Motivation_Follows_Action

Ugh. I think the sugar may not help - I know spicy foods are a nightmare. I don't drink milk really (don't like the taste) and although I may not be able to run a marathon, I'm smack bang in the healthy weight category. Still haven't got religion about juicing yet (I like to eat my food, I'm traditional like that) but all roads lead to rome... my husband thinks I need a complete renovation and I don't disagree. Once I can chew solid food again, I'll be following all your advice and eating better. I hope.

Hi hopeful junkie, You've been through a lot in the last 2-and-a-bit years. Welcome to the forum, it's been a life saver for me so I hope you get a chance to look around and read the articles and books and videos and comments from everyone. Do keep us posted on how you are tapering off. I tried tapering, once. Didn't work for me - I never quit, it was just like prolonging a painful addiction. Cold turkey was the only way. I'm interested in something you said... What did you determine are the "appropriate occasions" for using? Do you have ADHD as well as Aspergers? I don't know much about Aspergers but I've never heard of it alongside ADHD. Just curious.

Hmm... a class on ADHD/ADD, sounds a little oxymoronic to me! I personally can't see how taking a class with other ADHD sufferers would be helpful as it could get very off topic very easily.... would take a strong teacher and some really good content to mean a lot. I'd rather a class on something like speed reading or logic puzzles or memory retention games... like the GMAT or GRE prep classes that Kaplan does. Have you or anyone tried www.lumosity.com? It's like a brain game online thingy which is supposed to increase your mental agility in 5 key areas. I am addicted! (I've been doing it on and off since 2008 and noticed my mental decline during the last few months on adderall and then complete collapse after adderall... I was in the 28th percentile during my 4th week off adderall, not good! Getting better now though, slowly...)

Hi all, I just spent all weekend throwing up. Like every hour. I'd gone to the gastroenterologist a couple of weeks ago and he wanted to do an endoscopy for a stomach ulcer or GERD but I am so bloody sick of going to the doctor I didn't go through with it. But here is my question: has anyone had post-adderall issues with stomach acid? I never struggled with this the whole time I was on adderall, but things started playing up about 3 weeks after I quit. I'm trying to find out if there's any correlation.

emmmapea, Everything everyone has said here is so true -- it's easy to blame the FDA, doctors, drug companies, the tobacco industry, lobbyists, politicians, the government - and that is usually part of the grieving process as we are looking for some reasons why we look up and our lives have fallen down around our ankles. How could they know all this and get away with it, we ask? How could this have been so readily available, shouldn't it be stopped? I went through this as well, I'm still super angry at my doctors. But if it's not adderall, it will be prescription painkillers. If not that, then high fructose corn syrup. Cigarettes are little cancer sticks but they haven't been outlawed and are not going to be any time soon. People like pleasure, and pleasure doesn't seem to discriminate between what's good and bad for you (you'd think we'd have evolved beyond this wouldn't you? but nope, still a big flaw in us homo sapiens). All I can do is "swim in my own lane" (as we Aussies like to say) and concentrate on filtering out as much of the garbage I can from my life. I have turned the corner from addiction to adderall (and smoking, a few years back), and now having done that, I feel like I've said a great big fuck you to the industries who have made it so accessible to me. I am bigger than that. It's a great feeling. The hardest thing for me now is recognizing the signs of an upcoming addiction, as it's my tendency to go from one addictive thing to another... I quit cigarettes and became a workaholic, then sugar, then adderall... I hope the next addiction's going to be exercise!

I wouldn't think that all the acids from the fruit (esp if there are citrus fruits in the mix) would be good for your stomach...?

You're much more healthy mentally than you were as an addict!

I don't think an antidepressant can hurt; do your research but SSRIs and MAOIs do basically the same thing, but Wellbutrin is different. If you do end up on an antidepressant, you have to be really careful with alcohol though -- at least in the early days. It totally fucked me up even one or two drinks, and then with little willpower, back come the cravings and the whole vicious cycle begins again. Sounds like you're going through a lot, (...even though you said it in just 5 words a few posts ago). Maybe running helps with the boredom too? Not to mention the infamous runner's high.... and it doesn't cost any money!. I've been thinking about doing something similar, in fact was looking in to 5Ks and 10Ks today. This is saying something for me because I am VERY unfit! Hope your Sunday is ok, Kyle and everyone. Hang in there. We need you around here!

The guy who invented and greatly encouraged the distrubtion of pain relieving opioids was quoted in the WSJ today saying he wished he'd never done it, if he'd known the grip they (oxycontin, vicodin, percocet) would have had on the general public and how many lives they've ruined. Last year these drugs were responsible for more deaths and overdoses than all illegal drugs combined. http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324478304578173342657044604.html?mod=WSJ_article_LatestHeadlines We know so little. I wonder what the harm has been to all the takers of legal amphetamines since the 1930s when they were discovered as a drug looking for a disease. Ok here endeth the lesson. Sorry to be preachy.

I'm like you Kyle, I can't really tell the difference.

I know, I was the same... still struggling to be honest. There are a lot of good recommendations on this site about managing your weight when you come off speed. In the end though it does have to come down to self control. When you have an appetite again, eating food is the only way to satisfy it. Hunger is a really hard thing to ignore once it's there. I haven't won this battle, I still struggle with eating all the foods I'd forgotten about... pizza, doughnuts, cupcakes. Thankfully I needed to put on a couple of pounds, but I am at a healthy weight now and still can't seem to stop. It's like food has taken the place of adderall! I have to start being careful or soon none of my clothes will fit. Any advice from others? I've had an eating disorder before so I've never really known what it's like to eat 3 solid meals a day...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/15/adam-lanza-newtown-school-shooter-honors-student_n_2306736.html Hmm... can't help wondering if drugs were involved. I might be projecting, but I just can't help it.

I was brought up to respect the education and expertise of people who had put themselves through years of education and hard work to learn their trade, namely doctors and lawyers. Boy was that a naive way to think. I am interested to know how people were first prescribed adderall by their doctors, and then because of their addiction, became dependent on their doctors to prescribe it. It seems like there is a lot of bad practice out there. For me, my experience was this: I was first prescribed adderall by a friend and colleague who was also a psychiatrist. Fair enough to him, he only prescribed it a few times and not for a large amount, but he probably never should have done it because he knew I didn't really have ADHD. I don't blame him for my addiction, but I kind of wish he'd never prescribed it to me. When I needed (or wanted, really) to take more, I went to a doctor I'd found through connections at work, and this guy was bad news. Total penny pincher. He was never a good therapist, used to clock watch the whole time during my weekly or biweekly sessions, and in the end, when I said to him I didn't think the therapy was helpful or working, he said to me, "you don't need to be in therapy. I can continue to work on your psychopharmacology needs but we don't need to meet every week... so long as you continue to pay me for each prescription I write". Therefore, I continued to pay him $600 a month for him to write me prescriptions. I would pick them up from his office at a time that suited him. This meant leaving the office early, fitting in to his schedule, doing whatever I needed to do to get the thing in my hands. Finally, when I needed still more, I found another doc. I just said to him during my first meeting that I needed a prescription for 3 x 20mg IR per day and he wrote it without blinking. He took my bloodpressure, and so long as that was ok he was ok. He asked if I needed anything else. Point is, doctors have a vested interest in getting you addicted. The more you need, the more you'll see them, the more they can charge you for visits (or prescriptions, as was my case). This may sound cynical, but it's my experience. Not all doctors are like this of course but you have to sort through the crap to find a good one.

Yes, Cassie, preach it sister! I'm going to start another post on this very topic.

I agree with all the comments about cutting off your supplier. Doesn't sound like your supplier is also your therapist, but for me as soon as I realized the enabling my doctor had done for my addiction, there was no way I was going to trust this guy with my problems. Hell, I had TOLD my doc about my addictive personality and he prescribed me way more adderall than he ever should have, then added xanax and klonopin to the mix, without ever once warning me of the side effects of any of these drugs. I found another therapist who I told this story to, and she will never prescribe me adderall or benzos as long as I continue to work with her. We established this in our first meeting. For what it's worth I agree with the others about antidepressants. Unlike ampetamines which work for everyone, if you don't need an antidepressant it won't make any difference. If you do have depression, there is a chemical imbalance in your brain and that's what the medicine, alongside cognitive behavioral or dialectial behavioral therapy, has been designed to address and will help solve. You just need to find the right antidepressant. That sometimes takes years for some people.

neversaynever, I read that the largest growing demographic of adderall is not students, but single mothers. Sure, most single moms don't have to deal with marriages to other addicts, but two things to bear in mind: you're not alone... every single mother out there it seems feels the same overwhelming sense of panic that you do. Even married moms do... my sister is 40 and she has 3 kids under 9, she called me one night to ask me if I'd heard of this drug adderall which is supposed to really help you get through your chores... she had no idea I was strugging at the time with addiction and wondered why I flipped out on her and screamed to her to get away from it as fast as she possibly could. And she's a very religious, moralistic person, so for her to prod around and show interest in adderall must give you some indication of the desperation she and other moms feel. All of this is of course not an excuse, your kid deserves a mom who will be able to look after him. Just know that the longer you're on it the more damage you're doing, to yourself and your child. If you don't start getting off it today or soon, in a year you'll be looking back and asking how you let it get so bad when you knew a year ago what needed to be done. Do you have any contact with your ex's mother? If there was someone who could take your kid for even a couple of weeks or a month while you sleep it off, that would be a start, maybe?

... and the expense of having to pay for that amount of adderall without insurance must be a killer. Imagine all the things you will be able to do when you have your life back, your confidence back, your will to live and connect with people, get out of bed in the morning and take care of your child and get stuff done without having to rely on expensive, draining, no-win medication to do it. People downplay it because of the stigma, but seriously, quitting adderall and quitting smoking were the two hardest things I've ever, ever done in my whole life... more than living away from my family for years, putting myself through university, dealing with death of loved ones. I'm proud of the fact I've quit, more than anyone will ever know. I hope you stay with the forum and keep asking questions. I do, and it helps me every. single. day.

Debra, you sound so desperate and your story is so devastatingly sad. But you have come to the right place... it's also a story not dissimilar to many of us. Congratulations on making it through 2 days (I hope)! With the weekend ahead of us, maybe you can take a bit of time to do some planning about how you are going to manage the next couple of weeks without adderall. There's a post on here about the importance of planning. I couldn't agree more. I have been in your shoes and I lost my job after 12 years of being fine... then went through another 2 or 3 jobs in 3 years shortly thereafter... all because of adderall. I am now taking the time I need to stop, be gentle with myself, rest and recover from this horrible addiction. It is taking a lot longer than I expected as I'd heard on many other sites etc that it just took 2 weeks, but when you're a chronic abuser, I can tell you first hand it takes A LOT longer than that. I'm on day 50 (yay!) and still have to take a nap almost every day, and can't overdo it 3 days in a row or I end up spending next day in bed. I do feel more in control though which is great. Welcome to the site though and you really have come to a great place. be patient, take each day as it comes, ride the waves. We are all learning from ourselves and each other, day by day.

Hey Ashley, have you read Monkey Mind? A friend of mine suffers anxiety and said it really helped. I also have a friend who's written a book about what happens in the brain when we're stressed; his name is Joshua Uhrlich if you want to google it. http://www.amazon.com/Monkey-Mind-Anxiety-Daniel-Smith/dp/1439177309 I've just downloaded it and starting to read it now, it's a pretty easy read. Go easy on yourself, and put your recovery as your main priority -- that's the advice you'd give (and have given) me!

Hi Ashley, I can speak at length about antidepressants... I was prescribed Prozac way back when that was all the rage, after having my first panic attack at the age of 26. I remember feeling like it kind of numbed the senses... took away the high highs and the low lows. Didn't want to sit at home crying all day, but also felt no joy or laugher. I was on it for 3 years, gained a ton of weight, libido was in the toilet. Then, about 8 years ago I was first prescribed Wellbutrin, actually it was an off-label prescription to stop smoking. It worked! I stopped smoking and gained zero weight, and never wanted to start again. Moreover, I found it had positive effects on my depression; I still felt human, but not quite so lethargic or demotivated as depression tends to make you feel. I've been on Wellbutrin it since then, with higher and lower doses depending on winter or summer (I have SAD too, lucky me!). When I quit adderall, Wellbutrin was a lifesaver. I think others have said the same thing. As for benzos, I have tried Clonopin and Xanax. Clonopin just made me lathargic, but Xanax for me could have easily become a BIG problem if I'd let it... I loved the combination of adderall and xanax - feel up but not jittery - and eased the comedown from adderall big time. But I noticed I'd gone from .25gm every now and again to over 1mg a day within a month, and that scared me as I was already taking well over 60-80mg adderall a day, so I stopped before I got gripped with two addictions instead of one. Honestly, I still miss the Xanax. I've told my doctor not to prescribe it to me any more because on top of the Wellbutrin and Ambien I don't want to be on any other medications; and I've heard that for those who are easily addicted, Benzos are bad news... Just my two cents. What's your experience, Ashley? Why do you ask, are you considering going on/coming off these meds?

Kyle, do you remember anything of your psychosis? Maybe you hit your arm against something but the adderall numbed the pain. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Maybe you'd taken Aleve or Advil? That tends to cause bruising. I remember reading in "On Speed" (thanks for the recommendation, InRecovery!) that large doses over an extended period of time will have the biggest detrimental impact on a user. I am glad you wrote this today because I'm half way through 90 days and had really strong cravings today and yesterday.

roxbury, How is it going? Have you started your new job? Have you managed to balance it with the cold turkey? I certainly feel for you - the pressure of knowing what withdrawal means plus the stressors of a new job, not to mention the stressors you put on yourself (saying, "this is it for me") are all very significant. Quit-once's post may have come across a bit tough-love but the point is harsh and true: all of us have been there and known just how tough it is to manage life, detox, go through withdrawal and just survive, let alone start another job. I have been exactly in your position, for what it is worth. I lasted only 4 months at my "fresh start" new job, which was my big break to get it right. I was so addicted to adderall I had no idea what I was doing. I forgot names, people, I had no way of determining how to interpret the culture, how to build my network, how to gain trust of my manager and my direct reports. What a nightmare I must have been. So cringe-worthy. I was so paranoid I started competing with everyone, even people who were genuinely trying to help me. I thought everyone was out to get me and make me fail... so ironic considering how much investment they'd made in my If I were you, I'd go straight to my boss TODAY and say that between the time you signed the offer letter and when you started, you were diagnosed with a medical condition and you are seeking treatment, but your doctor has advised that you take 2 weeks off as soon as possible to allow for a full recovery. Wouldn't it be better for your employer to have you get in to the full flow your job a little bit later, as a fully functional human, than right now when you're just a mere shell of yourself? You'd be doing yourself, your career and your employer a favor. You can ask for an FMLA. Have a think about it over the next day or so, and PM me if you want to talk further.

Hey lucky, I was just wondering how you were going. It's nearly a month for you, right? How are you feeling?

... I thought it would be an easy way, too. And yep, I got down to my dream weight in record time! I'm 5'9 and a was a size 0. Thing is, I didn't really stop to consider the other side effects adderall would have. I just thought I'd look perfect and everything else would fall in to place... money, power, popularity, zest for life, etc etc. How wrong I was... alongside the skinny jeans came all these sides. And no I'm not exaggerating, I wish I was. Loss of skin elasticity, wrinkles Loss of color in skin/pallid complexion Hair loss, loss of condition and shine Thin, weak nails Watery or dry eyes Dark under-eye circles Runny nose "Rudolph" red nose from facial flushing Cotton mouth, dry mouth Chronic teeth problems caused from constant dry mouth (e.g. cracked teeth, stained teeth, sensitive teeth) Grinding jaw, this can cause permanent damage Constant headaches Bone pain, lower back pain Lack of co-ordination; spilling things, tripping over or bumping in to things Need other drugs to come down (Xanax, Ambien) Extreme irritability, sometimes leading to violence Irrational thinking, insistence on being right regardless of the topic Lack of ability to prioritize Feeling "slighted" by people ZERO sense of humor Cannot see the big picture in anything, lose interest in seeing it at all Confusion over simple mental tasks Wasting time Wasting time Wasting time Paranoia Lack of empathy Isolation, desire to be alone Hate talking on the phone Weakness, shortness of breath Risk of seizure Raised blood pressure Risk of heart attack No desire to exercise or eat healthy food Extreme dehydration, stomach problems, GERD Increased desire for tobacco & alcohol High risk behavior (other drugs, risky sex, gambling, shoplifting) Delusional thinking, sometimes lying to self as well as others Inability to listen for long periods of time Loss of short & medium term memory Loss of balance, vertigo Speech issues: stuttering, inability to “find the right word”, or “clamming up” Hoarseness/loss of voice Not following through on promises Lack of personal organization Ringing in ears Depression Suicidal ideation Cutting And, wouldn't you know it, after about 2 years, the weight stabilizes anyway. So... weight gain. There's a photo of me and my family on the wall in the hallway, taken in 2009. Every time I walk past it I wish I'd never ever picked up the stuff. Adderall stole my beauty, inside and out.

People here are really encouraging and will stand by you as you detox, struggle, relapse or get frustrated with yourself. Really, it's an amazing forum. Rely on them/us; you will probably need to if you don't have a strong support network that you feel you can trust right now. All is not lost -- but take it from experience, the longer you're on the drug, the longer the recovery, so if you quit now you'll be on your way to regaining the person you (and everyone else around you) liked and appreciated. Leave it too much longer and you risk neurotoxicity, long patches of depression as your brain regenerates, and all the ugly ugly things that go along with abuse. You didn't mention how much you've been taking? Are you sticking to your script or wanting/needing to go on binges? This can make a big difference in the long run.