My story living with my adderall addicted wife

[Angry husband]

Hello everyone, My husband who I have been with 13 years is lost to Adderall. I've went through so many thoughts that maybe he just doesn't want this life anymore and I'm in denial of it. Makes me feel like I'm losing my mind. He was the kindest human being on earth .. empathy was his middle name. I even had an affair that we were able to manage to stay together through. He's been taking Adderall for two years and I feel there were immediate changes. But in the last couple months those became the everyday consistent life. He is angry all the time. He has no feeling for me when I cry. He's been gone for a month now and rarely asks about our daughter. I have to beg him to have contact with her. I did ask him to leave and will not have him back here due to the Adderall use and rages. I feel like other people can't see this. They don't understand how much he has changed. No one believes that Adderall can make him act that way. The grandiosity is overwhelming. He works 4 nights a week as a nurse and then is currently in grad school. But as this wasn't enough. He started a construction business? That's when things went very south. I came out of work to try and focus here and work on things. And because I started pressuring him. I believe this led to the seperation. His family doesn't believe me. I guess they think he just wants a different life now. This is the hardest thing ive ever gone through. And I'm so sad to hear so many other going through this as well. My thoughts are with all of you. I really wish this drug was better regulated   .

[m34]

I’m so sorry. I was in your husbands shoes. He’s able to seem normal to everyone else because they see him when the adderall kicks in? Whenever it wears off ( usually at night) our irritability is taken out on our spouses. I was very paranoid in the end. It felt so real and I didn’t associate it with adderall. The reason being that feeling lingers for weeks or months even when you are off it. Or it did for me. I’d  take “breaks” and still feel the same or worse.  I’d convince myself it wasn’t the meds since I felt the same. Now that I’m over 3 yrs off adderall my relationship has healed. I’m so much happier all around. I can see it for what it was… You can find some stories on this site and show him. It’s hard to find real info.
Doctors tell us it takes 30 days to get back to normal. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
 

Your husband is new on it. At two yrs I still felt like adderall was a miracle drug :/. I wish I quit back then. 

[m34]

She quit adderall after 12 yrs and then broke up with you? I’m a little confused by your post. If that’s the case, give it time she is going through hell. Once you’re off the adderall you go through withdrawals. It can make you question everything and very depressed. She needs someone who doesn’t get angry with her. Even if she lied to you about I’m sure she’s harder on herself than you. Give her a little time.

im still a little confused is it you or her on / off adderall? 

[GoingCrazy]

Hello All.

I found this post and not sure if its to old to get responses or not. I am on Adderall currently 25xr morning 15ir afternoon. I have been on it for 3 years now and it has helped me so much. I have found a new passion and started a small business. HOWEVER I am a freaking crazy maniac. Literally. I have the absolute worst anger and rage over nothing. I don't get physical with anyone however I do self harm. I start fights with my husband of 23 years for no reason and I get so damn angry I just start breaking things and putting holes in walls. I accuse him of horrible things that I know are not true but my head says they are. I have begged him to divorce me. I feel like I deserve to just be alone. I am on 19 days of not leaving my house. I have cut off all emotional connection to everyone. I have always had a temper and depression and anxiety. I also take Cymbalta for the depression. I started both meds at the same time and have heard that cymbalta can also cause issues. My self worth is absolute crap. I have days I dont get out of bed. I will wake up and take my adderall and roll over and sleep for 6 hours. It doesn't jack me up or anything it helps with my focus but that is all. Has anyone else had these horrible outbursts? Also ZERO SEX! I'm talking like going on a year. WTF is wrong with me? Do I just quit taking them? Someone please help!!!!

[Losthusband]

I am so sorry to hear this, the best thing in the world right now is you see this for yourself. Trust me that’s a breakthrough already. I have been in the similar situation and there are tons of information on these pshyco stimulants as they call them. Stopping cold turkey I have read is a bad thing but some have been able to do it. Do realize that this will cause a wave of emotions to start returning so fast, the ones that this stimulant actually hides while on it. Empathy, compassion, love, guilt the things that are missing from the everyday life.  I too am a addict not to this medication but my addiction did exactly the same thing to me. I am so glad you are strong and recognize this. I do believe that if you tell your doctor and he is not a pill pusher he can start prescribing less of a dosage to get you off it gradually. It will take time but I believe as a person one will feel a lot better in the end. This is just my opinion right now I am in your husband’s shoes but still have so much compassion for my loved one due to the fact I understand addiction and it’s traits. I wish you and he the best, it’s rough knowing you are a totally different person but something has control over someone. This is a highly addictive medication I am sure they did not tell you that when it was prescribed. I have heard some of these exact same statements come from my lovely wife, it changed her and our marriage. The difference is we have a past due to my addiction I stopped for her 7 years ago. The stories she has are definitely occurrences but the perception of these are all manipulated not exactly reality. The way you worded everything was just so close almost verbatim to some of the conversations we have had. I even have a lot of it in text and emails. I do wish you the best of luck. There is a reason this narcotic is called Madderall. By the way we had 26 years and still spent the 27th together  So thankful you found this forum.   I believe you are on the highway to a better you by realization this medication has changed the personality. Many thoughts and prayers go out to you.  Thank you for your post it helps more than you know to realize we are not alone and some of the behaviors did not always reside in the individual before the medicine. 

[broken]

I am sorry to tell you guys but if they have been on the drug for a period of time it changes the way their brain works, it damages the dopamine and serotonin systems in the brain. When I met my now ex- fiancé she was on Adderall,  I didn't know this, we soon became best friends talking for hours when we were apart on the phone. We had this great relationship, so I ask her to move in with me. Not long after the violent rages started, then every time I went to work or someone spoke to me that was female I was cheating and the rage got worse until horrible   verbal abuse started then the physical abuse. I then discovered she was on Adderall so my mission was to stay and get her off of it . To have a new beginning, she had never owned a home, so I bought a new home of her choosing new Mercedes, 2 ct diamond pledged my love for ever. At first it was like a new person. To my dismay as the months has went by I have watched as my fiancé has changed over the last two years . Now its as if i am the worst person on this planet , there are obsessions over things that happened 8-9 years ago only with things being completely different than they actually happened ,there are delusions , false accusations, depression, I have been accused of having sexual encounters with everyone from my sons teacher to any female that speaks to me to my ex wife of which is not true I only wanted to be with her. Yesterday I was told I am a evil person with no soul that only blackness surrounds , and that if I truly loved her, I would give her one of my properties so she could leave me ? I truly thought I could save the person I love but I can't. In closing be careful what you wish for because it might be worse than you have. Adderall is nothing more than Methamphetamine with a pseudo molecule and it destroys everything. There is a huge possibility the person you love is gone forever , I have found this out there really not much I wouldn't do to save her but I must admit defeat to the doctor prescription pad , save yourself because I promise , user or ex user would not reach a hand out if you were drowning .

[Nicky_B]

Broken - first I'm sorry that you had to experience such a tragic and horrific situation with this person. I could honestly tell you that you are living in my former life and I can relate to every single thing that you talked about in your post.

What I found was my ex-wife was really a narcissist with a personality disorder and the person that I fell in love with was fake and was a complete act. I know it is hard to believe that a person can act like someone they are not for this long but again with narcissists this is typical behavior and eventually the mask comes down. I would be very careful with the situation because you might face a reality of her hitting her self in the face with a frying pan and the police coming to your door and you being dragged out in handcuffs right afterwards. You cannot underestimate with a narcissist (especially one on Adderall ) will do to you once you go from her Knight thst saved her to now someone they hate.

I was lucky in that although there was a close call or two she did not get me arrested and I did not do anything wrong criminally. It is going to be an expensive and painful situation separating yourself from this person but I can assure you that your life will be me much better if you move as quickly as possible away from this very destructive and evil person. You will find that no matter how many promises she makes they will be broken and no matter how many times you take her back it really doesn't make a difference because you're dealing with a fantasy and someone that you fell in love with it wasn't ever real.

A narcissist is bad enough as it is but once you put a narcissist on Adderall it's super charges both their extreme behavior and their evil deeds that they normally have no problems acting upon.

God bless you and please stay safe!!!

-Nicky_B

[itsjustm3]

I found this site and it saved my sanity. So many long-term relationships and marriages damaged, maybe even ruined. I'm looking at what it may do to my marriage after 27 years. I am grieving the loss of time that this drug has stolen and the loss of my best friend. Like others, we were going to be that old couple spending our retirement and last days together. Now, I'm not sure what the future holds or if I can stay married and waste more time in the hospice of our marriage.

I saw the same themes of: started slowly. I thought it was me, I questioned my sanity, and then I started keeping a journal in 2019 after the millionth screaming match and insane behavior (anger, denial, silent treatment, name calling, failed therapy sessions, complete 180 in personality compared to decades of sweetness and love). It is INSIDIOUS because others only see a person working diligently, the overly talkative or enthusiastic person. They don't see the mornings of walking on eggshells, or hear the insults or screaming. They don't deal with lies over and over. They don't deal with the deafening silence or the loneliness.

I have started Al-Anon meetings and therapy for myself. I have read the articles and the threads here and found so much comfort in knowing I am not alone. I have felt so desperate and alone that at times it seemed only suicide or divorce were my options. Riding the roller coaster of addiction requires tools and support. Some may decide to stay on the ride or jump off and re-gain time.

Currently, I review how addicts manipulate: https://family-intervention.com/blog/surprising-ways-addicts-manipulate-others/

My feelings are now: grief, loneliness, anger and a flattening of the concept of love. Trying to repurpose this feeling to love for myself. Setting boundaries can be difficult with this drug.

I've tried having the same conversation so many ways and it always ends with no change. You can't control it, you didn't cause it and you can't cure it!

Thank you for this site, thank you to anyone who cares to reply.

[Losthusband]

Hello it’sjustm3,
 

I agree addiction of any kind has ruined many  great things. I can say this without a shadow of doubt because I to am a addict recovering but a addict none the less. Almost 7 years sober when the Adderal really took a sweet loving personality and changed it 180 as you said. 
 

I to have questioned my sanity daily sometimes hourly trying to put pieces together and understand the personality change. It’s a extremely hard road as I am sure it was for her when I was drinking heavy. I know that any substance that is taken designed to change the mind also changes the personality, it’s a given how can it not.  
 

The silent treatment is the worse or not coming home at all some nights. I feel for you and your troubles just as I have caused trouble during my marriage it’s know it’s  karma I believe. What really stinks about it is there was a time before this I fully believed we had a chance. By the way we always referred to the retirement as the rocking chair era. 
 

This is a very hard road to travel down and it takes so much patience and empathy, because somewhere I know it’s hard to see they are struggling on the inside as well.  The lashing out comes from the internal conflict from within. They always say we hurt the ones we love the most, not intentionally 99% of the time. From my own experience I know it feels as though there is two people fighting inside of a person, kind of like the mind and heart are Battling. 
 

There are so many bad side effects of these psycostimulants as they call them, health wise it’s only one breakdown away from street meth.  All one has to to do is look up bad side affects from long term stimulant usage. Teeth are on that list along with internal organs, hallucinations, psychosis, paranoia, etc. 

I carry so much guilt because there is no doubt I was no where near even a good husband at times, however I knew my issues were ones I caused. Sometimes an addict will blame others for all the problems just to divert from the real culprit.  I am truly glad you found this site so many of the stories match the process, some even have the same exact phrases used.  I wish you and your loved one the best. I know it’s hard and it truly takes a toll on the mind. 
 

for the record I would give my last breath to help her because I still know and see the person she once was. 
 

Thank you for your post it means a lot. 

[nickib83]

On 10/11/2022 at 5:38 PM, itsjustm3 said:

I found this site and it saved my sanity. So many long-term relationships and marriages damaged, maybe even ruined. I'm looking at what it may do to my marriage after 27 years. I am grieving the loss of time that this drug has stolen and the loss of my best friend. Like others, we were going to be that old couple spending our retirement and last days together. Now, I'm not sure what the future holds or if I can stay married and waste more time in the hospice of our marriage.

I saw the same themes of: started slowly. I thought it was me, I questioned my sanity, and then I started keeping a journal in 2019 after the millionth screaming match and insane behavior (anger, denial, silent treatment, name calling, failed therapy sessions, complete 180 in personality compared to decades of sweetness and love). It is INSIDIOUS because others only see a person working diligently, the overly talkative or enthusiastic person. They don't see the mornings of walking on eggshells, or hear the insults or screaming. They don't deal with lies over and over. They don't deal with the deafening silence or the loneliness.

I have started Al-Anon meetings and therapy for myself. I have read the articles and the threads here and found so much comfort in knowing I am not alone. I have felt so desperate and alone that at times it seemed only suicide or divorce were my options. Riding the roller coaster of addiction requires tools and support. Some may decide to stay on the ride or jump off and re-gain time.

Currently, I review how addicts manipulate: https://family-intervention.com/blog/surprising-ways-addicts-manipulate-others/

My feelings are now: grief, loneliness, anger and a flattening of the concept of love. Trying to repurpose this feeling to love for myself. Setting boundaries can be difficult with this drug.

I've tried having the same conversation so many ways and it always ends with no change. You can't control it, you didn't cause it and you can't cure it!

Thank you for this site, thank you to anyone who cares to reply.

I just read this and it was as if I wrote it myself. Thank you for sharing. It gives me validation that this is real and is happening to others as well. I hope you’re doing well. 

[Brecadena12]

Hello everyone, 

I just found this forum and read what everyone has written. I’m in shock trying to process everything. My husband was put on adderall last week of September 2023. 30mg slow release and 20mg after lunch time. So basically 50mg to start with. After 2 weeks he told me he wanted to separate, said he was tired of fighting and that the medicine had helped him think clearly now. From mid October until now January 1st he has started dating the staff psychologist at his job, lied about many things to my face, has taken our 2 toddler aged kids to meet her, has missed work a ton, stopped communicating with his family. He was the man who would never call in sick when he felt like crap or really was sick, always paid our bills on time now this is the 2nd month he has forgotten, he prided himself on never cheating because he was embarrassed his dad put his family through that as a kid and when we went on a long vacation last year without the kids he was the one calling his mom twice a day to FaceTime the kids. Now he’s gone on vacations with this other woman #1 lying to me about where he’s at but also not even trying to call the kids. It will be 2 weeks since he’s last seen them and that’s not the kind of father he was. He hasn’t even noticed I left the state to be back with my family. He went from calling his parents at least 4x a week to none at all not even for Christmas to wish them a good one. I feel like I’m going crazy trying to figure out if all of this could be because of the adderall use or if it’s not related at all. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around a medicine doing this to someone. I miss my husband and the kids miss their dad but I just don’t know how I could go back after the infidelity l, regardless our kids need their dad. 

[SGOD]

I can't believe other people are going through what my family are going through.  My wife and I separated 5 years ago amicably.  We've always got along like a house on fire and have co-parented so well.  We were still best mates.  All that changed when my 15yr old son was diagnosed with ADHD. He was prescribed medication to treat it and after a couple of months, he decided he didn't want to take the meds anymore.  Since then, academically he has improved so much!  Going to every class, getting all the work done, getting acceptable grades.  In his interviews with the doctor, my ex-wife said, "I think I have ADHD".  At the time, I thought, "yes, I think you have it too".

 

6 months later has been challenging.  She has her own business and is getting up at 5am and working until 2am.  It seems like she is getting heaps of work done?  However, my two boys (now 16 & 17) are telling me a different story.  Whilst she has always been a caring mother, her recent behaviour seems like she is emotionally detached?  She can be very supportive and then cold and callous in the next moment.  My kids told me the other day that every warning light has come up on her dashboard of her 3yr old new car telling her to get it serviced.  I even had to drop around with a litre of oil as her car told her not to drive 1km without adding oil.  How can someone ignore or forget this?

The reason I looked for this forum was to find out if this is common behaviour with late 40's - early 50's yr old women who are taking ADHD medication?  I don't think it's menopause as her inhibitions have dropped, she's putting her social life ahead of our kids, and seems to be oblivious on the impact it has on them.

Also, before you jump on me, I'm perfectly ok with her having a great social life and meeting someone that makes her happy.  Something seems a little off though?  I'm professionally employed, financially stable and are actively involved in my two young son's lives.

Just want to make things better or more manageable for all of us?

Any suggestions would be appreciated. 

[Doge]

It's hard to say based on what you have said.  But bravo to your son, who definitely dodged a bullet.  ADHD stimulants seem wonderful at first, but then they start taking more and more away from you.

As for your ex-wife, only she knows what's happening.  I don't know what to suggest other than be ready to offer support for her and your kids as much as possible.

Best wishes!

[Wreckingball]

Tiptoes words might as well be my words. A 16 year long relationship, 14 married ended primarily because of adderall addiction. My story is a little different, but very much the same. My wife was an alcoholic leading into the adderall addiction. 3 years into the marriage she ended up in the emergency room with stroke like symptoms, she was  34 years old. It turned out she was a closet drinker, hiding alcohol in random places throughout the house and drinking nightly. After the ER visit she came clean and quit drinking, as did I. She made it 4 years that I know of and then relapsed. It took me a few months to catch on that she had relapsed, she was really good at hiding it. When I confronted her of course it was my fault and I was a horrible husband for not paying enough attention to her and not noticing for months. This was the beginning of the end. As she tried to quit alcohol again she was desperate to replace it with something, asking me if I thought it was ok is she smoked some weed at night to get to sleep. I agreed, but in my head was afraid of where that would go, eventually turning into a $400.00 per month habit. Then along came the ADHD theory and a trip to a psychiatrist for a diagnosis. This is where adderall came into the picture. Of course she didn’t share with the psychiatrist that she had been struggling with alcohol addiction the better part of her adult life. Over the course of the next 4 years I watched the slow decline of my once loving, compassionate, hard working, amazing mom, family oriented wife and mom.  I can go on and on about how strong the marriage was. As she continued adderall use, she would make comments like, I don’t take it every day because I don’t think I need to, to comments like I can’t get through the day without it. I eventually connect the dots and figure out she was skipping days so she could load up on other days. Over the course of the next two years she was able to manipulate our primary care provider into more meds, from a sleeping pills, to anti anxiety meds, to antidepressants and everything in between. The last year she was on 6 different mood altering medications all doing different things, I don’t know how the doctors didn’t catch it. She turned into a monster and eventually burned down her life as it once was. Anyone in he’s inner circle was attacked and cast away, friends, family, clients, anyone who interacted with her on a regular basis was gone, anger rage and hatred was all that was left of her. Daily attacks on me, saying horrible things to me daily. She was like an irrational toddler, a Tasmanian devil, spending money like it was as available as water. She thought she was going to be a rock star and spent thousands trying to achieve that goal. at the peak, between meds and weed it was $1000.00 per month. Plus we have two kids 14 and 10 now that watched it all unfold. Several therapists later, one trying to convince her to check into a chemical dependency center, I had no choice but to file for divorce, I still to this day haven’t drank alcohol, the ER trip was 9 years ago. My last ditch effort was making an appointment's with the primary care provider to inform her what my wife has been doing to her life and that she had been manipulated into writing prescriptions for an addict that is self medicating on the long list of medications she prescribed. Theses just so much more I could share, I could write all day and still not cover it all. As of January 1st 2025 she will be out of the house for a year. The divorce was final on May 24 2024 with me paying her $700k because I kept the house and business, the business she nearly bankrupted. But my life is now calm, no one telling me they hate me, that I’m useless, that I’m a bad dad, that I’m a horrible son to my mom, that I’m a horribly business owner, that sex with me is horrible and always has been, again a monster.