Greg
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Posts posted by Greg
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watching the video gives me the creeps, especially for the first few, when he is RUNNING and EXCITED to the next blob, because the crashes weren't so bad yet it was no big deal to just shrug off and get back to normal afterwards
it's especially chilling looking back now because that was the stage where I didnt' realize what was happening yet
That is a great video what an excellent depiction of addiction
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That is the point I was at...about 12-15 a day snorting while losing track of time...it's good that you are acknowledging this. The dosages you are at and the snorting is basically at the level of meth now... All I can say is that you can do this, it's completely possible, and stay on the forums as you continue to quit.
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Congrats on 51 days sober, that is a great start! Whatever you do, don't ever go back, it will continue to turn on you from here on out no matter how tempting it may seem, and any cravings (physical and psychological) DO get better over time.
I read a TON of addiction memoirs and watched addiction movies like (the lost weekend, smashed etc) I can't tell you how therapeutic that was for me. I really recommend you reading On Speed. I've recommended it to a bunch of people on this site and everyone likes it. It will give you a whole new perspective on amphetamines.
If you felt a sense of relief watching Animals(a film I need to check out) I guarantee you will continue to find relief reading and watching more.
Check out this link to an earlier thread
http://forum.quittingadderall.com/topic/123-book-list-dealing-with-adderall-abuse/
Keep it up!
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Definitely insecurities for me too. I took it primarily to study In a competitive and often cut throat school environment, and I thought I had ADD..so I felt my taking it was justified.
but because it made me feel invincible...it fueled even more an insecurity to be perfect. I was juggling extracurriculars, internships, an overloaded course schedule and I felt I achieved what I thought was perfect at the time, of course I loved the ease of weight loss but that wasn't my primary motive. But the common thread of the quest to fulfill insecurities definitely was.
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Into the great wide world....81 days till my first day of work...what to do in between?
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Awesome ZK, congrats!!!! Very big milestone!
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Catching up on Game of Thrones
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Back to reality (Student life is over :-))
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Cautiously optimistic the next couple days will go smooth.
I am graduating with on May 8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And also packing And emptying my apartment (that's where the stress is) and then headed to disneyworld with my family after I walk,
I remember going to grad school was such a big step for my recovery from adderall and I remember coming on the boards and asking u guys for advice about how I was going to survive the whole ordeal and now...wow...it's done y'all!!!!
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Eleven (as in 11 months clean today!!!)
Awesome!
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overwhelmed
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I heard Marco Polo is great! I also hear turn, prison break, and sons of anarchy are great.
I hear scandal is really good.
I also heard great things about peaky blinders and black mirror
My favorite Netflix show is a tie between Hoise of cards and breaking bad..I like Hoise of cards almost as much as game of thrones.
Blacklist is a great show, the one I'm watching now
I'm going to start watching daredevil when I get round to it
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haha I caved and watched all 4 in a glorious binge.
Fantastic stuff....!
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ZK congrats!! That is awesome!!!!Landed a new programming project today. So to celebrate my amazing self I got a $5 Starbucks with extra everything I am so freaking underwhelmed right now.
I watched the first four of GOT. Don't worry, no spoilers. Just This season is incredible just like last season. I wish the rest of the season would leak onto the web
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Cold turkey quitter here as well...along with cigarette quitting at the same time! I believe in the saying One pill is too many, and a thousand is never enough. Correct me if I'm wrong all, but I think almost everyone here who has managed to stay clean that is active on the forums went cold turkey...if that helps any.
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I heard about the leaked episodes. Think I will just wait wouldn't be Sunday without GOT.
Good point Sunday's are more fun with GOT to look forward. But I don't know if I'll be able to resist. So far yes
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ZK, in case you haven't heard. the first four episodes of Game of Thrones new season leaked out by accident. They are all over the internet torrents but Im watching them on primewire.ag
PS deleted post above bc of spoilers for anyone who isnt caught up yet. sry!
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Me too tho I have no idea how I will watch it.
Do you need a link to the episode?
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very Excited for Game of Thrones tonight
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- Popular Post
- Popular Post
For those of you who don't know me i was serverly addicted to adderall. And I relapsed several times until finally one day I stopped relapsing and said to myself 'enough is enough' and i've been clean for four years now. At my worst I was handcuffed to the floor by cops and injected with tranquilizers against my will to calm me down because i was so out of my mind on adderall. This is tough for me to look back on but I feel like im in a community of people who understand how tough it is to look back. And who understand how looking back can be helpful for people who are still struggling and fighting to stay clean.
People who know me would never figure me to be the type that would handcuffed and dragged into ambulence and injected with tranquilizers against my will, locked up in a addiction ward room against my will. But this is the evil of adderall - this is what it can do to you - its a poison in your body and it can wreak havoc on your mind and create things like psychosis where you believe things that are not true.
The reason behind this post is that I want to share somethings I've learned along my journey to sobriety...
- you can't do it alone. You need support system, a support network because the journey is so hard.. I found it in Narcotics anonymous meetings, and having a sponsor for a little while, but mostly through this forum, and Mike and all the people who have been a part of this site who have helped in the toughest of times.
-you will experience cravings - Your body reacting to withdrawal symptoms and the memory of being on adderall. You have to train yourself to resist these thoughts with every ounce of willpower in your body and if you feel weak you are not being strong enough. Enough said. You are NOT being strong enough. Not only do you have to resist you have to change thought patterns and your behaviors and learn to live without adderall being a lifeline. You CAN do it, and once you reach that stage you will be utterly confused about how you could have let it have so much power over you.
- you need to understand the neurochemical addiction and how your brain has developed a dangerous euphoric reaction to adderall (the dopamine enhancer) and how it causes a sensation in your brain that makes urges seem irresistable and put it at the top of your mind. This is NOT you. this is a chemical dependency happening in your brain. Abstinence is the way to kill the power it has over you.
-if you're depressed.... Well adderall addiction causes depression. Sometimes its easy to totally overlook the connection between anxiety/depression and adderall addiction but it is clear as day. Addiction = pain. Pain = painful memories, disturbing memories, and sadness, stress, irritability, anger, frustration -- you name it. Addiction amplifies all these terrible feelings. If you want to stop feeling this way - quitting is going to make the biggest difference, I promise!
--The biggest lesson I have learned is that the more clean time you earn, the more desensitized you become to cravings for adderall. You eventually stop lighting up at the thought of adderall...for me eventually thinking of the delight I felt towards adderall has turned into disgust. Thinking of adderall saddens me when it used to excite me. It's a different game now with four years of sobriety.
--The pain is the arrow coming out NOT the arrow going in. You WILL overcome but you have to want it so badly, you have to be ready to keep fighting for it and you have to see yourself, visualize yourself, clean and free from the chains of this drug. And you have to believe in yourself and work every. single. day for it. The shorter term pain of quitting leads to a lifetime of freedom and pride.
Whatever you do, where ever you go, your ability of being able to quit an addiction will be a source of strength and pride for your entire life. Because addicts and addicts alone know that seemingly impossible hurdle we have been able to overcome and it WILL fill you with a lifetime of pride and so much strength to be able to pull from when you need it.
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Just preordered Applewatch
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I'm sure mango will do great!
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I am gregwu1 I just followed u all!
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three years AWESOME Ashley!!!!
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Why do I like House of Cards? (trying for no spoilers)
in Lounge (off-topic stuff)
Posted
House of cards and game of thrones are tied for my favorite shows! I watched house of cards season 3 in one weekend. I have stuff to say about Doug but I will stop here before I ruin anything. In general I am always drawn into the character if they are an addict because I can really sympathize. I am watching the blacklist and one of the characters becomes a prescription addict...similar with Denzel Washington in Flight who played an alcoholic.