LILTEX41

Done

You okay?

I'm not sure how you find out, but here is the link to the batch i took that landed me in the ER. Read all the comments starting from 2009 though, not the more recent ones. Crazy. You could call the manufacturer and ask possibly? http://www.aboutlawsuits.com/generic-adderall-recall-barr-dextroamphetamine-amphetamine-5459/

Just finished a cycling tour. We did 112 miles on Sat and then 112 miles back on Sunday. This girl is tired!!

You know I woke up having a bad morning so far, but this just totally turned my mood around into smiles and excitement for you!! Wow, words can't describe the feelings I have after reading this. So happy for you!!!!! Hugs!

I am so glad you found us! You're in the right place. Just know you can do this! I am pulling for you! This is an amazing journey you are about to embark on and one that will change you for the better in the end...as long as you are willing to stay the course and persevere through some hard times. It's by no means easy getting off that shit, but just know there are lots of us here who are doing it and come out on the other side. Whether or not you decide to tell your fiancé is completely up to you, but in IMO it would be a lot better if you knew you had his support and encouragement trying to quit. A good support system is extremely helpful. Keep posting and know that we are here to help!

Ya girl!!!

Back in full swing for half ironman training. Rode 60 miles yesterday and ran 8.5 miles today. Feeling stronger than ever!

You go girl! Get it girl!!

Anxious

Sounds like a great plan! I definitely think you'll notice a huge difference after cutting out the junk food. I've noticed amazing improvements in the way I feel from eating all the good shit. I used to hate it when people would talk about how your palate changes once you start consuming healthy foods, but I am actually finally getting attached to healthy food and craving it. I really never thought that would happen, but it did. I am finally no longer wanting junk because I realize how bad that crap makes me feel. Anyhow, glad you are doing well and cheers to what the future brings!

Dear Frankie Pooh, I love your reading your posts. The honesty and commitment you have shown during this process is amazing. I like to keep a close eye on my lovely friends on this site and try to help out when I can and I just hope you know your perseverance has been incredible. You have struggled a lot, but yet you've hung in there and I've seen you offer help and support to so many others. Whether you realize it or not, you are getting better. I know it seems hard as shit at times and it would be so easy to throw the towel in and just go back to the fucking pills. But I have so much faith in you that it is going to get better. I'm sure it's hard to see the progress you've made, but believe me - you have come so far! Thank you for such honesty and putting it out there. The fact that you are willing to do that is what is getting you through. Also, you mentioned you wouldn't care about your problems if you had the drugs, but guess what? The problems would still be there and then when you were coming down and feeling like shit you'd have 2 problems (the original plus the drug problem). Right now, you just have life problems and those will work themselves out. Don't let the addictive voice fool you and suck you back into that addictive trap from hell. Tell that fucker off and be well my friend.

Hi Z, Sorry to hear your dad was behaving like a jerk, but like others said I'm sure he was doing it to try and help you to his best ability. Here's what I've noticed in my life. My number one focus that helps me with everything else is exercise. When I have a goal and then execute a plan to achieve it, everything else in my life falls into place. My diet improves with exercise because it makes me conscious of what I am ingesting as I know I'll be needing the best food in order to train. It sets my day off on the right foot and I feel more energized to get focused on everything else. I saw a great video on youtube last week about running (see below). It's pretty spot on. My best encouragement to you would be to set a goal of some kind and give yourself 12 weeks to achieve it. Keep a journal of tracking your success each day. As you start working towards it, you'll see the momentum pick up. Maybe you'll want to add a few more things to your plan as you start feeling more in shape and stronger. I have a few ideas for you if you're interested. Not sure where you are with cardio fitness, but these could be beginner plans that might help get the ball rolling. 1. Walking Plan: http://www.thewalkingsite.com/beginner_schedule.html 2. http://www.halhigdon.com/training/50933/5K-Novice-Training-Program(there are a bunch of training programs on this site which are great) I mention walking or running because all you need is a good pair of shoes and it's free! Once you have a good base of cardio fitness, everything else gets easier to do. The hardest part is just starting. But once you get the ball rolling, it gets easier and easier. I know you said the pot helps, but I'm a strong believer that it is actually what is holding you back. Pot will slow you down and encourage sloth like behavior. It doesn't do anything to help motivate you. Do the action first and then the motivation will follow. Those edibles are not your friend. They are the enemy. I've had them. I've smoked plenty of pot in my life. It added nothing of value to my life. If you want amazing energy, vitality, and to feel good, eat a plant based diet and load up on fruits and veggies. Good nutrition is absolutely key and will give you all the amazing energy you need. Once you start feeling better physically, everything else will fall into place. I think this is your best line of attack - to get yourself healthy. Here's an amazing story of a man that transformed his life at the age of 43. Just so you know, you have achieved something absolutely AMAZING. You are 3 freaking years clean from adderall!!!! That is fantastic. I feel like you are ready to move into the next stage of your recovery. I am cheering for you Z and proud of your accomplishment. All the potential is within you. Don't ever second guess yourself that you are not enough without that drug. The power is within you. Just dig deep, grab your life by the horns, and go after anything and everything you want. It will be there for you if you have the faith to believe in yourself that you can attain it. YOU GOT THIS!

Phew!!!! Thank GOD!

Wow, I am blown away by this. I pray you never take it again though. You don't sound like you will, but at least now you do understand a lot more what he is going through. Yes, this medication is hell on wheels. Those of us who have managed to get off and stay off are absolutely blessed by all measures. The drug is frightening as the addictive components alone with the shit it does to you. I would not recommend anyone ever take it EVER. Thank you for being on this site as a non-user and an amazing support role in this journey.

Wellness, I think the best thing you can do is take good care of yourself. The more you try to persuade him to stop is only going to make it worse in my humble opinion. I am ONLY speaking of from my own life experience in this matter, but from what I can tell you of my own situation and watching fellow addicts around me, the worst thing you can do is to keep getting on him about it. I think the more you try to push him into doing what you want, it will backfire. He will be even more resistant to consider changing and will resent you for trying to exert control over him. If it were me and my son, I would completely stay out of the matter unless he comes to you. I would try to be more of a listener and not pass judgement. I would try to play more of an active support role in his life and help him empower himself with any choices he wants to make. I would try to reflect back to him what he says so that he can draw his own conclusions. I would want him to know that I am always there to support him and if he feels adderall is the best choice for his life at the time, I would encourage him to talk about and what it is doing for him. I would do my best just to listen and not be critical and condemn. The more he feels that you are an open door and he can talk to you about anything, the more he might be able to open up about it. Unfortunately, you can't control this and you can't do it for him. The motivation to want to stop is going to have to come from him, but what you can do is be there to listen and if he mentions the negative things that have resulted from it, reflect those back to him. You can still be a loving support and encourage him in all matters. Just don't try to push and control. I think that will only make the situation worse. I'm sure is well aware that you hate him being on this medication, but maybe if he sees you have backed down from trying so hard to convince him to stop he will be shocked and appreciative. It might help him feel more empowered and less resistant to change. I would just go about my life in the best way I could and always try to press in him that he is a strong, powerful, and amazing person that is in charge of his life. You believe in him and will do your best to support his choices.

Feeling slightly like a machine today. Rode 32 miles last night on road bike. Woke up and swam 1725 meters at 4:45 followed by a 6.5 mile run. Starting to feel tired a bit, lol. Who is working out today?!

Ditto Z

Hmmm.....I wasn't on all that other stuff. The klonopin and ambien are fast acting, right? I mean they aren't like antidepressants in which you really do need to taper off? I don't know anything about the benzos, but I would just research each drug and see what it says as far as quitting. Anything that says you should taper, I would do that or you might be a train wreck. I bet you could quit the klonopin and adderall cold turkey though and probably the ambien since you will be so tired as it is from quitting adderall - you won't need a sleeping pill. As a disclaimer, I do not have a medical degree. Maybe find another doctor who seems like they know more about all of this. Keep us posted!

Does your sister know you are addicted? Call the doctor and tell them you are addicted. Cutting off any access you have to them will give you a GIANT advantage in your attempts to quit as on days when you are weak they will no longer be at your finger tips waiting for you. Having this pause to really reflect and debate on the choice you are about to make will increase your chances of staying clean. You CAN do it!!

Let me rephrase that. I did a thousand projects just like you in the day time. I was always finding something new to obsessively tackle from cleaning my apartment, to being OCD with my job, took some classes for a semester, got obsessed with making blankets and sewing, lol, organizing every tiny room of my apartment, spent 2 months obsessively buying furniture and decorations for the new apartment, on and on. The partying I did was at night and then all the adderall activities in the day. The point is I was void and empty inside because I was drugged up on speed all the time and alone attending to my adderall activities. When out with people, I was high and drinking. Anyhow, it was just the fact that there was this emptiness inside of me with those pills. I just felt very alone, isolated, depressed, but yet euphoric when on those things. There was a sense of doom and gloom that I knew what I was doing to myself was not healthy and I was trying to hide it from everyone. God, I do not miss it!! I can't wait till you feel this way someday. Just even thinking about that time period in my life makes me feel sad.

You’re being awfully hard on yourself. The good news is that’s something within your control that you can change starting today. Focus on every single positive change you’ve made and start building yourself up instead of tearing yourself down. Don’t let your inner critic control your thoughts. Dispute that asshole and focus on all your victories. You have almost 5 months clean!! That is AMAZING!!! Also, stop comparing yourself to others. It’s like comparing apples to oranges. The only person you need to worry about comparing yourself to is you! Just focus on the progress that you have made and be kind to yourself and know that you are doing the best you can right now. One thing that has helped me a great deal is to rebuild my life full of things I enjoy. In my addictions, I was void and empty because my life revolved mainly upon going to bars and partying. There wasn’t much else going in my life back then outside of that realm. So when I quit everything, I had all this time and energy and a giant hole to fill. It’s been really kind of fun for me to keep adding new stuff to my life and just being constantly busy doing all different kinds of fun things. The more activities and stuff I’ve gotten involved with the more I’ve been able to turn my attention to cool stuff and less time away from focusing on missing drugs/alcohol. Plan a sweet trip somewhere or make a bucket list and do that shit. You can finally do all this cool stuff now because you are now longer trapped in addiction. Another thing I learned as a helpful tool was to question the benefits I was getting from drugs/alcohol - for example social connection and find ways to fill those needs in other ways. Another benefit for me is euphoria so finding things like racing downhill on my road bike at 35 miles an hour I find fun as shit, etc. Maybe you’ve already starting doing these things, I can’t remember, but I just thought I’d throw it out there since you seem kinda down lately. Just be kind to yourself and don’t lose hope. You already got this and now it’s just a matter of moving on to the next stage and slowly keep making changes along the way.

Frank, What is going on? Are you okay? Just being on this site and trying to quit is remarkable. So many people don't even have the courage or strength to try and actually stop. We have all been in your shoes. If you stop opening up about what's going on then I think it would only put you closer to moving in the wrong direction. What you have to say is important and everyone needs to be heard. Get it out and don't worry about what anyone thinks. None of this is easy or anything. I mean dang, it took me a long time of stopping and starting to get to a good place. And I don't know if you've noticed, but the beginning of quitting is hard as shit and most people are in the same boat as far as not being thrilled about any of it. Its sucks for a good amount of time so don't worry if you aren't where you want to be yet. Just don't disappear on us! We got you!

That is AWESOME!!! You go!!!! You must be exhausted. Hope you get a massage! It's well deserved!!

Your response gave me goosebumps. It is such an honor to be of service. Best wishes upon your journey.