Searchingsoul9

Did you guys experience this when quitting? & How bad was it? I always have had anxiety, but this time around is worse. I am on day 4, almost day 5 of being clean again and this time around the anxiety is still here. Usually the worst of it passes after 3 days, but not this time. It's like a nervous, stomach ache, worrying type of feeling. I feel it about everything and anything that i have to do. The only advice i can think to give myself is exercise. Do you guys have any ideas? Thanks

I only seemed to have 'word salad' when i was abusing. When i am off the pills i find 'most' of my intellect returns fairly rapidly. But when i was abusing i had it BAD. I once couldn't remember the simplest word. I forget what is was. Something real simple though.

I share one of the same triggers as you. Seeing the pill. When i see it, i get this flsshback to all the 'good times' on adderall. Well, what i considered to be good times. Another is when i see a friend or co worker tweaked out on coke. It makes me jealous. Even though they are acting like complete fools, have blood shoot eyes, and can't sit still. I get insanely jealous. I am sure i will discover more triggers on my road to recovery, but that's all i can think of at the moment.

Can i just say that i love you and your personality!!! I don't want you to lose that ever. You are a very amazing woman, and you will only continue to shine brighter the further you get in recovery<3

"Part of recovery is learning that you can't control how you feel all the time" I like that

WHY CANT THEY FUCKING DROP DOWN FOOD FROM A HELICOPTER?! I don't get it.

Buy candy instead ;P but wait til tomorrow, itll be on sale ha

Screw flowers! lmao, i must be the only girl to find them a waste of money

I got a buttload of candy from my mama, so this and funny shows on tv. Not too bad a way to celebrate lol

I'm jealous too haha and all my friends are busy

We all tend to forget the reasons why we quit. I was in the same cycle as you. I would be okay after being without the pills for a couple weeks, but when i had the chance to refill i always did it. Just because i could. You have to cut off your supply to the pills, so then you have no choice but to continue forward

Not a big believer of this silly holiday. But to those who are Happy Valentines day! Mine will involve me laying in bed all day, eating pizza, and possibly crying. haha woohoo.

I don't even know what PAWS is. lol

Maybe TMI, but i am super curious as to how adderall affected your sex drive while on it and now that you are off of it. For me, when i got on antidepressants for the first time my ability to 'get off' so to speak, diminished greatly. But then i got on the adderall. At first my sex drive was through the roof, but after time i no longer desired sex. And when having it, i could not get to that satisfying point. What i am wondering is how adderall interacted with your sex life. Especially, did the ability to get off and the desire to return after getting off it? And if so, how long?

For Lea & my girl occasional, if you are forgetting any reasons why you stopped adderall in the first place...PLEASE feel free to ask me for reminders. I am chalk full of em! haha. I fucked up, so you guys don't have to lol. But seriously, i swear i was thinking the exact same thoughts that you all were a few days ago, and it was not worth it. It'll never be as good as it once was. We all had our fun on adderall, and as much as i hate to say it...the fun is over. And let me just throw this one out there, i am TWENTY years old. I swear, my skin has gotten horrible since my relapse, and it was only a few days. Granted, i do smoke cigs also, but the adderall has aged me ...QUICK. And lea, i totally get the weight thing. My main reason for always wanted to go back. And although i will forever love my adderall skinny look....the fit/sexy healthy look is much more appealing all in all. I am no lover of exercise. Never have been. But just do a little bit of it here and there and i promise you will feel so much better, and that good feeling will motivate you to work out more. I was on a fucking roll with exercise after i quit, then after my relapse...all the ab toneage i got...gone. I stopped all exercise. Oh, and i chipped TWO teeth in the span of 3 days. I had this crazy raised up rash on my back ribs. Real freaky. Adderall is poison. It's all fun and games, until it's not. <3

Yeah, i really hope that they are a good match. I just need someone to teach me better coping skills. I don't need someone to just listen to me vent, i need advice back from themThanks

I have a photobucket account and i just uploaded some of these pictures onto there. Then copied the Direct URL link and on my post i clicked 'Image' and i can put as many photos as i want.<3

Bad day all in all. Skipped class just so i could sleep until 3. Still tired, but now i can't sleep. I did take the initiative to look for a counselor again though. This time, i found 2 woman who are an hour away and both accept my insurance. They don't specialize in eating disorders, but they have treated patients with them. They specialize in anxiety, which essentially is the reason i turned to drugs/ED in the first place. Either way, i will take whatever i can get at this point. I am hoping they respond quickly. And i want to thank whoever it was that sent me the psychologytoday link (which i remembered which one of you it was!) because that is how i found them, and i could not thank you enough. In the meantime, Motivation Follows Action inspired me to find some positive quotes.

Got any other good ones? Gives me an idea. May start a post with some great quotes i have found. Thanks lovely

Falcon, I am sorry i lashed out on you like that. Although, i do not take back what i said, i do apologize for how i phrased it. I let my anger take over. I don't like to argue and i don't like confrontation, but i just feel like you think i am a hopeless, lost, stupid, little girl who can't do it on her own. And i am here to prove you wrong.Not because i don't like you, but because i want to prove myself wrong as well. Thanks for caring, although you show it in a way i am not used to.

VERY GOOD POINT. I like that a lot girl. Seriously, i am going to put that in my room somewhere, thanks!!!

Good question. I think it is because i have never been able to deal with downtime. Downtime was always either spent with friends smoking, drinking, etc. Or spent with myself, eating, being lazy. I never, ever enjoyed downtime and adderall make it enjoyable. Made me want to do "fun shit" like clean lol. I guess it just helped pass the time really. Then i got hooked on productivity. And when i am not being productive, i just feel like i am wasting time. I don't know. It's totally unjustified. There is nothing wrong with being lazy sometimes, i know this. And you make a good point. I will write down the reasons i believe free time is such a trigger. Thanks for the insight xoxoxox

Thank you<3 You really help me more than i could even explain girl!!!!!! Seriouslyxoxox

You've sincerely pissed me off. You are the only one on here who claims to be able to 'read me like a book' Exactly what my abuse ex used to tell me. Maybe that's why you piss me off so bad. I am sorry to get angry with you, but let me make this perfectly clear. Why would i come onto a SELF HELP site with a bunch on strangers and LIE about flushing my pills?! What good does that do me?? I have been completely honest with all of you on here and every time i fuck up, i tell you all. If i was such a liar, why would i have even wasted my time telling you i relapsed? Don't you think i would have pretended i was a ok and kept it moving? You claim to be able to read people so well, but you don't know the first thing about me. I try to build my confidence up on here, and everyone helps me do that, with the exception of you. They give me constructive criticism, yes. They tell me when i need to get my head out of my ass. But they don't insist that they know me better than i know myself and claim that i am lying about everything i write. I have said to you COUNTLESS times that I am not seeing this psychiatrist. She is not a talk therapist. She prescribes me pills. Simple as that. I have never heard of a psychiatrist pushing pills either, but i am living proof that it exists. So fine, continue to make me feel/look like a giant phony and break me down more. I don't consider any of what you tell me to be constructive. Basically every time you comment on my post it is only one where i have fucked up. You never notice any of the positive. And then you tell me 'politely' that this site is only for people strong enough to do it on their own, AKA not ME! Thanks, A friend you've really made mad.

Yes, i definitely do need to find a new counselor. I was so motivated to find one, then the one i thought was perfect was not covered my insurance and i kind of got disappointed and stopped trying. Not saying my bulimia is cured by any means, but when i was off the pills and not smoking weed, i was not binging and purging. The weed i have no desire for at this point. Since abusing adderall for so long, i guess it really changed the high i get from weed. I turn into this psychotic paranoid anxious wreck. And i hate it. It's like on the adderall i crave alcohol, then i crave weed, then i binge and purge. But off of it, if i steer clear from weed i tend to crave healthier options. Anyways, maybe i am silly for thinking that i can do this on my own, but if i don't tell myself that, then i will find a way to justify my drug use until i get a good counselor.