ashley6

I don't think you ever sound manic or unstable. Seriously, I think your posts have so much substance to them, and you seem very level-headed. And you crack me up with your sense of humor on these forums sometimes. We're our own worst critics...just a little reality check from an outsider

Thank you! I also have to add that your lists are all quite impressive. Cat, I was blown away by yours. Great idea starting this thread.

I found out today that I will be a December 2013 college graduate. I left my advisor's office feeling elated!!! Many of you know my story, but I started college in 03-04, went 5 years, and due to my adderall addiction, stopped going to classes, failed some classes and was so ashamed I told my family I had graduated. They found out the truth. About 5 years of avoiding the fact I didn't graduate, and taking lots and lots of adderall, I knew it was time to get my life back. So about one year after getting clean, I went back (only 3 classes to finish). And today finding out I have one month of college left, it just made me realize how much quitting has paid off. With all the hoops I had to jump through and contacting lots of different people, taking class 2 hours away, just to get myself on track would NOT have happened on adderall. I would've stopped going to class, if I even got that far, because I would've been a paranoid mess. There are so many things that have changed for the better since quitting, I'm essentially a different person, but today I'm celebrating this

A huge congratulations to you! Three years is such an accomplishment. You have continued to support us on here, and I think I can speak for everyone that you're an inspiration. I feel so lucky that I got to meet you in "real life." You've accomplished so much! Ironman, marathons, triathlons, getting a new job, just to name a few. You're the bomb, woman! Treat yourself tonight! Keep us posted on the move back home and new job.

I don't know how long we've been doing this. It's been awhile now! I hate that I haven't been hitting the goal....I'm the weakest link right now. I was just scrolling through earlier posts in this thread and saw one from lea. I've been wondering where she's been lately actually. She used to be pretty active on here. I hope she's doing well.

Good job, InRecovery! You're the bomb. I just left the gym. I got 10 in this week. I did 5 on Monday and 5 tonight. I wanted to do 7 to get 12 in tonight, but I just feel like I couldn't. Maybe it's a mental block, because by this time I should be able to do 7 miles! Anyway, still didn't make it, but I'm glad I got super close.

Wow, I barely remember this post! Thank you for your kind words, Jon! I feel like I haven't been as active posting lately, but I'm on here almost every day reading. It reminds me maybe I should post more, whether I can help or not, because InRecovery, quit-once, Cassie, and LilTex were my life lines in early recovery....still are, really along with a lot of you newer members. I'm very proud of you for working hard on staying quit and consistently posting on the boards. Thank again, Jon!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes

My belief and experience so far has shown me that the passions I had before adderall will and do return, although it's hard to remember 7 years pre- adderall use. But it took me a long time. When they do, it's a great feeling, because it's real! Those things that were our "passions" we took up while starting adderall probably won't, because I don't believe they were true passions at all. I know this isn't necessarily true for everything, but it's been my experience.

Thanks for the feedback you all! I think the thoughts just scared me because I DON'T want that life again, and I felt like it was abnormal. I think that's great advice about accepting them as thoughts and ehh...that's all..then redirecting. I went for a run last night, and it helped a lot. So to answer your question, LilTex, yes, I do feel better I also texted a good friend who's in recovery yesterday, and he really helped. He told me that when he sees tin foil, his mind goes directly to meth, but he has no desire to do it. That was a relevant example for me with adderall. He also told me to pray for God to remove the thoughts, because God removed our obsession to use, why wouldn't it work with thoughts? I thought...so true! Anyway, thanks again

Congratulations! Well done, Liltex!

Cassie, I can imagine a new job making you think of adderall, but we all know how much better off we are without touching that poison. If only addiction were about logic. How do you like your new job, by the way? Today I was thinking more on this after I read your post. I have felt pretty happy and content lately, so it was even more frustrating why I would be having "adderall flashbacks." Two things: as many of you know my adderall abuse involved illegal activities: buying pills often. I was at the gas station the other night, and I'm 90% sure I watched a drug deal go down. It really didn't sit well with me, because I have done the same process many times. I thought about it a lot afterwards. Secondly, I was eating out the other day, and I saw the girl I used to do so much adderall with. I'm just sharing this kind of to think out loud, but I'm glad I identified the situations.

Haha LilOhio. Doesn't have quite as good of a ring to it as LilTex, but I think you can pull it off

Quit-once, I'm so glad you posted this. A major congratulations to both Liltex and InRecovery. You've both helped me so much along the way and continue to do so, and I really do consider you my friends. Congratulations!

Zerokewl, I'm a little late, but congratulations on 5 months! It's a major accomplishment for sure and even better you're at peace. I don't think I was at peace for like the first year...seriously. I enjoy reading your posts on the boards.

Crossword puzzles

Ok, so as most of you know, I've been off of adderall for awhile now, 17 months, I believe. I recently starting having these thoughts of it. It's just the thought of the pill itself. I don't have a desire for it, thank God, but these thoughts flip me out a little. To be specific it's the XRs I used to break open. It's just so odd because, like I said, I don't have the desire, but I want my brain to stop going there. Have any of you who have been off for a significant period of time experienced this? I tried to describe it as well as I could. Any advice would be greaaaaat!

Ok, well I did 2 miles and a 45 minute core class this week. I have been so lazy. It's like right when I start slacking, it becomes way too easy to continue. It's not okay. And InRecovery, So do these people know about your previous adderall addiction? Who knows if sharing your story, if only a little, could help; however, we all know we have to have our own journey, and I understand you might not want people to know that about you. Hopefully they don't become addicts. It's just scary. Thank goodness your foundation for recovery is strong but no matter how strong it is being surrounded by it would be very uncomfortable. You've got this, though, and will be just fine.

Liltex, It's a little late but good luck!!! I want to hear all about it!

Oh my gosh. Me too, occasional! I'm at 2 with a 45 minute core class, and I have no time tonight....awesome!

Congratulations, my friend!!! I'm very happy for you! It's great you're starting a new chapter close to family AND on your 3 year anniversary. BOOM! Maybe we can meet up again?! Keep us posted!!

I just want you all to know that this does get better! I, too, struggled to read long posts on here after quitting. To be honest, I think part of the reason was because it was kind of a trigger for me. I've never been much of a reader, but I would spend hours on adderall online browsing or reading stuff that I frankly don't give a shit about now. It took me maybe a year to get the guts to pick up a book again and to my surprise, I couldn't put it down. Granted, these were books that interested me. I still struggle some with reading things I'm not interested in but that's, um, normal life. Now, I actually read something because I find it interesting, unlike when I was in my previous adderall-fueled states. I think Wellbutrin has helped with this as well. I just wanted to tell you guys there's hope, and it's nice to actually enjoy reading something because you're sincerely interested. It's all about patience....no need to push it.

Cat, That is SO how I was in regards to looking forward to my ex being busy or even going to bed at night because I would stay up and do crossword puzzled at all hours of the night. How bizzare is that?! I was so cold to him. Zerokewl, I too ruined my relationship, hence, why he is my ex. I was so angry with him at the time, but once I got off of adderall, I saw how erratic and crazy my behavior was. No wonder our relationship fell apart! I called him right before I quit to make amends even though he had moved on and was engaged. It felt like something I needed to do, and he asked, "what is adderall?" Anyway kori, to answer your question, my relationships have improved tenfold since quitting adderall with my family, dating life, and friends. How can someone be close to someone on adderall who tends to be cold and unfeeling? I wonder if anyone on this site would say their relationships didn't improve. I highly doubt it. Adderall made me put up a wall that couldn't be broken down. I didn't care enough.

This reminds me. I look back at pictures of myself while being on adderall, and I can tell just by pictures there's something different about my eyes. Not even just that my pupils used to get huge, but this almost eerie look, like I was trying to be happy and present in the moment, but I just wasn't.