LILTEX41

Bones, It sounds like you are going through a lot. If you go back and read through your post, I think you'll see how it (she) is all over the place. It doesn't sound like there is any stability in this situation and I don't see how any future stability is possible if she continues this cycle with these pills. What do you want to see come of this? Does she want to get off this stuff or is she adamant that she will continue on as is?

How's it going TDT?? Are you doing okay?

Omg, that would be an awesome book!! The before and after story. You should totally do that! But I hear you about just taking walks and doing the dishes. Not an easy process to go through by any means, but once you get over the hump it truly gets better and better. So glad to hear you are going to go back to school and do something so meaningful for others. I think that will be amazing. That's so sweet of you to say that about my posts. It's hard to know sometimes if what you say on here reaches other people or not as so many come and go, but it is always so rewarding to hear if anything I've written has actually helped someone else. I often wonder if I send people the opposite direction by saying the wrong thing somehow, but for the most part I feel like it's been good. It's weird how much this site has become like my little home over the years and it's been amazing to watch people get clean and get better. I worry when people drift away though. But yeah, I will definitely take your idea into consideration. I think it's just a matter of getting the ball rolling and then momentum will come. There are a lot of people who need help with this and it's not an easy solution, but we are living proof it can be done so that just along in itself should at least let others know it possible to get through it. Anyhow, hope your day is going well and have a good night!

Just goes to show how powerful this drug can be. Amazing he admitted that on air for the world to know. I pray your daughter never takes it!!

Awe, I am so glad I could help!! Thank you!! Well, my first place I come to help others is this site. I believe that helping others is honestly the biggest key to my recovery. I look at a lot of my friends with long term sobriety even (like 15 years or more) and I see how much they helped others. I think this is crucial to staying clean. Second, I am now a facilitator for Smart Recovery. Another woman and myself started a face to face meeting in town and that has been going really well. Before we started that meeting, I used to do a lot of online meetings with Smart through their website. I just tried to help others during the meetings that were struggling. And secretly, I've been wanting to write a book for a long time and I'm hoping to do that this year. I just need to get focused and get on it. After seeing the Today show clip last week, I realized there are a lot of people out there who need help so I think it's time. So glad you are feeling a little better and please keep us posted as to what you find out from the docs about your condition. Praying for the best!!

Hi TDT, What I hear you saying is that this pill has a strong hold on you and right now it's got you good. You got urges 6 weeks ago and allowed the addictive voice to convince you back into it by rationalizing moderation would work. Tonight it sounds like you are in trouble as the violation effect has taken place and you've binged on a 100mgs. Yes, I agree. I would be scared too. You know the consequences of taking that much are not going to be good. You're waiting for the rest of your script and ambivalent about how to proceed. I think this is where you need to play the tape forward. What is going to happen as a result of continuing this binge? What will your life be like in another month, 3 months, 6 months, or even a year from now? Are you prepared to deal with the consequences of taking all this speed once again (hallucinations, hearing voices, isolation, social withdrawal, falling back into the addiction, and God knows what else) OR do you want to end this crap now and for good?? So what you slipped up and lapsed. It happens. It's a flat tire. Fix it and move forward in recovery. That is your other option and I can promise you that is a very safe option. There won't be any trauma involved, psychosis, psych ward trips, or falling off the deep end. Imagine yourself taking the script back to the pharmacist and saying no, I made a mistake. I don't need this and walking out of there with your head held high. You don't have to let this take you back to square one. You just pick up right where you left off. There is a good life for you ahead if you will set yourself free. The decision is yours. You are stronger than you think. You have everything within you to get through life without this drug. It is your choice and it boils down to what you want in your future. I am with you and I am rooting for you. You have the strength. Do not give up.

Hi CLP0001, First off, here is a big ((((hug)))) for you this morning. I can almost feel your pain as I know what it's like to trust the medical community only to have it backfire on you. I was prescribed super potent pills once which landed me in the emergency room, stranded in Houston, hallucinating like crazy, got a ride with a stranger who thought I was a hooker and could've raped and killed me. I almost died all thanks to trusting my doctor, pharmacy, and pharmaceutical company. They messed up and I suffered the consequences of their errors. It's not a good feeling, but I think holding onto anger over the situation didn't help me heal in any way. It just kept me stuck. I signed up to join the lawsuit http://www.aboutlawsuits.com/generic-adderall-recall-barr-dextroamphetamine-amphetamine-5459/, but never heard anything. I think it will be a long time before this battle is won, but until then we have to make peace with what has happened and not allow it to overtake us - otherwise they win. Look at how far you come!!!! 2 years is AMAZING!!!! You are doing so awesome and please whatever you do, do not allow this to send you backwards into depression. You're just going to have to stay positive!! Imagine if you didn't stop 2 years ago. You might not even be here today, you know??? 160mgs is insane. BUT you're heart is in recovery mode. MAYBE it is actually getting better this whole time and it will only keep getting better. Maybe 2 years ago when you stopped you were nearly of the verge of a heart attack. Even though they just now found this...I bet it is at least nowhere near as bad of shape as 2 years ago. You gotta keep reminding yourself it COULD be worse and that whatever happens going forward you CAN HANDLE IT. You have been through too much and worked too hard to give up now and let this depression defeat you!! AND you don't know for sure if you will need medication, transplant, and all that stuff. Just keep doing what you are doing and HEALING. Let go of that anger and forgive the psychiatrist for being incompetent. He was trying to help, but made a mistake. He is human and we as humans make errors. The more you can forgive and let go of these toxic negative emotions, you will begin to feel better. I'm not saying you shouldn't take action though against the psychiatrist. I think your case is EXTREMELY important and something needs to be done. If we can help other people and take action against this drug in some way, that would help. I have something I have been meaning to do for a long time and hoping to do it this year. Coming to this website and just even sharing your story with others could help a lot. Think of all the people you could help. Your story is powerful and it is possibly just what another person might need to hear to finally break from from this drug. You have been blessed with the gift to help others so they don't have to go through what you're going through. Some of us addicted to this drug are gone and will never get that chance. You still have a chance to live a good life and you will get the help you need to fix this condition. You could still be addicted, struggling, and not even aware you're heart is in danger. All is not lost here. You got this. Also, I love that you are going to school for Buddhist psychology!! That is great!!! I think this will so extremely helpful as you go through this challenge to be absorbing the buddhist teachings. Maybe it was all meant to be. Just remember you have a gift now and there are other people who will greatly benefit from what you have to share. Take what happened and turn it into something positive. You will get through this. We are here to help you! ((Hugs))

Marathon #4 - Check

12 hours till go time!!! Excited!

That is amazing!! Congratulations!!

2 days until the Columbus Marathon!!!

Great ideas House!

Awesome! Tell us more!!

I think it depends on how bad you want it. You are STRONGER than you think. If you quit with bound DETERMINATION to stay off of it and move forward, then you will prevail. It's not going to be easy, but you CAN do it! It all just comes down to deciding how much longer you want to stay chained up to this drug. The longer you take it the harder it will be to get off of it. IF I could go back in time, I would've quit the first time for good and never started again. All those years I spent chained to it were just prolonging my suffering and making the quit harder. Maybe taper down slowly until winter break and then sleep that week and start fresh come the 1st of the year. Just an idea. You got this! You're lucky it's only been 1 year. Still not easy, but totally doable. Think of it like this. Just get through your final year of school without it and then when you start working you won't be a total mess. You'll be used to being clean by then and starting off your career on a good foot is possibly more important than the last year of school. You want to be ready tackle your job without this crap in the way to hinder you in any way OR make you feel like you can't function without it and stay hooked on it during your career. Welcome to the site!

Found a good link..check out the med students post about the depression/anhedonia post adderall. https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/comments/1f12ls/suicidal_thoughts_and_adderall/

http://www.today.com/video/-academic-doping-on-the-rise-number-of-students-abusing-adhd-drugs-increasing-782690883873

Ok, I guess nobody saw it, but I'll post the link to it tomorrow when it's available. It was weird this segment was featured today as I feel like a lot of people are struggling right now. Sounds maybe a little insane, but I am a huge believer in people from the other side trying to help us. When I was in the depths of my adderall days, I went to a psychic one night after all this bad crap went down. The psychic called me out on my addiction issues (like absolutely nailed it) and told me get help immediately. Then that night I got home and there was a segment on E about Lindsay Lohan and her decline highlighting adderall addiction. I swear on my life that was not by accident. I just get this strong sense that today's show was not an accident either. It was about how rampant ADHD drugs are now on campus. One kid said basically, "EVERYONE is doing it." The best part about this segment airing today was the overwhelming gratitude that came over me knowing I am so blessed to have overcome this struggle. I still can't believe I did it and almost have 6 years. Sometimes I question how the hell I got this far and I just pray that I never relapse. There have been so many times I have contemplated it. There have been times I've come pretty freaking close and I just thank GOD I didn't. It's a miracle still to this day because this drug was HARD to overcome. But it's not hard anymore and it feels awesome to keep in touch with all of you and be able to lend a hand whenever possible. Some people don't make it and for that I am very sad. I pray they come back to us. And there are those of you who kick this and I pray you stick around and visit to help the people struggling. We don't always have the same exact battles and nobody is going to take the exact same path as someone else that will make them stay clean. But what we do have is maybe tidbits here and there from everyone and I think those tidbits of help from the group as a whole are what makes recovery work. You just have to keep adding more tools to your tool belt in your efforts to get clean. If something doesn't work, try something else. If someone gives you crappy advice, go to someone else. The answers will come if you keep searching and don't give up. They may come when you least expect it or maybe it takes longer than you anticipated. It is good if you can learn to accept your feelings along the way good or bad and try not to get caught up in the short term shit storms life can throw your way at times. You just keep reminding yourself of your long term happiness and well being ahead. Adderall is a temporary fix and will just keep you coming back for more and more causing you to be dependent and trapped. Break free now and heal your brain, mind, body, and soul. You will thank yourself down the road. Just don't quit your quit!!!

11 months sober today 1 month away from 6 years adderall free!!

No way!!! You boys have fun!!

Anyone watching this today? "Academic Doping" on the rise. Growing number of college students abusing ADHD drugs.

Best Smart quote ever, "Learning to cope with your urges enables you to achieve your long-term goals. There’s no way around this."

Wow, that is amazing!! I am so happy to have you on this site!!! Over 3 years clean - fantastic!! Can't wait to hear more! Welcome!

I LOVE hearing success stories!!! Congratulations!!! So happy for you!! Thank you for coming back and sharing the great news and giving hope to others out there. YOU ROCK!!

You can make your life whatever you want it to be. Maybe your life just sucks right now? What CAN you do to change it so it doesn't suck so much? What do you want to be doing instead? Do you have any hobbies outside of work that you enjoy? You said your parents work 60 hours a week just to enjoy the weekends. Man, if that's their worst problem and your worst problem is that you hate working, then is that really THAT bad? Have you ever tried making a gratitude list of all the awesome things you have in your life? I suggest doing it every single day. Focus on ALL that is awesome in your life. The things you take for granted each day like maybe having parents that are still alive, healthy, and together? Parents that you get to talk to every single day if you need a shoulder to cry on or support. How about a job that pays the bills so that you are fed, have a shelter, car, and even get to enjoy a weekend of downtime to do whatever you want. How about just waking up and having your health. There are people battling cancer and fighting for their lives. The fact you GET to wake up every day, go to a job to see what you CAN accomplish, have time to debate why life sucks when there are children in Africa starving to death, people homeless, mentally disabled, and you have every opportunity in your lifetime to figure out what will make you happy and do it...is life really THAT terrible? Try this....every single day at the end of your day - write down 3 good things that happened to you. Could be as simple as you enjoyed a fantastic meal with a friend, you watched the sunrise while taking a morning walk, you helped an elderly person in need, you called an old friend and caught up laughing about old times, you spent time with one of your parents, you came to this site and saw that your words of encouragement lifted someone else up when they were struggling, you checked an item off your bucket list, created a bucket list, got a great workout in, or maybe just woke up from a great 8 hours sleep feeling refreshed. Do this every night - 3 good things that happened. Then in the morning make a gratitude list. FOCUS on what is good and I promise you, life will stop sucking so much. All the best!

Facilitated 2nd Smart Meeting - feeling excited.