ashley6

My social anxiety on adderall was absolutely awful. I became a weirdo loner because of the anxiety and sometimes paranoia. I still have social anxiety once in awhile, but it has gotten SO much better after quitting adderall. My belief on my social anxiety: the longer I've been away from adderall, the more confident I've become, and I think that has A LOT to do with the improvement. I'm not a social butterfly, but I don't care to be. I have people in my life I love and care to spend time around and that's what makes me happy. Adderall can steal so much confidence, but it does come back. I agree with what a few of the others have said. Early recovery is about resting and taking care of yourself. Don't feel a need to push it beyond that!

Daaaaang, occasional! You seriously brought it this week. Awesome! I ran 4 again. This week I'm going to have to run outside a time or two (I haven't ever run in this cold, I don't think), and the 5K is Saturday. Hopefully I'll get some more miles on the board next week!!! InRecovery, just saw your post. You two rocked it!

I haven't come across an adderall to this day (probably because I took every single one I had), but I'm proud of you for not taking them. I really am still uncomfortable when I'm ever around it (which has been rare, thankfully). I say take the next step and ask your husband to dispose of the pills! Way to stay strong!!!

Quit-once, This time of year is often hard for me in regards to my depression. The winter months tend to be so blah, so yeah, I think it is some depression. Sleeping has been my coping mechanism even pre-adderall. I don't feel severely depressed, but it's something I need to evaluate. I go to counseling, work out, and I'm on antidepressants. Depression and anxiety have been in my life as young as like 4th grade (definitely runs in my family). It might be something I always have to battle (why i was initially attracted to adderall), and I'm just still learning how to deal with it many years later. Dysthymia is what my counselor called it, and I think she's right. I believe/hope having responsibility and feeling a sense of purpose will help. I'm so glad adderall isn't in my life to mess things up even more. I'm finding my way, and I am excited about what the future holds!

Thanks, woman!!! I have done the Run or Dye, which I would guess is very similar to the Color Run, and had so much fun!

Wow, reading these lists made me realize how many more awful side effects I had forgotten about. And as bad as they were, I think my emotional and behavioral side effects would be worse (good point quit-once). One thing I want to add is before taking adderall I had only had one cavity. After some years on adderall, I went to the dentist, had something like 13 cavities, and needed a root canal. They said I had strong enamel so I shouldn't be having so many problems with my teeth. I believe that adderall along with the adderall lifestyle I led killed my oral health!

When I was abusing heavily, I could really tell my heart wasn't right. I'd get dizzy for no reason. I'd walk up stairs and really think I was going to pass out. I'd get heart palpitations as well as my heart beating out of my chest sometimes. I had bad headaches frequently. I didn't need any research to know my body wasn't right, and I was seriously risking my health. That was my personal experience. Also, studies have linked stimulant abuse to Parkinson's Disease. Learning that was one of the big reasons I decided to quit. I don't have statistics, but I think we have a sense of what's going on in our bodies and can often tell when something isn't right. As Occasional asked, are you trying to quit? Welcome to the forums!

Cassie, I think you're right on with that advice. I've wanted to be one of those people who got up in the morning and was active all day long until bedtime while not feeling tired. Hence, why adderall was appealing to me; however, I ended up being completely unproductive and basically became a bump on a log. The fact of the matter is I AM an externally motivated person so it makes me feel better to think that I'll probably be better off with more responsibilities. I want a dog SO badly. I've had puppy fever for awhile now, but I can't have one due to my living situation Ughhhh...king Charles cavaliers melt my heart, and I can't wait until I can have one. They truly make me so happy, and I really enjoy taking care of them. Anyway, thanks for the advice! Definitely some food for thought.

AA actually refers to the "God of your understanding." Although it does seem centered around Christianity with prayer, it isn't necessarily. My counselor is Jewish and has been in AA for many years. "God of your understanding" basically means something bigger than ourselves, even if that means you view it as an energy of the universe. There's a lot or positivity in living for something greater and bigger than yourself, in my opinion. While I have been to AA, it's only been 5-10 times. I'm shy by nature, so it's hard for me, but I've actually been considering going back, because I do find I can relate to others. Now that I have a decent chunk of time away from adderall, I need to be reminded of what that addiction did to me and why I don't want to go back to that dark abyss. This site has been and continues to be my AA!!!

This is funny and so true!

Sweetcarolinee, Congratulations on this accomplishment!!! Are you on to the 60-day challenge?! Luckyducky, I very regularly saw an addiction counselor twice a week when I first quit. She has been one of my angels on this journey. After I felt more comfortable, we went down to once a week. Now, I see her about once every three weeks-a month. She is in recovery herself. If you're able to find an addiction counselor who's also in recovery, I think that would be great. Definitely not essential, but there's something to be said about someone who truly gets it and has lived it. Just my two cents Keep us posted!!!

Occasional, 2 is better than 0, and I know you'll be back in it in no time! Sweetcarolinee, whoa! You're kind of the shit. Good job! Congratulations on 30 days. During my first thirty days, I was just happy I could feed myself and showering was an accomplishment then too....seriously. You're killing it, woman! I got 6.5 this week. P.S. I'm doing a 5K in February, a 7K in March, and a 10K in April with two of my girlfriends. This will definitely help me be accountable!

Cassie, I'm glad you brought the klonopin issue up on here. I've been going back and forth lately with thinking klonopin might be affecting my recovery, in regards to sleep. The amount of hours I can sleep is really abnormal, like I'm talking 14 hours if given the time. Ever since I quit adderall, I've slept a lot. Actually I still slept a good amount on adderall, just extremely weird hours. As my time for a job that's "9-5" is nearing I'm getting really nervous about my amount of sleep. I think klonopin could play a major role, the more I think about it. I also deal with depression by sleeping, but I haven't felt super depressed really. I don't want to scare anybody into thinking they're going to be like me after 20-21 months adderall-free and sleep constantly because I don't think it's typical. Thoughts or advice would be appreciated!

FrankB, Congratulations on your decision to quit! Like others have said, it is a long process. One thing that is SO important when quitting adderall is patience. We didn't develop this addiction over night, and we certainly won't heal over night. You've given up the adderall, now YOU are in control of you, not a drug, and there's some peace in that. Keep posting!!!

Good work, Cat! It was an active week for you! Well done! Sweet Carolinee, glad to have you in our club! 5 miles is great. You must be a runner! Yoga definitely counts for something. I've been wanting to do it for awhile now and after reading your post the other day about how you leave feeling amazing, I think I should do it! InRecovery, You ran like 410 miles the past month, so I think you're okay

Welcome to the forums. You obviously have a good sense of self-awareness and that's great. I wish I had been that way when I started. My theory is...if it feels too good to be true, it probably is. I was "diagnosed" with ADHD when I started adderall, but I truly believe I don't have it, and if I do only slightly. I understand it could be hard for you because you do exhibit signs of ADHD, but I think adderall is especially dangerous for people with depression AND a tendency towards addictive behaviors. When taking medication, I believe if we're looking forward to our next dose, it's a huge red flag. Adderall did help with depression in the beginning, but it can turn on you very quickly and create increasingly more severe depression and anxiety (in my case anyway). Like you said, I think you answered your own question. I've never personally tried cocaine, but I've talked to people who have tried both cocaine and adderall and preferred adderall. That's scary and if I know then what I know now, I could've saved myself from the painful recovery process from adderall addiction. Everyone is different, and I'm not in a place to tell anyone what's right for them, but from my personal experience, your feelings of apprehension aren't wrong. Go with your gut! I hope this helps.

Roseale, How long has it been since you've quit? I ask because I think although everyone's recovery is different, the early stages of recovery are so hard because we had forgotten what it's like to feel and dealing with real emotions becomes a foreign concept. Is your boyfriend typically supportive? What kind of relationship do you have? Does he already have an idea what you're going through with quitting? I absolutely think you need some kind of support right now. If he can't or won't be there, do you have a friend or family member you can go to? A lot of people find AA or NA to be helpful. And of course, we on the site are here to help you. Alone with our own thoughts with addiction we can start to believe the lies that adderall will make it all better. Those thoughts=lies. Adderall is what got us to a place of desperation, why would we think it would solve our problems? Again, addiction lies. Roseale, I have faith you can do this if you choose! One second, one minute, one hour at a time!

Peyton Manning!

Good job getting to the gym, occasional. There's no need to push yourself running when you're sick. I hope you're feeling better! I got in 4 miles this week....that's it. Booo! But I'm ready to get things going next week!

Don't beat yourself up, and it's commendable that you came here and told us you used. My advice to you is this...since this has become a pattern of lasting 5 or 6 days, you have to make a decision to rid yourself of the pills/access to more pills as best as you can. If you're serious about quitting and really want it, it sounds like that's what might be necessary in your situation. I could've never quit with pills at my house. I hope you decide to give this quitting thing another shot! You can do it if you make the choice!!! Hang in there.

Quit-once, This is why I appreciate you on this site. You're responding to another person's post directly, but you said things that I really needed to hear....kind of a refresher course. You are so wise.

Thank you all! I hope you know I wasn't fishing for compliments here!!! It's just so awful what adderall can do to us physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, etc. Dirb27, about 2-3 years apart (not sure), but almost immediately after I quit adderall, you could see the life come back in my face. Keep fighting the good fight, my friends!

Such kind words. Thank you all! Sometimes when I'm having a hard day (because they do still happen 21 months later!) , I look back at picture one to remind myself where adderall would lead me. With all the lies addiction can tell, that first picture speaks for itself to remind me they're just that....lies. I was a zombie. And unhappy and sick. I thank God for freedom from that life and for my support system here. I see so many newbies coming here for help, and you all can do this! You've found the right place. Ok....done with my rambling

Welcome to the forums and congratulations on day 1! In the beginning, I felt like I was taking it seconds at a time, because it was tough, but you can get through this! Breathe, sleep, eat, repeat. Be easy on yourself. If you had a physical injury, it would take significant time to recover, and addiction is the same way. All any of us can do is take it a day a time! Keep posting!

Thanks, Justin! I was leery to show a picture before and after, but it's so powerful to me that I did want to share with you all. I might freak out and take it down. My gosh, I was very sick.