BeHereNow

Great responses on here! I'm not familiar with phentermine, but it sounds scary and addictive. I don't think there are any shortcuts when it comes to weight loss. 800 calories a day?!?! That's a recipe for getting caught in the yo-yo of losing weight and then gaining it all back. Unless you want to become anorexic and/or stay on the 800 calories diet for the rest of your life, you're not gonna keep the weight off by eating 800 calories a day. Trust me. I've tried it all. Plus you'll be low energy, tired, malnourished, probably unable to run or be active and happy. Another form of speed will just prolong your recovery. I take Wellbutrin and it's helped me lose some weight. Mostly by helping me be energetic and active. Zoloft hasn't caused me to gain weight (yet), and I hope it doesn't. Everyone is different. But, I can say that I was on birth control from around 2000 until 2005, with no other meds. When I stopped, all of a sudden, I lost 5 lbs without even trying. And losing weight became a lot easier too. I know it's not a proven side effect of birth control, but there's anecdotal evidence at least. If you want to lose weight, you need to make long-term sustainable habits that you keep for life. Maybe that's part of what recovery is all about. I've struggled with my weight in the past. I don't know what your habits are like, but after years of struggling with it, here's what finally worked for me: The second you start to feel full, stop eating immediately. Always. If you're ever tempted to overeat, just tell yourself: It doesn't feel nice. Try to lose around 1 lb per week. Anything more than that will kill your metabolism. Raw fruits and veggies at the bottom of your food pyramid. Lots of protein, minimize sugar and high-glycemic foods. Avoid alcohol. Whenever spend a few weeks or months not drinking, I lose weight without even trying. Stay physically active, and keep pushing yourself athletically. Cardio, strength building, and stretching. Mixing it up helps too. Running, swimming, bicycling, yoga, pilates, whatever you enjoy and can do regularly, do it!!!! Listen to your body! And perhaps most importantly: Love your body. Be grateful for all the amazing things it can do.

Ashley I don't want to scare you, but are you pushing yourself too hard in the heat? It sounds like dehydration, but maybe also heat exhaustion (which I've had before--not fun.) Maybe it's worth a little internet hypochondria? It might just be dehydration, I might just be worrying too much Well, check-in Sunday. I got 16 miles this week!!! Yays! Yesterday, I was at a friend's house and decided I needed to go running. I ran 5 miles, where I discovered (rich) neighborhoods I'd never seen, and rediscovered a trail where I used to like to run. The funny thing, is that I used to live right across the street. And I kept asking myself: why I didn't do this run all the time while I lived there? Why did I used to DRIVE 1/2 mile to the woods, and only very rarely rarely, and would only run that one short trail? Easy answer. ADDERALL. The run I took yesterday would have been almost impossible for me on adderall! How did our team do this week?!

"Oh, you drink coffee? What is this, the 3rd grade?"

It's such a great one! It makes me laugh

HELP! I CAN'T STOP WRITING!!!!!!!!!

Old habits die hard-- Its been a habit since I was 12....so almost 20 years now. Wow that's scary to say! Telling myself not to do it has never helped. A few times I've come to realize that i don't actually want to stop. But I need to, and that should be motivating. Ugh. I should probably start looking into it.....

Sorry Ashley, I'm just seeing this now! They didn't say how it was treatable, only that it was treatable. I imagine probably like you said, therapy and maybe medications. SSRI's are supposed to help right? I need to stop picking my face. It's really hard not to. I've tried to stop so many times in my life and I just can't. Adderall made it way worse, but I still pick at least a little bit every day and I'm scared that it's going to prematurely age my skin. Did you ever look into this? How are you doing with it?

I'm grateful for the peaceful, playful, happy Sunday I had today -- slacking off I'm grateful I didn't spend it the way I used to, pounding a bunch of adderall, freaking out, working myself to death. I'm grateful for quitting. And I'm grateful for YOU ALL!!!

Great job everyone!!!!! ZK boot camp sounds fun! SweetCarolinee that all sounds amazing and super motivating-- I can see how each of those healthy habits would help motivate the others. Also, I'm really proud of you for quitting Zoloft. I just started it a couple months ago and it's helping so much, it scares me. LilTex, you're a machine!!! And Cat you're gonna do great!! InRecovery so are you!!! But I'll wish you luck with finals anyways Well I only got 6 miles this week, and 5.5 miles the previous week. I don't know why but I just haven't felt much like running. I need to start making myself again. When I did those 6 miles I was sore afterwards, and that's not normal for me. So I'm getting back on it. Also I think I really need to stretch more.

I thought maybe we should resurrect this one and keep it going. Gratitude is crucial to recovery and to just living a full life! The sun is shining, and the trees outside my window are exploding into their own fullness. White cherry blossoms that began as tiny buds, self-enclosed nodes of anticipation to bring forward the light and beauty of summer. I like to sit and admire them every evening at sunset, to notice how they change. Today, they have fully exploded into being. In the sunlight it almost looks like snow on the branches, except that it's actually flowers.

Hey friends, I'm almost 16 months clean, and I feel like I'm at a major milestone in my recovery. I feel like my mental functioning, self confidence, lucidity, motivation level, and energy level are starting to reach a place where they never were before, not even pre-adderall. I feel so much smarter than I ever was on adderall....because I AM. I feel like I understand things now so much better, and in ways that the adderall brain-cage wouldn't even let me reach. Mainly, I have a new sense of the extreme shortness of life. But also, I have my manic life energy back. And I keep wondering what the hell to do with it all, I almost can't handle it, it's too much. But then I remember that it's a gift, and what I need to do with it is to live. For the past couple months as a lot of you know, I've been playing around with different approaches to life and work, because I've been in a horrible slump, extremely depressed, and dealing with paralyzing anxiety. So I've been putting a lot of focus into improving myself and my life. It's helping. For the past couple weeks, especially last week, I spent some time genuinely connecting with my mentor (who's had my back for years now, and who has been wanting to be better connected with me.) I had kept her at arm's length this whole time and I don't even understand why. I was too shy, and plus I've had an inferiority complex my whole life (another recent realization.) Oh yeah, and I was so tweaked out on adderall, I didn't trust a word that came out of my own mouth. So, that happened, and will continue because life is too short, and my time here is too short, for me not to enjoy a full and great relationship with my mentor. This probably sounds so ridiculous, but for me as a recovering adderallic its a big deal. I also just reached out to 2 people to ask if they would be on my thesis committee, and that's a big deal for me too. I've been too scared to take that step for years. This sounds so silly when I say it out loud. But I guess I had always assumed nobody would want to work with me. Which just plain isn't true. I also recently stood up for myself in a situation where I felt I was being unfairly compared to other people. I made it clear that constructive critique is welcome, but that I can't compare myself to other people and anyways, they don't have anything that I don't, and I'm not them. I'm ME. That's probably not something I would have had the courage to do in the past. Continuing with the shortness of life theme, I spent some time yesterday crying, and I needed to cry. I was crying about my grandma, who's 92 and her health is going rapidly downhill. She's been my best friend for most of my life. In so many ways, I AM her, and she's with me all the time. But I can't really even actually visit her anymore. I mean I CAN, but she barely remembers who I am anymore and it's not even close to how we were. We used to chat and laugh for hours (she was only like 60 when I was born) and we have just always had an incredible connection. On adderall I didn't let myself realize that she was already dying. I didn't let myself feel it or grieve. And I didn't spend as much time with her as I could have during those years, because I was so "busy" tweaking. In the process she was going rapidly downhill. I can't beat myself up over this and I know she's still with me. But that helped me think more about how short, and how precious, our lives really are. Then I spent my evening with my partner and being in love. On adderall I was never capable of the depth of love that I feel now for this person, that I feel for my own self and my loved ones. It's part of my re-growing intelligence and it's part of how I understand the world better, because I have so much more love in my heart now. Adderall took that capacity from me, but now it's back. And I fell asleep saying, I'm so grateful I never have to take adderall ever again. To be out of that cycle. So grateful my brain will never be in that cage again. I'm so far beyond it, I don't think I could even fit into that cage again, not even if I wanted to.

I know what you mean my friend. Ugh, it's so hard! I tried to take a day off from klonopin yesterday and I was crazy manic (in a good way) all day. But that eventually turned into a panic attack. So I took one and then tried to channel my anxiety into work, which is something I'm trying to get better at. Xanax withdrawal sucks..... Klonopin withdrawal is a little gentler. But it's still withdrawal. It's still the same benzo trap :/

Agree with Cassie. I find that eating really healthy meals really helps. I try to make my diet pretty low glycemic to avoid the crash-and-burn of sugar and carbs..... proteins and fats give more sustained, slowly burning energy. Also, do you exercise? Could you work out on your lunch break? Or maybe have it as something to look forward to after work? Also, if you have ANY option of choosing which task to do and when, I'd take advantage of it. Mixing it up while working helps keep me interested.

SweetCarolinee, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma. I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now. Grandparents are amazing and so important and I'm sure you'll give a great speech in her honor. Condolences to you and your family.

How's your taper coming along IR?

Good job on 2.5 Ashley!!! I know you can make the 12. I think it's all about finding a good time in your weekly schedule and prioritizing it and doing it no matter what. It's hard with the 9-5 job though!! I know people who force themselves to go to the gym before going home, because otherwise they won't go. I guess I'm just saying that the 9-5 makes it easy to be sedentary, so watch out! Treadmills are kinda easier physically..... but sooooo boring!! Hahaha. Running outside is amazingly therapeutic and inspirational and FUN. I HIGHLY recommend it to everyone!!! Ashley could it be that you're just bored of the treadmill?

What an amazing inspirational group of people!!! You guys ROCK!!!

Train Your Brain To Let Go Of Habits – 10 Methods For Creating New Neural Pathways http://themindunleashed.org/2014/03/train-brain-let-go-habits-10-methods-creating-new-neural-pathways.html

Cat I use that strategy too!!! It's the best! Huge long loops and out-and-backs in the woods. I found a new favorite route and ran it this week for the 2nd time. It's 7.5 miles out and back, but it climbs a mountain very gradually, like 1000' elevation gain, and downhill the whole way back. I'm excited to start upping my mileage! I'm so close to being able to run half-marathon lengths regularly, I just need that extra push. I'm at 12ish for this week but probably going to edit later because I need to run today EDIT: Let's make that 17ish for this week! What a gorgeous day!

Somehow I managed to pull 6 last week?!?! WTF??? hahaha LilTex I'm sort of training for a half marathon. I say "sort of" because I haven't signed up to any specific race yet, but I want to make it happen within the next 6 months.

Hi Robin, I'm sorry that happened to you. BUT I'm really glad you're back on here and not planning to seek out any more adderall. That's what matters most. Just keep pressing forward.

14 miles this past week. Some of them were hiking, but I roughly made the 12 goal

You're doing great CMLT!!! You CAN do this and it DOES get better!!!

Ashley you're unstoppable! Congratulations on 2 years clean-- what a great achievement! I'm so proud of you, and also so incredibly grateful for all the support and words of advice and wisdom you have to offer to us on here. I have to echo what Jon said; your encouraging and empathetic posts have gone a long way towards helping me stay clean. You're done so much, and you've come so far, and you completely deserve all the good things that are coming your way