LILTEX41

Love this!!! 7. Practice gratitude. Practice it out loud to the people around you. Practice it silently when you bless your food. Practice it often. Gratitude is not a first world only virtue. I saw a photo recently, of a girl in abject poverty, surrounded by filth and destruction. Her face was completely lit up with joy and gratitude as she played with a hula hoop she'd been given. Gratitude is what makes what we have enough. Gratitude is the most basic way to connect with that sense of being an integral part of the vastness of the universe; as I mentioned with looking up at the stars, it's that sense of wonder and humility, contrasted with celebrating our connection to all of life. Oddly enough, I was thinking about a quote from The Titanic the other day and meditating on what Jack said. About the part where he says, "I got everything I need right here with me." I just googled it actually. Ha ha. No but, what I am learning is that this is what we must focus on. All day long repeat these types of affirmations to ourselves again and again. As what I am learning is that as the subconscious mind focuses and dwells on these thoughts they will become reality. But they must be repeated like crazy until they start to actually become automatic. Stuff like, "I am happy NOW. I have everything I need in this moment. I no longer live in the past, present or future. I am equipped, I am confident, I am awesome, I am fully engaged and I am overcoming all obstacles set before me. I no longer struggle. I am victorious. I can do and achieve everything I want in life. I am fulfilled, I am prosperous, I am enlightened. I am my best self today. I am better than EVER. I am hopeful, I am strong, I am compassionate, giving, thoughtful, kind, and programmed for success. There is NOTHING I can't conquer. I am satisfied and I am fulfilling my destiny. I have what it takes and all my dreams are coming true. Everyday I am getting better and better. I have everything I could ever need right and I am EXCITED AND HOPEFUL for all the days ahead." Here's the quote from Titanic. Love this. Well, yes, ma'am, I do... I mean, I got everything I need right here with me. I got air in my lungs, a few blank sheets of paper. I mean, I love waking up in the morning not knowing what's gonna happen or, who I'm gonna meet, where I'm gonna wind up. Just the other night I was sleeping under a bridge and now here I am on the grandest ship in the world having champagne with you fine people. I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. You don't know what hand you're gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you... to make each day count. Ok, thanks for posting this Ashley. Great article! Hugs!

MFA, So glad to hear you might check out Smart. It has been so helpful to me. What I love the most are the voice online meetings. I always get something out of them and it's great to help encourage others as well. The thing about Smart that I found the most helpful was that it placed my recovery back in my own hands. I don't want to get in to anything negative on here about AA, but then again I wouldn't really be being honest if I didn't share some of the reasons why I think it failed me. I feel like when I went to AA I was programmed to think of myself in a way that was psychologically damaging and destructive....ESPECIALLY when I would fall off the wagon and relapse. Being advised I was "powerless" and doomed to a life of either jail, institutions, or death if I drank from the time I was 14 did not help me in any way shape or form. I believed I was an alcoholic at 14 (the first time I was mandated to attend AA) and that I would never be able to drink alcohol again. That is what my first counselor told me. I was 14 years old. Imagine hearing you don't get to ever go to parties or do all the normal things everyone does for the rest of your life at that age. You will now have to attend AA meetings for the rest of your life and be sober or you will be a raging drunk. So what happened to me was that I would try to go to AA like a good little daughter and make my parents proud, but then I would get fed up and sad because I wanted to do all the normal things with my high school friends. So I'd finally say, SCREW IT and go drink. However, all the programming in my brain told me I was totally powerless and doomed so I'd always get hammered drunk. This became an ingrained habit and pattern that stuck with me for 18 years....well, until I found Adderall. Then with Adderall I could actually stay awake, but I totally was out of control. Anyhow, I would get crazy and then bad things would happen so I'd hang my head in shame and walk back to AA (where they always take you back smiling and grinning like, "we told you so"), etc. Anyhow, 18 years of constant in and out of AA. When I read Sober for Good, I was given HOPE. Hope that maybe I could recover without AA. That was exciting. I also tried Women for Sobriety back like 10 years ago. That was a good group, but didn't hit the nail on the head for me the way Smart did. Smart helped with my thinking mostly. It has taught me how to dispute irrational thoughts and view recovery in a rational logical way. Basically, it set up the stage for me to kind of figure out how to have a full and satisfying life in recovery. It emphasizes the fact that your life just begins when you get stop your addiction and now you need to FILL IT UP! They encourage everyone to get engaged in activities, hobbies, family, friends, and go out and live a satisfying full life. They have all kind of tools, articles, essays, self help stuff you can do if you feel like it. Nobody ever puts a gun to your head and bosses you around. The whole program is basically designed to encourage the individual to find his own answers and become self sufficient rather than dependent on anything or anyone outside of themselves. So in a nutshell, it really just depends on if you are someone who is intrinsically or extrinsically motivated. If you need someone else to call you out and push you around a little bit, then AA might be more up your alley. That is exactly why it never worked for me though. I HATE people telling me what to do. So that's why I liked Smart. As far as my optimism and determination. Well, I'll just say that it started with a man named Joel Osteen. I started reading his one of his books while I was training for the Ironman and he rocked my world. I don't think I would've done anywhere near as good as I did without him. He helped me stay in the positive all through my training and helped me change my thinking patterns to think like a winner. I was a negative black cloud for the past 18 years. Joel has inspired me and changed my life He is my hero. I started actually attending his church a month ago. He is amazing. You can watch all of his sermons on youtube for free. I highly recommend them. Also, recently I found some amazing new material on Neuroplasticity methods. I have been meditating everyday and using a couple other programs for my food issues. It's really awesome. Making a giant impact. I actually just created a dream board the other day. It is super awesome! Let me know if you are interested. I think everyone should do this!! Ok, that's all I got for now. I gotta do some work! By the way, you sound so amazing. So awesome you almost have an entire year!!!! WOW, how far you've come in such a short amount of time! Keep up the great work girlfriend!!! Hugs!!!

Ali, I think your husband deserves to know why you are yelling at him and you will feel a giant weight off your back if you tell him the truth. Yes, it's really hard right now, but you are doing AWESOME! You made it two days!!!! Pat yourself on the back. So proud of you for hanging in there and coming here for support. IT WILL GET BETTER. JUST GO TO sleep for now if you can. Maybe if your husband knows he will be able to help you with the kids so you can get through this easier. You got this!!

Hi Hyper Critical, I was in and out of AA for 18 years. The longest I ever stayed sober in AA was 1 year. I found Smart Recovery and I am coming up on 3 years clean from Adderall as of Nov. 10. I had two lapses on alcohol up until now. Smart Recovery was a godsend for me. It has EMPOWERED me and taught me that my sobriety is my choice. Smart stands for Self Management and Recovery Training. It is based on cognitive behavioral therapy. It is not my entire recovery process, but it is the main piece that has gotten me to where I am today. I decided that I would carve my own path of recovery. I would individualize for myself and use any and every tool I could possibly find to be helpful. Smart encourages people to do that. I do know there are other non 12 step based programs out there. Here's a link with some examples. http://alcoholism.about.com/od/non/ Just know that this is your life and you CAN recover ANY WAY YOU WANT. Anne Fletcher wrote a great book called, "Sober for Good" which I highly recommend. It has lots of stories of people who got sober using different programs, therapy, or even some that did not use any program whatsoever. Your choice. Beautiful thing, huh? This is a great support forum for quitting Adderall though. It is specific and here you will find people just like you who know exactly what you are going through. So welcome!

Rick, You CAN function without Adderall! Have your organs stopped working??? You just pull yourself together and get through this one day at a time. How about instead of saying, "I am dying inside" say, "I GOT THIS SHIT. ADDERALL AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON ME. I am DETERMINED I will go over this quicker than anyone else on this forum because I am like the youngest one here! I am vibrant and full of life and energy. I do NOT need this stupid lame drug. I will fly through recovery quickly, easily, and I no longer struggle. I will get up everyday, do whatever needs to be done, and each day I don't take Adderall I am stronger and happier. Life is GOOD. F- THEM PILLS!" DON'T YOU QUIT - KEEP MOVING ON!

Yes friends! Amen! Hugs!

I just want to tell all of you that I think you are AMAZING! I LOVE the spirit here and it always makes me smile when I come to the boards and just witness the generosity and FREE LOVE being given to one another. Makes me feel like I'm at a hippie concert a little bit, lol. Y'ALL ROCK!!!

WHY I DON'T MISS ADDERALL I DO NOT miss being a SLAVE to my addiction. I do NOT miss spending every moment of my morning, day, and night being controlled by a substance that dictated every single thought, action, and re-action in my life. I do not miss feeling like a whore to a drug. I remember the days and times I would call my friend to visit her, but really I would drive 45 minutes to go see her in hopes she'd give me an Adderall. I remember the guilt and shame I felt from the night I drove all that way to get one and then slammed my car into a median. I DO NOT miss psychosis. I do not miss hearing voices that aren't there. I do not miss walking around the grocery store, mall, or anywhere in public for that matter worried sick that everyone around me can tell just how tweaked out I am and scrutinizing every move I make. I DO NOT miss the internal awful feelings deep inside my soul that screamed how much of a failure I was for allowing a substance to control me in every way shape and form. I DO NOT miss the amount of money I spent on all the other Adderall related issues like doctor's visits, binge drinking episodes, accident's, etc. I DO NOT miss the ever growing need for more and more Adderall and that horrible scary feeling that I would run out soon and never have enough. I DO NOT miss the condemnation from friends for being addicted to a pill. I DO NOT miss feeling the guilt I felt for hurting the people around me knowing how worried sick I made everyone. What I would miss more than anything if I relapsed? I would miss the since of ACCOMPLISHMENT, VICTORY, PRIDE, CONFIDENCE, AND SELF RESPECT I have for myself knowing I BEAT THIS ADDICTION. Come on Ham - DON'T YOU GIVE UP!!! REPROGRAM YOUR THINKING I miss Adderall, BUT I WILL GET THROUGH THIS. I miss Adderall, but I am going to come out STRONGER IN THE END. I can barely run two minutes without stopping, but tomorrow I am going to run 4 minutes WITHOUT ADDERALL. This might be hard, but SO WHAT? I am STRONGER and I CAN handle it I might feel stuck right now, but it's NOT FOREVER. In recovery I can keep searching for answers and create A NEW LIFE fulfilling all my HOPES and DREAMS. What doesn't kill me will make me STRONGER. I will take this experience and use it to my advantage moving forward. Knowing I overcame Adderall addiction, I can conquer ANYTHING. I will be a better man for enduring this trial and it will make me into the person I was destined to be. I am not going backward. I have bigger PLANS and PURPOSE for my life. YOU ARE A WINNER HAM. YOU MADE IT THIS FAR. KEEP GOING. Hugs!

(((((Ali))))))), You CAN start your recovery RIGHT where you left off. You can just hop right back on the wagon and MOVE FORWARD. All you have to do right now is make the decision that you want to quit. It sounds like you do. That's all you need - a DESIRE to quit Adderall. You CAN DO THIS. It took me quite a few attempts before I quit for good. Don't beat yourself up over this tiny little setback. That's ALL this is - a ROAD BUMP on your path to recovery. Shake the dust off and use this experience to your advantage to push you further in recovery. I will NOT allow this to defeat me I am a CHAMPION I will OVERCOME this struggle I will use my experience to help others I have a beautiful life awaiting me with abundance in RECOVERY HUGS!

Zerokewl, I don't think you should worry. I know because I've been in AA and usually anyone who has made it through to step 9 is pretty committed to their sobriety. They are trying to change and it sounds to me like he was being pretty sincere. That is so great to have a sober friend! I could use some myself these days. People can change. I am a firm believer. He may fall backwards at some point. Nobody is perfect. We are humans and we all make mistakes. Life is a learning process. We fall down, we get back up. We screw up. We correct our errors. We move forward. Maybe some people never learn from their mistakes. I think most do. Doesn't mean we don't ever screw up again, but at I feel like most people in general want to do better and be better than they have in the past. Maybe sometimes we aren't even aware we need to change until someone else points it out. I like being compassionate with people as I know how much compassion I've needed from others over a lifetime. I just really don't believe this guy has any bad intentions with you. He is just reaching out to do what's expected of him in the program. I think it is great to have someone to connect with. Glad you have a new buddy!

Zerokewl, I hear you. That's a good point. I guess it just depends on your drug of choice. Me, I liked anything and everything. It scared me being under the influence like that last night because even though I didn't want to smoke or do drugs necessarily, I remember how easily and fast that can change when I am inebriated. Once my inhibitions are down like that I feel so vulnerable to make poor choices and do stuff I'd later regret. I can only imagine in time if I were to continue drinking how I might decide taking Adderall, smoking pot again, or even smoking a cigarette might be appealing. And then the whole cycle would start again. It's just not worth the risk to me. It's hard to be sober at times though. Drinking is fun. But I when I weigh out the costs versus the fun...it's easier to just not drink. I know what you mean about the social anxiety. I guess that's why booze is so great. It takes the edge off. However, it's great if you can handle it, but not so good if you can't. Again though, how much better would you be if you could work through the social anxiety and get through it totally sober instead of relying on a substance? I know I have actually made a ton of progress with it, but I forget that at times. It was good for me to slip back to my old ways for one night to help remind myself how great I've done for the past 3 years. Road bump - done. MOVING FORWARD! I really believe you are going to quit smoking soon. I have faith you CAN DO IT!

If she truly loves you then I think she will want to support you and help you get better. You can do this!

I should not have read this post. Honestly, I got jealous reading about how everyone seems to be able to drink in moderation and started thinking if all of you could, then maybe I could too. I accidentally drank some fruit punch at this girls night thing. I kind of thought it might have alcohol, but I decided to try it. Anyhow, the next day I decided I would try "moderate" drinking again. I drank all day long. I am horribly hungover today and back on the wagon. This girl I was with mentioned she takes Adderall. I was so exhausted and feeling like crap at the bar I wigged out when she said that because I was assuming it was in her purse. Being at the bar, I was having flashbacks of all the previous times I was there and I felt like I had transcended back into my old life. When I drink, I want more. I don't know why. It's just the way it is. I can't change that and I wish I could. Anyhow, I'm kind of happy it didn't go well because maintaining sobriety is way easier than trying to drink in moderation. I've just had way too many issues in the past to even risk the consequences. I feel good today in at least now I know and I can keep moving forward in my recovery. I really love this website though. We are all different and have to find our own path of recovery and whatever that entails. Godspeed friends.

So happy you've found that freedom. It occurred to me today and often done at random times how totally different my life is today from what it used to be. I feel at times like things aren't progressing as fast as I would like them to, but what Smart taught me was to ride out those times/feeling as if surfing on a wave. We all have ups and downs in life, but the down times are so much easier now than they used to be when I was high all the time. The word FREEDOM always makes me . I love how you said relish your freedom. That is exactly right. I know at times I can take it for granted and get caught up in trivial day to day matters that really are no big deal. But then before I know it something will happen that will trigger me reflect on how far I've come and be grateful. For example, last week I was driving home late on a Sat night and I rolled up on a motorcycle accident with tons of ambulances, etc. It freaks me out a little driving at night on the weekends when there are so many people out intoxicated on the road. More than anything though, it just makes me reflect on all these crazy incidents of my past and I feel so safe and sound to be where I'm at today. Knowing I don't have to fear my future and the trouble that might be coming my way because I broke free from addiction. Knowing I can enjoy life fully and even more so now that I am clean. Knowing I can hold my head high and not feel ashamed of the entrapment I felt for so long. That is the feeling that keeps me going everyday. Anyhow, thanks for sharing your experiment. Keep us posted!

JBGODS, Where you at, yo?! Did you quit? We need an update please. Thank you!

Rick, I never took Adderall during college, THANK GOD. I can only imagine how different my experience would have been. I'll be money on it that I would've destroyed so many friendships and not been blessed with the amazing experience that I had. I'll bet money on it that I would've been so into my pill popping addiction that I would've neglected the friends I made and people would've seen the worst parts of me. I'll bet money on it that my teachers, friends, and everyone around me would've known I had a serious problem and I wonder if I would've even graduated. What I can tell you is that by not being on it in college I had the best experience of my life. I could do college all over again in a heartbeat. It was probably the best 4 years of my life. I played field hockey and LOVED my teammates. I joined a sorority and basically it was just so much fun. Do your best to achieve and get good grades, but realize that college is so much more than just hitting the books. It rounds you out. You will meet all kinds of new fascinating people. You'll be on your own for the first time in your life and starting to figure out who you are and what makes you tick. It all about balance. Strive to make your college experience as great as possible by getting active in all kinds of different activities/clubs, or what ever fires you up. Find some things that you feel passionate about and enjoy. You won't even want to be on Adderall if you can create a well rounded exciting fun filled life. You won't need it!! Make new friends and enjoy these 4 years to the best of your ability because you only get to do it once! I am actually super excited right now because I am going home in 3 weeks for a field hockey college reunion. One of my bff's is getting inducted into the hall of fame for field hockey. We are going to alumni weekend and I really just feel giddy about it. These girls were my family and we all moved away after college. Had I been on Adderall I know I would not have connected the way that I did with any of them. I would've been knee deep into my addiction and all of my attention would've been focused on trying to be a perfect 4.0 student. Like someone else said, your connections are really meaningful and they will last a lifetime. Focus on the people you meet and you will have new relationships to cherish and treasure for the rest of your life! Besides, you will be SO MUCH BETTER OFF if you kick this habit NOW while you are so young. And you never know who you might end up helping in college. I bet you will meet tons of fellow addicts! Just imagine being the only person on campus who broke free from addiction and lived to share your experience with others. You just never know who might come to you for help someday and how cool would that be?! You CAN DO THIS! HUGS!

I'm pill free with the exception of vitamins. Are you eliminating vitamins too?

Wow, I watched the video and my heart started to flutter when you dumped them! Way to go!! Congratulations!!!!

Zerokewl, Well, I admire the fact that you drank in moderation before. Myself, I was never a moderate drinker so I am probably not a good person to ask. However, I will note that by not drinking you risk nothing. You wake up clear, alert, and refreshed. No spending money on booze, worrying about if you did something stupid, and no worrying about if it is too soon to be drinking or not. You could simply choose not to drink and put your mind at ease for now while you are hashing out your life without Adderall. Why complicate matters more than necessary for now? Another point, when you say a "normal" afternoon out, what exactly do you mean? Are you referring to what you've done in the past as normal? Are you referring to what you think other people do on Saturday afternoon's as "normal"? Could you hang out with your buddy without alcohol and still have a good time? You won't risk anything if you don't drink. Just my humble opinion though.

Tessa, How long have you been on Adderall?

Ashley, Wow, yeah that must've been a hard conversation. But remember that she is just in the early stages of addiction and that down the road she'll either have to go through the recovery process just like we did or live a jacked up by Adderall addiction. You just never know when someday she might come to you for help someday. I am so glad to be where I'm at today and not the shell of a person I was when I was on Adderall. I wouldn't trade that for anything. We are strong mighty warriors! Just think about all the things you will accomplish in your life without Adderall and how good you will feel looking back knowing you didn't take any short cuts or cheat. Anyhow, thanks for sharing this with us and helping remind me of why I am proud I don't take Adderall today. Hugs!

I know this sounds crazy, but this is exactly how I felt when I quit. I had to hit ROCK BOTTOM. And you my friend are at that place so all you can do now is feel blessed you have finally gotten to that place of surrender. I feel for you and as hard as it sounds I feel like you might actually be feeling good because you know your whole life is about to change and all for the better. Let the HEALING begin. At the end of my quit before I went to the ER, my skin/lips were a shade of purple, parts of my hair was falling out, my nails were so brittle, my hands were shriveled up, cold sores, and I looked like the waking dead. Hallucinating is not fun. Knowing that what you think seems crazy, but not being able to differentiate what is real and what isn't, well let's just say there is a better life out there and that pill is not worth it!!! Life is not easy, but it's a hell of a lot easier than keeping up Adderall addiction and all of the consequences that come with it. I am just so happy for you. I have this feeling deep inside my heart that you are going to be one of us who makes it! Welcome to your quit and NEW LIFE IN RECOVERY. BLESS YOU! HUGS!

Just roll with it and be happy you sound like a normal eater. One less issue to worry about!

How long have you been off of it?

Well, it's a voice meeting so you probably want to be on your PC. You can try it from your smart phone though! You just have to register for a username and password.