LILTEX41

Trey, You are a gifted writer! What do you do for a living? Thanks for sharing your story. Where are you from?

My come down from adderall was actually always wonderful. I know that seems weird, but as long as I had about 3-4 days to lay around and sleep however much I needed, I was fantastic. I was usually so tweaked out by the end of a prescription I'd actually find myself looking forward to being off of it for a few days. However, I do remember getting insane anxiety when I'd be close to the end of my prescription. There were times when I actually ran out of it 2 weeks early....those were the worst times. What is a normal withdrawal period like for you? I was always depressed while on it, but loved it b/c it took my depression away by tuning into whatever task was in front of me. I usually became happy again when it was out of my system as in I could laugh and actually not have to force fake smiles.

Just got back from the dentist. He's advised me to go see a TMJ specialist. I have an appt. set for next week. The past week my TMJ has been excruciating. My jaw pops and cracks and it actually hurts too much to eat. This leads me to question it. Where is this coming from? I had a crown done a couple weeks ago. It was my very first crown. The dentist said my bite is ok. He thinks they aggravated the TMJ by the long period of holding my mouth wide open. Why did I have to get a crown? - Adderall Has my jaw been disintegrating over the years on adderall? Um yeah. Oh wait, there's more. Could This Be Causing Your TMD Symptoms? Frequent Drug Use. The use of amphetamines, such as cocaine, is known to increase parafunctional activity such as teeth clenching and grinding. This may add to an underlying TMD problem or increase the incidence of a problem occurring. I honestly can't believe just how much of my life has been impacted by this drug. I'm going to make a list of all my adderall consequences below. Hope to hear back from everyone on this. I want to know what consequences you've all experienced as well. Here we go... 1. Loss of Relationship - 5 year relationship/engagement called off 2. ER/Hospital/psych ward trip 1 - medical bills (2 weeks off work) 2009 3. Automobile accident - slammed into median/blew out four tires - 2010 4. ER/Hospital/detox - medical bills (2 months off work std) - 2010 5. Medical problems (dental/TMJ) 6. Horrible withdrawal period from bipolar/schizo meds. (I am neither, but the rehab doc prescribed me meds for these conditions based off my symptoms of adderall overdose). I am so sick and tired of being doped up on drugs I don't need, I stopped them abruptly and now suffering the consequences. Not fun. I really hope this is the last consequence of my adderall use. I think my list here is pretty solid. Anyone?

I found both of these articles last night and thought I should share..... http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/overcoming-the-loss-of-motivation-that-follows-a-surge-of-productivity/ http://www.successconsciousness.com/chapters/will-discipline-chapter1.pdf

Being that I had the day off, I read this post and went to see the movie an hour later. WOW, yeah I agree with you guys! The writer had to have come across adderall - for real! At first I was starting to feel unhappy in the beginning when the guy cleaned up his place and wrote his novel in four days. I was thinking, god I miss those adderall days as I was reflecting on the fact I'd just left my slightly messy apt. and got into my slightly messy car to abandon all my chores to see a movie. LOL I don't want to ruin it for anyone else, but I was a tad disappointed and confused by the ending. For anyone else who hasn't seen it - go check it out!

Withdrawal should only last today and maybe tomorrow. Just consider it a minor slip and keep plugging forward! Hey, I relapsed four times in 2 years after trying to quit. Just remember if you were to "go back out" you don't know when you'll "come back in". How many more days, months, weeks of your life do you want to waste chained in addiction to some pill? You got up to 70 days on your very first attempt to quit! That's a huge success! Celebrate it, be thankful you got through it, and learn from your relapse what triggered it and how to prevent another relapse going forward. It's progress...not perfection. Do not beat yourself up for it. You came here and shared your dillema with us. That's a great sign! I think you know exactly what you need to do and you can do it! It's funny, but just today on my way to work I was thinking about adderall. And, btw I'm not trying to take away from your post, but I'm hoping what I'm about to share with you might help. So anyhow, I was reflecting on the fact that the old old old me (from 6 years back) is here again now because I feel messy, lazy, and somewhat scattered brained. HOWEVER, what I learned from being on adderall is the fact that I AM smart and am capable of so much when I apply myself diligently. Previously, I kicked ass in my job b/c of adderall work wise, but socially I was a total trainwreck b/c I was constantly jittery, sleep deprived, paranoid, and constantly on edge. I realize now that since I'm a supervisor now my people skills are actually my best quality and if I were still on adderall I would probably be failing my team miserably. I think about my relationships today and how much they've improved and that all and all my life is sane now. I'm okay and I know that no matter what I will eventually get to a place I never even dreamed I could without adderall. I'm going to be a balanced individual in every way possible. Every day I don't take adderall, I am over joyed by the accomplishment alone. You will feel so good about yourself in the end when you can look back and say you fell, but then got right back up and wiped the dust off to keep running. Good luck my friend!! Erin

Cassie, I know exactly what you mean. I not only gave up adderall, but I was put on a number of downers (seroquel, lamotrig-something, and celexa). Talk about not being motivated! All I did was sleep for like the first two months. I hated it b/c the side effects of the new meds made me a zombie. Somehow, I've managed to get by and today I have 126 days clean. I know it sucks and it's hard as hell to hang in there, but I'm telling you, DON'T GIVE UP. The dawn is almost near. It will get easier, but give yourself as much time as you need to be lazy and unmotivated. It's not that we won't ever be productive or highly successful again, but there is a serious amount of time required (IMO) that is needed to get you to that point. Don't push yourself too hard. Everyone's journey is different. I am SO GRATEFUL for every single day I have clean (hence why i check my clean time everyday to know how many days I have). I don't know if you read my story or not, but this is my 4th attempt to quit adderall for good. I'm telling you - it NEVER gets better, only worse and worse. I was on it for 5 years straight and then once I moved away on my own wound up in the emergency room twice within about a year. Just hang in there and keep coming here to post how you're doing. I'm struggling with being tired, unmotivated to workout, and over eating. I was borderline anorexic while being an adderallic and now I'm struggling with my compulsiveness for food since I'm clean and sober from all alcohol and drugs. I know eventually I'll be able to fix that too, but for right now I'm putting one foot in front of the other to help get me to that point someday. I have every intention in the world of running marathons again, being a health nut, and achieving whatever it is that I decide I want (I haven't quite figured it out yet either), but I know the last thing on earth I need to do is go back to adderall. That would be like running back in the opposite direction and having to start all over again. I mean think about it this way. Do you want to be on adderall your whole life? Do you want to be alone and miserable? I used to think the problem was my ex. I realized in the end it was my addiction to adderall. We lived together 5 years and were engaged. He's now in Ohio and I'm in Houston. I promise you don't want to lose the love of your life for this drug. Stay clean now and live a happy fufilling life. You still get a second chance. Best wishes, Erin

How about a clean time counter. Here's a link to one. http://www.rewritables.net/cybriety/counter.htm

Matt, Your reasons for abusing adderall are identical to mine. I have add and social anxiety. I'm also a recovering alcoholic and addict. I've noticed a lot of people on this site may not have actually been addicted to adderall. I thought Mike gave you some really great advice, but I wanted to take it a step further in case you find that you can't control (or lose all willpower) when trying to moderate your intake. For alcoholics/addicts it is said that we have an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to our class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. If you find yourself having a severly hard time controlling your intake please know this may clearly be another issue all together. It is never too early to get help before it consumes you. Best of luck to you and keep posting how you're doing. Take care! Erin

Jessie, Wow, we are only one day apart in our clean time from adderall!! That's awesome! I feel the same way about the whole "non-productive" feelings you're having. I'm actually laying on my couch now dreading the thought of getting up to do chores and thinking about pushing them back towards the end of the day. However, I keep telling myself that all I have to do our the necessities at this point. It feels like I finally have a new understanding of how this whole doing chores things without adderall might feel (i hate them!), but this is normal. This is how most normal people feel too. Our normal (or what we considered normal for so long) is superman/woman. I feel like my powers were taken away and not I just have to retrain my brain to do all the same stuff again without adderall. I'm with you. It sucks! But eventually it will get easier the more time we spend normal/not high and today this is the only thought that keeps pushing me to get through another day at times. Thanks for your post! Erin

Yes, I craved sweets non-stop. I also found food more appealing than ever. Every time I was ever on adderall, I lost a ton of weight and ate barely anything. I love how wonderful food tastes again. I'd say it took a good month before I felt like it was truly out of my system. It felt really good to eat and sleep again after I was off of it. I'm now @ 4mos. clean and feeling better than ever. I still crave sweets, but not anything near like I did when I first stopped everything. You'll level out. I still have adderall using dreams though. Hoping those will go away with time. Erin

How are you doing Jess? Hope to hear from you!

Hi everyone. I took adderall for 6 years. I quit for 3 months back when I first found this website (September 2008). If you go the section of this website titled, "Your Challenge", you'll see I was the very first post Mike ever had. My name is Erin. Anyhow, I knew I couldn't stop adderall without stopping everything, so I was sober for 3 months. Peer pressure took over and I couldn't remain in the same lifestyle I'd been in without using. I went back on adderall and started drinking again. 3 months later I left my fiance in Feb 2009 because he was too scared to marry me. This was my 1st attempt. I moved to Houston in April 2009 for my job. I moved into my own apartment. My adderall addiction spun out of control. In June 2009 to make things worse, I was given a bad batch of adderall. http://www.aboutlawsuits.com/generic-adderall-recall-barr-dextroamphetamine-amphetamine-5459/ I didn't know the 20mg pills I'd been prescribed were actually @ 60-80mg pills. I almost died because of those pills. I didn't eat or sleep for 4 days straight. They made me a paranoid schizophrenic and I thought there were bugs hopping off my skin and all over the place. It's the most insane story anyone will ever hear. This I can promise you, but it's too long to tell. I ended up in the emergency room after calling an ambulance to come get me. I was stranded with bugs hopping off my skin (or at least that's what I thought) at a Valero gas station. It was horrible. I ended up in a psych ward. I promised to go to rehab and they released me. I was adderall free from June 2009 - January 2010. This was my second attempt. January 2010, pharmacy calls. They tell me the pills I overdosed on where actually super potent. I became enraged and hoped to file a lawsuit. I then rationalized the incident with my friends and that it wasn't my fault. 4 days later I called my doc to get a refill. From January 2010 - July 2010 I became severly addicted. I became frail once again. I was binge drinking, smoking pot, and popping adds like candy on a daily basis. I'd do coke at times when adderall wasn't available or whatever else came around. I was also smoking nearly a pack of cigarettes a day. Off adderall, I'd just completed a half marathon November 2009. My addictions returned with greater intensity than ever. Then in April 2010 I slammed my car into a hwy flat median and blew out all four tires right after I'd taken half a 30mg orange pill my friend gave me while we were out having a couple drinks (i'd been out for two weeks). I was so jittery and paranoid about driving I didn't see the curb/median in front of me and slammed into it going 50mph. I'm lucking I didn't get a DUI. I thought I was in control. I wasn't. By June 2010 I was so tweaked out and such a mess that I actually let some jerk I'd met at a bar move in with me. I'd known him for a week. This was scary, but I was so out of my mind on adderall and everything else that it felt like the right thing to do. I ran out of adderall 2 weeks early. Him and his friend conned me into loaning him $300 for 100 30mg pills of adderall. I gave his friend the money and never saw it again or the pills. I kicked him out of my apartment. He was starting to get violent. My other little friend was also a raging mess. The same week I picked her up from jail after she did a 360 on the highway drunk and almost died. Her bf had been beating her up and locked her out of his house. My life was a complete wreck. During this time I'd also just been reclassified as a supervisor at work. How I kept all my life together without losing my job I'll never know. After the night of my gf's incident and kicking out what I thought was my bf, I drove home to Columbus, OH to sort out my life. I sobered up and stopped taking adderall. This was my 3rd attempt to quit. The date was July 10th, 2010. I returned to Houston a week later. I started running immediately and working out. I was able to complete a long run of 9 miles within 3 months and then I relapsed. I got stressed out from work. I was lonely. I relapsed on alcohol for a week. I said it was just a one time deal. Then I thought well I've already ruined all my clean time. What's one more day of drinking. About a week later I was so depressed I'd failed, I figured at least with adderall I'll be able to go to work and do something right. I picked up my script on 10-14-2010. November 8th I landed back in the emergency room for my 2nd overdose. I was transported to a psych unit...then to a 7 day detox. They diagnosed me as bipolar. I'm not bipolar. I'm addicted to drugs and alchol. This is my 4th attempt to quit. I'm 117 days sober today. Let this be the last time I ever have to stop again. I worry that I may not have another recovery in me again. Oh, and finally...adderall dreams. I swear I've had one every night for the past week. I think I've relapsed and then I wake up. I actually see the orange pill. It's typically always somebody sneaking one to me. They scare me. Good luck and god bless everyone trying to quit adderall. If you've ever relapsed, don't feel bad. You're not alone. Together we can all fight this and beat it. I will be a success story and I am a success story. That's how I roll today. Much love to ya'll! Erin

Great post and topic! It's been so long since I've been on adderall now that I almost forgot how it worked. You are so right on with cleaning the bedroom 101. I've been laying around on my couch for 2 days now and the most I feel like doing is getting up to eat and doing the basic necessities. I don't know what my problem is this week. I love being on the computer and watching t.v. I NEVER used to watch tv or movies on adderall. There was always way too many tasks that needed to be done and I couldn't wait to do them once I had my pills refilled. Now, these tasks seem overwhelming. I know it will get better with time and I'm totally going to use your breaking down a task 101 post to help get me motivated. You're doing great by the way! Erin

Good luck, Scott! Keep posting to this site for support if you need it. I'm on here a lot. You can do it! Erin

OMG, I can totally relate! I went to the ER because I thought I was having a heart attack. I BECAME extremely bipolar because I wasn't sleeping and taking adderall every 4 hours. I had dellusions and my mood was all over the place. The ER sent me to a psych ward....then they sent me to detox. I was diagnosed as bipolar. Dude! I'm not bipolar! I'm just now weening off the seroquel pills. I'm still on the others but I want to get off those too. My problem is I'm an adderall addict. I went through stages like you did where the high is fantastic and I'd get so much done along with feeling on top of the world. Then there were times when I'd take them and feel like they weren't hardly doing anything. The bottom line in the end for me though was the fact that my life was a total disaster due to taking adderall. There is a saying that I like. "One is too many and a thousand is never enough." I know for me, the chase of the high will never be enough. Addiction is when we keep chasing and chasing a high until we can't even chase it anymore. Another saying I like, "I was sick and tired of being sick and tired." That's how I was. I just wanted my life to be sane (even if that meant letting my life fall apart at the seems in the short term) and to be happy again. I'm 117 days clean from adderall and all drugs and alcohol today. I'm in no way "on top of the world", however, I'm feeling better than ever and I know there are great things ahead for me in life. I'm very excited to see what my life will be like a year from now when I feel 100% responsible for all my successes and not that my life has been created by false pretenses. May you find what you've been looking for and I pray you find it elsewhere than where you've previously searched. Take care my friend! Erin