Searchingsoul9

I NEVER had dilated pupils. When i abused ecstasy and adderall in high school i did, HUGE. But not once did i have dilated pupils during my year of abuse. Why do you think?

i had MAJOR eye twitching on adderall. Also, i would lose about 15% of my vision in one or both eyes when i was coming down. I noticed my eyes do feel strained now, even off the pills. But the twitching has subsided and the blurred vision is gone.

Thanks for taking the time to reply! I pretty much avoid my mom lately. Sounds horrible because she is a great lady. But when she is drunk i cannot stand to be near her. Never have, never will. But lately when she is sober she has been unbearably naggy. And she seems to pick fights with my or just pick at me, maybe unintentionally. Either way, my goal right now is to just spend as much alone time as i can. She just confuses me. When i don't talk to her much or express my feelings, she complains that i don't like her. Then, when i am chatty and in a good mood...she always rains on my parade. So, i need to steer clear from that.

CONGRAT-U-FUCKING-LATIONS LEA!!!!!! 6 weeks is truly INSPIRING.And to see you so proud and happy with your choice to quit is amazing. I can't wait to be in your shoes. It is hard to get by day to day life being 'normal'. I find this to be the hardest part. I was so used to being abnormal. I'll go as far as saying i even felt 'above' others. Like being an adderall addict made me some superhuman goddess. But, in reality it made me a tweaked out loser, who daily became more and more narcissistic and obsessed. ANYWAYS, you really have made wonderful progress. And it truly will only get better from here. Cheers to you! xox

Is this just do to the add? I know that my entire life i forget anything and everything.Despite writing, 'bring in homework' or 'do laundry' on my hands, i would still forget. Everyone made jokes because i was the queen of forgetting. On adderall, i rarely missed a beat in the beginning, but at the end i was becoming more forgetful than i was prior to taking it. I don't get the random flood of memories though. I really don't. It's just weird. Like right now, i just got a flashback to a time like 3 years ago, a rainy day when i stayed home and read this really good book. I get semi detailed imagery, then its gone. So weird.

Yeah, i always have had deja vu, but i too realized it was occurring more often than not while on adderall. I get what you mean though about your brain behaving more how it did in its previous state. I guess that is what is going on in my head. IWell, who the fuck knows what is going on in my head! ha, but certainly can't be as bad as what it was a week ago!

I haven't heard of it. I will google it though, and see what my counselor thinks. Yeah, i can talk to anyone about my issues, the main concern for me is having someone there with tools to help me work through them. I'll keep you updated xx

Very inspiring, i hope my counselor is as good as yours. She seems it though. Fingers crossed.I like how CBT sounds. I don't mind delving into my past and present issues, but i would prefer to focus on how to change my thinking patterns and how i react to daily occurrences. I will post on here the second i am back from my first session

Thank you lovely!!I will for sure let you know how the therapy goes. I want to just open my mind up and really give it my all. I think it could be a good thing for us both, so i will keep ya posted xox

Thank you! Any other advice/stories on Cognitive behavioral therapy? I never have had any real therapy per say. I just don't know what to expect. But from what i have read on it, it sounds like a good fit for me. Thank you!!

Thank you! I will let you know how it goes

Have an appointment this Friday with a new counselor. She seems very nice. Says she does cognitive behavioral therapy. Lots of 'hands on' work. Says it will take effort on my end, but that she would like to work with me. Nervous. Hate talking about 'feelings'. Never been very good at it. Being a woman, you'd think i love that shit. But i hate it. Going to jump into this head on though and do whatever she tells me to do. I just need to be open. Not something i am used to. I basically have kept everything to myself my whole life. With the exception of drunken slip ups, confessing some of my secrets to friends, them forgetting...or just not wanting to bring it up. Going on day 6 off the pills. Hooray? Hope you all are well.

I was on lexapro. I was SO TIRED the first couple of weeks on it. After that, it went away. Lexapro never worked for me though. Let me know how it goes foryou

I learned that there is male birth control. I believe it is some sort of shot and lasts for up to 6 years and is easily undone. But no one wants this to become relevant

Just sharing the laughter i found while putting off school work. DO IT. " Blood is thicker than water but maple syrup is thicker than blood so technically pancakes are more important than family...." Getting your period before a big event... \/ \/ \/ \/

Recently i have been just doing mindless chores or staring into space and all of the sudden i get back an old memory. Like semi vivid. Stuff i forgot about. Not like huge memories, but maybe an image of what i was doing last winter or a time when my friend and i went out a few years ago. Is this part of recovery? Did you guys get random memories back?

Like how weird! I read those books by ellen hopkins, 'crank' and 'glass' when i was 15 and they were great/totally fucked up books and after reading it all i could do was think 'i wanna try that shit!'

I would love to watch, but sadly anything adderall related makes me crave it. Even hearing about all the bad shit it does to people. How fucked up.

Very eye opening. If i died today, all i would have would be a huge list of regrets. Definitely hope that changes!

Oh, ive been glues to funny shows on netflix, and it helps. But the anxiety gets worse because i am avoiding all my school obligations. So the only way to help the anxiety would be to get my work done, but i can't seem to push myself to do it!AH

Yeah, usually i can talk myself out of the anxiety. But i seem unable to let go of this negative energy. AH! <3

Sort of unrelated to this topic, but i also have been feeling EXTREME annoyance towards my mother. She kind of has this way or 'picking' at me anyway, but the past few days absolutely everything she does makes me want to freak out. Even if she isn't intentionally trying to annoy me. I feel bad, but i can't stand it right now.

Thanks. I am considering welbutrin, but have to wait for my primary care doctor to get back from vacation. All i know, is i need to start a healthy food routine. That always helps, but it's hard when your family brings home tasty, fatty food everyday

I have heard people on here swear by l tyrosine. I am not taking any supplements at the moment, because i am a scatter brain and never seem to remember. Once in a while i remember and i take fish oil, b 12, and a multi vitamin. My huge desire to exercise has yet to rear its head. So, i guess i will have to actually push myself...gasp xxx

It's pretty bad. It's like this non-stop sickening feeling. Feels like i am just waiting for my world to come crashing down. Like impending doom. I know exercise will help, but my treadmills broken and right now i am all depressed and feel like a dumbass 'crazy dancing' in my room as exercise. lol Like, i am so anxious about going to work tonight and going to school this week. I hate feeling anxious about my obligations. Because, knowing m history....if i feel so anxious about something, i usually find a way out of it....then i feel even MORE anxious. Eugh