Greg
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Freedom, You know, it occured to me just now that unlike street drug addicts, adderall addicts (and any prescription pill addict) can "turn themselves in", which makes quitting a lot easier. I really think that you are making an excellent decision by informing your doctor. From my experience, I feel like that is the most sure-fire way to once-and-for-all quit adderall - cutting off the doctor/supplier and making it impossible to get more. Instead of spending time thinking over a letter, I suggest you just get it over with and leave a message for the nurse after hours, if you don't want to confront an awkward conversation. Just explain that you have been getting severely addicted to the pills, abusing the medication you've been given and would like that noted on your files and to not be prescribed anymore so you can get better. Make sure are really clear about that and ask that it be noted on your files! Then be done with it. You shouldn't even think about approaching the doctor again. Once doctor's learn this, they usually feel like they've be duped into prescribing to a pill popper. Just don't call your doctor again. And be done with it. I strongly feel that is the best way to quit. The other way is tapering off gradually with your doctor, but you are always leaving the door open to go back on the prescription. That door needs to be closed and locked... And the key needs to be tossed into the middle of the ocean. In the past, I tried flushing my pills down the toilet, but I just went back to get my refill the next month. When I quit for the final time, I knew my doctor was aware of my abuse of the pills and that I wouldn't get anymore again. I figured what was even the point of taking the half a bottle of pills I had left? So I didn't. So I didn't bother tapering off. It was over for me. I had to come to grips with that and force myself to move on. Keep us posted!
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Hey PKR, I found myself really foggy initially, especially with writing. It was hard for me to get words out on a page. And thoughts weren't coming to me as quickly. I remember I'd go to a store and look around and everything just felt really blurry and out of focus. Two books I recommend are: 1. The Brain that Changes Itself 2. Change Your Brain, Change Your Life They made me understand how the brain is plastic and how even after years of heavy stimulant abuse, I could get my brain to repair itself, not just through letting time pass, but actively exercising mental muscle. I spent lots and lots of time reading books. I read so many books in my year of recovery - I really feel it paid off. I definitely believe I'm sharper now. Anyway, I guess sometimes it has to get worse before it can get better.
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Hey Luann, Hang in there and just know how much its worth going through that initial misery to get to a point where you are completely free from adderall... You asked "Is this hysterical crying and hating myself and begin thinking weird things that make me want to die NORMAL as withodrawal symtoms?" Everyone is going to react differently and to varying degrees, but that is exactly how I felt when I quit. It's rough and pretty scary, at first. But you know what? Time passes, and you get over it and it gets better. It's just temporary. It gets so much better. If you are like I was, you probably are overwhelmed with emotions from being in this situation of having such bad addiction, grappling with letting go of a substance that has become such a part of your day to day, and physically strung out from the pills having taking their toll on you mentally and physically. It gets better. Much, much better. It's all temporary. Just hang in there. You get stronger every day.
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I tried what seemed like hundreds of times to quit smoking while on adderall. I can't even tell you how much $$ I wasted on nicotine patches that never worked. There is definitely a connection between the two. As Mike put it on one of his postings..."adderall and cigarettes are delicious together" By the way, I just wanted to update: I am still suffering daily withdrawal symptoms from no adderall!!!! I don't like to call them cravings, because I don't crave adderall in any way. I hate adderall too much to ever, ever want to take it again. So I am not craving adderall. But my mind still gets into these 'states' where it starts feeling discomfort from drug withdrawal - and itches for relief from that discomfort. It's like my brain will suddenly start to feel very uncomfortable, and wants relief from that uncomfort. To deal with it, I start to tense up all over my neck to the point where I am shaking - although it isn't noticable to anyone else, just myself. Some days it's worse than others, and lasts longer than others. Some days I just wake up and say 'uh oh' that uncomfortable parts of my brain have flared up and 'today is not going to be a great day'..."Flares up" and "itching for something" are a really good way to describle it. From what I read, I think I am still dealing with the mental attachment I formed to the drug. The psychological component of the addiction. It's like the brain has trouble forgetting what it was like to be on the drug -- even even 15 months later. Occassionally, like maybe four or five times, I've woken up in the middle of the night tossing and turning because of the discomfort. Sometimes, and most recently, it can even feel painful. A common theme is that it always gets worse when I am feeling anxious, tired or against any kind of pressured situation. These were all situations when I would reach for adderall in the past. Anyway, other than that, life is getting a lot better now. My list of 'reasons why I hate adderall' has grown infinitely long. I even fell asleep reading my list once, because it was so long, and I couldn't finish getting through it...I read it periodically. It reminds me of all the times adderall 'messed up my mind'...it reminds me of what a crutch it had become in my life...it reminds me of the downward spiral my life took because of my addiction. And the constant worry I felt from constantly lying and deceiving doctors to get pills. It reminds me of the constant fight to stay out of withdrawal from running out. So even though my mind often feels discomfort without adderall, I will never crave the medication again. i hate it too much. I am a lot happier with the person I am now. I feel sharper, less withdrawn. I am really a different person now. I'm more aware of whats going on in the world and less focused inwardly all the time on whether I'm feeling good or not. I see the world as it really is and not under the influence of stimulants. My family is thrilled with me -- and relieved altogether. I've been studying for graduate school exams, and have scored higher on these practice exams then I ever did when I was taking adderall to study for them. it says a lot about how much adderall was 'helping' me when studying. I went on vacation and had a great time -- adderall free. I think I'm ready to start working again, or looking for work, at least temporarily, while continuing to pursue the graduate school angle. I am really worried about the unemployment gaps from all the time I was recovering from adderall. The quest to begin looking for work again has filled me with a lot of anxiety and subsequent procrastination. I can see the gaps on my resume where adderall has taken its toll. But taking this time off was WELL, WELL worth it to me. This past year, has been one of the most important years of my life. I wouldn't reverse a minute of it. Anyway, I still live with the 'annoying' discomfort od drug withdrawal. Thankfully, it's more 'annoyingly persistant' than 'detrimental' to my life. I look to the day that it will disappear altogether. And I'm thankful for being free from the grips of stimulants. Anyway, thanks for letting me share.
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Quit-Once, I obsessed over this one. As you know from my other post, I was a heavy smoker when I was abusing adderall. I actually filled pages and pages in my journals, talking about the vicious cycle I lived every day of smoking, popping pills, smoking, popping pills to higher and higher levels every day. I couldn't take adderall without 'chasing' it with a cigarette. Then 'chasing' the cigarette with another adderall pill. And then repeating the cycle over and over. Doing this every day for many, many years. Here was my routine: The adderall would give me intense cravings for cigarettes. Then when I smoked the cigarette, it would diminish the effects of the adderall. So to compensate, I would take more adderall, then again start to intensely crave more cigarettes, smoke one or two cigarettes, feel a dimished adderall high, and then take more adderall to get my adderall buzz going again...and i'd just repeat the cycle over and over until by the end of the day I was overanxious, and delusional from so much adderall in my system. I read some books and here's what I discovered about the cigarette/adderall connection. Cigarettes work similarly to adderall in that they increase the level of dopamine (the feel good 'chemical') in your brain. From what I understood, the cigarettes sort of worked to enhance the effects of the adderall. Kind of like 'social smokers' who smoke only when they drink. The cigarettes somehow enhance the effect of the alcohol in some way, making it more pleasurable for some people. Similarly, I think cigarettes enhance the effects of adderall in the brain, in the way it acts on our dopamine receptors. That's why the two will often get abused together. I definitely built an association with adderall and cigarettes. I couldn't take one without the other. I tried many times to take adderall without nicotine, but I found it impossible. once I stopped adderall, no more urge for nicotine either. After a year of not smoking, my lungs feel so much better. I can breathe better, and I am much more in shape. Being free from cigarettes has been a great postive from quitting adderall. Years ago, I remember I used to constantly google "adderall and smoking cigarettes" searching for answers about this. Eventually, I just gave up. And simply accepted it as it was. ...hold on a sec... I just googled "adderall and cigarettes" again and found something I definitely, definitely agree with. http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Can_you_smoke_cigarettes_while_on_Adderall_XR
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Id be happy to help Mike. If you still need the help, I'm actually leaving for a vacation tomorrow for two and a half weeks (Switzerland!) I should have access to computer sometimes. But probably it's best if I message you when I get back to get further instructions.
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bastards! this community board has totally been invaded by aggressive spam bots... I 'love' the ones that leave completely generic comments by fake people..."what she said I agree"...followed by links to tons of pharmaceutical products.
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I just want to add, one of the best things about quitting has GOT to be no longer feeling terror when the pill bottle is almost empty!! Nothing can compare to that horrible feeling of running out too early and feeling helpless...
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Hey Alicia, Welcome to the boards and congratulations on quitting. Here are some tips I oompiled together...and just wanted to pass along..Most of us here know exactly what you are going through...You can do this. Tips for Overcoming Adderall Addiction 1. Stay off adderall one day at a time 2. Get support. Don't try to recover by yourself. Check back here, Continue to share your story. A lot of people here have been able to recover and so can you.. 3. Realize the shape you are in and that you need help. 4. Forgive yourself and know you aren't alone in your struggle 5. Realize you are not perfect and don't need to be 6. Realize you are the only one who can change yourself 7. Know there is a light at the end of the tunnel And most importantly - stay strong!
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Now that I quit, I feel like I have a totally different brain, like a lobotomy or something. I know that sounds extreme. But I feel like such a different person. Most notably, I am not an anxious, panicky person anymore. A complete 180. Now that I'm calmer, I realize how anxious the pills were making me...
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I'm trying to read the whole post but can't get the whole thing. So far, your previous posts are amazing, really inspirational.
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thanks for the kind feedback! I didn't realize until later that my posts were getting cut off midway, that there was a limited number of characters allowed per status update (i dont think its possible to read the rest)...so from now on, ill keep my status updates within the allowed length per post...
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thanks for the kind feedback! I didn't realize until later that my posts were getting cut off midway, that there was a limited number of characters allowed per status update (i dont think its possible to read the rest)...so from now on, ill keep my status updates within the allowed length per post...
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I was such a complete mess. The pills had destroyed me. By the end, I was so addicted. Didn't know what to do. Just didn't know what the hell I was supposed to do. I wanted to kill myself. I wanted the world to end. I just layed on the floor and cried off and on for two days straight without moving from my spot on the floor. I was so unhappy about this existence. And I couldn't find my pills.. But I didn't have the energy to move to even look for them. This is when I reached m...
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I remember my mom used to try to control my pill intake, and she would hide the pills and give me only what I needed for that day. But when she wasn't there, I'd rip apart the house looking for the pills. By the end, I was so addicted, my mind was such a mess, I couldn't even keep track of where I put my pill bottle. I remember my last day on adderall, I was lying on the floor screaming and crying. i just layed there on the floor for hours and hours. I couldn't find my pills. ...
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One doctor accused me of making up stories to get pills. Another asked me what the heck I was doing with all my pills? I was always juggling doctors trying to make sure they didn't talk to each other or know about each other. One doctor found out and called an ambulance directly to the office during my scheduled appointment, hauling me off to the hospital under observation. These doctors always found out what I was doing in the end. Then I would begin my search again. Plotting ways to get...
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I used to change the dates on my adderall prescriptions so I could get my pills one week or two weeks early...I remember a couple pharmacies figured it out and turned me away. One pharmacy found out what I was doing and called my doctor, then tore up my prescription and told me never to come back. One nurse practioner accused me of abusing my prescription because I was so desperate for my refill. I became so good at lying to everyine. Several of my prescribing doctors caught on to what I was ...
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I feel like adderall gave me agoraphobia - the fear of everything. Because without adderall I was afraid of doing everything....At first I only needed it to study in college. Then suddenly, I needed it to get more absorbed in the movies I watched and the books I read. Before long, I needed it to do everything... hang out with friends, you name it.. At some point, i started needing that feeling, that burst of dopamine in my brain to exist...
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I reached for adderall to relieve myself from withdrawal anxiety...but taking more and more adderall only made me more anxious and panicky...it happened all day long in a vicious cycle until I had so much adderall in my system I went into toxic adderall psychosis and becoming delusional...and yet I never blamed the drug for my lifestyle. I blamed everything else. But never adderall. What a life for an addict.
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I remember i being attacked by spurts of panic throughout they day as the adderall wore off..then reaching for my pill bottle to calm myself...what a nightmare living everyday like that. Then panicing when I ran out WAY too early..Creatively pondering ways to get more early
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I still can't believe how much of a crutch adderall was for me...it's unbelievable how helpless I was all the time without it
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I remember when I was starting to get addicted...about 12 years ago..I got worried..and scoured the internet. There was nothing on adderall addiction. Now, if you google adderall addiction you will find an infinite number of forum threads...I wish I knew then what I know now..
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Me too. I'm mad I ever got started. My doctor swore it was the safest medication on the planet. He boasted about taking it himself and using it to fix his dvd player or whatever...
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It gets SO much better. The first time O quit, I didn't have faith it would get better. So I relapsed. If I just hung in there longer, I wouldve seen what everybody was telling me was true- it gets better.
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It gets SO much better. The first time O quit, I didn't have faith it would get better. So I relapsed. If I just hung in there longer, I wouldve seen what everybody was telling me was true- it gets better.
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I know I'm getting a lot stronger within though...on adderall, it felt like my life was hanging by a thread, lying on a foundation about to crumble. Everything revolved around the pill. If at anytime I got busted for getting multiple prescriptions for the same pills, and my supply was cut short, my life would just fall apart. At the end, I was just taking the pills to prevent an onset of fatigue that would come with withdrawal. How pointless. it now seems.
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Sometimes I feel really good, like really, really, really good...then all of a sudden it's like I'm in withdrawal hell...It seems like I'm coming up for air from this past week - a truly rough week
