Searchingsoul9

LOVE IT. Doing it Good luck:)

For starters, if anyone remembers me, i am sorry for getting myself sucked back into addie land and giving up on my recovery so suddenly. I guess it has been like 5 or 6 months? No way. Wow. I don't even remember why i relapsed. Just had the ability to get the pills and did it. It was all lovely at first. But my tolerance was back way up within a month. One reason i relapsed was fear of gaining weight. Well, that sure did happen. But even after being back on the meds once again, i could not lose more than 5-7 lbs...which i gained back every month i ran out and had to wait for a refill. I haven't experienced as much mind numbing depression this time around. Nope. This time around the pills decided to focus on my immune system. Also, i got a wart on my foot. One day it spread to my hands. Just a couple here and there. I realized eventually that whenever i took the adderall i would have wart outbreaks. Now an outbreak is not just 2-3, it's like 10 plus! little bastards on my fingers and now even in around my nose. They look like pimples, but i know what they are and they spread like WILDFIRE. I haven't read a book for leisure in nearly TWO years. I can feel myself getting dumber every day. I am back to being all weird and anti social. I always am at a loss for words. I think my teeth are going to just fall out of my mouth. I don't even know if i really feel them wiggle or if i am imagining that. Back to drinking alcohol like it's going extinct. SO many reasons i need to stop. What the fuck am i waiting for? Now i just seem to take it because it is my routine. It barely does jack. I wish i could remember how i was feeling a few weeks into recovery the last go around Hope everyone is doing great

Great job! Better late than never, right? This is a new chapter in your life and i know you will succeed!!!

Thank ya much

I was diagnosed with reynauds a few months ago. I always had a mild case, but the adderall made it SO much worse. They gave me nitro paste, which dilates the vessels or something. It works alright. But the best cure was quitting adderall. My hands got better within 3 weeks. Now they are never purple or blue. Sometimes they still get white and numb when i am cold, but not all the time like it was on adderall. They were even purple on hot summer days when i was on addies.I still am struggling with accepting that i will have to work to stay thin now. It was SO easy on adderall. Just pop a pill and don't eat. Even though i gained some weight upon quitting, i look so much younger. I mean, i am only 20, but i was looking rough on adderall. So that's a plus. Try not to think too much about the weight thing. Would you rather let the pills ruin your health/looks? Eventually it wont keep the weight off you anymore and your metabolism will be wrecked forever. You will feel so much healthier and stronger without the pills. i really do completely understand the weight issue though. I too am squeezing into my jeans and feel horrible some days, but exercise will fix that for us both. I am very sorry to hear about your loss. That is a crazy horrible thing to deal with. I know we are all just strangers behind computer screens, but you will find this is a very caring community and it can help you tremendously if you let it. xox

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3 months is amazing. I don't miss being boring either! I enjoy genuinely laughing, being silly, having fun, being real, being the weird, funny person i am woopwoop.Congrats again lady, i love the addie free you<3

Hey there. Health problems are a great reason to quit. Sort of the reason i quit.I too was suffering from random pimples that never went away and blue fingers. Oh the blue fingers. I should upload a before and after picture of my hands. They were so scary. 99.9% of the time they were blue or purple. NOT NORMAL. When you quit that will clear up. I understand the desire to stay adderall skinny. That was the hardest part for me. But you can be thin without the help of some pills that are destroying you inside and out. Are you ready to give up the pills? That's the first step. Then flushing and never turning back. I know it's scary and overwhelming, but it's that or watching yourself and your heath unravel. xo

Yes, those stupid headaches always seemed to come earlier everyday. And i don't miss FREAKING out every afternoon, trying to get alcohol just to take the edge off. For me, i wasted SO much more money on shit i didn't need when i was on adderall. Although, when i went shopping for shampoo or something i would like google on my cell phone 'which shampoo is better' and waste 20 minutes before choosing one! But i had a horrible habit of going clothes shopping every week, and instead of not choosing anything i would say fuck it and get both. I wasted over 8,000 dollars last summer. Spent it all. So bad. Stupid adderall

Thanks love! These are all very good pointsxoxo

I don't remember exactly when i got my prescription for adderall, but it was around this time last year. Easter is coming up this Sunday. I just vaguely remember last easter being high on adderall and making cupcakes all day. Running back and forth to the grocery store to get the perfect colored food gel. I lost count, but i am like 1 month and 1 or 2 weeks clean. I had a HUGE desire to use today. I've been real sick with bronchitis the past 3 weeks and my face, legs, feet, arms, everything had been swollen. I felt like a huge, fat, lazy fuck. I mean i could not walk the whole week. I have been bed ridden and bloated. And all i could think about was being adderall skinny last year. Having a spotless room. Perfecting my easter cupcakes all goddamn day. Right now my room is a mess, i haven't been able to exercise for weeks, i've been asleep more than i have been awake. I know being sick is the perfect excuse, but i felt like a lazy bum. But then i just thought and thought and thought. I was not happy last year. No matter how much i thought i was, i know i wasn't. I was hiding behind pills that only gave me a temporary, artificial happiness. I AM happier now that i am clean. No, i am not underweight anymore, but i am not fat either and i can lose the weight without adderall. I just need to keep telling myself that. Any other things you guys DONT miss about adderall? I'd love some reminders of why i quit. THANKS

Hi there. I quit cold turkey over a month ago. I definitely felt anxiety upon quitting. I always had anxiety though, since i was a little kid. Bad anxiety, but never took meds for it. When i started abusing adderall a lot fo my anxiety faded away, but after abusing for a few months i noticed the anxiety got worse. Anyway, it is completely normal to experience depression and anxiety when quitting adderal--or any drug for that matter. It comes and goes. I felt the worst of it the second week off adderall. Just like sickening, stomach ache inducing anxiety. But, it passes. You just need to ride it out. As far as the depression goes, i felt more depressed on adderall than i do now that i am off of it.Sure, you will feel sad. Why wouldn't you? You are starting a new way of life and letting go of the old one. You can't escape the depression. You just can fight through it. It wont last. But if it's a big deal for you, talk to your doc about an antidepressant. I was considering it, but decided to wait a few months and see how i am doing without any medication. So far so good. Keep your head up.

Body. Can't walk. They said it's bronchitis :-/

Thank you!

Went to docs. Have bronchitis. They took my blood and i have to go back in a week. I am on antibiotics. But my legs are swollen, my jaws, my arms, everything is swollen. i can barely walk. It's so crappy!!!! I look like a balloon.

I was confused whether it was flu or not. Because flu supposedly is like death bed ill. I do feel that bad, but i managed to get to school the past 2 weeks. IDK, feeling worse todayxxoxo

It sucks this is my second time in 2 months being this sick! And i NEVER get sick. Weird.I will have some hot tea. Did you get really out of breathe and a fast heartbeat upon standing? Whenever i get up and walk to the bathroom and get back in bed i can barely breathe xo

I know you aren't doctors, but i was wondering if anyone has been sick lately too. It started with a cold about 2 weeks ago. Cough, runny nose, sore throat, no appetite, fatigue. I started feeling better 2 days ago, but now the cold symptoms are mostly gone and replaced with more fatigue. I slept 15 hours yesterday. I can barely walk. I went to go get soup today and nearly passed out in the store and had to run back to the car. My legs hurt so fucking bad. They feel swollen. I can't walk very far without getting dizzy. WTF. Plus i am on spring break and i haven't gone out in weeks. IDK what it is! Flu? IDK

Thank u thank u thank u!! I would like to kick her ass out of her practice

Thank you my love!! Idk how to block numbers, but i am just hoping she goes away!!

Thanks for the tip! I find i make lists and never follow them :-/ I should try to stick to it though

Thank you! It was a major trigger. 60 pills for 10 bucks...big temptation, but not worth it

She's not a regular psychiatrist. I mean, she IS, but it never seemed like she was very professional. It's not that i don't feel strong enough per say...i just feel like a bitch being like, "Go away" haha, you know?Not that i should care what she thinks of me. Just sucks because my new counselor is in the same building that my old psych is in, so there is a chance i could bump into her one day.

I saw this quote.... "How do you know when it's over?" "Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories than with the person standing in front of you." It's obviously about a relationship, but my mind first went to adderall. It's so true. You know it's over when it's no longer what it was. When you are no longer who you were. When the only thing keeping you coming back is the memories of what was.

Please girl, you are not in the wrong for wanting a new guy first before letting go of the old.I do the same thing. It's just logical, in my opinion. I don't know anything about your long term boy thing, but i do know that such a relationship can and will hold you back. Personally, id say keep both around until you figure out if you really do like this new one, but maybe that's not the best advice. Do you want to be committed? If so, tell your boy that and give him an ultimatum. If not, then play the field, have fun, and keep anyone negative out of your life. Good luck

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