LILTEX41

Cat, Have you discussed all of this with your doctor? Why don't they put you bipolar medication? There has to be an anti-depressant that is safe. Do NOT give up!!! Do you hear me?? DO NOT GIVE UP!!! The Adderall is screwing you up! You don't even have it out of your system yet. They should not have you on Adderall if you have bipolar as Adderall makes the highs/lows SO MUCH WORSE. I'm pretty sure I have slight bipolar. I was diagnosed with it when I overdosed on Adderall and went to detox. However, it was mainly from overdosing that sent me into that state, but they put me on lamictal, celexa, and Seroquel. Some serious shit, but ya know what? It tranquilized me enough for the first few months that I was kinda like a happy little lamb. I was so totally out of it really, but I think I needed to be that way at that time. Please call your doctor and schedule an appointment. Send me a message if you need someone to talk to. It will be so much better down the road, but the first thing you have to do IS STOP LOSING HOPE. There is a BEAUTIFUL LIFE out there waiting for you, but you have to be gentle and kind to yourself and do the best thing for you. I PROMISE you it will get better. Get that crap out of your system and you will be on the road to RECOVERY. ((((HUGS))))

Finding freedom, From what you are saying, correct me if I'm wrong, you like the idea of quitting Adderall, but feel that you're not sure you could function without it. Is that correct? What exactly do you not like about Adderall? Be specific as possible. How would your life be different/better if you quit? List all the advantages/disadvantages of both staying on Adderall and quitting Adderall. Once you can wrap your mind around which option is better suited for you, you may find yourself having more motivation to change even if it sounds hard. Hope this helps! Good luck!

What a beautiful message! So proud of you girl! You're AWESOME! WAY TO HANG IN THERE. ROCK on with your bad self!

Jredbull, If it's any consolation to you, I relapsed when I had 9 months sober. I didn't relapse on Adderall, but I got shit canned wasted for two weeks and high as a kite. It was a little terrifying as I couldn't believe what I had done. I had been off work for a month 9 months prior to my relapse. During that time I went to detox for a week followed by Outpatient treatment. I never in a million years thought I'd relapse. During the relapse, I was a totally wreck because I didn't want to stop, but I didn't want to fuck up my life either. I woke up one day to my mom calling me saying, "Where have you been??" I lied to her about something or other and she caught me. I was so ashamed and felt like such a failure. My anxiety got so bad I actually contemplated getting Adderall at one point and that is when I knew that I had to stop. I had to do whatever it took to get my sobriety back and stay that way. I called an old AA friend. We went to lunch and then she took me to a dumpster and I smashed my bowl. It was pretty incredible. I've been clean ever since and I do not discount my days that I was sober prior to that relapse. That was in September 2011. I went on to complete Ironman Texas in May 2012. So all I'm saying, is do not let this slip up deter you at all in your recovery. It sounds like you are doing all the right things and have got a great plan in place. I am so happy you shared with us. It takes such great strength to reach out for help again and that's exactly what you did. I have such great vibes that you're going to push forward now through leaps and bounds! It's just like they say, "Sometimes you gotta take one step back to take 2 steps forward." Or "Fall seven times, get up eight." - Japanese Proverb Hope you will keep posting your journey with us! Hugs!

Occasional, I think you are on to something big here! I miss my cat SOOOOOOOOOOOO much. She kept peeing in my apt after I'd tried everything to keep her. Anyhow, YES I totally agree. Do you have animals?

Sagekat, You are on day 4 my dear!!! Give yourself a break! You are going through hell right now and this is the time you need to be gentle on yourself, kind, loving, compassionate. You are raising 3 kids all on your own and there is no way you are a horrible mom! You are doing the best you can with what you got. And especially given the circumstances, right now is going to suck, but if you can just SLOW down these thoughts and FOCUS on what is POSITIVE and GOOD (YOU ARE TRYING TO GET HELP AND RECOVER ) then things won't be as TERRIBLE. Remember, this is a PROCESS and it's going to take time, persistence, patience, and endurance. You CAN DO THIS. YOU CAN RECOVER. Nobody said it was going to be easy, but it will be WORTH IT. Believe it or not, you've actually helped me feel better today just by your post. You are NOT alone. Do your best to try and REFRAME some of these thoughts so that they do not keep escalating down into this negative spiral of oblivion. For example, this sucks, it's horrible and I have a thousand things wrong with me, BUT I've made it through life this far without giving up, I'm seeking treatment, I'm doing the best I can, and I am DETERMINED to get better. I DO have HOPE and a FUTURE because I am SEARCHING for help online and I WILL CONQUER ALL these things. I AM ON MY WAY TO A NEW BEGINNING AND A NEW CHAPTER IN LIFE. I WILL BEAT THIS NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES. HUGS LOVE LIL TEX

One other quick thing I found on this...someone said what was helpful for their anxiety was to change their diet (healthy of course) and taking B-Complex and Magnesium vitamins. I got some the other day and I think they are already having an effect on me. I do actually feel calmer. Just thought I'm mention it. Gotta go back to work now. Sorry I don't have time to discuss more, but wanted to post my findings.

Confused, I have been reading up on Social Anxiety and GAD for the past few days. I've found a couple of helpful websites. From what I'm learning about anxiety, the reason it gets worse is by doing exactly what you've been doing..hiding away, isolating, and not facing your fears. To overcome it, we must do the things that we fear and keep doing it. From what I'm reading it's all about re-wiring our brains to dispute our Automated Negative Thoughts and replace those thoughts with new healthy thoughts. It has to be done repetitively. It is persistent training that must be done daily. Here's a link to the websites I found: anxietyzone.com and http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/ Here is a magnificent poem I read last night from this new website I found...so awesome. My Garden Deep inside of me there is a garden, full of many seeds. Three very special seeds have names. Those names are Confidence, Calmness and Contentment. I was born with these seeds, but when I was young the garden was not tended to, and the seeds of ugly weeds began to take over Confidence, Calmness, and Contentment. As I grew older, I thought that the weeds had taken over the garden for good, and that Confidence, Calmness, and Contentment were killed. Gone forever. What I didn’t know was that the little seeds, no matter how many times they were stepped on or neglected, were the strongest seeds in the garden. They were alive, only lying dormant, for many years. For when I began tending the garden myself by nurturing the seeds with the love and respect that they deserved – small, yet strong, lovely sprouts began to grow. Someday soon they will chase away the weeds and become the most beautiful flowers in my garden. Eventually, they will drop other seeds into the fertile soil and they too will grow strong with lovely flowers, with names like Hope, Pride, Peace, and Dignity. Nobody will be able to walk on my garden again --- I won’t let them! For I know that every human being has the right to grow a beautiful garden inside of them.

Ashley, you just brightened my day sunshine! I needed this today. Thank you girly! Big (((hugs))) By the way, ever since our lunch date (lol) I've been doing some research on anxiety and I found a new cool website. So far, this has a lot of useful info. And I'm getting ready to buy this book, "Feel the fear and do it anyway", by Susan Jeffers. I just read the contents on Amazon and it sounds spot on. The new website I found is called, "Anxietyzone.com". There's a lot of hope on this thing for overcoming anxiety without meds. It can be done. Hooray!!

Rick, I don't think MFA was trying to discourage anyone who took it responsibly from posting on this site. You bring up such a great point - that you can take it responsibly and still be addicted! It can still destroy someone's life whether or not they are abusing it. That's what the doctors don't seem to understand. Anyhow, I think she was just trying to take an assertive position that talk of "moderate Adderall use" is not what this site was intended for and posting a message like that is harmful to most of the people on this site. Rick, you know you are more than welcome here! We just want to help one another recover and move forward without Adderall...addict or not....to recover from this drug is very hard. We are here to support anyone who has that objective in mind. And for those that just come contemplating the possibility of someday quitting...well, we are here to help give those hope. But messages that state, "hey guys, guess what?! You CAN use Adderall after all! Just in lower doses and you'll be fine!" Well, those messages are just simply not helpful and could alter someone's entire life. So all we ask is show those of us trying to get clean a lil' respect. LOVE LIL TEX

Funny you mention this. I had social anxiety before Adderall and I found Adderall helped me with it....but sometimes it did the opposite effect. I have found that social anxiety is the thing I struggle the most with not having Adderall. What's going on with you? Do tell!

Quit Once, it was just so nice getting to meet her in person! She's super cool and I had a great time. It was maybe a little nerve wrecking, but it was totally awesome and I hope she comes back to town again soon. I would totally love to meet all of you at some point and keep our connectedness ongoing forever. Who knows where all of this might lead us someday. I think what's so cool about this site is that we are the only place I know of for recovering Adderall addicts. I mean Adderall is such a new drug in our time, but I'm sure over the next course of however many years, there will be more and more people needing help. And how cool to think we were like the early pioneers of Adderall recovery, ya know? I think about how each and everyone of us that is now clean from Adderall has a story to tell and how we are a source and hope for others. I think about the lives we could touch and how from our struggle we could make a difference in someone else's life. That is by far the most significant impact of my recovery. The fact that I was actually able to meet the girl I helped by sharing my story...well, I just got goose bumps if that says anything. IN Recovery, that sounds awesome! I would love to go to Vegas. Let's do it ya'll!

I've had a few of them as well Cassie, but they are so rare. They are scary as shit though! I always wake up in a pool of sweat and thanking God I am still sober.

Ashley, it was so awesome to meet you. I've been thinking about you since and just wanted to let you know I think you are doing amazing! This path that we are on can be very challenging at times and I know it's not easy, but just remember it is WORTH it. When I think about what my life would've been like had I continued my Adderall addiction (all the toxic relationships, paranoia, drugs, all the easy 9300 cigarettes I would've smoked in the past 31 months, debt, one night stands, isolation/withdrawal, and shame I would still be feeling inside) compared to what my life has been like since I got clean I know that I am EXACTLY where I am meant to be right now. Even though at the moment I've been feeling a little confused as to what direction I want to go next, at least I know there is a BRIGHT FUTURE in store for me once I decide whatever it should be. I think the biggest thing we must do in recovery is KEEP HOPE ALIVE and create a vision of what it is that we want. I am still working on mine, but I hope to figure it out someday soon. Just keep moving forward girl and I just want to say I am so proud of you! In Recovery, are you in Vegas??????????

You CAN DO IT! Just keep moving forward. Everything will work itself out in the end. Right now, just get off the pills. Make that you're only goal if you can. Welcome!

How are you doing Adam? You hanging in there?

Sidney, I have a few websites that have been helpful for me during this past year. Yes, intuitive eating is eating when hungry and stopping when full. I did not know how to do this for the past 20 years because I was constantly dieting (relying on external plans) to tell me what to eat and how much. The problem is that dieting causes binge eating. So you are always stuck between dieting and binge eating. Diet - break diet - binge - Diet - break diet - binge. Intuitive eating is the way little kids eat and the way naturally thin people eat. Eat whatever you want, but eat when you are hungry and stop when full. You will return to your natural weight if you eat this way and the binges cease. It takes time though and it's pretty tricky to learn at first. I am still in the process. I struggled a lot in the beginning because I'd get scared and return to calorie counting/dieting...then I'd binge again of course. So therefore, I've learned the quicker I am go let go of the dieting the quicker I am recover. Anyhow, here are some of the sites that I've found helpful. http://intuitiveeati...unity.org/forum http://helpforeatingdisorder.com/ (this lady Nina is awesome! love her!) and http://www.bulimiahelp.org/ The goal of all these sites is intuitive eating or "normal eating". Oh and another one I discovered a LONG time ago is http://normaleating.com/. One more! http://www.josiespinardi.com/

So glad you posted! You are a fantastic writer. Keep that passion alive and use it for your quit. Welcome and just hang in there. Everyone here is a great support to help you get through this. STAY POSITIVE - YOU GOT THIS.

I'm sorry you are struggling right now. Honestly, you sound awful, but I can TOTALLY relate. I've been there. It's horrible and although my life is not perfect now, it is tolerable and I am STABLE. t I can manage my life without the painstakingly long list of consequences I used to suffer due to my Adderall addiction. Is Adderall your only addiction if you don't mind me asking?

I'm proud of you for trying it. Maybe you should stick with it and the ringing will go away soon? I know you've been struggling and maybe it will at least get you through the next few months a little easier? I think you're doing AWESOME and I can't wait to see what you're like 6 months from now. Hang in there buddy!

This was my EXACT reason why I was so scared of getting off of it. I have found a new path in my recovery from the eating disorder that lurked beneath the Adderall addiction. It is the path of intuitive eating. I haven't spoken about it much because it's taken me so freaking long to get it....like a year really. It is the most awesome thing in the world. Kick the Adderall habit, eat intuitively, and live free. It's so WORTH IT!! You'll NEVER regret this decision, but you have to be willing to persist in kicking the Adderall addiction and not fall back to it when you struggle with the eating. There is hope. You can do this.

Confused, I only took it for 5 years, but I was a SLAVE to it for those 5 years and I NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS thought I'd quit for good and be able or WANT to live life without it. I've been clean for 31 months as of 6-12-13. I don't even think about it anymore. I never thought I'd get this far in recovery, but with time you will be free. You just have to get off, stay off, and FIGHT LIKE HELL with all the PERSISTENCE and DETERMINATION in the world. You WILL RECOVER if you want it bad enough. YOU CAN DO THIS. Just stay close to the boards and everyone here will help you. HUGS!

Occasional1, I forgot to mention that part and SOOOOO glad you brought it up!! Your weight does NOT determine your worth! You are an amazing bright woman and have been SOOOOO helpful to people on this forum. Your husband is LUCKY to have you and I just pray that you will stay strong through this because I can only imagine how HORRIBLY triggering this must've been for you. I want to punch him in the face a little (sorry) for doing this to you and I just want you to know how proud I am of all your hard work, determination, and persistence. It WILL payoff in the end and someday you will get to be exactly where you want to be, but just not using Adderall. It's not a cure for weight loss. It's a bandaid to another issue. Thinking of you and pray you stay strong girl!!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS ON 2 YEARS!!!!!! SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!

LOVE it Sebastian! You are RECOVERING!