mila490

Day 36.

Day 34.

Day 31.

Day 30. I did it! On to the 60 day challenge.

29 days, 4 weeks.

Thank you quit-once and GDTRFB! Day 28. Can't believe I am successfully coordinating a move through this, but I'm doing it! It's overwhelming but I've been calm and fighting the urges to run back to a pill. Big step for me has been realizing that, yes, I will still have the temptation and have down days, but as each day passes I'm building a stronger "foundation." One of my favorite quotes from an article on this site: "Little by little you will build yourself back out of brick and mortar instead of glass."

I'm so happy you posted. I needed to read this today. Thank you for providing hope. I completely agree about the sleep regime. I didn't realize how little sleep I was getting until I tracked it (SleepCycle app + just being more aware) and it's made a huge difference and I'm convinced is part of the reason I've lasted longer on this attempt at quitting. Thanks for your tips and congratulations on 3 months!

Sometimes it made me impulsive and other times the opposite. The opposite being sitting around all day thinking and planning and being in my own head instead of out doing things in the world. It paralyzed me with obsessive thinking. I was super impulsive and reactive when I drank though (more so than regular drunk without Adderall). Ex., throwing a drink in someone's face at a bar, getting mad at friends for no reason and storming out of bars, etc. Horrifying to look back on.

Day 27. Just got off the phone from cutting off the doctor. Feeling scared but free.

I think this is the hardest part to make peace with, because you're going to look back and ask yourself, "Could I have done 'x' without Adderall?" I graduated college and landed my dream job while on it, which affects my confidence at work now that I'm not taking it. Adderall didn't care for your mother though; you did. Give yourself more credit. Also, it's so easy to think about the short-lived happiness buzz you got from Adderall, especially in comparison to the lows you feel while recovering. The fear and paranoia you experienced don't sound like happiness to me! You can and will be happy and successful without Adderall. Hang in there and keep checking in!

Day 26, check.

Day 25. Starting to worry about my slight weight gain. ~5 lbs up from my pre-quit weight, but +20 from my all time low on Adderall. It startles me to even type that out. Repeat to self: Adderall is not the answer.....

You gave yourself the best advice already - one day at a time. It's like that saying that the days go by slow and the years go by fast. All of the "one days" will add up and you'll back at how far you've come. Remember that, especially on the harder days. Best of luck and keep checking in.

Glad I'm not the only one! Now I grocery shop in half the time but probably buy double the junk since I'm so hungry. Oh well!

A quote on a Chipotle bag of all things made me think of my ADHD diagnosis today. "Often in life, the most important question we can ask ourselves is: do we really have the problem we think we have?" -Sheri Fink I was diagnosed in college and did not fake my symptoms, but I also knew which symptoms to emphasize to get the right prescription. I was struggling and desperately wanted something to help me ... something like a "magic" pill. I always struggled and knew that something was "off" when it came to focusing on academics. However, now that I've been through the wringer with Adderall, I question how much of a "problem" it really is/was for me. My friends and coworkers laugh at how obsessively organized I am. The thing is, I am this way because if I didn't have my "systems," I'd be a total wreck. I think I developed these systems as coping mechanisms growing up when everything was so overwhelming. Learning to compensate and cope has been valuable in its own way. I won't lie, Adderall helped me, but it took more from my life than it gave. (Note: I haven't tried any other medication besides other stimulants.)

Sending prayers and hugs to you and your family! That is really scary and I can't imagine how worried and upset you must be. Of course you're a wreck right now, who wouldn't be? I hope her surgery goes as well as it possibly can and that she starts to recover soon.

Yep, same thing happened to me in the past. I never took more than the dose I was prescribed, but I realized I had a real problem when I tried multiple times to quit and ended up frantically calling the doctor for appointments. Day 24. In a strange twist, I'm having trouble sleeping. Went from sleeping a minimum of 8-10 hours a night and constantly feeling sleepy to having trouble falling asleep and waking up at least once every night. I know I need to start exercising again because I always sleep better when I'm consistently exercising. It's hard to take that first step back into the gym when I know I'm going to be so frustrated by my current lack of fitness! Damn you, Adderall, for making me afraid of something that used to bring me joy and peace.

Thanks, Cassie. I need to call my doctor and will do so when the office is open in the week. Day 23, check.

Welcome to the site. It's great that you are so open and honest with people in your life and that you reached out for support. It seems like you have a good support system in place. It will take awhile to adjust and be rough at times, but just know that it is a temporary state to endure in order to build a more stable future for yourself. Many people here can relate to your story. I am doing the 30 Day Challenge and it helps keep me accountable, so that might be a good start for you too. Look forward to hearing more from you!

Grocery shopping was enthralling and overwhelming at the same time. I haven't consistently gone to the same grocery store for he past year because store workers would always stop me to ask if I needed help or comment on how ineffectively I grocery shopped (going up and down the same aisles multiple times). They were just trying to be helpful, but it's embarrassing to think about. I spent way longer in grocery stores than anyone ever should and drove all over my city to go to different stores. What a waste.

Day 22 going strong. This may sound dumb, but what exactly do I need to say to cut off my doctor? I don't have any appointments scheduled and don't have any scripts. But yes, in the past I got to the point where I frantically called trying to make a next-day appointment to get my hands on it. Do I need to call and say that I'll no longer be a patient? Do I tell them I have a dependency issue?

Day 21, check. Startled by a physical craving for the drug today. Good thing I threw out my pills.

Day 20. Looking forward to the long weekend and a fresh start in a new apartment next week. Happy to reach 20 days.

Great to see that you're getting right back to it and doing what you need to do, while being open and honest on here and in your life! Day 19. Relying heavily on caffeine and just bought some One a Day Energy vitamins since they have caffeine. Hopefully they will help. The next few days will be crucial for me. The longest I've ever made it on previous tries was 21 days. Last time I saw pics of myself around 20 days and freaked out about my weight and ran back to the pills. Still no energy for the gym and been carbing it up a lot. It's my goal to get back in the gym this weekend.

Day 18. Felt better today, but need to make sleep a priority before midweek exhaustion hits me hard.