lunax

Thanks guys. It turns out I have a bladder infection which sucks but was a good reason to stay home again today and sleep in....which is all my body wants to do after a second day of not taking adderall. Feeling extremely tired, lazy, unmotivated, and hungry.

Today was the first time in a few months that I didn't use adderall, mostly because I started having sharp pains in my left kidney a few days ago which landed me in the hospital this morning. This may or may not have been due to the fact that I have been misusing adderall and certainly not eating or hydrating well. In any case although I am in a vegetative state right now, not taking it today has made me feel like there is still life inside of me. I ate every bite of my lunch with a sense of appreciation for all the different flavors, and it felt so good to smell my dogs breathe as she licked my face this afternoon....these are the small yet special things that don't matter when I am on adderall. I only signed up to this site a few days ago and I am so happy I did. I'm sad to see that others are struggling in the same way but glad that there is a supportive community of people on here to reach out to. I don't know what tomorrow or the day after will be like because I haven't come up with a plan yet. However I am grateful to have somewhere to come and share this experience.

Ironically enough my best friend is taking me to the ER for the kidney pain ( as we speak)and somehow I managed to tell her about it. I feel like she didnt believe me but Im sure we will discuss it in more detail later.

i feel like I'm so close to coming out to someone about my addiction. But I'm scared that it will make look hypercritical for all the times I've judged others with addictions, and most of all I'm afraid that my closest friends/family will lose respect for me. I'm getting married in a few months and although my fiancé knows I'm on it, he chooses to turn a blind eye to the fact that I'm abusing it. I think he would be so turned off by me especially since hes dealt with my addictions before i.e. my binge drinking a few years back. I'm going on 6 yrs on and off of adderall. I'm half way through a bottle I just got last week and this time I'm actually scared of how my body will respond to not having it. As I type, I am having pain in my left kidney which I know I've caused. I've reached rock bottom this time and I need help getting back up. This is why I'm here.