LILTEX41

Hi, how are you doing? Are you still interested in a group here in Houston?

Hey Enigmatic, In response to your question above, I wanted to share some helpful tools I picked up from a recovery program I'm in called Smart Recovery. The links are below. I found them very useful and thought they'd be good to share. Let me know if you have any questions. It's been a year for me since I used adderall, but I still have days (today was one of them) where I miss having it to help me clean and be productive. For me it's no longer an option, EVER. I can't imagine going back to my life as a full fledge addict. I used it for weight control first and foremost, but it nearly almost killed me twice. I could never go back to it. I don't want to. Even though life is tough without it, I know my life was a thousand times more difficult being on it than it is now. I love myself again and feel so good about where I'm at today. I have absolutely zero desire to ever go back on that crap no matter what. I'm into running marathons now. I always felt disgusted by my alcoholic/drug behavior and I just think back to that person I was and I how I don't ever want to be her again. That's what helped me more than anything move beyond it. In the beginning (I was addicted to it for 6 years) I rationalized it in every way shape and form. There were oh so many benefits and everyone around me saw the good in it for awhile. Over the years, it grew so out of control though. I was a slave to it. I guess that's the thing that makes me so happy today. I have complete freedom in my life now to be whomever I want and I'm happy. I don't have to be ashamed anymore. I may not be the star at work or the cleanest person on earth, but at least I don't stay up for hours on end, days at a time, fixating every moment every hour on when I'm going to take my next pill, get my next high. Thank God I don't have to worry about running out anymore or if my friends and family know about my secret little addiction. It's good to be free. http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Tools_and_Homework/Quick_Reference/CBA_Worksheet.pdf http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Tools_and_Homework/Facilitators_Handout/Change_Plan_Worksheet.pdf http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Tools_and_Homework/Quick_Reference/CBExercise.pdf

I do have ADD, but yes I bounced back and forth between adderall and cocaine. Yikes! I'm sure I would've found other drugs had I not had access to either of the two I just mentioned. I loved speed. Now I am addicted to exercise and find the high I get from running, etc. to be the best high yet.

Best of luck to you Dagny. Sounds like you have a great plan in place. I know how you feel about the treatment world not knowing much about this drug as far as addiction goes. They sent me to detox....doctors seemed somewhat clueless about how to treat me. I just wanted you to know that I have been 1 year clean as of November 12th, 2011. If this adderall addict can do it, so can you! Can't wait to read more and see how your recovery is going. Best of luck! Erin

Way to go!!! So glad to hear it's going well. It gets better!

Hi, M. So glad you're here and so proud of you for your 3 week success! You can get through school without it and you will be SO proud of yourself in the end. I was on adderall for 6 years as well. I've been clean for (it will be 8 months on July 12th) and I'm SO grateful. I recently just quit my Supervisor position at work (last Friday) and getting ready to switch to night shift. I will make the same so really it's just a matter or title and stress reduction. Today was my first day back without being bombarded by management to do all their projects, etc. It was the best day ever. Quitting adderall is not easy by any means, but what I do know is that IT GETS BETTER. I remember how hard it was in the very early days just to do laundry or any type of chore for that matter because all I could relate them to was doing them with adderall vs. not being on adderall. The pain was almost excruciating in the beginning, but I liked that I was sleeping and eating again. Those were like little sprinkles of heaven that I could look forward to everyday. They felt like precious gifts that I would not trade now for the world. I can't even imagine how horrible it would be to be back on adderall right now as I am finally at a place of feeling good again. Ok, so back to my story about giving up my position at work for now. Yes, ADD still. Ha ha. Anyhow, my point is that I know eventually I'm going to get my A game on once I find something I love. I have slowly improved my skills and it gets easier over time without adderall. There are so many days more recently where I just get up, make my list of chores for the day, mark them off one at a time, and go to bed without even thinking/missing adderall anymore. These days are awesome! Recently, I'd forgotten about it all together because I'd become so focused on training and other stuff. Last week I remembered it because my mom brought up the fact it was my 1 year anniversary from when I quit everything and I thought, "Omg, I stopped thinking about it without trying to not think about it!! Whoooo hoooo!!" I also remember having dreams about it every single night for nearly a month or more when I first quit. I used to have these vivid using dreams (of course I was on seroquel), but anyhow, those are gone now too. I have/had eating problems like you mentioned as well. I'm not going to say it's they are gone by any means, but what I do know is that I have a chance to be healthy now and I will beat them eventually. I guess that was always my biggest turn on with adderall - the fact that I was the skinniest I'd ever been and I got to drown myself in all of my addictions in order to get there. I used to chain smoke, barely eat, and drown myself in booze/pot. I felt like I finally had everything I needed in order to get the man of my dreams, a awesome body, a good job, and total independence. Funny thing, I found a hot guy, he moved in with me like after a week of knowing each other (that's how stable I was from the adderall) and in the end he blasted me after I kicked him out (by the way all this happened 1 year ago 7.6.10) and he said such horrible things that I decided to get help. He told me my jaw shook like a meth head among all sorts of other terrible things and that I'd never find anyone. Luckily, he hurt me enough that I realized he was right and he gave me the motivation to quit. He's still a dirt bag rotton scum bag piece of crap, but he helped me to change so for that I thank him. You seem very smart and I think you're going to do great!! By the way, in case you or anyone needs extra help, I found a new program recently which I highly recommend. It's called Smart Recovery. http://www.smartrecovery.org/ It has amazing tools for learning to help cope with urges and reframe your thoughts/behaviors. Ok, I'm off to bed. Good night and best of luck! Erin

I can't stand know it all doctor's who act like they know what they're talking about when in reality they don't know squat about half the medications they're giving. Ugh!!!

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Lil Tex's Quitting Adderall (and getting sober) Rewards: 1) Sleep 2) Sanity 3) Happiness 4) Health 5) New Opportunities 6) Exercise! 7) Friends! 8) Repair family relationships 9) Training (see list of all races I am signed up for below) - Bridgeland Sprint Triathlon (august 2011) - Clear Lake Olympic Triathlon (august 2011) - San Antonio Marathon (november 2011) - Half Ironman/Austin (october 2011) - The Woodlands Marathon (march 2012) - The Woodlands Ironman (may 2012) 10) Self Respect 11) Self Worth 12) Self Esteem 13) Lost weight through eating healthy and have a crazy sculpted physique (I look a thousand times better now than I did when I was malnourshied unhealthy and chain smoking cigarettes). I feel awesome. 14) I have more energy than ever 15) I have finally stopped wanting adderall. This is by far the biggest accomplishment. I thought I wouldn't be able to live without adderall. What I've discovered was that adderall stopped me from living. It shut off the world around me and left me as prisoner to it's wrath. Everyone around me knew I was sick and people ran from me. A psychic even told me that. She said said they could tell I had a good heart, but as soon as they knew me for more than 15 minutes they ran like hell. That's not a way to live. Get help if you need to people! There is an incredible life out there waiting for you and believe me it is patiently waiting for the day you can man up and get off those junk pills! You are WORTH IT!!!!!! Love, Lil Texan

Hi, Member. I'm getting ready to head to work so I don't have much time, but wanted to respond. YOU CAN DO THIS! There is a FANTASTIC life out there waiting for you!!!!! I haven't been on this site in a few months as I've been so busy, but looking at everyone's stories right now makes me remember how bad it was. I'm about 7.5 months clean right now and feel amazing! I can't promise you I would've gotten clean without a 2nd hospitilization/outpatient, but what I can promise you is that life is SO much better without adderall! I used to freak out that I'd collapse at work without adderall and they'd all see me for what I truly was, but what actually happened was that I've changed so much that one of my employees actually followed my lead and quit taking her adderall as well. I get compliments all the time about how I look so healthy and amazing now. I am 100% myself again and people sure do love the new me they've never known. As follow up to my previous post, here's a new list. I'm going to add as another thread. Lil Tex's Quitting Adderall (and getting sober) Rewards: 1) Sleep 2) Sanity 3) Happiness 4) Health 5) New Opportunities 6) Exercise! 7) Friends! 8) Repair family relationships 9) Training (see list of all races I am signed up for below) - Bridgeland Sprint Triathlon (august 2011) - Clear Lake Olympic Triathlon (august 2011) - San Antonio Marathon (november 2011) - Half Ironman/Austin (october 2011) - The Woodlands Marathon (march 2012) - The Woodlands Ironman (may 2012) 10) Self Respect 11) Self Worth 12) Self Esteem 13) Lost weight through eating healthy and have a crazy sculpted physique (I look a thousand times better now than I did when I was malnourshied unhealthy and chain smoking cigarettes). I feel awesome. 14) I have more energy than ever 15) I have finally stopped wanting adderall. This is by far the biggest accomplishment. I thought I wouldn't be able to live without adderall. What I've discovered was that adderall stopped me from living. It shut off the world around me and left me as prisoner to it's wrath. Everyone around me knew I was sick and people ran from me. A psychic even told me that. She said said they could tell I had a good heart, but as soon as they knew me for more than 15 minutes they ran like hell. That's not a way to live. Get help if you need to people! There is an incredible life out there waiting for you and believe me it is patiently waiting for the day you can man up and get off those junk pills! You are WORTH IT!!!!!!

I love the "adderallic" term, but I agree that you'd be better off saying "Adderall User". I equate adderallic with alcoholic and I don't think you want to go calling anyone who takes adderall and "adderallic". Me on the other hand, YES. I am absolutely 100% adderallic. The difference to me is someone who takes it as prescribed vs. someone who may have a prescription, but is also abusing it. There is a big difference between the two.

Looks awesome!!!! Great job, Mike!!

Hi, I'm glad to hear you didn't lose friends or family members b/c of adderall. I assumed wrong and you know what they say about assume. Anyhow, I think once you get some good rest and it's finally out of your system for good, you'll start feeling better. It sounds like you are going through some hard times right now and honestly counseling would be a great thing. Most universities offer some sort of counseling (and this should be free). Have you checked around at your school? If not there, how about a local church group? They also have those 1-800 hotlines available if you start feeling really bad. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. ((((((((Hugs))))))))) Erin

How are you doing? Hope you are going strong!

Johnny 5, great advice!! Asilve, I can relate with everything you've said and I hope that you take what I'm about to say to your very inner being. I am not a doctor, however, I've been in your shoes. I've tried almost every drug there is besides heroin. I was addicted to adderall for six years. I was a crazy person on adderall and everything was a 1,000 times worse when I had it running through my veins. I felt like every problem and/or situation was too much to handle. Life felt like it was unbearably hard towards the end. It made me paranoid, anxious, OCD, and as if the world was caving in on me (this was when I'd taken too much and hadn't slept on top of poisoning myself with alcohol and pot). When I'd finally ween off of it for maybe a week, I'd become lethargic until I could get my hands on the next prescription/dose what have you. This is a terrible way to live and you will not have a clear head until you are completely detoxed from everything. My suggestion to you is to quit everything cold turkey for a month. Sleep, eat healthy, and try some exercise once you have a little energy back. You will feel like a new person. I lost friends in the midst of my addiction as well. I wasn't myself anymore. I was a prisoner to drugs and alcohol and they came first over all others. Your friends and family will come around again once you get "You" back. Right now they are most likely scared of you or for you b/c they don't know what's going on or how to help you. Seriously, I like what Johnny said about getting a new group of friends if necessary...joining a group, or something along those lines. Feel free to email me privately if you want to talk. Best wishes to you! Erin

Johnny 5, great advice!! Asilve, I can relate with everything you've said and I hope that you take what I'm about to say to your very inner being. I am not a doctor, however, I've been in your shoes. I've tried almost every drug there is besides heroin. I was addicted to adderall for six years. I was a crazy person on adderall and everything was a 1,000 times worse when I had it running through my veins. I felt like every problem and/or situation was too much to handle. Life felt like it was unbearably hard towards the end. It made me paranoid, anxious, OCD, and as if the world was caving in on me (this was when I'd taken too much and hadn't slept on top of poisoning myself with alcohol and pot). When I'd finally ween off of it for maybe a week, I'd become lethargic until I could get my hands on the next prescription/dose what have you. This is a terrible way to live and you will not have a clear head until you are completely detoxed from everything. My suggestion to you is to quit everything cold turkey for a month. Sleep, eat healthy, and try some exercise once you have a little energy back. You will feel like a new person. I lost friends in the midst of my addiction as well. I wasn't myself anymore. I was a prisoner to drugs and alcohol and they came first over all others. Your friends and family will come around again once you get "You" back. Right now they are most likely scared of you or for you b/c they don't know what's going on or how to help you. Seriously, I like what Johnny said about getting a new group of friends if necessary...joining a group, or something along those lines. Feel free to email me privately if you want to talk. Best wishes to you! Erin

Trey, I'm happy to hear I'm not alone. I'm a big fan of color.

Ok, well that sucks. They took off the video. Anyhow, let me know what happens. You don't have to be on drugs and it sounds like you don't need them b/c you're totally awesome without them!

Suni, You are so smart for 14! I'm so happy you found this website. God, you remind me of me. I hate that your parents are doing this to you, but people don't understand adderall. Maybe you should ask them to try one for themselves and see if they think it's fair they are basically forcing you to take a tranquilizer. I'm serious. Be honest with them and tell them what you are feeling. Tell them there are alternatives to treating ADD without medication. For example, I just googled it and here's the first site I found: http://health.msn.com/health-topics/adhd/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100145250. I think most and all parents just want the best for their children and maybe right now they feel they are doing the right thing, but they need to know the pain it is causing you. Maybe you could ask to see a counselor (one who is pro-medication free) and they'd be able to help. I can't wait for Mike to post on this. He always has incredible advice. Whatever you do, don't give up on you! You sound like such a fun loving person. I'd hate to see someone like you sell your soul to adderall for parental approval. You should watch this video clip on this website by MTV. Let me go find it and I'll post it in sec.

I'm not posting pics, but I finally finished all of it. Just wanted to share.

All, I really doubt anybody cares, but I am SO excited by my accomplishment I just had to share. I finally just got off seroquel and lamictal. I've been on these drugs for the past 4 months (along with being adderall free) and they did the polar opposite of what adderall did. Now that I am clean and free of them I have energy back....FINALLY! I thought my issue was that I was just sheer screwed without adderall. I am here to tell everyone that is not the case!! I am just as capable off adderall as I was on it, it just takes a little more required effort/motivation. The reward is that I know I achieved the same end result, but that it was all my own doing. Yay! Why do I bring this cleaning project up? Well, not only am I proud of what I've achieved, but I can't believe the difference in the way I feel. I was always spotless on adderall. These past 4 months my apartment has become a dishoveled mess. I remember hearing that a disorganized environment leads to a disorganized mind or something of that nature. Anyhow, I think it is especially important for anyone with ADD to be as organized as possible. I can't seem to think straight when I look around and see clutter. Today, I'm going to take it one step further and clean out my kitchen and bathroom shelves. This is not exactly the way I dreamed of spending my days off, but I know for sure that the next month will be total bliss once everything is in perfect order. Oh yeah, and the shortcuts I used yesterday was 1. Made a list of everything I needed to do and buy to get organized (bought and assembled a shelving unit and storage bins) and 2. Told my friend I'd send before and after pics that night as my motivating factor (which I did). I think I'll post pics on this topic later and use that to motivate me today. Wish me luck!!

Wow! Congratulations!! So happy for you! How are you feeling?

I feel like my confidence level just dropped off the face of the planet. I spent 7 hours yesterday trying to fill out a stupid application and I got one stupid question done!! 1! I've been waiting for 2 years to get into this program (never thought I stood a chance) and this past Monday the VP calls to tell me he's going to nominate me like I asked. If I get in this program, I'll pack up everything I own, put all of it in storage, and then travel for a year and half abroad for my company. I will have no expenses. They will pay for everything. All my money will go straight to my bank account, I'll get to travel for free, and I'll meet high ups within my company and make a name for myself. It's an opportunity of a lifetime. I am dying to get in the program. My old boss did it and just recently came back to train my station. Also, if I get in it, I'll be able to move back home to Ohio and have a job waiting for me after the 1.5 years abroard. Is it normal that it would take someone 7 hours to fill out one question for something like this? I feel like I'm already giving up because my mind is telling me there is no way I'll be able to handle a job like this on my own with my scattered ADD brain. If I get accepted into this program I'll leave in August. Is it too early in my recovery to take on a challenge like this? I think about the end of it too and what would be required of me. I'd come back to the US and then travel 50% of the time nationally. I'd be responsible for going to our locations, giving presentations (i'd be a consultant), and working witht the managers/supervisors to improve their processes and work flow, etc. Is it possible to take on something like this without adderall after 6 years of being hooked? I honestly don't know. I keep telling myself don't expect too much of myself too soon. I just need to stay clean. I was thinking of my friend last night who has ADD worse than me and is now doing extremely well. She never took adderall or add drugs. Over the years I've noticed her abillity to overcome the disorder. Today she's a successful nurse/sales rep and has a beautiful house and married to a good guy. Anyhow, I'm rambling. I have to go to work. Any input is greatly appreciated!

Trey, Yes, I've struggled with these my whole life. I find it extremely challenging to stay focused on something and follow it through till completion unless I have it written in front of me and mapped out every step of the way. When adderall came....it felt like I finally found the answer to all my problems. God, I really need support of someone free from it tonight. I'm trying to fill out this application for my job and I'm going crazy. I've been working on it for like 7 hours and I've answered one question.

Wow, Australia! So cool. I'm in Texas and yes it's very awesome, but I may be on a global journey here soon if things pan out at work for me. Keeping my fingers crossed, but I think I have a really good chance of getting into this traveling program through work. Very exciting! So are you adderall/dex free already? If so, how many days?