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ally

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Everything posted by ally

  1. ally
    This post makes me sad too - I felt EXCELLENT and saw some clarity after my first time really going all out trying to quit. I just don't feel proud of myself anymore and cant even remember my thougfhts on Adderall, or notice them off of them like I could in the beginning. I just feel blank, no thoughts, like I cant even journal anymore no excitement in that, no excitement about quitting or making this big change like I used to have. just depression and anxiety. NEVER HAVE I EVER BEEEN SO BLANK MINDED. I can stare at walls. I cant tell if my thoughts are slower or just super faster where I cant connect them. I want just a little happiness like a high on liufe to remind me why im quitting. yet the only way I can feel alit le good about life now is when I do some vicodin. I don't even know whats going on in my head anymore or how I should be feeling where im at. Does anyone think this could be from wellbutrin possibly? Is it better to be completely off everything while quitting Adderall to feel real feelings vs. starting new drugs such as antidepressants or benzos (even though I know when quitting sometimes benzos are highly needed here and there. OPINIONS?
  2. ally
    I always have this feeling :/
  3. ally
    Sounds exctly how I felt! I was doin the same mgs as u a day, it doesn't seem like to many people hit that high. do u think it makes it even harder for us? How far r u now? I relapsed a couple more times after coming on here, of course when the prescription was up...luckily the last 3 relapses, were never more that 1-3 pills though, so it had gotten a lot better. I am 45 days without Adderall today. but within the 45 days, I have not been able to go straioght sober it feels like I am always needing a valium, some vicodin when I can get it, smoking weed daily, which are things I never used to do. Im not effed up daily its a reasonable amount, nothing like Adderall!!!! its just I feel like I need a new habit and im so used to going to pills. I know its bad but im tryingggg. Oh and within the 45 days I also tried Ritalin once. So I don't know if I can even consider myself 45 days sober from Adderall, can I? IDK, how r u feeling? That goes for everyone else on here, HOW ARE U FEELING RECENTLY AND WHATS UR STATUS?
  4. ally
    I am 45 days now. going through hell and so many emotions. A lot of me does not want to leave my shell, but I feel that meeting up with others who understand it best would be good for me. I just need to take the leap. Im sure ill be happy I did it. Im in the Rockford area about an hour from Chicago.
  5. ally
    I think the hardest thing for me, is my spouse is not sharing the happiness of me quitting. He has wanted me to quit forever, but doesn't seem to show appreciation like i'd expect. Idk, Ive gotten the furthest I have ever gotten without Adderall, but it doesn't feel as good as I thought it would. Idk, I just think no one else has any idea what im going through, or how I feel, sometimes I don't even know how I feel myself. So how is anyone else supposed to relate? it just feels like a constant thing weighing me down. I am so short tempered and irritable. sometimes I feel sooo bad for being snappy at my 3 yr old cuz shes the one im with the most, and she doesn't know y I am like I am right now. everything just feels depressing
  6. ally
    hey I miss chatting with you all, this group of people were my first real adderallics I talked to to get through my attempt to quit. I could really use some support from u guys again, feeling pretty damn down lately and even real shitty about recovery. If u get a chance and can give me any advice please read into my newest forum I made yesterday when returning to the site. its under HELP..IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE. I hope to hear from some of u again, I need this site, its really all I have to go to for any kind of out. thanks Hope u all are doing well
  7. ally
    Thanks everyone, I will definatly look into the 30 day challenge. I have to be honest though, I am under an unusual amount of stress right now in life, as I try to get by, the beginning of my quitting always includes a drink here n there, smoking weed, or taking a valium if my mind is going crazy. Basically using another substance to calm down. I know this is not good but in the past, ive talked about this in other forums and a lot of people agree, that if I know its not my norm or what I am truly addicted too, its ok as a crutch for now. During one of my fails a few months bnack I hurt my knee and started using narcotics for pain ( I HAVE ALWAYS HATED NARCOTICS THEY HURT MY HEAD, COULD NEVER STAND THEM). but it was popping a pill something I was accustom to; which led me to wanting more of something I used to despise and beileiving it gave me energy and what not. So anyway, point being I know that was stupid, so im coming clean off that now as well. going to limit rarely the drinking and smoking. I am on wellbutrin. I am just having a hard time with depression its been a rough year. Anyone have any thoughts on this?? Today I am 40 days clean from Adderall (my true addiction, and thing I crave) but I want opinions....I had a slip today, and tried a 20 mg Ritalin today,coffe wasn't doin it, my neighbor and I took it. But this is something I never used to take in the past or liked, had a problem with, I tried it once years ago, but it didn't compare to be like Adderall at all to me. POINT IM GETTING TO...since its it the same class of drugs as Adderall, did I fail? Did I break my quitting cycle? It wasn't Adderall, but I feel guilty, it was so nice hitting 40 days, furthest yet. What do u guys think???
  8. ally
    Ok. So I think what I need, is an email buddy or someone that is also around the same quitting time as me, to talk to. I don't want to bore everyone with my stories, its the same as im sure many others on here, I thought I was on top of the world when I got to day 26 in the past. longest i'd been clean in 7 years -1 year of pregnancy. so 26 days was the furthest. I AM NOW ON DAY 36. But I don't even feel as good as I did with day 26 the fist time. I think I just feel so guilty about relapsing even if it were 1 or 2 pills, for the past 4 months. And of course throughout the years I have gone through the big times trying to quit here and there, obviously it never worked, I always went back, and was too cowardly to even come back to this site. But 4 months ago, I realized I was done, and I had to be done, I crave to be done, I know that's what I truly want. Im tired of watching my life flash by. Ive been through this stuggle for too long now. why does it have to take so long? why would even one pill make me feel so much better for just one day and its that easy? Is everyone else's progress around the same as mine? is this normal? These ups and downs are crazy and idk if its from no Adderall, my depression, or depression meds. I study psychology so I know about anti depressants and teatmeants and so on.... But im not looking for a text book answer, I'm looking for a real person going through the same real thing I am right now or who could relate. DAY 36. I cant believe I haven't been on this site in around 3 months, it was my favorite thing to look forward to everyday, everyone who I have talked to was great and so helpful, made me feel better. I just backed out. And im sorry. Not only is quitting the problem, its other life factors that are big struggles happening all at the same time while still trying to be a young mom and get up everyday. (it sounds so pathetic that I cant even get up, but its getting better) NEED SOME CHEERING UP I GUESS :/
  9. ally
    Hey Tom, or if any one else still goes on here, in the Chicago area, desperately in need of someone to talk to about this stuff. Its like no other drug when ur truly addicted, so I get what ur sayin there Tom. Let me know guys, thanks
  10. ally
    DAY 9, NOT SO FINE! cravings came back badly, slept in til 2, idk what happened. I feel like shit an useless again.
  11. ally
    Those sound like awful experiences! Id say sueing just may be the right action to take in ur case MFA....
  12. ally
    Also, ive read in past posts, a bit about using crutches to get off my addiction to Adderall, I feel it helps me to take a little bit of valium, that's what I did the last 2 days and I thought id nap from that especially but ive actually felt a bit calmer and didn't even need a nap from my racing head to calm down! normally I hate taking valium, I hate smoking weed, and im a special occasion drinker; I am not afraid whatsoever to being addicted to any of these substances. my love and high I crave is strictly stimulants, preferably Adderall. I get anxiety even typing it right now how I feel a part of me is missing that the better part of me is missingor I will be missing it.But I know Im never gonna get that high I crave from it again anyway. I am working through it. So is it really so bad to temporarily crutch on a little bit of a benzo to calm down the itches for Adderall? or have a beer at night? or an occasional hit of weed? I feel that its not, I have no true desire for any of those things never have, and don't even care for them that much now, it just helps a bit. Ive read some peoples mixed emotions of this. But I am confident that these things are ok for me right now, they are all apart of laying around trying not to go crazy, just wanting to stay away from the one thing I want/ don't want the most.
  13. ally
    im weaning off of avg 120 mg a day. I needed at least 90mg to feel anything, prefereably of the xrs crushed up (I felt it was double the strength of irs. with 120+90 10 mg tabs of Dexedrine a month. this was on and off id run out of course. back when I took it daily it was weaning off of 90 a day everyday steadily. those days I followed the 90 directions I did sleep, or else id go on at minimum 2 day binges to stay up so id have time to take care of my house pets have fun with my daughter or work during the day, study and clean at night; it was a cycle that came into play often. a binge of working because I have felt that the couple days I hadn't taken my Adderall I was worthless and I needed to make up for that time lost that I wasn't on it. So my comedown has been hard, I cried more the weak I was weaning down I think, which was 2 weeks ago. the 8 days sober now completely, I am finally starting to feel better and see things brighter, and not sleep ALL DAY, just around 10 hrs a day, usually a nap too. but im already loving the feeling of my count of days being sober going up-it just brings a smile to my face as long as I have voids to fill in my boredom (MAINLY THIS SITE) I feel better.
  14. ally
    my dr was the SAME EXACT way. it does not mean its not a big deal, it means that dr is obviously not specialec in add or prescribing meds for it. Start by tellings her that what u want is to be weaned off of them because u do not want to take them anymore. give her whatever reason ud like just tell her u want off. ur dosages will be lowered ull get used to that (ur better off not even getting them or get them slowly but dump out half immediately, wean urself off if its what it takes) Just MAKE IT CLEAR TO UR DR U WANT OFF THEM, and that's ur final decision. and don't go to a new dr after for more.... u don't need a dr to even prescribe them just don't go back if that's what it takes. I recently went through this, just get ur doc on board and start getting used to a bit of hell. So far after the only advice I can HONESTLY give in my short time away from it, is once u get passed day 4-5, don't even go back. I already am seeing a tid bit of a difference on day 7, just hoping for next day to get better or accept the hell.
  15. ally
    I LOVE YOUR ADVICE!!!! THANKS
  16. ally
    Thanks occasional01!!! EAT JUNK FOOD, LAY ON THE COUCH, AND WATCH FAMILY GUY!!! GOT IT! lol, I will continue to do as I am doing. You made me feel not so lazy, in a weird way, lol. I got rid of the script, its gone, and my last half pill is put in a safe my boyfriend has the keys, I wont take it again! YAY DAY 7!
  17. ally
    Also, InRecovery, I didn't even tell u congrats! ur story made me smile Its nice to read a positive story without Adderall, Ill have to read about more on here. Im just too stuck in the horror stories of actually going through quitting right now. Im surprised you remember how detailed quitting was for u, I quit once a year ago (only for a few months) but I cant remember anything besides sleeping, then back to the addiction. I hope its not like that this time! But most people say 6 days sober, don't take the half of addy, keep up the good work! But I feel like u where I can take 3 all at once and feel nothing. I flushed my new script, all but one half for an emergency (idk why that makes sense?!) but for me it did, and 15mg, is the littlest aka no effect to me at all, that its almost like I just want to take it as a goodbye, I am not getting anymore, just one last small dosage feeling, maybe a little bit of coping with the situation, idk, im sure everything im saying feels completely dumb right now (probly rambling cuz its my first week without addy and im starting to get adhd symptoms backs again, lol. But what im trying to say, will a 15 mg goodbye mess up the chemicals in my brain again? get me craving it more? or is it possible (like u mentioned) it didn't matter to u, it was ur last script, either way its over...
  18. ally
    Thanks InRecovery, u are actually inspiring to me, not only by what u said to me, but I read ur info on ur member profile, I guess everyone on here has a lot of similiarities, but its nice to actually read about them. Kind of just like how u said the book On Speed helped you, (which btw I read too when I've been down! lol) but it really does help to hear others going/went through the same thing, especially in real life. That's why I'm loving this website more and more. People are there for every stage ur in; its comforting. And I will definitely be looking into Effexor, you've got my interest there. Also any other bonus advice, or supplements you would recommend specifically? Ive read the quitting directions, Ive read the supplements forums, I think Ive read about everything on this site, but I cant seem to find an exact perfect answer (which I am sure there is none, but still....) any direct advice would be great. Although I know everyone is different.
  19. ally
    Thanks! Ashley6 u made my night I almost took a half, I cant even sleep for the first time in forever...!!!! But now that I have the bottle its all I can think about, like hmm..what could I get done with the rest of tonight with just a half of one? But the better half of me put it down and actually came on here instead! its great now that ive actually joined and it feels great to see notifications (now that im learning how to work the site better) makes me feel comforted for once
  20. ally
    Thank you InRecovery, couple questions for you....what is Effexor? my dr has me on Prozac right now, idk if its helping at all, I am 6 days clean, I got a refill, do u really think taking one a day and weaning down will work for me? will it be beneficial? I don't know what to do, can u even remember this far back in ur recovery? is week 1 this shitty? does it get shittier?! advice please..?
  21. ally
    Thanks for the responses everyone, especially Ashley6, U guys really motivate me when I am down. So heres a question, probly a dumb one, but I am on day 6 of sobriety. I just got a refill, haven't taken it (really really want too) but has anyone else been successful with the step down method? should I try it? or keep pushing? how should I feel on day 6? cuz it feels like crap
  22. ally
    This story sounds identical to my life. although my dosages were higher, I can only tell you it gets worse, went through a breakup, lost more than a year of my daughters life, she is 3 now, but I feel like I cant be a mother without it. I keep justifying the drug as well, in fear I cant live without it. This forum actually helps, its almost like we can still get those "Adderall 30 minute smoke breaks just talking" only now its to people we don't even know, about our addiction. It still helps. Let me know how you are doing as of now, im on the rocks as usual, indecisive on whats best, idk if I can ever be helped like I want. advice from a story just like mine would be great to hear
  23. ally
    THANK U! just one post can make someone feel better. Im on day 6, can u tell me what to expect? I just got a refill, haven't opened it yet, I was going to try to wean off, do you think its a bad idea and the spiral will restart?
  24. ally
    Hello, So after sleeping the past week away, (I was trying to go cold turkey) my refill was today. How does everyone else feel around day 6-7? Should I keep sweating it out? Or use my script for step down method? Please tell me what others have experienced around this time, and what to expect next. I feel like I cant even take a shower without one. Advice please?
  25. ally
    I don't see how that it has been said that it is physically impossible to stay up on adderall for longer than 2 days....I've stayed up for 7-8 days straight on binges. Has anyone else had this experience as well?
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