BeHereNow

Hi Ashley!! CONGRATS ON GRADUATING!!!! I'm so happy for you, and so proud!!! My kitty is okay now. He had crystals and needed surgery... poor guy He's happy to be back and seems to be sweeter than ever, maybe because he just went through hell? New running shoes are key! I got New Balance WT710v2 trail running shoes. I've been really into the New Balance running shoes for some years now, but these are the best ever! How are you?!

HI FRIENDS!!! I'm back and I've missed you all soooo much!!!!!!!!! <3 Sorry for disappearing! I'm still clean, no relapsing happening, just crazy CRAZY business. Besides grad school and all things associated, my cat almost died, and on top of that other crazy life drama going on. OK I think it's been like 2 weeks. I got about 7-10 miles for each of those. My old running shoes started hurting my achilles really bad so I just got some new ones and I LOVE THEM!!! So comfy and lightweight! Ran 4 miles last night, definitely getting my 12 this week!! More soon!

I'm up to like 3.5 miles. I need to get on this!!!

Sebastian I have a lot of respect for you and always have, and I wonder if you aren't giving yourself credit where credit is due. I think you have more to offer than you realize. For me, posting on here and trying to help other people with quitting also directly helps me with quitting. I don't really feel like I have that much to offer either, I just see people asking questions and try to throw some helpful ideas and encouragement out there for whatever they're worth. It's very theraputic, like Mike says somewhere on this site.

Hi Sebastian! My quitting date was December 30 2012. So I'm in the 10 month club too! Overall, I feel a hundred thousand times better than I did a year ago. I have my ups and downs and PAWS times and such and those are rough. I have crazy anxiety every day and I take Klonopin to help get through it. But it also takes a lot of mental discipline and working through things on my own, because meds only do so much. I also get depressed off and on. I was really seriously depressed over the summer and on top of recovery was dealing with major life shit. So, eventually, it was enough of that and I needed some stability, and I started on Wellbutrin. I've always been scared of AD's but it helps so much. Actually I wish I had gotten my script much sooner. It IS a rabbit hole, and that scares me, but it's a worthy risk for me. I see it as a mental retraining process. Part of the retraining is qualitative, but part of it is chemical. The meds help get the chemical part under better control but they don't fix everything, so the rest is up to me. I'm getting much better with motivation and productivity for sure. I freak out on almost a daily basis about how I'm going to survive without adderall. And then somehow I get through the day. You're right, it's all about pushing forward. I'm definitely not nearly as productive as I need to be. But I believe that with time and inspiration, I will be. Quitting has helped me get really good at a) prioritizing, asking for help, c) lowering my standards and being OK with imperfections, and d) b.s.ing where needed! I was recently told, about a month ago, that I seem to have gotten a lot better, to have grown a lot, in the past year. By someone who doesn't know about my quitting or anything. By someone who is only just now getting to know the REAL me, not the tweaker fake version of me. So much gratitude for a second chance at this.

Congrats on 5 months ZK!!!! That's a huge milestone and I have to say that you have so much to contribute here. I can tell that you will be successful on this quitting journey. Well said my friend...... adderall makes such a HUGE mess! So many regrets and so many ghosts! So many possibilities lost. So many mistakes! And then I have to wonder about the quality of my post-quitting life decisions in the aftermath of adderall, when I haven't been in my right mind probably all year. I can't even think about it. It all feels unreal: what the fuck happened?!?! I have no idea how the fuck to clean my own mess up, it's turning out to be so much deeper than I expected. A bottomless pit. So I wish I had something more to offer you. All I can say is that we are all cleaning up our messes in our own ways. And that's why this forum gives me hope.

I can relate Lunax! It's not my normal way of living, but it's just the past few weeks. I normally eat REALLY healthy but lately I keep craving pizza, pie, ice cream, cookies, etc. and can't seem to stop. I am hoping that with more protein and more veggies, (which I already eat plenty of, but OK I'll eat more if my body is still hungry), then these cravings will hopefully naturally stop. Last night my friend was telling me she has an insatiable appetite for sugary/carby/ fatty foods lately too. We were speculating that maybe it's winter on its way? Every winter I gain weight, because apparently my body wants to be a bear. Get really fat then go to sleep for a few months. Must be nice.

Just wanted to chime in and say that YES, that has been a problem for me (and still is.) The only way I can deal with it is by taking breaks. I try to read now in small bites. A little at a time. But that requires getting over procrastination and the adderall-spree mentality. I haven't quite mastered that part yet, but I find that when I DO practice reading just a little at a time, it's easier and more interesting.

mmmmmmmm sleep

Sebastian!!!! Great to see you're still out there and clean! Happy 10 months!!!! You said you're better than you were a year ago. That is huge!!! You definitely do sound like you're getting better! When is your adderall-free birthday exactly?!?! (I think mine was yesterday.) We deserve to celebrate. 10 months clean is a LONG time

Question...... why is your close friend calling you "just another drug addict?" That sounds like a mean way of labeling someone and writing them off. Maybe s/he was upset, but there's so much more to you than that. Addictions could happen to ANYONE. They fuck with our brain chemistry. So, I just hope everyone in your life has been supportive of you in this process! I support you and I DONT think you are "just another drug addict." You are YOU. Beautiful amazing YOU. xoxo How's it going?

Ashley the fact that you're still posting here shows that you're still in the club, which is amazing and shows you're still dedicated to 12 miles a week Theres always next week. That core class sounds intense! I thought about doing one once (hahahaha), maybe I'll have to actually go. Core strength is crucial to almost everything, including running.

Good job InRecovery!!! Yeah, you said it really well, both just now and last spring when I was having so much trouble writing: one of the biggest PAWS triggers can be having a lot of academic work to do. It sets off so many cravings and feelings of despair etc. So happy to hear you're feeling better about it. I got my 12 in already too! This week I noticed a shift in my motivation. Last week I was only motivated by getting my 12 in. But this week I started I feeling GENUINELY motivated by running the state forests and parks near me. Its a way of exploring for me and very theraputic and also FUN, so I try to make time at least once a week to drive to a beautiful trail or back road and just run my heart out. The past couple weeks though, ALL my runs have been like that and I'm starting to feel motivation to run extra miles because I enjoy it--and because its so pretty outside. I'm up to 14 miles for this week. But I kind of want to go running again today so I might edit this later I'm only at 30 push ups, which means I'd have to do 70 today to get my goal. Uhhhhh, it's kinda doubtful, but I'm gonna try to get it close. Also, I've been having CRAZY sugar cravings lately on a daily basis..... I'm not sure why, but I think I'm addicted again. It's so hard to control. Do any of my fellow runners deal with this? Maybe I need to be eating more high quality calories? I feel I eat a LOT though...... Edit: Let's make that.....total 17.8 miles of running and 55 push ups.

Maybe you could join our 12 miles a week running club! Or there's also a 12 miles a week walking club. Working out helps so much with everything!!! Also, Art stuff Friends Dreaming of future travels and possibilities Reading really good books Slacking off! Haha....

Sorry to hear it IR! At least you know that you did better than you would have if you were still tweaking! I would be really down for a few days too if that happened to me. It's so hard. Every time I've "lost" at something, or dealt with harsh criticism, etc. since quitting, it's been really hard to take. Harder than before I started taking adderall; I used to just brush it off. It might be a PAWS-related thing. We work sooo hard throughout recovery to rebuild our self confidence, and then the world finds some way to jab away at it. Plus quitting adderall seems to make people extra sensitive. Anyway, I'm really glad to hear you're thinking about the positives, and what you did well. I don't even think you even failed. I think you were successful in your own right EVEN IF the vote didn't go in your team's favor. You still put yourself out there and WENT FOR IT. You're in grad school while quitting adderall and nobody can understand how hard that is, so the fact that you're even doing all of this at all is AMAZING. YOU ARE ONE OF MY HEROES, GREG!!! “Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.†George Edward Woodberry “You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.†Johnny Cash

Okay friends so here's my update..... I ran 8 miles on Sunday to get my 12 in for last week. Ha! It was a huge loop on some old country roads. And it was literally UPHILL BOTH WAYS. But really beautiful!! It was getting dark when I was still a couple miles out, in the middle of nowhere, which was super scary so I started sprinting. I had so much adrenaline going, sprinting wasn't even hard at that point; it felt effortless. Note to self: recovering from a run like that with a couple of IPA's is not a good idea!!! Oops! Last week: 12.5 miles of running Probably about 8 miles of bike commuting 65 push ups TODAY: 6.2 miles of running, also on some dirt roads in the woods. I really couldn't believe I went that far, the miles just flew right by. Conclusion: In the past few days I've discovered 2 beautiful new outdoor running routes nearby. So inspirational and theraputic, I might need to start upping my mileage. ALSO: I didn't even mean to, but thanks to running and healthy food I have lost somewhere between 10 and 15 pounds since I quit adderall.

LILTex you're going to do great!!! You are one of my heroes, you've come so far in your recovery and I can only hope to one day have even a fraction of your level of fitness!! YOU GO! This is YOUR RACE. RUN IT YOUR WAY.

InRecovery I am dying to hear how it went!!! Seriously, if this guy's passion is watching Fox News, then his information and perspective are going to be really limited. So if you can draw on multiple news sources, you'll be at an advantage. I think you will do great!! I mean, our government is full of "PROFESSIONAL" and highly paid politicians who can't even stay on topic for thirty seconds. So as long as you don't debate like those clowns, you're golden

Antsy!

Thanks for checking in Justin!!! Nothing too serious, just the usual fluctuations of PAWS, self esteem, and recovery. Mixed with LIFE. Meh. p.s. what's M.E.A.?

defeated.

I love this thread!!!! You all are amazing and so inspiring!!!! Adderall SUCKS, and I know that you all CAN DO THIS!!!!!!

Good job Ashley, 6 miles is not bad at all!!!!! All my running this past week was trail running. On the trail I never run the steep uphills (achilles tendon risk!) and I also have to walk here and there, like where it gets rocky. It's slower and more fun, and REALLY hard. So anyways, I'm estimating a total of: 9 miles trail running 3 miles hardcore hiking - some mountains involved 3-4 hours total hooping and dancing 65 push ups 1/2 hr of sit ups, planks, etc One arm wrestling contest WON!!!! (A month ago I could not beat my friend at arm wrestling. We had a re-match last night and it was a challenge but I totally won..... )

FW and Lunax you are both AMAZING!!!! Great job!!!! Reading through all your posts here and watching your progress is really inspiring.

Starting out the week right! Five mile trail run on a gorgeous day. 45 push ups. Also spent 1/2 hour on my core yesterday (planks, sit ups, etc.) It was one of those runs where its just flowing and you feel so amazing and alive and STRONG. I remembered again that I would NEVER EVER trade in my runner's high, not even for a lifetime supply of adderall.