ashley6

I believe you have to be ready to quit....not just ready because you know you should, but because you're sick and tired of being sick and tired of the drug running your life. A lot of people say you have to hit rock bottom, but everyone's rock bottom is different. My rock bottom was living off of other people, not finishing my college degree, working only to support my pill habit and basically messing up all of my relationships. Adderall was #1, and it changed pretty much everything about me as a person. You and me are different because I didn't really try to stop up until I did. I was a chronic, every day....binging pretty hardcore until the end, so I think the fact that you do give it up for periods of time is in your favor. I think I did have a stint when I went off of it for a month at most, but I knew in my heart I wasn't done with it. And let's be honest...quitting is HARD and takes so much patience. SO much that I never knew I had. I'm an instant gratification type of person, so having to wait a long period of time to see the results was far from ideal. It seems to me you're kind of in the early stages of toying around with the idea of quitting and that's not a bad thing. It sounds like when you really set your mind to sticking with the quit, you will do it. You're very self-aware and are sticking close to the boards and not in denial ....some key elements on the road to quitting. I hope this helps even a little.

That is SO impressive.....over 7 miles of consecutive running?! Daaaaamn girl I've done 0 this week so far, but I'll get on it tomorrow. I can't believe how much you've improved in this short period of time. Keep it up, woman! I'm curious...have you noticed a change mentally as well? I mean, I'm sure you have, I'm just curious as to how much of an impact the exercise has had on your mind. They aren't lying about exercise being an anti-depressant

Nice work Cat! I just did 3.5 miles at the gym...running at a much faster pace than usual, then walking some. I really like this type of cardio. Anyway, that means 12.5 for the week for me. It's almost 11 pm on Sunday, so I barely snuck it in....procrastination Great job all!

Thanks for all the kind words! Throughout my recovery, when some of the days were just awful and I didn't know how I could make it through how much reading Cassie, InRecovery, quit-once, LilTex, and Motivation Follows Actions, to name a few, words meant to me. I truly don't know if I could've done it and continue to do it without the guidance and support here. And I continue to learn from all you newbies on a daily basis. This site has a special place in my heart.....not to get all mushy....but it forever will.

Good job Cat and InRecovery! I just did a mixture of walking/running outside for 3 miles, so that puts me at 9 for the week so far.

Zerokewl, That's great. 90 days is a huge accomplishment, and while you will start feeling somewhat better, don't get discouraged on days you don't, because it definitely is a roller coaster for awhile, but thank goodness you're getting off of it and moving on to a better, more genuine you.

So, as I'm going through some transitions in my life right now, probably not major for some people, but major for me because I haven't been one to adapt to change well, I'm truly seeing that quitting adderall 16 months ago was the best decision of my life and continues to be every. single. day. While I take responsibility of making the choice to use adderall, I truly was controlled by the drug for many years, 7 actually. As I'm moving 2 hours away to finish my last class of college, renting an apartment has been extremely difficult. Why? Because I completely ruined my credit while addicted to adderall and let all of my bills go to shit....collections upon collections upon collection calls. Nobody wants to rent to someone with bad credit, understandably so. My parents are putting faith in me, which is unwarranted really, and are paying for all of my rent along with my class this semester. Why am I 28 and just finishing college? Because I was too tweaked out on adderall to go to class. Then, I lied to my family for a year telling them I graduated college. I didn't, and the truth came out. While I feel under so much pressure to succeed in life now, I know that it is possible. I CAN do this. Many of you already know a lot of my story, but today it just hit me how ironic it is that what I thought adderall was helping me for was actually doing the opposite....with a vengeance. My mom told me recently that while living at college that I had my electric shut off because I hadn't paid the bill, and I called her upset. To this day, I can't remember that happening, and I would've never known had she not told me....just no recollection whatsoever. I wanted to reflect on this for myself to show me that any hard days I may have or experience now are nothing compared to what havoc I let adderall wreak on my life. This life, this life of being present, caring about my loved ones, having my heart broken, feeling scared that I can't accomplish things or I'm not good enough are 100% worth it, because it is MY life, and I am Ashley again, by the grace of God. I haven't written a lot lately about what is going on with me, but I felt the need to share this evening....even if it's just rambling.

Cat, Well, it definitely wasn't all running, but it's taken me a good while to build up to it. Way to go Cat! I wish I had a bike! Great workout.

Just checking in. I decided to get an early start this week for once. I did 6 miles on the treadmill in an hour with my new technique tonight. Felt amazing!!! Got that runner's high Let me know how you're all doing.

Congratulation Jessy. A week really is an accomplishment. I'd love to hear your story as well....until then keep on keeping on!

Yes! I did for sure. I had a much less demanding schedule than you, so it was less of a big deal for me; however, I hated sleeping the days awaiy. For example, today I still slept a loooot. I think sleeping has been my coping mechanism through the anxiety and depression and PAWS (or a lack of coping), and therefore I feel more tired than I probably actually am. Do you notice this in yourself? I know you've heard it a million times, but working out does help a lot with energy levels and exhaustion a lot. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, and I hope you get your energy back soon!

MFA, I know this wasn't intended for me, but I'm glad to see it because I just started Wellbutrin, and it's been pretty good so far. It felt weird at first because it had a bit of a stimulating effect. I texted my therapist and asked if it could be a trigger. She reminded me I wasn't seeking the speed anymore, and it was totally different. She said she's heard of great success with Wellbutrin. I'm on Lexapro as well. I see what you mean about the negative side effects of that. I didn't realize you've been on Wellbutrin for a long while. Thanks for sharing and giving your input. I 100% agree with you that therapy should go hand-in-hand with taking these medications.

I'm so impressed by you all! I just tried to get creative on the treadmill since I'm kind of a slow runner. I decided I was going to run 3 songs much quicker than my normal pace, then walk a song. Maybe it was an excuse to walk a little too...ha. Anyway, by the end I thought my legs were going to stop working...wow. Still got 5.5 in (mostly running) so that puts me at 11 this week so far. InRecovery, that's very cool about your family getting in on it too! Occasional, sorry to hear about family drama. And Cat, so glad you joined us!

Brandy, Wow, that's intense what you're going through with your hair. I can only imagine what adderall does to us internally if this is what is happening physically. My hair was so thin on adderall. Now, it's thick and grows so fast....many people comment on it, or I don't know if I even would have noticed. My entire look has changed post-adderall....so much healthier. I look back and see that I truly looked like the drug addict I was back then. It's something to look forward to/motivate you to get off the pills.

Congratulations! Definitely a time to be proud!

Occasional, I had one of those fuck-this-anxiety workouts tonight. All night at work I was full of it. I had no desire to go to the gym, but I got on the treadmill, and it was almost like I could feel the stress calming down with each stride. I did 5.5....mostly running, but some walking. I can't keep track of how much is running when I'm on the treadmill, and if I'm moving I'm better, so I'm just going to count 5.5 toward my weekly goal good job cat!

Cat, I'm so glad you're joining too! Yaay! Now, I need to get back on it, and this gave me some motivation. I'm feeling so sluggish and sleepy, and I know what I need....a good run! Anyway, welcome to the club, Cat!!!

I've been failing miserably. Time to kick it back in gear. I want to make excuses, but there aren't really any. I need to take the time to get the endorphins flowing! You are doing so awesome....I'm just so amazed!

Jon, I just want to say you have such a great attitude that I think will really pay off in your recovery! I was on adderall for 7 years....so I look at you after 12 years of using and taking such positive steps toward your recovery as just plain awesome! It's a tough battle, but worth it!!!

Tessa, I didn't respond earlier, but you're more than welcome to message me anytime.

Yeaaaah! Good for you LilTex! I'm curious too about any withdrawal issues. You're a fighter! Have you been struggling with social anxiety still? How are you dealing with that?

Wow, occasional. I'm sorry you're dealing with difficult stuff right now, but I'm so glad you have your outlet: running. It was really inspiring reading this....thanks for sharing.

Amelie, So very sorry for your loss. That is unimaginable. Thoughts go out to you and your family.

InRecovery, I haven't quit klonopin. I've wanted to, but I don't want to cause more anxiety for myself right now. I only started the Wellbutrin like Monday, but I do see a small improvement. It works a lot different than other antidepressants because it doesn't make you tired. I actually feel a little more energized. It has made me a little jittery and almost more alert, and I don't want ANYTHING that mocks adderall, but I just think it how it works on the body in the beginning. I've always battled depression off and on my whole life, so when breakups or big changes occur in my life (simultaneously happening right now), it seems overwhelming. Oh yeah, and lovely PAWS that I sometimes forget about. I'm going to get through it!!! Thanks for the kind words Good job on 12.5!

Wow occasional! I'm sooo impressed. You are doing this big time. Very proud of you. I think running in the morning would be better for me, because I'm not a morning person, and it's when I'm most anxious. I'm at 7.5 for the week, but that includes walking and running. Keep up the amazing work.