Motivation_Follows_Action

Got a busy day today and back is still a bit sore but will try if I can to squeeze in a run! You guys are just too inspiring...

Cassie what have you decided to do?

You guys are serious inspiration! I went to the gym yesterday -- $30 for a daily membership, wha??!! Anyway, I started back on the squats and deadlifts and lunges. Felt really great... thought I might even be getting back in the rhythm of fitness until... I fell down the stairs last night and landed on my back. Ouchies! I was supposed to have packed up all my stuff from the summer and be driving back to the City today, but I am feeling v sorry for myself because I can barely walk (mostly from the gym, to be honest, and a bit from the MASSIVE BRUISE I have on my lower back) and it is a cloudy day here, so I am drinking coffee and admiring all you fit people. Does that mean I have to run 6 miles tomorrow? Or do I get Sunday as well? Be kind!

I just looked at your twitter feed. You and I are from the same universe. I am awestruck that you went "public" on your twitter about your recovery. That's bravery. I have throngs of ex-colleagues who simply think I went crazy and left the industry. I always think you find out who your real friends are when you don't have a title or AUM next to your name. And I understand your handle name, now. Adderall has an amazing ability to remove any sense of trust from our entire existence. I can't imagine trading while on it. Ugh. You must have NEVER been able to relax or put it to rest. You must be so happy that is all behind you! The thing I love about this forum is more than that we share a common understanding of the very unique nature of adderall addiction and recovery. This is a place where people talk about their lives before, during and after adderall. And many relapse and come back here (to quote others, recovery is a non-linear process). I've never seen a forum that has been so full of respect and encouragement, and people who kind of understand each other, if that makes sense. LILTEX, I read up on Smart recovery. I like it - it's simple, refreshing, applicable. I like the fact that there are tools you can use. I couldn't really get in to AA/NA because of the "higher power" concept, to be honest. Just can't get my head around it any more. Also I like the online aspect too. And there are some really good life tools on there as well, like the stuff on negative self talk and the stuff on self image. Really useful. Thank you.

I've been on Wellbutrin for years. I find if I don't drink enough water, or get enough sleep, or drink too much coffee, I can get like this. It's all about balance. Boring, huh. Oh, also allergy season duh!

Thanks for the update. Wow, you've been through a lot. How are you feeling?

OUCH!!! (I fell down the stairs last night, was carrying laptop in one hand and phone & power cable in the other and wearing slippery socks, so nothing to break my fall). Very annoyed because was enjoying getting back in to working out again

It took me about 10 mins to find, but I was really impressed by this member's approach. http://forum.quittingadderall.com/topic/1208-this-is-my-strategy-on-recovering-as-fast-as-possible/

I thought it was funny that along the right hand strip to this article was a link to another huffpost article, "could your zits be killing you?"

Good luck, swervecity. That's a huge turnaround in your life in a few short hours. I hope you will recover fully and really listen to LILTEX - that girl knows what she's talking about!

swervecity, welcome to the forums. Your story is one of extreme highs and lows. Getting out of rehab, getting in to college, doing well in school, getting a job = great! But you are on so many crazy meds... no wonder you're feeling crazy! I will write more later, I want to think more about your situation - it's your whole life, really - but I have a few questions: 1) you say your doc and shrink want you off the meds, but isn't your doc the one who put you on adderall in the first place? 2) what were you originally addicted to for 13 years? only reason I ask is if it is adderall or speed or meth then you're obviously re-igniting that same trigger. 3) what options are open to you right now about getting clean? do you have time/money to go to rehab? do you have a support network if you quit cold turkey? 4) how long were you out of rehab before you were prescribed adderall? what made you decide to take it, knowing it was potentially going to be addictive? You are very brave. When you have lived a life of addiction and know nothing else, it is scary. But if you don't mind me saying so, you are living life in a blur of meds right now. Uppers, downers, stablizers - how can you know what you want out of life when your life is controlled by medications... seems like when you were sober you made some really great life choices. So you know you're capable off the meds. I'm so sorry you are such a victim of the fucked up healthcare system in this country.

Uh, you mean life? Yep, pretty much.

Cassie I want to follow up on something you said about going for a job that is different to what you have done before. I'm thinking of doing the same thing. Since I've given up adderall, I realize (kind of like our new member with the awesome video) that I've been working around the wrong people and perhaps doing the wrong kind of work for a long time. My husband said to me last night that my "gentleness" has come back since I quit, and also since I stopped working so hard, traveling so much, being a baller, basically. I'm thinking of demoting myself. But I have no idea what I want to do or how to go about reworking my resume to go for other jobs. So I admire you for getting as far as the interview stage, that's a big step -- and tough if you don't know people in the field you're going to be working in. Just wanted to say that. And ps your husband is profound, sometimes the most obvious statements are the ones we need to hear the most!

You sound like a very important person! We have a star amongst us? (I ask, somewhat rhetorically...)

Sebastian, Here's one for you: http://teamcoco.com/video/louis-ck-springsteen-cell-phone (Hugs), as liltex would say :-)

I'm so sorry to hear this, Cassie. I haven't taken Beta Blockers before, so I'm not going to comment on that. But it is so hard to believe you struggle with words when, on this forum at least, you are so economical with language and erudite at the same time. You clearly know your shit. It's funny - I think I interview very well. The only time I get nervous is when I don't have my "story" or pitch perfect. And the times I get nervous - I agree - I can see my chances slipping away from me and that makes me more hesitant, if that makes sense. Two things really have helped me before in the interview process: practice, practice, practice (like, record yourself on your computer and watch it - it's really insightful how much you can learn (like how bad my posture is!)). And the second, is to treat the interview like a consulting conversation. It's as much about them as it is about you. I know you know all this intellectually, but you have to believe it in more of a... psychological sense. If you can't get there yourself, then pretend to be a more confident version of you... the one you have always wanted to be... just to get you through the interview. And have lots of good questions for the interviewer. There's an old saying in the headhunting field: "the person who talks the least wins". If you can get your interviewer talking, you're sitting pretty! Also this: http://www.theladders.com/career-newsletters/20-questions-you-need-to-ask-in-a-job-interview But I know you asked a specific question and I don't have an answer for you. The only thing I will observe is that you posted about this on QA, where you probably know that a bunch of us won't necessarily be in favor of you taking something/anything that will alter your mental state... so maybe that's you inadvertently telling yourself that you shouldn't, either. When is your next interview? How many interviews have you had so far and have there been any jobs where you got really excited and it didn't go so well? Also, just remember that it's not about how you perform in an interview that counts, it is about whether the job and the company is a fit (like I said, I interview really well but it's doing the job and fitting in to the culture where I seem to have the problems!!)...

"See you later, motherfucker". Awesome video, such a cool way for us to connect to you in a really human way but still retain your anonymity. I will be interested to see how many followers you have. How are you feeling? Was it just the heart palpitations and anxiety that made you quit? Other things to share? Interestingly your story is very similar to many others here. I think sometimes we think that it's a study-drug (thanks to mass media) but adderall addiction is a great leveler -- on this forum are executives, ex-executives , highschool students, college students, post-grad students, professionals, non-professionals, entrepreneurs, writers, lawyers, accountants, models, moms etc etc. The thing I have noticed that we all have in common is that we started taking it because we wanted to feel more confident. Hopefully you're still on your way to full recovery - let us know how you're doing, and 1Bad88, good on you for following up on all these posts - very inspiring!

PS your children deserve better. They want their mommy back.

Ali, I think you and I might have a similar story. I had a really tough time with my husband when I was at the height of my addiction, and then to top it all off, he had to bail me out of the psych ward when I ended up suicidal. I am eternally grateful to him for being there, and I hope he doesn't ever put me through anything similar in the future. But the fact is, that although you feel like shit, you have started the process of recovery! Yes, that sounds trite and you probably just want to curl up and go to sleep and numb yourself again but please, please trust me - that is the worst thing you can do... first because you are denying your better self the opportunity to succeed in what is the hardest thing you could ever possibly do in your life; but also because in my experience and from what I've read here, with each relapse comes terrible, terrible self hatred. Sounds like you already are struggling in that area... don't add to it. How are you doing today? I found the first time around (before I joined these forums) really tough. The next time (when I joined the forums) I did my homework, started taking BAZZILLIONS of supplements, and uh, told my husband. At least he felt sane, knowing what I was going through and that he hadn't married a nutcase (ahem, well, jury's probably still out on that one ;-)). Are you taking supplements? Caffeine, redbull, 5 hr energy, green tea, WHATEVER, just as long as it's not amphetamines. Hang in there! YOU CAN DO THIS

Sebastian: A lot of good suggestions here - get a dog, do some pro bono work, do some volunteering... sometimes when you're depressed, actually getting up and doing ANYTHING is the hardest thing to do. I know a few life coaches - PM me if you are interested. They are different from therapists; they focus very much on helping you identify the goals you want to achieve and the blockers or derailers in your life that are stopping you from achieving them. My 2 cents, for what it's worth, and because I think a few of us on here could heed this advice (including myself, don't get me wrong), is to just learn to be in the present moment. I know that sounds kinda hippy or Buddhist, but it really is a remarkable concept. If you are focusing too much on the past, or on the future, you are ignoring the most important part of your life - which is RIGHT NOW. I find that when I focus on this concept, when I look at all the choices I have about what to do with my time right now, right at this moment, it is a positive feeling, not one of panic or regret or fear. And the other recommendation? Start meditation. Really. It works.

Peer pressure... all the cool kids are doing it

I'm really interested in this. LILTEX you have been so 'soft sell' with it, but it has clearly changed your life... and the way you write with clarity and optimism and determination and positivity is a testament to you and the program. I might check it out...

Hey H-C (by the way, why that handle? you don't seem so hyper-critcal to me, you seem kinda nice!) I realized today I'm a lot further along than I thought. I've been saying I'm about 9 months in... for a couple of months. In fact it's nearly a year. I quit without NA or AA - just me and the internet and this forum. As you can see, I'm addicted to this forum. I read a lot of the books that IR and others have recommended, and wrote about recovery here. Some of my earlier posts reflect my mental state at the beginning of my recovery - I could barely string a sentence together. That seems like such a long time ago, it's hard to believe how much has happened within one year. Congratulations on really committing to your quit. How are you feeling now and where do you think this little community can help you/you help us? Seems like you have done it in a really thoughtful and dedicated way.... (although clearly a lot of assumptions go in to that statement...) MFA

if this posts twice, ignore me (I got booted out of the forum momentarily, not quite sure what happened). I guess I AM joining you guys - I just did another 3 mile run. Me and the sandflies... they kept flying in to my open mouth! So that's 6 miles this week. Half way there... it's a good feeling! YOU GUYS GOT SO FIT SO FAST! it's remarkable reading your posts. Definitely inspirational.

You sound really down on yourself today, ZK. Not sure what the weather is like where you live but I strongly recommend you close the laptop, put reasonable clothing on, and just walk outside. Doesn't matter where you go or what you do, just go for a walk. Change the tape, as they say. In fact I've just inspired myself to do the same... I need to go for a run so I will do it now. Will you join me virtually? I read somewhere once, "you're only a workout away from a good mood". Put it to the test!