Searchingsoul9

AW!!!

Truer words never spoken m'lady.I love/hate feeling compassion towards others again. I love it on days like today for example. We had this guest speaker come to school. You know me, all add-like and what not, can't focus on a dude speaking for an hour straight. To my surprise i was 110% focused the entire time. He came to lecture on how to run a successful business, but he talked a lot about respect, treating people with respect, being open minded, spending your time doing good things, making sacrifices now that will benefit you in the future. He talked about how his wife nearly died. I felt SO much emotion listening to him speak. I really took something from that, which is more than i could ever say if i had been on adderall. I would've dismissed his words as fake and unrealistic. Instead, i nearly cried when he was telling his stories! Good tears, sad tears. But then comes the negatives of feeling. Like actually feeling bad when i hurt someones feelings or am doing something morally wrong. But, numbing my feelings towards my bad behavior will not change me for the better. I would've just become more and more of a horrible person. RAMBLE. Sorry. & as you know, my anxiety is there now even without the adderall. More-so now even, but i can deal better. I don't feel the desire to down 10 shots of vodka just to take the edge off now. xox

Congratulations ! One year is AMAZING. I am only on week 2, but this certainly was an inspirational post. I already feel my personality is back. Not fully, but having an honest laugh is one of the best feelings to have back. I do find myself comparing me sober to me on adderall. I get sick everytime i look at pictures of me on adderall. My mind only recalls the 'good times' when i look at those photos. I constantly compare my body now to my body on adderall. It is very hard to come to terms with the fact that i will never be the person that i was on that pill. For the most part, that is a great thing...but in some ways i miss myself on it. For stupid reasons, like weight and the ability to be so detached from my emotions and other peoples feelings. But those are horrible things to miss. Once againm congrats on being sober! You give me hope

Well, i am still smoking weed. Not daily. If i go drink at my friends house we always end up smoking, but i refrain from it for the most part unless i am drinking. The alcohol helps take away the social anxiety. If i do smoke without drinking, it is alone, at home. Couple hits, watch some family guy. But i don't even enjoy it like i used to. It's like i am trying to force myself to like it again. Like, right now i want to smoke just because i am bored, but i know i wouldn't even enjoy it much.I'd like to stop completely, along with cigs. And i cough up black phlegm sometimes. When i blow my nose too. Not good

CONGRATS. I did the same. First week i was eating so much crappy food.Definitely helped. Keep it up

EXACTLY. I am the same way. Before the adderall i was smoking 3-6 blunts a day, every day. It made me semi introverted, but then i started smoking bowls during the crash on adderall and i would get SO paranoid, anxious, introverted. Could only have 2-4 hits or i'd be flipping out.I never liked smoking at parties though. I get so socially awkward when i am stoned.

No worries, just confused is all x You're prob right though

Did you guys find yourself feeling more angry or sad when/while quitting? I find that i am rarely sad. I actually either have a good day or an angry day. I find myself having a VERY short temper. This is unlike me. I never was one with much anger prior to the adderall. Now i have little patience. When driving, i scream at the other morons that somehow got their license. In class, i keep it to myself, but my facial expressions quite obviously show how fed up i am by the annoying ass know-it-alls in my class. My therapist thinks i may be bipolar. Since getting off the adderall it has become a bit more obvious to me. On adderall, it was a given that i would have major ups and downs. The high and the crash, but i am going on 2 weeks sober and my 'emotions' are sporadic. Not just one day being up and the next down, but one minute up, the next down. For instance, today i was pissed and angry, my mom was talking to me, asked if i was mad. I said no. Then 5 minutes later i am cracking jokes, laughing like a complete maniac, and grinning ear to ear. I felt this crazed energy and i wanted to scream and laugh at the top of my lungs. Fast forward 20 minutes later and i want to yell in anger. WTF

I am sorry to hear this! I wish i has some information for you, but i am at a loss. I too have vivid, disturbing nightmares, everynight. I used to have nightmares frequently, but on adderall i rarely dreamed at all...or at least i never remembered them. Did you have nightmares before taking adderall?

I love your response. Dreams mean a lot to me and i love trying to find the connotation. I think you may be right. The way you described things seems spot on to me. And i really appreciate the thought out reply xoxox

Love a woman with piercing eyes !

Nothing! Just me and my crazeee leetle mind. With the occasional vitamin, if i remember to take it.

Very good advice. Love it. I kind of forgot just how 'ADD'(or whatever the fuck) my brain is. I forget more than i remember as far as my to do list goes. And just yesterday alone i interrupted/cut off someone speaking 8 times. People probably think i am so rude, but in my mind i am so eager to speak i don't think, i just speak. Any advice for that?

I said 'here it goes' twice. On adderall i would've read and re read this post 3 times. Now, i just write, post, and hope i don't have too many errors.

So a lovely friend once told me, i have many good qualities and should write them down for myself to see. So, here it goes. And i expect all of you to write down what you love about yourself as well! Here it goesss... I like my sense of humor, I like my hair color, I like that i have arm strength, I like my constant sarcasm (even though some other people in my life don't follow that i am indeed, being SARCASTIC), I like my weird cackle like laugh, I like that overall i have a good heart (despite some of the horrible choices i make) I like my style, & most of all i like the fact that i have finally stuck to quitting adderall, thanks to this website, and all the amazing people on it. Your turn.

You got it gorgeous! I will start that post up now,and i expect you to chime in with all of your good qualities.<33 Love the link btw

Yay for SLEEP. CONGRATS ON DAY 15!!!! I am currently on day 13. Longest i've ever been sober! Woohoo. I don't miss really much about adderall. I certainly don't miss the crash! Or the teeth grinding. And i especially don't miss the inability to sleep! Keep up the good work

I have to agree with you on that though. I don't like being told what to do/read either, and i find myself constantly doing the opposite. Maybe you're onto something here. Keep up the flow xox

I literally JUST remembered this. So i woke up feeling insanely anxious and scared. I still feel sick to my stomach. So i was racking my brain, trying to figure out why i felt this way. Then i remembered in lastnights dream someone gave me this shot. It wasn't adderall, it was some injection. They gave it to me and i felt blissfully euphoric. It was like the first high i got on adderall. The rest of the dream was nightmare-like. I was kidnapped, raped, and shot and killed. Graphic, i know. But i don't think i have had a good dream for the past 3 or more years. Everynight i have nightmares. Literally. some worse than others. But always bad. Why is that? So maybe that's why i am feeling so anxious. But i don't want any adderall, i just wanna hide in bed all day because i feel so painfully sick/scared

So awesome to hear you so thirllled!!! i am so unbelievably proud of you!!! You are an inspiration! I can't wait to hear more oxoxxo

Yes, EXACT reason i got on adderall.And it was a temporary band aid to my ED issues. But now that i am 11 days clean, no more masking my issues. I just started seeing a new couselor. She is wonderful, but i have only had one session, so i have no new coping skills yet. When do you plan to stop?

HAH. I can't believe i fucked that one up

Grammar pedantry syndrome is a form of OCD in which sufferers need to correct very grammatical error. ALSO When a pregnant woman suffers organ damage, the fetus will send stem cells to repair the damage .

'The Quick Brown Fox Jumps Over the Lazy Dog. I feel like I’ve been preparing for this image all my life'

Thank you!!!!<3