Bubbagump99

Yeah, thank you both for that. I know I need to take care of myself first and I'm definitely doing that but I feel bad about what (unintentionally) did to him. My intentions were always sincere but I knew he wouldn't and just couldn't understand the withdrawal process. You feel so helpless and hopeless. it was so awful I'd never take another pill or anything ever again. it just sucks trying to make someone understand when you know they never could

Ok guys, I'll make this long story short. In January I started my tapering mostly bc of this guy that came into my life -was there for the last year maybe more. however, I was still tied to a relationship and living with my significant other who I didn't want to be with you anymore. i told the new guy I wanted him and I did. I told you I was gonna move out and I wanted to. In march during my taper I was down from 30 mg to 15mg which was one of the worst 'drops' while tapering. I was depressed, exhausted, I just didn't care about anyone or anything. I told the new guy in march that I moved out when I really didn't. I just couldn't physically and mentally do anything. It was so awful I would come home from work and just cry. when I went back to my dr she even offered me antidepressants but I was so determined to just not take any pills ever again. i feel like if I never tapered, him and I would still be together. I knew he wouldn't be able able to handle how awful I was feeling. It's like you feel paralyzed while having the flu. Idk how else to explain this. I loved him so much but I just couldn't do anything at the time.. I felt so weak. I just wanted to sleep and hide and go away forever. to this day the new guy thinks I lied to him about everything and always says 'actions speak louder than words' and while he's right, he just can't imagine what I went through. I feel like no one ever will unless you went through it too. for those of you that went through withdrawals can you understand my point or am I crazy? What do you guys think?

Just wondering...

Have you tried going to see a doctor? Maybe you're depressed. Have you tried eating healthy and working out a couple times a week? It sounds painful lol but believe me, it makes such a big difference in your recovery. You feel better physically and mentally. Don't roll your eyes, it's true lol

Oh man. This sucks, makes me sad. A lot to be said here... but ultimately he's choosing the adderall over you. I always chose adderall over everyone and everything for years and years. My husband told me it made me mean and crazy and not care, I was convinced he was crazy bc I didn't agree with him. I couldn't agree with him bc I really couldn't see it until I got off of it all. I was so use to living and feeling a certain way on those pills I honestly forgot who I was, who I used to be.. The adderall made me SO unaffectionate and moody.. I hate to say this to you but from a girl who loved and used ad for almost nine years- nothing is going to change until he quits it. Idk how my husband put up w me the last nine years now that I'm off of it. It's not a way to live your life or be in a relationship... my advice-- if you can't help him-- run. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved :/

Congrats to you!!

God, why is it so hard to part with them :/ I can't imagine taking them again since getting off them was hell but UGH 😑

I cant bring myself to take any even though i want to take a few to lose some weight but god i cant bring myself to swallow one. Its like i cant throw them away but cant actually take one. Isnt that weird? Sigh

I can tell you this- quitting cold turkey or let me rephrase- lol attempting to quit cold turkey was utter torture for me. I felt paralyzed- that was the only way I could really describe it. I was on 30mg for years but never abused it. I've only been off of it for over a month but I quit by tapering. Idk how anyone can just quit that shit cold turkey unless they literally have like 6-12 months of being able to do completely nothing. Only you can make the choice of what to do for you though. We can all give you advice and tell you what to do- But ultimately you're gonna do whatever the hell you want. The choice is yours and only yours. Only you can stop. Try going to a NA meeting. Read the NA book. I actually went to a few meetings to start just bc I was bored one night and it was literally down the street from my house- and I couldn't believe the things that were coming out of people's mouths. It was like they were reading my mind and feeling my feelings. I read part of the na book and my mind was blown away. Try it, you might learn something. It was a wake up call for me for sure. It's just not the way to live life. Good luck

160? Holy crap!!! WOW I thought 60 was a lot. Ugh

ok, I have mixed feelings about what I'm gonna reply. Part of me wants to say to quit and finish school with a thumbs up and say you can do it. But let's get real. I've been there done that. Quitting adderall was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. UGH So part of me wants to tell you to either quit and take a semester off or finish school on your adderall and then after you graduate throw that sh!t out. I tried quitting cold turkey and that was a nightmare so I tapered off 30mg from Jan until sept of this year. Yup I took all those months to taper off damn right. I told myself i was on that crap for almost 9 years so a 9 month taper seemed fined to me. You need to do what's right for you. good luck

Up your fruits and vegetables. I've been drinking a nutribullet shake I make daily w fruits and veges and poop every morning again. Amazeballs lol

Let's try this again😡 You said you make 3x more now but is the cost of living more expensive where u r? I think you should pack up ur sh!t and leave. You obviously aren't happy there. Do you think that will change? It doesn't seem so. So whynot just pack up and go somewhere else? Think about the things that can go right, not just 'omg but all these things could happen'.. think good thoughts. And if the worse happened and u didn't like it guess what? You can move again! That's how life works. It's not permanent. No one is gonna hold you down and make you stay if it doesn't work out for you. and while it is awesome to have money- while I was reading ur post I could hear that saying 'money doesn't buy happiness' screaming in my ear. Basically- it sounds like you're miserable there- (I can relate to that, believe me). But what could be worse- getting up and moving and actually finding happiness (and sunlight). Haha OR twenty years from now sitting in the same spot wondering what if.. when you're 50! You're still young! Go now! Sorry if this reply comes off as obnoxious I'm just pissed my last one got erased and I'm annoyed lol But I really think you should move. Life is short. You're wasting your time away being miserable when you COULD be happy.

Omg I'm so pissed I was just replying this long ass reply and it disappeared wtf😡

Thanks guys I can't believe how good I feel and how much happier I am in general. It's so weird to me..

Congrats for sticking w it!! I just finished my taper last week and I'm adderall free and feel great! it's hard but does get better. Good for you!

I wouldn't do it but to each their own. I'd look into anything and everything else option wise before putting that pill back in your mouth. Good luck

And I'm alive.. And I feel good. Hey guys, I've been MIA for awhile. Had a lot going on, moved, got a new job, blah blah.. Took my last addy last Wednesday and I've felt great ever since. I've even lost 13 of the 30lbs I've gained in the last year. (When I attempted cold turkey last year I gained like 10lbs in 2 wks almost). That was dumb smh I know many of ya'll aren't for the tapering method but it definitely worked for me. Don't get me wrong, there were some super hard points but the cold turkey thing was just too much physically and mentally for me. Especially when trying to work. Some doses I stayed on longer than normal- but I told myself that was ok. My dr kept me on some doses for two months...so I would stabilize at the one dose and then move down when I was ready. I never went back up. I really had no desire to. Not gonna lie, i am a lot more lazier lol but I've been going to the gym a little here and there and eating healthy and I actually feel happy. Weird to be able to cry again so easily, when you're so used to feeling 'numb' for years. I was on ad for about 9 years. I'm finally free, I did it. And it feels amazing. <3

?? Why?

Good for you! I need to do the same thing.. man oh man.. If I only knew what adderall would do to me 9 years ago :/ Keep us updated on how you're feeling as you workout and stuff..

Cat, just wondering if you completed the tapering and if so, how are you holding up?

I never abused my rx or took high dosages but I tried to quit cold turkey last year and not only did I gain like 10lbs in two weeks I felt like a fn paralyzed zombie. I went up to 15mg and then eventually just back on my 30mg. As of January 1st this year I started tapering. I'm down to 5mg now. While most people on here have recommended cold turkey way, it did not work best for me. This tapering does. Honestly, either way is gong to suck.. But at least this way my body and brain aren't going into complete shock and I can at least function at 50% instead of nothing. If you want to quit you need to be honest w your dr and just tell them. and eventually you'll need to make sure to cut off your ad supply so you can't get it. You're not gonna quit until you're ready for it tho. The thing that did it for me was last December I had a false positive test and I was more concerned about having to quit the adderall than the fact that I was pregnant with someone else's baby. Yeah, big reality check. Scariest thing was thinking I had to stop taking those pills. Only then did I realize just how bad I 'needed' them. It's just not a way to live your life...

This weight gain has been incredibly hard for me. I've never had an eating disorder so to speak, but I have been a bit obsessed w my body imagine through the years, and that was one thing that the addy helped me with. Made me feel so confident about. Now I'm the fattest I've ever been. It's awful and it does make you wanna go back to the pills. But then I tell myself I've come too far and I'm gonna have to get off of them at some point so whynot just do it now and get it over with. Keep telling myself it's gonna get worse before it gets better.... Sigh :/

Congrats Elaina & to you liltex too!!

Thanks guys for all your input. I've decided I'm not gonna go with the antidepressants. I only have two 5mg pills left. Today I'm gonna ask her for a months worth of 5mg and a months worth of 2.5mg. I only had two weeks of 5mgs. When I 'stepped down' each step, most of them were held for 3-4 weeks at the same dosage. For some reason it seems like every other dosage is harder. 15s were AWFUL, 10mg I felt good, 7.5 I felt good at first and then felt blah, and 5s Ive felt awful on. I know most of you are just like screw it, if you're this low already then just stop completely.. But I don't want to crash more or harder than I have to. And this stepping down business has definitely been easier than cold turkey. God, that was awful. I figure I've been on this crap for almost 9 years, so if it takes me a little over 6 months to get off of it completely, then I'm doing good. There's no rush. No reason to. I figure as long as I don't 'step back up', do it slow and do what works for me.. Why suffer if I don't have to? thank you guys for always listening and your input. having this 'place' to come to really helps with things.....