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LILTEX41

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Everything posted by LILTEX41

  1. The guy in the Smart Video said it well. "I hit rock bottom when I put the shovel down and stop digging."
  2. I don't know what you have planned for tomorrow, but I would make a point to do something you really enjoy like go see a movie or any type of way you can to reward yourself for staying clean. DISTRACTION! Create a list of all the new positive things you can look forward to in your Adderall free life....like a vision board. Not sure if you've ever heard of that and yes it might seem kinda gay or whatever, but I swear those things are awesome! You just create a collage of your dream life by cutting out pictures in magazines or whatever you want to use and then put it somewhere you can see it everyday. This gets your mind focused on all the thing you are passionate about and keeps you moving toward them. Not sure if you'd have enough motivation to do that right now, but I promise it is a fun project! Stay close to the board and tap into the support here. That helps too! You got this!!!
  3. Great job team!!! You guys are doing great! I am tired tonight. Knocked out two half marathons this weekend. Saturday was Capital City and Sunday was Flying Pig. I thought I was going to walk the one on Sunday, but ended up running the whole thing and felt great. I am very happy to be back in race season! Good luck to you Cat!! Can't wait to hear how it goes!
  4. Formydaughter, This post is getting a little crazy. Ok, so let' just all agree that quitting Adderall is extremely hard. Everyone has their own story of why/how/reasons they quit. Why person A was able to quit vs. per B really doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that anyone who does a google search for, "Quitting Adderall" comes upon this site and is more than likely struggling because for some reason or another Adderall is not working in their life anymore. From everything you are saying, it sounds like you don't want to quit, but know you have to or you will lose your daughter. That sounds like a good enough reason to me. In fact, if it were me, that might be the only reason I needed to quit for good. Personally, I have a LOT of consequences of what happened when I was stuck in my addiction to Adderall and I review that list frequently whenever I want to drink/use. I am clean/sober now from all drugs/alcohol. But another thing on my list that weighs on my heavily is the guilt and shame I would feel for doing that to my family. I know they would be worried sick and scared to death. I know I have put them through so much during my years of being an addict and I know what it felt like the times when I relapsed and tried to hide it from them. The guilt and shame used to eat me alive. I never want to go back to that place. It is so nice to be able to hold my head high today and feel proud of myself and know that part of it is for me and part of it is for them. But again, this is just my own personal story. I'm sure for others it may be different. Make a list of all the reasons you want to quit. List all the advantages/disadvantages of quitting. Then make another list of all the advantages/disadvantages of taking it. This will tell you what you are up against and what you can expect. It will help you put the ball in your court to decide if this is a decision you want to make. All I can tell you is that CHANGE IS POSSIBLE. Don't lose hope. I never thought I could quit either. I thought I would die being an Adderall addict and the thought of quitting had me reduced to tears again and again. I'll have 3.6 years May 12th. If I can do it, anyone can. Keep fighting for your daughter. This will be the best gift you can ever give her in life.
  5. So glad to hear rehab went well Freedom Wing's. You are doing great!! And good job to all of you in your first 30 days. I know it's tough, but just dig your heels in and hang in there. You GOT this!
  6. BigBeezy, Thank you for sharing your story with us and welcome to the site! I think it is AWESOME your motivation is so high to quit. It sounds like you are ready. Your story sounds so much like all of ours and I think it sometimes takes getting to this awful end stage to realize this is no longer a life you want for yourself. I understand what you mean when you say you don't recognize who you've become anymore. At the end of my addiction, I felt the same way. I felt like a monster that lived, breathed, and died for more Adderall. The only things that truly mattered to me were getting my chores/work/task done and then knocking down doors and turning up every rug possible to find more Adderall. Without it, I felt like a worthless sack of crap. I felt incompetent and scared to death I'd never be able to achieve anything again without it. Luckily, that was just my addiction talking and it wasn't true! Just know that you can find yourself again. You can recover and get your real self back. Who's to say what your recovery will look like. Maybe you will be so done with these pills, it will be easier than you anticipated. You don't know and each of us has a different story. I am so proud of myself and grateful I am clean today. I do know that. It's not always easy, but it is a battle worth fighting for and it absolutely gets easier with time. Just stay close to the people here and we will help support you along this journey. Hopefully, your fiancé is serious about wanting to quit too. That could potentially cause an issue if she is not ready. You have the rest of your lives ahead of you and this is a serious addiction. I will pray for you both and wish you best. Just never ever ever give up!
  7. Sweet Caroline, I have been thinking of you and really hope you're hanging in there. Coming off the AD's is extremely hard for like the first few weeks up to a month. The withdrawal phase can really be difficult so please know that if you feel crazy or not like yourself, it is NOT the real you. It's going to take several months or more to get it out of your system and just be gentle and kind with yourself during this process. I've read this is the hard part about stopping anti depressants and why most people go back on them is due to the withdrawal being so difficult. Most people will automatically assume they must need them because they go throw crying fits and moods are generally all over the place, therefore you start thinking you obviously need the meds. But again, just trust that in time you'll start to level out once they are out of your system completely. I was on Citalopram for 6 weeks. I stopped Feb 8th and I am just now no longer getting the brain zaps. But I do know I am so happy to be med free now. Anyhow, thank you for what you said about my grandpa and how he would be proud of me. That means a lot. I really appreciate it. I am so glad you joined this site and I pray you will continue to stick around with your sweet words of encouragement for others and keep us posted on your journey. You are doing great and I am so glad you were able to come to us for support rather than using again. That is AMAZING and a true MIRACLE. (((((Hugs)))))
  8. That's awesome Kev!!! Great job!!! What are you doing differently this time to stay clean? Any new insights to share with the newbies out there still trying to quit? Krax, You've been clean for awhile now, right?
  9. Hi Mom (ha ha..that sounds funny!), In the beginning I took it as prescribed. Then in time I needed more and more of it to get things accomplished. I loved being able to stay on task and keep my life nice and neat. I'd come up with reasons to take more and justify it to myself like for example, on my way home from work, I'd be coming down and feeling tired. I remember thinking..."I need to water the plants. Hmmmm..I better take another half so I do it." Is it easier to get off of this stuff if you are addicted vs. not addicted? That's a tough question. I think anyone who takes it has to have developed a psychological dependence on it and will find it extremely challenging to just stop taking it. I don't know if you saw the movie, "Limitless", but that movie does a great job of explaining what taking Adderall is like. I think you are so lucky to have a son who actually wants to stop taking it. I think coming off this drug is the best thing anyone could ever do for their health and emotional well being in the long term of course. In the short term, it is very hard, but if he can stick with it and keep his vision in front of him, he will prevail. Have you told him about this site? I think have a support group is key. The people on this site have all been there and gone through it. Whenever I feel weak, I come here and am reminded of all the reasons I quit. I know I can reach out any time and I'll get amazing feedback that will keep me on the right track. I think it's really easy to get discouraged initially when quitting, but again that's why the people are great. Like Aristotle says, "The whole is greater than the sum of its parts." So in summary, to answer your questions, "Is quitting different? Are the challenges different?" Honestly, I think it just depends. I think it depends on how badly the person wants to stop and how attached they are to these pills. I know for me personally, I was a slave to them. I never in a million years thought I'd be able to stop taking them and it wasn't until I went to the emergency room for a second time due to taking too much that I finally quit for good. I had tried to quit them several times before that and failed. IF I had not relied on them so heavily for everything in my life, it may've been easier. I don't think there is a black and white answer to this question. Everyone is different and may need to approach our recovery or quitting process in a unique way that is helpful to us. What works for one person might be totally different than someone else, but at least here we can help each other by sharing our experience with one another. I draw a lot of insight from the support here and I will be a lifetime supporter of this group because it helps me stay clean to reach out to others. I wish your son all the best! May he find a happiness and fulfillment outside this drug. Take care! Lil Tex
  10. That is so awesome!! I'm upset because the meetings here are on hiatus for awhile. I really miss the one I used to go in Houston. Have you gone to a lot of meetings? Have you found them helpful?
  11. No way!!! Is that the guy in this video???
  12. Hey guys! I just wanted to share this video about Smart Recovery. He does a really good job explaining how Smart works and how to beat addiction. Just thought I'd share. Go to youtube and type in the search bar, "An Intro to Smart Recovery by Curtis Boudreau at Sobriety.ca.
  13. Thank you Ashley. That means a lot to me. I appreciate your kind words.
  14. So sorry to hear about your grandma Sweet Caroline. I remember how hard it was on me when mine passed. Grandparents are so wonderful and loving. That's so awesome you get to give a speech though. I'm sure she will be equally honored to know that you are giving it for her. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. I also just want to say that I am really proud of you right now for going through this clean. These are the times that will make your recovery stronger than ever. I probably shouldn't admit this, but I'm going to. When my grandpa (my like favorite person in the whole world) passed, I stayed up the night before on a cocaine bender. I'm sure it was during one of the weekends I had ran out of Adderall. It happened so fast and I didn't know how to cope. I remember going to the hospital the next day and it was the worst feeling in my entire life. I had NEVER felt that bad and I just kind of used drugs and alcohol through the whole thing. I felt like the scum of the earth. I felt like he would've been so ashamed if he knew what I'd been doing. It just makes me so happy to know you are going through this clean. It was one of the biggest regrets of my life. I am so proud of you. Just know that. (((((Hugs))))))
  15. This is such a fantastic article!!!! Thank you for sharing. I'm saving it to my favorites!!
  16. Amy, This is EXACTLY how I overcome most challenges in my life. I know some people do better to start slowly and work their way into starting a new behavior and that's great. For me personally, I like to just DIVE IN and then it's pretty much sink or swim. That's how I got clean. It's tough, but as long as you don't quit paddling, you can survive! So happy and proud of you!
  17. This is beautiful!! Keep that pen flowing girl! You are the path to VICTORY and feeling GOOD again. So glad you shared. Hug! -I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self. Aristotle
  18. Whooooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooooo Ashley!!!!!!! You go girl!!!! Rock it sister!
  19. Great job everyone! You guys are ROCKING it! I wanted to post my success and say that as of yesterday I've completed my 30 day challenge of getting back in shape. I got up to a 12.5 mile run yesterday and totally stoked for my 2 back to back half marathon's in 2 weeks (sat/sun). Crazy, lol! I'm totally walking/running the 2nd one though. Also, I bit the bullet and signed up for another half ironman in September. I can't believe I signed up for yet another one of these races, but my friend is doing it and of course how could I let her do her first one without being there with her to slap high fives at the finish line. Secretly, I really excited though. These races make me feel excited about life for some reason. Anyhow, just wanted to share. Hoping, I can get someone from this website to join the band wagon someday.
  20. You are so awesome and how have I never heard a peep from you until just now?! Thank you for your story. This is so amazing and inspiring. I'm sure so many people will benefit from this. You ROCK!!!! Hugs!!
  21. What's wrong Agm1250? What happened?? Are you okay?
  22. InRecovery, I can attest to the yasso 800's. I did them back when I ran my first marathon in 2002. My goal was to run a 3:30 marathon so I did the 800's at 3:30 pace during my training (along with other speedwork as well), but ended up running a 3:24 marathon. They work!
  23. Great job everyone! Ashley, Where is that motivation girl? lol Come on now! InRecovery, WHOOO HOOO!!! So proud of you!! Way to go!! Sweet Caroline, I think the best cure for any injury is yes I hate to say it, but REST. OR anything that is non impacting like swimming, biking, etc. I know for myself I was really struggling after this weeks 11 miler. I did WAY too much too soon and now my body is yelling at me. I biked yesterday and taking today off completely. I actually got the pleasure of running with Bart Yasso on Saturday (inventor of the Yasso 800's and one of chief execs of runners world) and so I asked him.....how many marathons have you done....@ 200. He's been running since he was 22 and is now 59 and never suffered any major injuries. And then I asked....and how have managed to stay injury free all this time...and his response.. "Listen to your body." GENIUS!!! LOL This is so true for everything in life I swear! Ok, I gotta get back to work. Tomorrow, I am back at it. Stay strong my friends! Just keep running!
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