smoking Shame, guilt, embarrasment, fear, hostility, regret, sorrow, sadness, stress, and hyper sensitivity Hanging out with dark shady people, but knowing they are the only people who party like me Intense CRAVINGS for hard core drugs when drunk Dating a fellow alcoholic/addict - toxic abusive relationship pattern Unwanted sexual partners Wasting Money (thousands of dollars of the years) HOPELESS DEPRESSION Feeling like a worthless sack of shit Adderall induced career obsession, but shaking like a junkie in the office and feeling paranoid everyone can see right through it Weakness Feeling father's shame over knowing I'm drinking again

I like the idea of just getting off the adderall for now. Slowly stepping down from Lexapro is a must or you will be a mess. I know from personal experience. I quit lexapro several times cold turkey and it was HORRIBLE. I still have to battle my anxiety and depression. I'm not going to lie. It is hard work and some days are better than others. I have found Smart Recovery to be extremely helpful with these issues as I learned many cognitive behavioral techniques that help to reverse negative thinking patterns and irrational thoughts. You CAN do this. It is a process and it will take time, but it is totally WORTH IT. Always try to remember the long term benefits vs. the short term difficulties in the beginning. And keep posting! It's so great that we can all help each other along this path of recovery!

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope to hear more about your journey through this process. It sounds like you just need to be heard right now and that's what we're here for.

Thank you for posting this today. I am struggling with my sobriety today as it is warm and the perfect day for drinking after work. The girls at my office were talking about drinking margaritas by a pool and I totally got triggered and started feeling upset. However, reading your journal helps me stay sober. So all I can say to you right now at this moment is THANK YOU!!!!

Ouch!!! That had to be painful!! So glad you were able to experience the doc visit adderall free and they got you all hooked up. Hope you have a speedy recovery!

This is your insurance program outlined below. Keep that in mind please.

One more thing...you CAN function off adderall!!! IF I can do it, ANYONE can do it!! Just remember, you CAN get your LIFE back! There is HOPE for you. Think of adderall like METH. It is robbing you of all the things you love and lying to you that you need it to function because it wants to keep you sick. It is your enemy!! NOT your friend. It has ripped a giant hole in your soul and no amount of adderall will fix that. Fill that hole with all the things you love instead and you will start feeling at ease and at peace. YOU GOT THIS!!