Searchingsoul9

Nope, i have no other possible may to get adderall. Unless i decided to fake my illness to a different shrink and go through the process again, but i honestly don't think i would waste the time/effort in doing that. I don't know anyone that sells any drugs, besides weed. And no way in hell would i go from paying 10 dollars for 60 pills, to paying street price per pill. Not worth it. <3

I personally don't think it's a bad idea to tell the doc that. Then you definitely wont have to worry about running back for more pills. You could say that, or even say it has been making you extremely depressed and suicidal. Either way, do tell the doc to stop supplying. Good luck!

Wish i had some advice, but my job is nothing like that. I naturally have social anxiety, so yeah. All i can say is, just try and take deep breathes, get familiar with whatever you will be speaking about. Fear comes from the unknown. The more you know about what you will be speaking of, the more confidence you will have in your abilities. Plus, with adderall comes mega brain fog and forgetting simple words. I bet on the adderall you would not do as great as you think. But being sober, you could do much better, and feel proud knowing you did it without a pill. Good luck! It will be over before you know it. Worrying is a waste of time, they say. Not that it stops us from worrying lol xox

Rehab just would be my absolute last choice. Because sure, it would be easy as pie for me to get clean in rehab. But what about after i am out? And thrown back into reality. And rehab would mean, leaving school and work. And those are the only 2 things that are keeping me sane and helping me realize how badly i need to quit. Plus, if i beat this addiction on my own i think i could really begin to rebuild my self-esteem, and it would be the biggest accomplishment in my life. I am stubborn for sure, but i REALLY want to do this on my own, with the help of you guys. I do 100% want to quit. It may not seem like it, since this is my second relapse, but getting a glimpse of life without adderall those 9 days i was off of it...that just made it more clear to me how much better i like life without the pills. So why did i refill the skript? I don't know. Just because i could, i guess. Just to see if i lowered my tolerance after 9 days, and i did not lower it at all. I was surprised at how ineffective they were. But at the same time, relieved.

I deleted her number after telling her, once again that i no longer wish to be on the pills and that i would appreciate if she did not offer/allow me to fill any skripts for it. She never responded. It was hard to do! I feel like i am the only one who constantly fucks up on here. And that's how i have always been in my daily life. I make the same mistakes over and over, never learning anything. There are two versions of myself battling it out. The bad and the good. The bad has been winning and each time it wins it gets stronger and i lose a piece of my true self. If that even makes sense. I have been an addict in one way or another, with some substance basically my whole life. And, it's not fun anymore. Not the pills, not the weed, not the excessive drinking. It's like, grow the fuck up already. Make your situations better so you can really be happy. Stop relying on a quick fix that leaves you worse off than before.

So my therapist sent me 2 text messages a few days ago saying if, 'i need a skript she will write one up for me' So after like 9 days clean i made the mistake of taking her up on that offer. I didn't even really want or need it, but my mind went into autopilot and the next thing i know i am picking up the adderall and popping 60mg. All i can say is, waste of money, waste of time, and now back to day 1 of recovery. Got rid of the pills, again. I didn't enjoy the "high". I felt like a brain dead idiot on it. If anyone thinks they miss the adderall, i am here to remind you that it sucks. All the fun is completely over as far as adderall and i go. I realize i really and truly am sick and tired of it. It does nothing good for me, at all. Plus, the crash is hell-as we all know. And i was much happier the week i was off of it than i was the 3 days i was taking it. My only issue seems to be the free time i have during the week when classes are over. Most people that i know of took the adderall for school, but i never did do that. I took it for my days off. To keep occupied. To clean, go shopping, do random shit. So i need a plan on how to manage my free time and get used to it without a dumb pill. Also, i stopped doing my workouts when i was taking it. My purple fingers came back right away. As did all the horrible physical side effects. Didn't miss that a bit. I know 100% that i can get through everything in my life without adderall, and do it better than i would on adderall. But it's like my mind completely forgets how much i hate it when i spend time off of it. Anyways, just wanted to let you guys know what i've been up to. And to say, back to day 1.

EXACTLY. If i buy it, i eat it ALL. So, i can't buy it. Simple/or-not-so-simple as that

Thank you love. But, my story has only just begun. And as much as i wish it was better and better everyday...it truly is ups and downs. And it stinks. Because one day i feel GREAT and the next i feel absolutely miserable. It's bipolar. I can't stand that.So, i am staying hopeful, not not keeping my hopes up. I don't expect to be all positive everyday. And today i ate a CRAPLOAD of goldfish and pizza, so not so healthy overall. But, exercise is enjoyable. Maybe just blast music and have yourself a dance party? That is my exercise. I do this easy 8 minute ab video on youtube, then blast my music and pretend i am in a workout class haha, it's much more enjoyable than the treadmill. I wish i had some real great advice for you! But i barely have any for myself. All i know is, when i TRY to take care of myself as far as food/exercise goes, i always feel semi better. When i decide to pig out and be lazy, it's inevitable that i will feel like a walking shitshow. <333333 Be easy on yourself

Really like this one.

My jaw LITERALLY dropped while reading your story. I have never related to someones post on here as much as i do to yours. " but I ain't had crap of a sex drive since being on adderall unless I am drunk" "And my god it was nice to not obbess on food...life long calorie counters and food watchers know what I mean" "Id start off the day a fricken a creative genius and wise and amazingly inventive for about a hour or 2. Max ..... then for the next 4 or 5 hours if I don't take another pill or snort I get anxious.. .my body would be off.... I drop things, get clumsy, can't remember why I just walked into a room..can't find things I just put down" "so to avoid insomina I choose alcholosim" "vodka and sprite as it seemed to be the only thing that could ease the after effects of my ast pill every day and when you drink yummy cocktails on a . Ohhh yeah haven't eaten a dam thing today empty stomach it would work wonderful, leaving me in a I feel so good I need to go out" I feel like i could have written those /\ /\ myself! I totally and completely get what you are feeling. ​The only reason i went to get a skript was for the appetite suppressing effects of adderall. 100% Everything else was just a bonus. Until it wasn't. I know how scary/hard it is to quit and let that part of the adderall go, but i promise you it's so worth it!I have never been an exercise nut, but since quitting i actually enjoy it. I am in better shape than i was on the stupid pills. The weight loss wont be as easy because you will be hungry, but for the first week all i did was stuff my face. And that's okay because that shit will pass too and you will find yourself craving healthy foods.And as far as the alcoholism goes, i hope your situation is similar to mine because once i quit adderall my desire to drink pretty much vanished. I will drink socially on weekends, but there is no more desperate NEED to drink to combat that horrid crash and to sleep. Alcohol really was killing me inside and out, that combined with adderall is not good for us at all (obviously lol) Please keep us posted on your recovery! I am very hopeful for you <3

Im not sure. I am NOT a morning person, but i find i get all bitchity come night time. Hm, not sure. Congrats on 4 weekss!!!!

My senior portrait was the best!!! lmao, it wasn't too shabby. Thanks, this made me smile

Hm. Well i don't know if it's just me, but the "Do the bare minimum" thing isn't necessary in my humble opinion. It may vary from person to person. But since quitting adderall, i find doing the bare minimum does not work for me. I also have a job where i have to preform quickly, efficiently, be creative, take orders. I can't do the bare minimum or i would probably be fired. Also, at school i can't zone out during some classes, i am on my feet, working with my hands, for hours at a time. But, i found that i can go the same pace i was going when i took adderall, if not faster. I mean, it IS very possible to keep up with your career and successfully quit the adderall. Some people may need to just take a break from life for a couple of weeks to recoup. But just know that you CAN keep up your job without the pills. You could do it on the adderall, right? So why can't you off of it. You are still the same person. You have the same set of skills and knowledge of your profession. All the adderall did was put your head into super focus mode. All you have to do is apply/motivate yourself. The rest will come naturally.

You too lovey!

Good point I have been doing this one ab workout on youtube and it's great, already see my stomach getting toned, it's crazy

I'm not sure if i got the instructions. Do they mean select the first 5 listed and state which is most important? Or like select 5 out of all the options and list in order of importance. but here's my answers lol im retarded. Most important to me are... 1.Friendship-Being in the company of real friends is one of the best things in life. Life is meaningless if you don't connect with others. 2.Independence-Being a woman, i want nothing more than to be self sufficient and not rely on anyone. But some man candy later in life wouldn't be a bad thing , but nothing in life is guaranteed so i need to be able to support myself. 3.Enjoy-What's the point of life if you don't enjoy it or anything it has to offer? 4.Mastery- I mean like mastering my profession and become great 5.Home-B/C living in a place i love would be perfect. Nice medium sized house would be a nice bonus. Least important... 15.Power- I am a control freak, and sort of bossy, but not on purpose. I don't think holding power over anyone is something i want. Power can make people crazy. 14.Prestige- I don't want people to think i am successful, i want to REALLY be successful. 13.Leadership- I have never been much of a leader. Not a follower either. I just do my own thing and mind my own business. 12.Challenge and self Development- I want to do well and be challenged SLIGHTLY. I am not big into challenges though, out of my comfort zone lol 11.Loyalty- This is important to me, but i couldn't choose between the rest. Next subjects i will rate from most important-not as important 6.Family- It's fucked up this wasn't in my top five lol, Family is very important though, but i can't spend too much time with them. 7.Wealth- I don't need to be filthy rich, but just knowing i can pay all my bills and have some extra to spend. That type of security is what i need. 8. Achievement- Goals are super important. Gives you a reason to look to the future, and achieving those goals makes it that much better. 9.Assurance- I want to have a job that i know i will be at for a long time. I don't want to be ignored for 2 weeks and work randomly when i am told like my current job 10.Serve- I love making people happy. So, this is important. But i don't like live to 'serve' others

Just updating so you all know i'm alive. This week has been pretty good so far. Monday i was in class like all day. Today i was in class from noon-3 then 3-9:30pm and class was great. I enjoyed it. We made baguettes, challah bread, cinnamon scones, pretzels. But gotta be awake at 5am tomorrow. Blah I definitely stay happy when i am busy and in school. The one month break i had was a killer. So day 8 going on day 9 adderall free.

Since stopping the weed (been 2 days) i have't binged or had any desire to. I've just eaten breakfast, lunch, and dinner with moderate exercise, and i feel great. Well, not GREAT, but good. haha

Doesn't make sense, but i did the same thing. I promise though, your life will be genuine and filled with real, happy, lasting memories once you're off the pills

Time has slowed down a bit. On adderall, goddamn time sure flew by. I guess because i was ALWAYS doing something. Work, school, chores. Now i'd say time has slowed down a little, but being busy with school really makes it fly by. Not that i'm complaining.

Your metabolism must be pretty darn good if you have been binge eating and only gained 5lbs in a month!!!!!!!!!! Id gain 5 lbs in 2 weeks from binge eating! CONGRATS on one month, that's fantastic!

Great place to start! This place really is a life saver. I'm sorry about what seems like wasted years. At least you realize that it is time to make a change. First step is to stop taking the adderall. Having a baby is such a huge deal and you NEED to be sober for that. At least for me, i could never have a child on adderall. I feel so emotionally vacant and i have such little patience. I would not love that kid like it should be loved. So, my advice to you is flush the pills and keep posting on here. You'll get some great advice

The forces are working against me tonight!!!!!!!!! My goddamn treadmill is broken. And it's freezing and pitch black outside, sooo no go on the cardio :-/

SERIOUSLY. Wait! Is that why i had this permanent slouch?! Like i am talking caveman-like posture (okay not that bad) But i have never had good posture, i've always had a mild slouch, but a lot of people would be like 'Jesus, stand up straight! You're all hunched over' I didn't even realize it. It was 100X worse when i sat down. And the jaw grinding started to fade eventually, but i clenched my jaw super tight and stayed with that facial expression all day everyday.