Greg

I really like the nonlinear way of describing adderall recovery. This is sort of how i see it... http://mynasadata.la...catter_plot.gif with all the dots representing the different days (or months), but the line representing the overall effect of staying clean...

Yes, absolutely. I am now halfway there with 6. Good job too.

Awesome!!! not bragging, you are motivating me. I could only do 1.5 miles today before stopping. I'm only at 4.5 miles this week. I'm going to try to go for a second run tonight.

Ugh. Yes I always hear that about meth addicts never being able to experience pleasure again.

Yes that is a big difference!

It's crazy though, krax, if you dont take it as prescribed, I don't know if you have been in Ritalin induced psychosis but I spent a lot of my time on these prescription amphetAmines in psychosis and the symptoms are spot on with meth addicts. I get the same specific "common delusions" as meth addicts and everything. I read on some meth boards about them talking about differences between meth and lots of adderall and they were all like the main difference is that on meth you stay up for 5 days straight whereas on adderall you can only stay up for 2 days straight before you pass out. Well. That is true for me, I would always pass out after 2 days awake.( I refuse though to believe I have burned out my dopamine receptors for good!)

Excellent. Getting words down on paper is now moving in the right direction!

Glad to see you are back falcon and great to know you are well an clean!!

How messed up and what a tragedy. My heart goes out to all the families of the victims and those who were injured. I hope no one has any family in the area, and if so if they are ok. One of the students in one of my classes mother was right near there but she's fine. But she was telling us all the details of the bombing. She said the whole Boston area has basically been shut down because of this...

Absolutely. YES. I really think the delay IS because there is a deadline and that you are required to do this! (And also general busyness) But my best advice is to just write something anything, you want to get WORDS ON THE PAGE. That is the goal. With 20-25 pages that is what you want to do. Then you can go back and fix it up and all inspiration and everything. But first get it done. Because the deadline will creep up on you before you know it. But honestly after the first five pages you will start getting into a groove and start formulating ideas and THEN get inspired Bout where it is going. You won't actually have to write 25 pages first and go back to it to add inspiration...but the key thing is starting it and getting words on the paper. Two weeks may seem like a while but it comes up real fast. Also did u k ow The greatest feeling is having a Paper done in advance? I would even maybe aim to get it done by the time you have to present it if that is at all possible. That will also then give you a weeks time to edit and rewrite. So just sit down and start writing, get those first words on the page at all costs because that is always the hardest part. And once those pages start coming out you will feel so much better. Once u feel better about it, it's easier to get inspired about it. Oh one more thing that I find helps me get started. Sometimes I rewrite or so simply regurgitate the professors topic question into my intro/first paragraph. Sometimes i just rephrase or paraphrase it.. That just gets me started which is what I want. Even though I know it's a weak introductory paragraph at least I've gotten moving. Then either as I am writing the paper or after I've completed the paper I will go back to the introduction and fix it. Trust me, you will do great with your adderall free mind!

I just got back from a good 3 mile run. my first three miles of the week. you are way ahead of me. Last week I was really bad, no actually i was terrible, with running because of all the stuff I had due. I think unfortunatey im going to have some weeks like that though. in terms of treadmill vs outside, I am the opposite. I hate running on the treadmill because I get really bored. When i run outside it feels like I am at least going somewhere!

Ha..I am here on the track right now thanks to your post.

And a congratulations to you as well!!

Actually with this site... I have built up a no way in hell will I ever relapse attitude thanks to you all. No matter how bad it gets I never want to go back. I think of it as 10 times worse than the worse thing you could think of. Plus I couldn't imagine going back on adderall and then having to go through all this recovery AGAIN! Could you?? Once is already waaaay too much for me. Good for you for staying strong as well!

Hey MFA, I really feel for you here. This is something I've been dealing with all semester. A couple times like after my presentation it's been so bad not just brain fog but that I literally start clenching and grinding my jaw trying to simulate the amphetamine experience, and its really hard for me to stop. It happens when I am overwhelmed, not enough sleep, hunger, coffee is also a trigger for me. As you mentioned before, other things including not feeling confidant and anxiety, stress, and also any time I have to sustain mental effort or concentration for a long period of time or absorb new material. I've also noticed a pattern, I clearly get it toward the end of a long day rather than in the beginning. OK. so those are some triggers I'd say to look out for, now you can't avoid all of these triggers. Like coffee you can cut (and so ive totally given up coffee after drinking it a lot earlier in the semester) but you can't just cut out some of these. At first it is distracting, but over time I have sort of learned to compartmentalize it and relegate it to the background of my life so it doesn't get in the way of what I'm doing. I am aware that I am in PAWS but I don't pay attention to it. Another thing is that I am starting to see that I can 'sleep it off' in a lot of cases. Like if I take a long nap when I wake up it is gone! When i go to bed the next morning it is gone! Not all cases but a lot of cases. Rest is a good cure I guess the big thing I've learned when dealing with PAWS is that you can train yourself to get better and better at relegating it to the background and just moving on with your life. And that catching up on rest later on is a great way to deal with it.

By the way lil tex, thanks for posting all the smart recovery material in your various posts. These are great resources, lots of interesting info.

Very true about feeling we are creative vs being creative. Oh, boy. I certainly have professors like that, one of them prides himself in being harsh. He is a real trip. You're right and I'm learning I need to learn how to be less affected by the grades I get. Because I am always going to have to deal with this and can't keep letting grades get me down. I have two more grades coming at me next week. God. Anyway thanks for all the grad school advice, you are amazing as well! (Unfortunately after the presentation I fell into a state of PAWS and it continues today. My head is throbbing constantly in a paws like way. I have a couple of movies and I'm going to try to sleep it off..)

I got my grade back. Meh. I lost points on technical errors, but got good marks on presentation style and he said I seemed we'll prepared!! I thought I would do better but I drew one of the hardest topics. The other girl who got a bad topic also was disappointed with her grade.. My topic was a really dull topic. I am also kicking myself for things I should have done. Anyway, I am only going to say one good thing about adderall. Creativity. I really struggled with creativity. if i was on adderall i would have come up with so many different ideas. I lost points on creative thinking on this presentation. Like one person had everyone do a blind taste test with coke and Pepsi. Like I couldn't think of anything neat like that. But it's not like i would even consider taking adderall again because I lost points on creative thinking,

Where is yours???

That's what I did too, screenshot then edit.

Hey evie25, my advice is you need to work on commitment. The more committed you feel the more confidant you will be that you can stay clean. Ask yourself what you can do everyday to strengthen your commitment?

You can definitely add facial hair. You can also add text but you cant type it, there are a bunch of phrases you have to choose from like 'awesome'

Thanks for the advice. When I got nervous during the day I kept reminding myself of what you said about over preparation being bad. I was really nervous at first, and but as I got into it I relaxed and then it started going well. I'm happy with it. IM JUST SO GLAD Today is over with. My biggest fear is that I would say everything I had to say in half an hour and have nothing more to say...finish way too early but I managed to talk for an hour and fifteen minutes. It is supposed to be between an hour and an hour and a half. Once I hit the hour mark I felt like I was home free. For some reason after I finished my presentation I started thinking that everyone who is recovering from adderall addiction should give a presentation without adderall as part of their recovery. There is something therapeutic about it.

Thanks. I feel better. Going to take your advice to heart. One thing at a time and set time limits. I REALLY like what you said about whatever I have is what is presented. I could spend a hundred hours on this or a couple...the fact is I don't have the time to spend a hundred hours so I will just have to present what I have even if its not as good as I'd like. Period. and yes, it will be over soon and i will get to veg out and stuff so i have that to look forward too. Alright back to work

I know this will sound strange following my last post. But life is more boring. But this is your new normal, and pretty soon you will get used to it and you won't believe you had to take a pill to make life more interesting. It took me a very very long time to recover and I still have lingering effects..when you are recovering you want to think slow and steady and consistent. Do not use at all costs. Reaffirm your committ,net all the time because the danger of relapse is always hovering above you. If you relapse that is because you weren't working on your committmet to staying clean. Keep posting, don't expect the urges and desire to go away right away because you will set yourself up for disappointment.