ashley6

Sebastian, I know you've been struggling with this for awhile now. It is absolutely your right to say no antidepressants, obviously. Just keep in mind that sometimes there are imbalances in our brains...not that there will always be, but I know I am prone to depression. I still struggle with it sometimes, but it is nowhere near where it was before antidepressants. Before I got back on antidepressants after quitting adderall, I found hope again. I'm trying to see your view on why you are so adamantly against antidepressants. Maybe I'm too open to being medicated, but I just believe if it can significantly improve the quality of your life, it's worth a shot, but it's a personal decision. Antidepressants are absolutely not like adderall. I really agree with what hypercritical said, although I know you didn't abuse adderall. I hope things start getting better for you!

Hahahaha. Quit once, I love kids, but your response is funny.

I was wondering how you were doing....glad to know you're feeling better. Hahaha I don't think you should change your name to dangling_off_the_edge_of_a_cliff. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around Greg

Quitonce and InRecovery, Thank you for the feedback. This job is working with the children of parents who have gotten their children either taken away or are on the verge of doing so.....often times because of drugs. Department of Child Services hires this company to go in and try to improve the environment/situation....the end goal being the parents getting custody of their child/children back. I might have made it confusing, because the other job offer I got, the one I actually really wanted, was the one that I think you're thinking of, quit once....the one at the drug rehab facility. It just wouldn't hardly pay the bills, so unfortunately, it just isn't plausible. To answer your question, InRecovery, I would be in that neighborhood most days most likely. The job entails so much that it's a little hard to even explain. The girl I did the ride along with has done drug testing at the houses as well as counting pills, but she's unsure if I'd be doing that. Anyway, I've been blessed with you all on this site to help me along the way with my recovery. This experience could really pay off, especially because I have to start somewhere. I just wish the feeling of uneasiness about the job wasn't there. I do think there's a time to stop avoiding out of fear. Also, a friend of mine knows a girl that knows some people that work there and are "miserable." I realize I might be overanalyzing this, but you guys know me by now. It's kind of my MO

I would've ended up in some kind of psychosis or in jail is my best guess . The dealer I used to buy so much from got busted like a year ago. I have a feeling I would've gone down with her. I don't think death would've been so far-fetched either. After reading through these posts, it's unreal that we still even think of adderall....the power of addiction is terrifying! I'm soooo grateful to be out of that place....good topic to remind us what our alternative would be, zerokewl.

Well, I've been slacking sooo badly on submitting resumes....did not do 6 today like I said. I need to jump on it! Also, I got that job offer today. I feel like I should be more excited, but to be honest, I just feel confused if I want it. I think I would really like the job, BUT here's my issue. I'm curious what others think about this. A lot of clients I'll be dealing with had/have drug problems. We went to pretty seedy neighborhoods on the ride along, which really doesn't bother me, except for the fact that I felt triggery. I had actually bought adderall once in that neighborhood. Just being in the house of the client made me think of adderall a lot. This sounds crazy because I truly do have a passion for a job like this, but I did not expect to feel the way I did, and it scared me. I wish I could pinpoint why I would feel this way, because it's the only thing stopping me from accepting the offer really. I let adderall hold me back for so long, and I hate that my mind still lets it get in the way. I think it's fear. I don't know. I'd really appreciate your input, my dear friends.

I started working on resumes, then I got annoyed because they were asking so many questions....ha. I should probably go back tonight and just do them. I wasn't busy or in a hurry, so I had no excuse. I'm getting to the point where I'm not seeing jobs I want....then I started thinking, I don't think I know what I want to do. Again, another benefit of just submitting lots of resumes, I guess....if I don't finish them tonight (I'm at work), I'll do 6 tomorrow.

Justin, Typically, yes, I wouldn't like that response, but since I didn't speak with the guy the does the hiring, I knew that would be the case. Plus, I'm really on the fence about this job. It's a lot to take on, and I'd see some very sad situations....but lets be honest, it will probably hurt my confidence a little if I don't get it.

Congratulations on getting a second round interview! I just got done doing a ride along, which is basically going with a case worker all day, to get an idea of the job. It would be a lot of responsibility and work, but I think there's a good chance I would like it. I asked the girl I was riding with the next step, and she said she'll have to report to her boss how it went. I felt like it well??? I guess in a way this was part of the process to see how I handled it. I'll keep you posted! In the meantime, I'm going to get back on submitting resumes starting tomorrow.

Carolinablues, In my opinion and experience, once you cross the line into abusing stimulants, you can't back pedal and restart; therefore the line has been crossed. Vyvanse, Ritalin, Adderall, and whatever other stimulant drugs are out there=speed. We've talked about it on here before, but it's like an alcoholic switching from drinking beer to wine. It doesn't work. To answer your question, if you think you are addicted to adderall and want to quit....it's black and white. Stimulant addicts, like myself, have no gray area to take an adderall here and there....there is way too much risk involved. I think the saying is something like one is too many, and a thousand is never enough. I'm in no place to say you are an addict, only you truly know that, but the good news is, no matter what adderall has led you to believe, you can lead a happy and good life without it.....a much more fulfilling life. If quitting is what you decide, I commend you! Do you have any school breaks anytime soon??

This run was Run of Luck for St. Paddy's Day. Some people were dressed up in fun stuff, but my friends and I were boring and didn't. I'm thinking of signing up for a 10-mile in May. I do better with an end goal. You could pull off a 10 miler at the drop of a hat!

I had that 7K this morning, so I'm going to go ahead and check in with 12!

Cassie, Wellbutrin has the potential to cause anxiety, but I don't think it's the sole reason. I've struggled with this, like I said, since using adderall. Occasional, I went through a period when I was younger....probably around 12 too when I had some OCD behaviors....then it went away completely. Yes, I do think it's getting worse now. OCD is weird because I feel like once I started the ritualistic behaviors, they started revolving around more and more things in my life. I think you're right. I need to address it. Did they mention how it was treatable? I'm guessing cognitive behavioral therapy.....exposure therapy?

Wow, occasional, what an insightful post. Hang in there, InRecovery! I'll say a prayer for you tonight (even if that's not your thing, it can't hurt). I really think you're going to be okay. The anticipatory anxiety of what withdrawal could be like is perhaps equally as scary as the actual withdrawal symptoms. I've known a couple people that said they stopped cold turkey off benzos (which I know is totally dangerous). One said it wasn't bad at all. And the other didn't even know it was dangerous until I told her months later. She said she went through a period of not being able to sleep well for a little while but that was it. I'm not suggesting it couldn't be dangerous, but they went cold turkey, and you're tapering.

InRecovery, How did you interview go today???

Welcome to the forums, 777. Is there a way for you to find out if this would show up in your background check? I don't know the rules of this kind of thing, but it sounds like since nothing was pursued, you might be okay. My advice would be to find out what you can about it because the not knowing and worrying can be the worst part. If there's any good that came out of this, it is that your view of adderall is what it is. It certainly is a soul-sucking, evil drug for those of us who become addicted and who knows how long your addiction would've continued. I sincerely hope that this doesn't affect your nursing career....do some research and let us know what you find. I hope you'll stop beating yourself up for what happened. I could've gotten arrested numerous times because I bought illegally often, but I know it was the adderall addict me....not the real me, so try to cut yourself some slack. Congratulations on your divorce from adderall, even if not under ideal circumstances.

I haven't talked about this on here I don't think, but toward the end of my adderall usage, I began practicing many OCD behaviors. I thought that the adderall was the culprit (which I still think was), but the OCD hasn't left me. It'a not like my room needs to be clean OCD. It's so strange that it's embarrassing to even talk about some of my OCD behaviors. I've realized lately that it has gotten worse. I mean, basically, my brain comes up with these ridiculous thoughts that I HAVE to do something....a lot of it revolves around counting how many times I do things. If I made a list of examples, you all would think I'm crazy. It's getting really exhausting. Have any of you dealt or deal with OCD? I know it's a form of anxiety but my gosh, it's wearing me out, and I wish I could just STOP.

I ran 4.5 tonight, and it felt great!

Ran 3.5 Tuesday

BrentW, Congratulations on your quit and welcome! 300 mgs to start off on on Wellbutrin is a relatively high starting dose. I've been on it for maybe a year at most, and I take 150mgs. Anyway, I'm assuming since you take 300mgs, you take a one dose in the morning and one later in the day? That definitely could be causing some insomnia (especially if you're taking a dose mid-day); however there are so many different ways people's body's react to quitting speed. If the insomnia continues, I'd ask your doctor about the Wellbutrin. Anyway, keep posting here....glad you found us for your quit!

Well, I realized I have a 7K this Saturday. I know this is like nothing to you all, because you're running rock stars, but I might be paying for slacking lately at this event. On a positive note, it gave me motivation to hit the treadmill at the gym after work tonight. I think these are realllly good for me to stay motivated. Maybe I should consider training for that half, Liltex!

Great lists, ladies. Liltex, how long have you been off of adderall now? I've been wondering about MFA for awhile now! Where in the world is she????!!!

Hahaha Justin! Update on my interview today: It went very well. I had a really good interviewer who talked a lot and made me feel as comfortable as possible, because he'd just throw in questions as we were talking about the job. I'm just waiting for my time with a really difficult interviewer. Anyway, he wanted me move on to step 2 of the interview process, so I go back in Monday to basically stay with one of their case managers all day to give me a view of what I'd be doing on a daily basis....pretty cool

There was something we liked about adderall or none of us would be here. So, yeah, it doesn't matter so much about how you FEEL about it, it's all about commitment and not forgetting that the "good" parts of adderall will never again outweigh the bad for us, and that makes it worth it.

Did you want to punch him in the face? That's super annoying. It's just more interview experience you've gained and can use for future interviews if this doesn't work out for you.